Chapter 109 - Will to Live

In the depths of the forest Yuzu stumbled forward, catching herself against a tree. The slim, lanky girl hunched over using the thick trunk of the tree to brace herself. Her head hung low as rain dripped off the front of her hood. Her mouth was open as she breathed in and out deeply. Her eyes were shut, damp black hair plastered against her pale skin as she was overcome with nausea.

She slowly sunk down to her knees as the world continued to spin around her. This was not an unfamiliar feeling to her. After all, she had suffered from weakness episodes for the last six years. However the intensity of the experience was far beyond what she’d ever experienced prior to yesterday.

“Your aetheric body is starting to crumble.” Argus’ voice said softly, “You must drink from the bottle I gave you.”

“No…” Yuzu shook her head. She’d been resisting Argus’ request to drink from the porcelain bottle for an hour now as she continually felt her strength drain from her body. Though Argus had assured her that the side effects weren’t bad, each time Yuzu entertained the idea a repulsive feeling rose up within her spirit, warning her not to drink. “I have a bad feeling about it.”

“It’s natural.” Argus replied, “Your spiritual intuition understands that the energy isn’t compatible. Yes, the Life Domain energies will strain your body, but it’s not going to poison you. After a time the energies will harmonize and you’ll feel better. I won’t force you to take it, but the alternative here is death.”

Yuzu didn’t reply for a moment as she leaned against the trunk of the tree, resting her head. This she understood too. She felt the world starting to fade on her, like it had back at Uncle Zhao’s manor. Her limbs felt heavy, too heavy for her to lift her arm to her inner pocket.

“Help me drink it.” She said, only managing a whisper.

Argus reached into her inner jacket pocket and pulled out the pure white bottle. With careful, steady hands he tipped Yuzu’s head back gently and poured the liquid into her mouth.

A cool, refreshing flavour filled Yuzu’s mouth. The liquid aether was so light she could barely sense it splashing in her mouth. It felt like it was evaporating on her tongue and palate, a menthol-like lightness that was both rejuvenating yet slightly numbing. When she swallowed, she felt the coolness course down her throat into her abdomen where it spread out across her entire body.

Her eyes opened and her mind instantly felt clearer as she sat up straight. As she swallowed the last of the liquid she held her breath to sustain the cooling sensation for as long as possible. Argus withdrew the bottle and capped it, his light green eyes scrutinizing her as he assessed her recovery.

“How do you feel?” He asked.

“Better.” She nodded, finally meeting his gaze. She nodded seriously to him without smiling, “Thank you.”

“There’s still one third of the bottle left.” Argus said, “Hopefully the prayers you receive will be enough to replenish it.”

Argus helped Yuzu to her feet as she readjusted her coat, pulling it around her. The rain which had previously been heavy was starting to calm to a light drizzle as they continued their journey towards the city.

They reached the edge of the forest and once again Yuzu found herself looking down out to the glowing lights of Noga in the distance.

This far out there were very few solid golden strings, just faint wispy trails that were too weak to influence. The final stretch down the path to the city limits took another half hour by foot. Only then was Yuzu able to call a carriage to them.

“This won’t cure me, will it.” Yuzu said once they were sheltered inside the carriage. “Perhaps my condition will become worse, and a third of the bottle won’t be enough anymore.”

“I’ll try to research into your condition.” Argus said, “From what you heard from Dr. Baolan, I think that you’ll be fine as long as you don’t suffer extreme stress or trauma. Even then, if we can maintain your strength you should be able to forcefully maintain your health.”

“Forcefully maintain?” Yuzu tilted her head.

“Unlike regular people, Exalted have a special connection to their physical, spiritual, astral and aetheric bodies.” Argus nodded, “Not only are we more aware of the state of our bodies, but we can directly influence them through thought and willpower.”

“So you’re telling me, just believe I’m healthy and I’ll be healthy?” Yuzu furrowed her brows cynically.

“It’s not about believing.” Argus shook his head, “More like developing the skill and technique to influence your state of health and strength. The monks, for example, spend countless hours meditating and training their bodies. Even though very few of them actually become Exalted, that training already grants them a base awareness and control over their bodies.”

“Therefore, what’s important is to be aware that your mental state and your desire to live are vital to maintaining your health. When you’re in danger, when you’re in great distress, you can hang on longer simply by not giving up.” Argus said.

