Panphila sat opposite Sotir at the table in his quarters. Sotir spread his cards according to some pattern, meaningless to Pan. She wondered if he worked. She certainly didn’t.

The Visitor – or Volanter – book of arcane circles lay open before her. The tome must have been one thousand pages long. Pan struggled to lift it, and she certainly didn’t want the thing on her lap. What made the book’s heft even worse, was that the author probably would have wanted it longer.

Pan came to this conclusion because of the book’s contents. The tome began with one circle to a page. The circles were hand drawn – large. Tight Volanter handwriting described each rune in loving detail. Paragraphs of explanation discussed the outcomes for each circle as well as ways to enhance the effect.

The deeper Pan read into the book, the less detail and space devoted to each circle. About one third in, the Volanter writer had started to put two circles on a page. Then, three. Then, four.

With four circles crammed on a page, there were no paragraphs describing what to do, just notes. As for rune identification, the writer abandoned that altogether and expected the reader to check the rune index.

Pan flipped through the pages, shaking her head as she went. She’d found a page with six circles, and though the pages were printed clear, Pan thought she might need a magnifying glass to read the minuscule writing.

Pan couldn’t read Volanter to begin with, but Sotir helped her translate. Every time they found an interesting circle, Pan put a note or bookmark on the page to help her remember what it was. Pan didn’t want too many notes active at a time, however. She didn’t need to make the book any thicker than it had to be.

She brought her fingers to her mouth and nibbled at the skin.

“How goes it?” Sotir asked.

“Not well,” Pan said.

He glanced at the page. “Those aren’t circles you’re supposed to be practicing. Maybe, it’s going poorly because you’re off track.”

“Thanks, Sotir. I hadn’t noticed.” Pan looked up from the book and stared at his spread of cards.

The cards lay not in the neat pattern but mussed. The reading was used up, and Sotir’s hands came to collect them.

“What are you reading?” Pan nodded at the cards. “Anything about us?”

Sotir laughed. “No. I’m working. Why are you curious about us?”

Pan cocked her head. “Only if you aren’t working.”

“I can do a simple read.” Sotir gathered all his cards and shuffled them.

The cards riffled together, and Pan watched. If she had to pick something about Sotir that she found most attractive, it was the way he handled his tools – the way his fingers bent and kept the seventy-eight cards in line.

“How about something simple? Just three cards.” Sotir plucked the pack from the table and pressed the edges back into a neat stack. “Past, present, future? Or, maybe – situation, obstacle, advice?”

Pan narrowed her eyes. “Do the second one.”

Sotir smiled. He placed the first card on the table. “Ah.”

Pan leaned close and looked at the art. She saw a woman amid three trees. The woman faced Pan, which meant the card was right side up? Maybe, not. “Do you mean this to face me or you?”

“Me, of course.”

“Oh, so she’s upside down,” Pan said.

“Yes, she is.

Pan looked at Sotir and waited.

“Your current situation is one of frustration and a lack of progress,” Sotir said. “Which as you can see is quite accurate.” He gestured to the Volanter book.

“Does that card really mean that?” Pan asked.

Sotir smiled. “Upside down it does.” He placed the second card.

Pan studied it. She saw a man riding a fanciful beast. He held a star in his hand. He also faced Pan, which apparently meant he was upside down. “Obstacle?” Pan prodded.

Sotir nodded. “The obstacle in this situation is you. Specifically, your obsession with the book, and your stubbornness when it comes to putting it aside.”

Pan huffed in mock indignation. She crossed her arms and leaned away.

Sotir grabbed the next card from his deck and held it aloft. Its back faced Pan. “Last card – Solution. Should I finish?”

Pan leaned in. “Yes. I love free fortune telling.”

Sotir grinned. He placed the card. It showed a man, with his arms around his lover. The card faced Sotir – right side up. “Oh, lovers. Can you guess what that one’s for?”

Pan jabbed the card with her finger. “Why does it always come up? You rigged it. You just want...”

Sotir laughed and spread his hands. “I didn’t rig it.”

Pan sighed and put a hand to her cheek. She struggled not to smile.

“So?” Sotir asked.

Pan laid in his arms and relaxed.

“What are you thinking about?” Sotir asked.

“Nothing. What time is it?” Pan glanced at the clock.

“Don’t worry. We’re free till dinner. Alban will have some work for me then, and you can study,” Sotir said. “So, what were you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” Pan repeated.

Sotir chuckled. “Didn’t you tell me once that you never think about nothing? Didn’t you say that that was a man thing?”

Pan shifted her head on his chest and stared over his grey skin. “I did say that, didn’t I? I was just mad because you were staring into space when I was speaking to you.” Pan let out a long sigh and slowly smiled. “But, you got me. I wasn’t thinking about nothing just now. I never do.”

