17 years prior.

Haru POV

My entire existance turns into pain as I feel like my everything is forced through a pin sized whole but this time there is even more of me to fit through. The Agony seems to go on forever as I eventually feel the sensation the squeezing all around me it lessons to a point that consciousness becomes thought.

I wake with a start looking around looking for that little asshole I quickly realize I’m inside the mindscape. I look around and try to go to my body, but I feel a resistance. Disgruntled by this I look around trying to figure out what's wrong. That's when I see another thing here with me. It’s so surprising seeing something else here I move to draw a blade only to find nothing in my hands.

Looking at whatever heck it is I get the sense of what’s happened. They are watching through all of my memories right now. Slowly filtering them and watching them as I move along in the library.

They have no true form, not yet at least just an appearance not yet defined. They are a white space in the shape of what a body should look like.

Huffing out a deep breath that I don't even need here. “Brat, the lifes your problem now. It’s my time to rest.” Nodding in satisfaction I turn to sit in a corner until such a time I can get over my woes. Perhaps I shall practice and maybe teach them something? Dueling together should help. For now I'll just rest.

All thoughts of staying vanish the second I see something new. Where once was endless bookshelves constantly being filled with thoughts and memories there now laid a single door frame that led out into whiteness.

Feeling my throat dry from the sight I slowly step towards it. Almost scared that it would disapear if I move too quickly… is this the exit? Can I go into an afterlife? Can I see my wife and kids… One last look back at my next self… my memories… they should be able to help him enough. They can go on without me. I’ve faught long enough, it’s their turn now.

Taking one step forward closing my eyes as I do. I pause for a moment expecting some feeling to wash over me, but I only to meet solid ground. Looking down it’s just an empty whiteness. Turning back the doorway to the library still hangs there open. Grumbling to myself I continue to walk forward, adamant to see where this path may lead.

Walking for what seems like days it may be months it's easy to lose track of time here. I WILL have my life with them I WILL make it out of this place. I WILL HAVE MY PEACE!

An amount of time passes.

Walking… it’s not tiring here, my body doesn’t ache, I don’t feel hunger or fatigue. Eventually though, I just had to stop. It’s crushing to walk on forever only to turn back and see you have hardly moved at all. Gazing over my shoulder all I see is the little library in the distance easily reachable. How long had I been walking? Was it long? Was it for a short time? The mindscape has always been a bit odd with time, but I feel like it was longer than that.

Sitting on the floor I choose to relax for a time. To meditate, perhaps I will find the answers inside myself. This is a mindscape after all, perhaps it’s a matter of will? Slipping in deep into my mind I try to will myself forward will myself away. I try to imagine another door for myself to step through.

Opening my eyes, I see the door I pictured. I smile to myself, of course this was the way forward. Reaching to open it however, I find it doesn’t budge. A closer look revealed that I imagined a door in a frame but not the space between them. I had created a wall in the shape of a door. Letting out a long sigh I attempt to imagine the door once more slightly ajar and hinges to move freely. Opening my eyes once more the simple door frame is once more in view, I freely move it open and walk through. The other side of the door is… the same. Turning around the door frame is gone, and I am still the same distance from the library… I had made a door that led to nowhere. This may be awhile.

Over time I grow more and more intricate with my constructs. At first a simple door was satisfactory but eventually why not make a little design. Then why not make a building around the door. I started drawing from my memory making my old house that I shared with Saeko. The moment I pictured us together I almost jump from my skin as I feel the sensation of her holding me. Excited I open my eyes only to see a static statue holding me. The ghost of a memory given form. Perhaps that’s a bit of heaven in of itself. Looking at her though... upsets me… the eyes are wrong.

I spend more and more time building. My first attempts at making the house fully were somewhat difficult I couldn’t picture multiple things at once and as soon as I looked away, they would vanish, over time I learned a few tricks. Like always keeping it in mind or letting them disappear but expecting them back when I turned around. It was a matter of mind and expectations of intent. This place is shaped by my thought it’s shaped by my will so long as I push my intent into it and give every part of an image it will work. Slowly my house becomes decorated, a couch here picture frames of memories there. The statue of Saeko meditating that I frequently sit with and relax.

Perhaps this is an afterlife afterall… Just one of my own creation.

It’s taken a long time, but I’ve started to work on moving objects. I can feel the excitement bubbling in me like I’m a kid again. My first test was simple really it came so easily to me for some reason, a baseball. I have it move about I easily picture it being thrown but without a thrower. It works but then I fail to have an image of its landing or catcher, so it just disappears in flight. It’s a minor success but it’s progress.

