Our beliefs aren’t supposed to make us suffer - they should make us thrive. So, if you aren’t thriving, change your beliefs.

The Book of Wrecker

1 Day Later (Lowgarden Time) - Copycat - The Deep Caves

“Is this as low as we can get?” I ask.

“Probably?” Presto grins. “Let’s keep trying.”

We’ve been spelunking for the last couple hours. Exploring the deep caves of Lowgarden, looking for the perfect spot for our teleportation spell. I think we found it a while ago, but Presto is a subterranean perfectionist. Or, he’s really curious. Either way, he’s driving me crazy.

He scampers off to explore another tunnel. I look to Cy for support. “Can we stop? That tunnel is clearly going up.”

Cy smiles, shakes his head. “We’re not done until he’s looked in every tunnel. Just accept it.”

Presto skips back. “That tunnel went up and then stopped. I’m gonna try this other one. Oh wait, that’s a shadow. Nevermind. Let’s go back to the last big cave, it had three more tunnels.”

He’s off again. Cy passes me a beer and we slowly follow.

I guess Cy has a point. We have five hours till midnight, and nothing better to do. May as well find the lowest cave possible. It costs us nothing and could save a few brain cells.

After a few more cave beer, Presto returns. “I found a winner! It’s deep! And wet!”

“Great!” Cave beer has cheered me up. “Show us your wet hole.”

We travel up an unpromising tunnel before it switches back and goes down, down, down. Okay, this may be the winner. There’s a cavern at the bottom with a pond. A spring? Groundwater? It’s wet.

“Is this as low as we can get?” I ask.

“We’ll never know if we stop looking.” answers Presto.

“It’s as low as you’re going to get.” booms a deep voice.

I turn and see a single, huge eye floating over the water. It drifts closer, revealing a huge fanged maw set in a spherical, frost white body. It’s surrounded by ice blue tentacles tipped with smaller, but still huge, eyes.

Oh shit, it’s a beholder.

“Greetings. My name is Yames. I assume you’re off to Darkhome?”

Cy and I freeze. Presto waves cheerily.

“Pleased to meet you, I’m Presto. This is my son Cyan and our friend Copycat. We are indeed on our way to Darkhome. Did you just come from there? How was it?”

“Beautiful, but full of evil elves.” says Yames. “I’m just passing through to Lighthome. Have you been?”

“Oh yes. Also beautiful and full of evil elves.” Presto shakes his head. “Fucking elves. What are they so angry about?”

“I know, right? They need to calm down.” Yames squints. “Do you know Lowgarden at all? I need a huge tree for my next spell.”

“There’s some redwoods a few days south. You can’t miss them.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Setting up in Lighthome?”

“Gods no. On my way to the final battle.”

“Good for you. Fighting the good fight. Gonna save us all, eh?”

“Nope.”

Presto freezes. Looks over at me. “Awkward…”

A dozen eyes narrow and home in on me. Cy sighs and pulls out his mace. I raise my club. Fuck’s sake, Presto.

This is bad. Beholders are peerless battle casters, as well as being big, bitey bastards. We’re about to get our asses kicked. On the other hand, I have recent experience with poking monsters in the eye, so I’ve got some options here.

Cy and I widen out to flank. I don’t think it’ll work well against a guy with eyes in every direction, but at least he won’t be able to blast us both with the same spell.

Deadly eyestalks track us, while his maw points at Presto. The gnome is holding his fake sword hilt with a menacing expression. He looks like he could draw steel at any moment.

Yames clears his throat. “Could we just… not? I’ve got a long trip ahead of me, and I’d like to get to the last battle fresh.”

Presto grudgingly releases his phony weapon. Nods manfully. “I can respect that. We should save ourselves for glorious battle. Not stab some stranger in a wet hole.”

“Thanks for understanding.”

“No problem, I totally get it.” says Presto. “Have fun in Lighthome, don’t let the elves get ya!”

“Same to you, buddy.” Yames hovers over to the exit tunnel. “Okay, good-bye.”

He’s gone. Presto sighs, deflates. I need a bathroom. Cy is grumpy.

“What the hell, dad?” rasps Cy. “We don’t talk about the last battle with random monsters. It always ends badly.”

“Sorry. He seemed so nice, I assumed he was on our side. Then, sometimes when I get surprised, I accidentally tell the truth.”