Sotir snorted a laugh.

Pan couldn’t join in the merriment. Her smile left her face as slowly as it had arrived. “I was thinking about how this relationship will work long term. Because we arcanes always marry a non-arcane, we get a nice break, the decade of retirement. It’s a hard fought for right.” Pan tried to catch his eyes.

He stared at the ceiling. “Yes, very hard fought.”

Pan continued to stare. “It’s the best and sometimes only time we ever get to spend with our families. You realize that, right?”

Sotir nodded.

Pan propped herself up and leaned towards his face. “I want that break.”

“You’ll get it,” he promised.

Pan frowned. “But, what about you?”

Sotir stiffened. “My break?”

“Yes.” Pan nodded. “What happens to it? Do you think they’d just let us take a break together, or would they let us take turns, or…”

“They’ll have some demand. If they demand that one of us sacrifices the break, I volunteer,” Sotir said.

Pan felt her mouth drift open. “But…”

“I can do my job from Scaldigir most of the time. I’d come home almost every night. I’d even get built in breaks when my power gets overworked. If you give up the break, you’ll never see me or any children of ours. We’ll both be miserable. Besides, I think I’d go mad if the only futures I had to read were day to day.” Sotir tried to pull Pan back down.

She resisted. “You’re just going to give it up?”

“I don’t mind,” Sotir said. “I’m prepared. It’ll give you more time to learn circles anyway.”

“I can’t believe you. I’ve been looking forward to the break ever since I became arcane.”

Sotir stared into her eyes. “I really haven’t. If it makes you feel better, I’ll try to see what I can get away with.”

Pan slowly nodded. She allowed her head to drift back to his chest. “I guess that’s good enough. Better than the other option where I marry some man, who makes the sign of the tree whenever I get close.”

Sotir remained silent.

“I’m useless anyway, until I can learn more circles.”

“How many do you know now?” Sotir asked.

“I can do the portal circle but not perfect. I’m struggling a bit with telekinesis, but I can manage. It’s the same and yet so different from how I remember,” Pan said.

Sotir made a sound of quiet agreement.

“I can heal a bit. I actually learned two of those circles, including one I never reaped.”

“Oh,” Sotir said, sounding happy for her.

“And, of course, anything with ghosts is easy for me. I can do the ghost sight, summoning, protection…anything.” Pan let out an audible breath. “I think I could do those circles in my sleep.”

“Probably.” Sotir hugged her close. “What about time message? Did you re-learn that yet?”

“I’m working on it. It’s like telekinesis. It doesn’t work the same when it’s not – I don’t know – when it’s not emblazoned on your soul.” Pan sighed.

“Emblazoned on your soul. I have a circle like that,” Sotir said.

I used to. Pan agreed in silence.

“You’re doing great.” He stroked her shoulder.

Pan pushed hair out of her face, and once she could see again, she rested her hand on his chest. “I guess it’s good progress. Oh, I remember I wanted to tell you…I tried that beast summoning circle. I think I almost got it to work.”

“That one sounds fun for you, but it’ll probably be easier to tackle the ones you reaped first. Plus, we might need the time message.” Sotir’s arm relaxed, but he still made an effort to hold her.

Pan appreciated it. In the year, she’d spent on the Ischyros, Sotir gave her enough touch and intimacy to make up for the two years she spent away from other Scaldin. “How long will you be working tonight?”

“Late. Don’t wait up for me. I have to trace the Volanter travel path in this area, and then, I’m going to do a quick read on our meetup with Aria and the others.”

Pan wriggled out of Sotir’s arms and laid in a grumpy heap. “It’s not Aria, Irini, or Gavain you should read. Just check-up on Hagen and Kat.”

Sotir sighed. He didn’t try to gather Pan up again. “I’m going to read the ship they’re riding – not the people. But, if you want me to look at Hagen and Kat aboard the Ischyros…”

“It’s suspicious. They want to check up on me.”

Sotir rose and hovered over Pan. He slowly pulled her back into the hug. “Let’s think happy thoughts. You’ll get to see Aria, and she has no work to do. Irini won’t be working. You can have a nice week with them while we ferry them home.”

“Yeah, but then I won’t see Aria for years,” Pan said. “She won’t be leaving Scaldigir.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure. And, you can always go home. Eventually, you can live there again.”

Pan stared at Sotir and saw a hint of what was to come in his eyes. He thought the transition home would be hard but doable. Pan thought it would just be hard.

