《Of Men and Dragons, Book 2》Chapter 23
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Jack looked at his mining suit, which now appeared to be looking back at him expectantly. This was a lot to take in. The implications alone... "So what? We're just abandoning the ship? Just like that?"
Angela's avatar appeared just beside the suit, shook her head, and glared at Jack. "When a girl asks you what you think of her new outfit, you always compliment them before moving on! Also, yes, we abandon the ship, at least for now. You were the one who pointed out we're not going to dig it out without a lot more machinery than we have access to, and it's a significant drain on our power reserves. This suit, and a few small systems that can be salvaged out of the ship, will run on a fraction of the power, buying us years with what we have now and an indefinite amount of time once we get Em'brel's windmill up and running."
Jack looked past his sister to the ship and some more of the robotic insects carrying a few small components out of the now empty husk. "But how are we supposed to get by without everything the ship provides? This planet hasn't precisely been hospitable to me. That thing is all that's kept me alive so far!"
Angela shook her head. "What have you been doing these last few months if not building up a new home for your friends, your family, and yourself? You have food, shelter, security, and it's pretty much self-sustaining at this point. Add in a little plumbing, and you'll be living in the lap of luxury!"
Jack looked doubtful. "What about the med bay? That can't be easily replicated with some sticks and mud!"
Angela looked as though she were disappointed with a particularly stubborn student. "First off, that's kind of an insulting way to describe what so many of your friends have worked so hard to build out there. Second of all, don't you think I've thought of that? What do you think I'm going to be installing onto this thing, a bunch of guns? I'm going to be a mobile med-bay! What I lose in capacity I can make up for in portability by being able to bring the treatment to you rather than forcing someone to drag your nearly dead body back to me...again! The systems I can't mount on the suit can be installed in a room of one of those buildings. Maintaining them will use minimal power until we actually need to use them."
Jack couldn't help but feel like something was wrong as he stared into the dark just past the doorway He'd used so often. "Still... I just... I can't..."
Angela crossed her arms and tilted her head down. "Yeah, I know. That ship has been our home since before...before we lost everything. So leaving it behind is like losing another connection to our past. What's more, it's been the place you were able to retreat to when you needed to shut out the universe. But we both need to accept that we need to move on. If not for our sake, then for the sake of everyone and everything we now care about!"
Jack felt a rush of heat. A small part of his mind knew this level of anger was irrational, but that voice was drowned out by raw emotion. "Easy for you to say! You're dying to get out there and go on an adventure of your own! Me? I've had my fill! I've been struggling day and night, working myself to the bone, trying to keep everything from collapsing! Then I find out my own sister is riding a knifes edge, weeks away from possible death, and she never even told me?"
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Angela looked shocked at his outburst, then switched to the defensive. "You never asked!"
Jack roared in response. "I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO!"
A part of Jack's mind struggled to control his chaotic emotions and calm himself down, but another part was fanning the flames of anger to hide his fears. Flinging his arms in the general direction of the ship, Jack continued. "That's the kind of thing A friend, an AI, or a SISTER should share without having to be prompted. I'm sure you could have worked it into a conversation somehow." Jack did his best Angela impression. "Today, the temp will be a lovely twenty-one degrees and overcast. Oh, by the way, I might be dead in a few weeks!"
Angela shook her head. She'd had enough and fired back. "Oh, so it's okay for you to risk your life to protect those you care about, but not for me to do the same? So you think you're some tragic hero, put on this planet to save us all from ourselves? I hate to break it to you, but we're all fighting in our own ways, and we're all stressed to our limits!"
Jack wasn't done yet. The anger settled into a cold and ugly place in his stomach, and he wielded that anger like a sword. "The difference is, when I risked my life, I worked with you to prepare as well as I could and made sure S'haar was aware so you could come to save me if I lived long enough. I included my family. I couldn't have done it alone, and neither can you!"
Angela rounded on him, stomping a foot in a way that might have been cute at a different time. "Maybe I would have come to you if you weren't so indecisive as of late! But, if you can't start making decisions again, you're going to get yourself and others killed!"
Jack was stunned. Angela softened her expression a little. "Listen, this isn't how I wanted to say this, but it's seriously becoming a problem. I get that you're feeling overwhelmed by everything happening, guilty about what you've done, and even afraid of everything in front of us, but more and more, you're refusing to make decisions. Sure, when it requires you to risk yourself, you dive right in, almost a little too eagerly, I might add. But if anyone else needs to take a risk or a responsibility, you suddenly start backing off and overthinking things to the point we have to make decisions for you! Yeah, it's scary, and yeah, you might make a bad call. Maybe someone will get hurt or even killed! But even a bad plan is better than no plan at all!"
Suddenly Jack's vision shifted. To his horror, in front of him was the body of the young raider he'd failed to save. The boy's eyes shot open, and he stared at Jack. "I died, and you lived. What are you going to do with that life? What are you going to build with those blood-stained hands?"