Some time later.

I pushed myself today. I… I had saeko move. It was robotic it was almost painful to watch the unfluid movements as she stood up to stand before me. I was scared she would fall, so naturally she did. The image of her falling reinforcing into my thoughts of what would happen, only for those thoughts to make it happen. The control of each part, each piece of the body makes everything else vanish. I have to keep trying my hardest to just… to just have her by my side even if it’s just a shadow.

More time passes.

She can move now! I managed to get her to walk around the movements are slightly robotic still but not nearly as bad as previously. The more success I have the more it improves. It's like the more confidence and sure of my success the more ease I can infuse my intent into the image leading into a feedback of success.

I remake the home and try to maintain both. It’s difficult but doable. It takes awhile to get use to the feeling of movement compared to the static of the house. For a while she merely walked in place as the building moved with her.

I gently hug the statues form. It feels wrong... I... this isn't her but it's all I have left.

I look into her face… I quickly avoid looking into her eyes. Instead resting my head against hers. Speaking the first words in what feels like forever. “I’m sorry I left you. I'm sorry you had to go to heaven on your own… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m-” I feel her hands around me, the memory overlapping with the image. The tears streak down and despite not seeing her holding me the feeling of her embrace is just as warm and comforting as I remember… For a moment her eyes seem right before I can't meet them and stare at the floor the embrace helping me calm down.

More time passes.

I move on to make my first daughter… It’s too much, the moment I start all I can think of are the final moments. That last few minutes of my life. The thought of seeing her crying face rip into me, I recoil in horror as the memory spawns it into existance. IThe hand reaches out to tear into me I... I feel it's claws the memory the pain I felt... It takes a while but eventually I manage to banish it. The thought still lurks in the back of my mind though, almost asking to be let out. The harder I try not to, the harder it becomes not to think it into existance.

I took some time to relax before deciding to work on my other children first. It does not take long, but the more I look into their eyes the more unsure I am. I don’t know if I got them correct either… did they ever look me in the eye? Why can't I picture them correctly? Why do they seem so… sad? Shaking those thoughts from my head I move on. I make each child once except my first. I eventually start making multiple at a time. Watching memories of when they were young chasing each other around in the grass. The image of grass immediately brings on a headache though, attempting to move so many individual pieces already. I replace it with wooden floors and the image comes much easier. This bit of happiness, this was worth it, I think…

More time passes.

I manage a small patch of grass it feels like needles stuck in the ground a static image of what grass should be. They are nothing but unbending unyielding shards of glass. I even cut my very finger on the blade of one, when I pictured how sharp they look. Letting out a long sigh I give up on grass for now.

How long has it been since I practiced? Imagining the blade in my hands I instantly have the familiar weight once more in my grasp. Perfectly replicated, perhaps even better than the faces of my own children, I know the feeling of this blade. Unsheathing it the blade is decorated with small chips along the edge. Thinking of them brings up the memory of the fights that caused them.

This process ends up throwing me into a fight where I already know the outcome. As I fight, I realize I can change my position. See how they would have reacted if i'd done somethign else. Letting me train against my own imagination in a fight. I feel their movements I know what’s next but a part of myself asks ‘what if?’ and that leads into further fights. This stretches on the corpses, the blood I feel should clutter the floor. Then I remember where I am and ignore it away.

I’m woken from my training not by satisfaction of being done. Nor feeling like I should be finished but blows striking my body without imagining them. I feel my lip bleeding, I feel the pain in my ribs from a hard fall. Is my other self-losing a fight? Curiosity gets the better of me and before I know it I’m already walking in to the library I once told myself that I would ignore in the horizon and spend my time in my heaven.

Upon walking inside, I see the young man before me. He is short probably around 5’5 but muscular and currently thoroughly beaten up. He doesn’t even seem to notice me as he’s staring fervently at the screen. Trying to figure it out on his own. I take a glance and see the man he is fighting. They look trained but cocky, once again being in the library the memories of what I have on me comes to mind. Some things like the wrist bracelet would have been useful in my last life. Getting a sense of connection at the chair at the table I speak up. “Let me have a crack at him kid… It’s not our time to go down yet.”

The kid or I should say Shimada nearly jumps out of the chair not expecting to hear something in here behind him. “Ha..Haru? I thought you were gone!”

“Yeah yeah kid more importantly you’re dying out there. Let me take a seat alright? Just watch and learn for now.” Hah I should have stayed behind maybe then he would have learned a thing or two from me before leaving. I just needed… time I suppose.

Now let’s take care of this trash that thought to end me before my time.