“Sounds like something my friend Char Char would believe in.” Yuzu rolled her eyes, then sighed. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, I just don’t think I’m that kind of person. I don’t have that kind of willpower. To tell you the truth, when I was drifting off into nothingness in the white world, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t think about trying to live or survive. At some point I knew I was going to die and I just accepted it.”

Argus rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “Then why are you still here? Why didn’t you just fade away at that time?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.” Yuzu said nonchalantly, “Are you saying I’m lying right now?”

“You’re not lying.” Argus, who could say that statement with confidence, could only shrug, “But perhaps the truth is deeper than what we think… Regardless, I’ll try to find a way to help you.”

“What will I owe you?” Yuzu asked, “Another trip to the library?”

“Sure.” Argus nodded, “Is that acceptable?”

“Why not?” Yuzu sighed, “If you can’t find a good enough cure, I won’t be able to hold up my end of the deal anyways.”

~

It was three hours past midnight when the carriage pulled up across the street from the Lucky Pawn Shop. Yuzu stepped out under the orange yellow light of a street lamp, pulling her hood over her head. She waved goodbye to Argus as the carriage took off, leaving her alone on the dark street.

The windows of the pawn shop were dark. Aside from the street lamps there was no other light sources on the city block. Each lamp shone a dim pool of light on the cobblestone street, which glistened softly in the light drizzle that still fell from the overcast sky. They formed like little bubbles of light, evenly spaced down the road next to the low wall that separated the road from the riverbank.

The river was swollen, its waters flowing more rapidly than its usual lazy pace. The dark silhouettes of houses and trees lined the far side of the river, which was only a few meters wide.

Rather than head directly inside Yuzu leaned against the wall and looked out across the river, letting her thoughts be absorbed by the sound of running water. She didn’t feel weak or tired - the single sip from the flask had filled her with vitality much like when she had eaten the fruit offered at the shrine. She felt like the energy would last her forever, it was almost hard to recall how she’d been so weak that she couldn’t even stand, just an hour previous.

Therefore, Yuzu knew that this feeling of vigour wouldn’t last. Just like with the energy from the prayers and the fruit, it would subside and her vitality would collapse once more.

She had gone to Argus for help, having no one else to turn to. Though he was not obliged to do so he had given her medicine and accompanied her to the forest to investigate further. Though he had done so under the pretense of repayment for her assistance in the ancient library, and though he had stated that he was personally interested in discovering the truth… It felt to Yuzu that the assistance he had given her was beyond what he owed her.

Her lips made a thin line as the corner of her mouth twitched in irritation. In this mood she looked out onto the river for a long time without moving.

She let her thoughts wander, not thinking about anything in particular. Or perhaps, thinking about anything and everything except her health and the world of the Exalted.

At present a small question bubbled up in her mind.

When was it that the traveler had said he was coming back for the ornate chest? He had signed the contract and stated that he would be getting the money to pick up the chest in the next few days. Yuzu couldn’t quite recall the specifics of the contract or the conversation with the traveler. What was his name again? Had he stated an actual date for when he’d be back?

“It was five days, wasn’t it?” Yuzu muttered softly to herself as her memories became clear. “He wanted a guarantee that the chest wouldn’t be opened or unlocked in the five days before he returned.”

Yuzu didn’t doubt that the traveler’s words were sincere. Though she had been critical of him during the sale, she really did feel that he was being candid when he stated that he would return for the chest. Of course he wasn’t obligated to come back in five days, and it could have happened that he ran into difficulties with money or other matters. Therefore, if he didn’t show up that wouldn’t be too surprising. He would still have until thirty days were up to claim the chest.

She still had no idea what she would do if he returned before she was able to retrieve the chest from the bottom of the white world.

“Five days…” She repeated once more, “It’s already been four days, but it’s past midnight now… Wouldn’t that mean he’s coming back today?”

As she spoke a sudden gust of wind buffeted against her. She pulled her coat close, turning to head back inside. As she passed under a lamp post her spiritual intuition triggered and her eyes shot down to the end of the dark, empty street.

A dozen circular pools of light shone underneath the row of lamp posts all the way to the end, where a single figure stood under the final pool of light.

At that distance Yuzu could only see his silhouette, broad and stocky, with a long sword at his waist and a conical hat on his head.

“Hakuya.” Yuzu whispered softly as she remembered his name.