Before he could gather his wits, Jack was next assaulted by a vision of Nala'ac approaching off to the side. One arm barely hanging on by shreds of bone and flesh. "Our stories are ended, yet yours continues. What will you do with the future we lost? Will our deaths be worth it?"
Jack collapsed on the ground, gasping for air as his head swam through a sea of chaos, guilt, and fear. Then his parents appeared before him. His dad smiled, but the smile was different than Jack remembered, colder somehow. "You're my son, which means you're destined for greatness! It's time you started living up to your potential!"
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Jack curled into a ball and squeezed his eyes shut while gripping his head. This was too much. He'd clearly lost the last shreds of his sanity. He was so broken he couldn't help anyone.
That's when he noticed everything had gone quiet. He took a few careful breaths to steady himself and looked up. He was surrounded by a familiar void. Turning his head, he could see a figure sitting in a chair, though her bearing made it look as though she sat on a throne. Not-S'haar stared down at him. "You know those aren't actually the voices of the dead, right?"
Jack looked around in confusion. How'd he ended up here? What was going on? Not-S'haar continued looking at him in a way that made him self-conscious of his current state. Finally, he wiped his face and tried to force himself to calm as she spoke. "Up until now, you've always been so composed whenever we spoke, regardless of your circumstance. It's nice to see you're mortal after all."
Jack shook his head and glared at his uninvited guest. "What am I doing here? Did I finally lose it completely, or am I dead?"
Not-S'haar smiled. "Maybe a little of both, but not entirely either. Not yet, at least. I thought you could use a little clarity before continuing down your current path."
Jack looked confused. "I...I'm sorry, what?"
Not-S'haar stood and approached Jack, helping him to his feet. Jack couldn't help but notice his hand lightly burned where they made contact. "Those voices that plague you in your dreams, they don't come from anything other than your own doubts. It's not often I allow the dead to speak to the living, and none of those voices are real."
Jack sighed. "I know that...mostly. Those voices are my own doubts and fears, manifesting with the faces of what I feel are my most significant failures. Speaking to me with my own words. Still, it doesn't help that a part of me feels like they are right."
Not-S'haar looked at him a moment, then cocked her head. "What do you mean?"
Jack shifted in place a little and shook his head. "When we first met, you asked what kind of future I'd bring and if there'd be death. Well, there's already been death... Too much if you ask me, and it looks like there might be more to come. Sometimes I wonder if things wouldn't have been better if you had finished me off back then..."
The god of death looked at him quizzically for a moment before speaking. "Did you ascend to godhood when I wasn't looking?"
Jack blinked a few times, wondering if he'd heard her correctly. She continued without waiting for him to catch up. "Because I remember the first conversation you speak of. You made a rather compelling argument that unless I could see the future, I had no business judging you as you struggled to do your best. So unless you've become omniscient, I wonder how you can hold yourself accountable for the same thing?"
Jack sat back and countered. "Maybe I'm not all-knowing, but there's a difference between making honest mistakes because I can't foresee the future and simply blundering forward, creating death in my wake."
Not-S'haar stared down at him. "And is that what you've been doing? Blundering forward without consideration for any potential consequences?"
Jack shook his head again. "Well, no, not exactly, but maybe if I'd thought longer or harder rather than letting myself get distracted by my personal pleasures, I could have avoided some of it!"
The being tilted her head to the other side. "And if you'd made a vow of celibacy and ignored your friends and family, would that have granted you visions of the future?"
Jack rolled his eyes in frustration. "Why are you making such ridiculous arguments?"
Not S'haar smiled. "Why are you?"
Jack looked up at her quizzically. "Okay, assuming you're not just another delusion, which I don't think I'll ever believe, why would you take such an interest in me? Why continuously take such a direct hand in my wellbeing?"
Not-S'haar shrugged. "Well, either I'm a delusion, so only you can answer that, or I'm a god, in which case I don't owe you an explanation."
She tilted her head and gave him a once-over before stepping back with an enigmatic smile. "There, that's better. Now go, I think your sister is calling for you."
Jack looked confused. "Wha..." His voice was cut off when he suddenly felt something kick him in the chest. As his eyes flew open, Jack gasped for air. He noticed he was lying facedown on the ground.
Angela, who'd been floating nearby, started sob-laughing. "Oh, thank god, you're alive! You scared me! Are you okay?"
Jack rolled over and took a moment to catch his breath some more before replying. "What happened?"
Angela shook her head. "I think you had a panic attack, but then you went all blank, and your heartbeat skyrocketed. Then, not long after that, you passed out. I steadied your heartbeat with the ICD I have hooked up to your heart, and after that, you woke up. It was terrifying! Don't ever do that to me again!"
As Jack started to sit up, Angela continued, a little more contritely this time. "Listen. You were right. I should have spoken to you sooner about this. About everything. I'm sorry."
Jack shook his head. "You aren't the only one. I handled this...poorly. Like you said, I think I started to panic at the thought of losing the ship, and I took it out on you, but you didn't deserve that. So I'm sorry too."
He looked up at his sister with the start of a smile. "What say we start over with this? Why don't you show me the new body you're designing for yourself?"
