《Divine Blood》(ch.178) 3-33: Boggle the Mind

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After he had oh so eloquently communicated his point to Val at the point of a knife, Arius left the scene of the argument.

She was going to stay with Tavras, who had just had the nerve to say to him, “It always makes me happy to recall how I killed Rakurruankathor. You never deserved him in your life.”

Those words rang around and around in his head, the same words that he heard in his own mind whenever he recalled the tragic loss of his best friend.

Urru was dead. It was his fault. Arius was such a worthless friend that he had not even been able to find his dragon sprite. With all the power that he had as a god, there was nothing that Arius could do to change any of those things.

His heart beat too fast for the effort that he exerted in his dash to the sky. Running away and being alone felt good right now, though the sun felt too bright in his vision. Flying higher, Arius wished to curse the sun and blot it out—yet another thing that he was powerless to do.

Between him and Val, what had even just happened? Up until then, everything had been great between them. They could hold a conversation and enjoy each other’s company, especially when they got to joke around and tease each other. Nether, the sorts of anxiety-riddled intentions that she had towards him were kind of cute in its own way.

Their dynamic felt like the most idyllic start to a relationship that Arius could hope for—no fuss, no frills—until he had to go and throw a fuss and make frills.

Arius felt confused in every way possible because everything transpiring up until that moment made no sense whatsoever. The exchange with Val had been downright mind-boggling.

What had Val even been thinking during their interaction? Screaming in her head, she had beheld the intention to get away from him. She had wanted him to stop yet remained amicable the entire time. Her jokes were outrageous as always, and if not for his ability to Read Intentions, he would have thought that they were having some quirky variant of a fun conversation, maybe not realizing the gravity of what he had just done.

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Arius did not know what was wrong with him. The entire time, he had felt clear of head yet did something that he would never do. As much as he liked Val, he had been bent on breaking her, his soulmate—someone who he held dear by proxy.

Really, why had he gotten so aggressive with Val? It was not because he was mad. Although Arius could feel intense anger, he never let his emotions run rampant such that they could ruin his plans—carefully laid plans! The attribute of war enhanced his stratagem, as well as his commitment to seeing any objective through or adapting as needed.

Arius was the one and only god of war, for crying out loud. He did not make mistakes like this. He had not meant to switch strategies, so he just did not understand why he had done that.

Val had chosen to stay with Tavras, a god who hated him so extensively that he would hurt her just to get to him. As proven in the past, the Sea Itself had killed Urru.

“Urru.” The name whispered from his lips, always at the tip of his tongue. Eighty years did nothing to make him slip from his mind.

That was what this was really about. Arius would not have Tavras take another important person away from him.

Despite his good intentions to keep Val safe, he had done something horrible—the exact opposite of what a man ought to do. Rather than Tavras hurting her, Arius had been the one to do that himself.

Gods, I hate myself—absolutely worthless. Fueled by his anger at himself, he beamed his fastest across the sky.

The abuse that he had shown Val would color their relationship, probably forever. He had done something unforgiveable yet somehow Arius would be forgiven.

The threads of fate still predicted that Val and Arius belonged together, as he could feel that tether to her just as strong as before. In that sense, a twinge of guilt passed through him.

Poor Val, getting stuck with a soulmate as terrible as him. She seemed like a sweet girl all in all. Even if she had been acting like the literal worst to him about Tavras, everyone still deserved a considerate and stable partner.

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Stable, Arius thought as he lingered on that word. It was what he had been missing for the most of his life, and he clearly could not manage to keep a sense of stability for himself.

For now, he clung to a constant thing: that bond which he could feel with Val.

They would move past this. She would forgive him, and he would never do such a thing again.

Everything is going to be okay. He tried to remind himself of this to stop the undue anxiety building at his chest, the frantic thoughts curling around his mind. Arius would have a second chance, and he would focus harder at getting better for the future.

Already, Val had promised that she would forgive him when he had returned Foofy to her. Without even needing to apologize, Arius had already been forgiven. This simple fact of the matter let him assuage his worries, though she deserved a sincere apology regardless.

A text could communicate the crucial information, while providing the distance that she deserved from him. When she felt ready, he could give her a more personable apology face to face.

This was a good plan that he came up with on the fly, quite literally. Since he opted not to text while flying, Arius determined that he would compose a thoughtful message as soon as he made it home.

The Suvier’s walls, which marred all of civilization on the Summit of Ascension, passed beneath him. His entry into New Gate meant that Arius would be home soon, good so that he could go about correcting his mistake.

Already, the panic was ebbing away from him. “I’m fine,” he accidentally whispered to himself under his breath. Actually, he was doing great.

Arius had just snapped himself out of his own funk by putting everything into perspective. Everything would turn out fine—great even.

Admittedly, Arius’s head did not feel so great. He could usually assess his own mental state to a degree, and he could sense that another episode was looming, easily set off. Everything that was going on in his life left him with an overarching feeling of volatility, especially after what had just happened with Val.

That general sense of being unhinged in his brain made him not want to do anything. Since it was as urgent as it was, he would send the apology to her immediately. Then, Arius would turn off all the lights and wait for his unstable condition to restore itself to his usual, good nature.

Maybe he would even sleep if he could. It would be nice to wake up to Val’s text tomorrow so that he would not constantly check for her reply. Everything would be better the next day, as all these fleeting emotions tended to pass.

When he arrived at his place, he entered through the balcony that he opted to use as his front door. Flight certainly had its conveniences.

Taking out his phone, he thought to draft an apology in the living room.

Though he did not live in New Gate long enough to be familiar with his own apartment, he had memorized the layout. Rationally, Arius knew that no one would come after him here, yet at the same time, it was hard enough to sleep without having familiarity with his environment.

In addition to a propensity for strategy, the war attribute made him hypervigilant. Should anything happen, he wanted to know his surroundings right down to the chips of paint on the wall. If the slightest thing were off about his living quarters, Arius would know and could investigate the threat.

With that confidence in going to the living room, Arius stepped through the doorway to the kitchen. He froze there in place, unable to comprehend how he could not manage to do the simplest thing right.

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