“Well, knock it off. There’ll be no more truth for the rest of the trip. You’ve used it all up.”

“Fine. Whoever you are.” Presto storms off to kick rocks into the pond.

We drink and smoke without incident for a few hours. Eventually Presto stands, dusts himself off. “It’s time.”

We hold hands, close our eyes, and let go of all earthly desires.

…

I peek around with one eye. We’re still in the cave. Nothing has changed. Presto is peeking around with one eye too. He looks at me and I slam my eye shut. Concentrate on not wanting anything.

…

I don’t think it’s working.

“This isn’t working.” says Presto. “Who didn’t deflate their ego?”

“I think I did?” Cy frowns. “I’m not really sure what that means.”

“If we’re not supposed to want stuff, maybe we should leave all our earthly possessions behind?” I suggest.

“What? No way!” Presto clutches his bag of holding. “I don’t desire this stuff, I already have it. If I left it, I’d desire it like crazy. That’s the opposite of what we want. If anything we need more stuff.”

“That doesn’t sound right.” I say.

“It probably isn’t.” Presto fishes a beer out of his bag. “Look, this is desire magic, so it’s okay to want stuff. I think we have to - it’s literally in the name. We just need to want the right stuff for the right reason. So why do we want to go to Darkhome?”

“To find Tiger, to stop the apocalypse.”

“And why do we want to stop the apocalypse?” asks Presto.

“So we won’t die.”

“If we want to live, we could just stay here.” says Presto.

“For a couple decades. What if we want to live longer than that?”

Presto shakes his head. “Death is inevitable. Struggling against the inevitable only leads to suffering. Textbook earthly desire. Try again.”

“We want to save everybody.” says Cyan.

“Hmm, maybe. Stopping the apocalypse could, arguably, reduce suffering. Depends on how Tiger does it. But why do we want to save people?”

“Um, I like people? I want them to exist.” says Cyan.

“Sure, but everything is impermanent. You will lose those people one way or the other. Being attached to them will only bring suffering. Which means it’s an earthy desire. Sorry.”

I scratch my head. “Well shit, this is hard. Are you sure you’re explaining it right?”

“Nope.” Presto drinks. “I figure it’s okay to want to save the worlds. It should reduce suffering, and that’s a good thing.

“But we must remember that our needs are not the center of the universe. And that, even if we stop the apocalypse, everything will still be lost to us in time.”

We drink thoughtfully for a minute.

“I think I need an example.” I ask Presto. “What are you thinking about when we try to teleport?”

“Oh, I’m just concentrating on staying with you guys. I’m absolute shit at getting to Darkhome. Only ever done it by accident.”

“Dammit, old man!” bursts Cy. “Were you trying to hitchhike to Darkhome?”

“Yeah, that’s why we were holding hands.”

My head is starting to hurt. “Okay, we are running out of midnight. Let’s just try again.”

I close my eyes. Feel Presto take my hand. Frown. Reach out and grab Cy. We probably should stay together.

I take slow, deep breaths. Calm and clear my mind. Let thoughts come and go, without paying them much attention. Why am I trying to stop the apocalypse? I guess it just sounds bad. Like something a normal person would want to stop. Plus I left myself a note. Probably.

Dang. What I really want is my memories back. And to goof around with my friends. And to be a good, productive person while we goof around. Are those my earthly desires? Who am I without them?

What if I never get my memories back? Lose my friends? Never accomplish anything? Who am I then? Ugh. It hurts just to think about it. I have found my attachments.

I guess I’d be lost, and alone, and useless. Could I live like that? Would I want to? Do I have a choice?

Perhaps this is the moment when I peaked? In a wet cave, holding hands with Cy and Presto. It’s a scary thought - not because this is bad, but because it’s wonderful, and fragile, and easily lost. The future scares me. The past holds me back. All I want is the present. Let the future and the past happen to someone else.

I hear a bird sing. Smell fresh, spring air. Open my eyes. I’m standing on a tree branch as wide as a king’s highway. It stretches as far as I can see in both directions. Above and below, I only see more branches - no ground and no sky.

We are in a huge fucking tree.

“I’m no expert, but I don’t think this is Darkhome.” I say.

“Who said that?”

I turn to Cy and Presto. “Um, I said it.”

They looked puzzled. “Yeah, but who are you?”

Fuck.