Angela smiled and floated back up to the suit. "Well, it's not done yet, but as you can see, I've designed the suit to be a mobile server and first aid station with some emitters strategically placed so the old me can still pop out for a visit! It'll let me go out and explore this world with you for the first time ever. Obviously, there's a bit of risk involved in this, but I'm armoring it up enough that I'm at less risk than S'haar or yourself out there and considerably less than if I stayed sitting in a ship waiting for my power to drain the rest of the way!"
The AI turned and looked at the ship wistfully. "Still, I won't have access to nearly the storage or computing power I did as the ship. So I'll have to leave everything unnecessary behind. No more movies, I'm afraid! Also, many other files will have to be condensed for better storage, which means I won't have ready access to as much information as I'm used to..."
She turned to Jack. "But don't go getting all cocky or anything. I'll still be thinking circles around you!"
Jack looked at the suit. It still seemed primarily skeletal, with only a few plates secured to the frame. He tilted his head to the side. "So what, you're just going to look like some large bulky robot stomping around?"
Angela smiled and shook her head. "A girl gets to keep some secrets! You'll have to wait for the big reveal, just like everyone else! I only get to make one first impression in my new body, and I'm going to do that in style! My style!"
Jack was suddenly filled with trepidation. "Just try not to create too many new myths or legends! This place is already filled to the brim with superstition as is!"
-
Em'brel was sitting back watching Sare'en go about preparing dinner. It was strange not to be the one doing it, and there were more than a few times she tried to interject her thoughts about what portions of what ingredients to add, but Sare'en simply shushed her and told her to relax for once.
Grim padded along after his mom for a while, trying to puzzle out the purpose of her actions, but eventually, he gave up and settled down next to Em'brel, his chin resting on his paws as his eyes followed Sare'en around the room. The younger woman idly scritched his head, wondering why the action relaxed her as much as it did the wolgen.
Eventually, Jack walked in. He certainly looked worse for wear. Em'brel shot him a questioning look as he slowly settled into a nearby chair, obviously in a bit of pain. Jack smiled wanly and shook his head. "Nothin' to worry about. Anglea and I just had a long overdue talk, is all. Things got a bit heated, but I think we both got some frustrations out of our systems and came to an understanding."
Angela spoke up over Em'brels headset. "Don't let him understate things. He's been pushing himself too hard...and I didn't help any. He collapsed and nearly had some more serious issues. So he's on light duty only for the next couple of days, doctors orders!"
Em'brel looked worried and started to stand. "What happened? Are you okay?"
Jack eased back into his chair and shook his head. "I'm fine! I was just reminded that I've got a few more limitations these days. I think I've aged more in the last six months than I have in the last ten years. The price of adventure, I guess!"
Em'brel didn't look appeased. "You'd better start taking better care of yourself, or I'm gonna tell S'haar to do it for you!"
The woman in question walked into the common room at the end of the short rant. "What are you going to tell me?"
Em'brel looked at her with annoyance clear on her face. "Jack's been pushing himself too hard! He collapsed just a bit ago and needs to take it easy for a while!"
S'haar directed a sharp look at Jack, who held up his hands in surrender. "Listen, everybody is going to need a few days to recover from everything. I intend to include myself in that group. I'll be taking it easy, I swear!"
The larger woman narrowed her eyes. "See that you do."
Jack watched as she finished drying her hands and tried not to think about what she'd recently washed off. "Did...did everything go alright?"
S'haar looked at him quizzically, as though wondering how much to say before sighing. "Well, I'm confident he'll talk. Tonight I mostly just put some fear into him. Tomorrow, the real work begins."
Jack nodded before standing up and hobbling over to her. "Listen, I'm sorry about my reaction earlier. This probably isn't easy on you either, and you could use some more support right now. I want you to know that I'm behind you in all this, even the parts I might find...unsavory. You're running this place to the best of your ability and doing a great job. I can't imagine anyone who could have done better."
The warrior woman looked down at Jack for several moments before her shoulders relaxed as though some great weight had been lifted. She didn't speak at first but instead pulled Jack into a hug, closed her eyes, and sighed. "Thanks, I needed to hear that more than I realized."
The two sat like that a moment before Em'brel cleared her throat to get their attention. Then, as the two turned to glance at the younger woman, she smiled. "Not to interrupt or anything, but you're standing right in front of the pot, and poor Sare'en is too polite to tell you to move."
Both turned their attention to the herder, who was clutching a few ingredients that clearly needed to be added to the stew. She apologized as she wormed around them the second they made space and resumed her duties.
Jack shook his head as the door opened again, and Lon'thul walked in, his hands definitely covered in some blood. "Hey, how long till dinner's ready? Torturing that lousy assassin really worked up an appetite, and I'm ready to eat!"
Everyone in the room fixed him with various looks ranging from horrified to angry as Em'brel laid into him. "Go wash yourself off first! Don't bring that mess in here while we're cooking! What's wrong with you?!?"
Lon'thul bowed out to follow Em'brel's commands before the woman started throwing things at him, but the look on his face clearly expressed his lack of regret.
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