She looked askance, avoiding his eyes. “With how slow I’m learning, maybe I should shift things around. Live at home and do the family thing first – in hiding, of course. This starting over thing isn’t the wonderous opportunity everyone makes it out to be. By the time I’m any good at these circles, I’ll be forty.”

“That’s not true, and even if it was, you’d still have sixty years at least to demonstrate your spellcraft.”

Sixty years was a long time, and Pan planned to live as long as she could. She wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of the afterlife. She could scatter into light, like Brynn, or become a ghost. There seemed to be no middle ground. It was all peace or all hell. Pan preferred a bit of both.

To be truthful, Pan didn’t know if those were really the only choices. She didn’t know how it all worked.

Another new beginning. Just great.

Sotir slipped away and rolled out of the bed. “I want to shower before I work tonight. Want to come with me?”

Pan rolled out of the bed too. “Yes, let’s get clean.

“Where were the two of you this afternoon?” Alban glanced between Pan and Sotir.

“Reading over my magic book,” Pan said.

“Hmmm.”

Sotir’s staff slid across the floor as it lay relaxed in his palm. “I’m here now, with plenty of time to prepare for the read. The researchers are sure Volanters came through this space?”

Alban crossed his arms. “They’re not sure of anything. They do more guesswork than you. But, we’ll read it. Honestly, your time could be better used on Scaldigir helping plan those colonies. We’re not going to find any Volanters. They’re long gone, except for that one we found a year ago.”

“That’s right. The last of her kind,” Pan said.

Both men gave Pan an odd look and a moment of silence.

Sotir turned to Alban. “Should I meet the researchers on the bridge or…?”

Alban gestured to the door. “Meeting room 102 actually. Good luck.”

Sotir gave a single nod and left Alban’s office.

A haze of awkwardness hung in the air. Pan blamed herself.

The day Alban gave her the news that Kat and Hagen would be visiting the Ischyros, she’d lost her temper. She had been in Alban’s office and almost cast an out-of-control circle, one she hadn’t even attempted to study. She had actually scared the man. He didn’t want her to know it, but he’d stiffened and given her other clues to his hidden fear. Since then, Alban tried to see Pan only in the presence of Sotir.

Gold was hard, especially with her temper.

Pan crossed her arms and looked at the empty walls. “I could draw something for your decorating problem.”

“No that’s fine. Don’t you have to study?”

“I can give you something I already have,” Pan said.

Alban narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you draw spooks?”

Pan frowned but not for long. “I haven’t drawn spooks since that picture of Brynn’s ghost, and before that, I had a distinct lack of dead subjects. I draw nicer things now. Not all for Aria.” She crossed the small room and let her hands hover, spread over a blank wall. “Right here, you could have a lovely rendition of the Mother Tree.”

Alban perked up but waved a dismissive hand. “No. I don’t think I want Volanter symbols of any kind in here. If we ever meet one, I don’t want them to get the wrong idea. What else have you got?”

“The Ischyros in a starscape.”

Alban seemed surprised. “I’ll take that.”

Pan smiled. “I don’t have a frame for it.”

“I’ll get someone aboard to make one.” Alban headed for his own door, ready to go on the bridge.

Pan looked at the floor. Now or never. “About the Hagen and Kat thing…”

Alban froze. “They’re not coming here to evaluate you. Hagen was reading alien dreams, and Kat took Irini out on a thread exercise. Nothing more.”

Pan took a deep breath and raised her eyes. “I know. I meant the part where I almost cast an arcane circle out of anger.”

Alban shifted and gave Pan more of his attention. “It’s alright. More or less. Did you ever figure out what it was?”

Pan shrugged. “I still think it was fire starting.”

“Probably. Looked kind of red.”Alban jabbed a thumb over his shoulder at the door. “Go to work. You can get mad in your special cargo bay. Maybe, make fire starting work. Now, I’m going to the bridge. If you don’t feel like practicing, decorate my office.” Alban turned and left.

Pan didn’t stay in the empty office long. She found the exit and headed aft, towards her special practice room. Shielding meant for the exterior of the ship had been added to the bay’s interior walls. It helped against the fire and electrical currents that Pan’s miscasts created. Pan’s arcane circles were too – destructive? Powerful? Magical?

It didn’t matter what word she used. What she needed to learn was best done where she couldn’t kill anyone, like in the vacuum of space, but they couldn’t get her in a space suit, at least not while she could still burn the thing off her body. Besides, Pan swore she’d found a circle for space walking. That was next on her list – after the beast summoner – and the time message.

Pan waved her keycard in front of the lock. The heavy doors slid open and revealed a wheel and hinged door behind. The wheel spun and that door began to swing open as well.

Pan sighed. “Only the best of chains can hold me.”

She stepped inside and passed her card in front of the interior sensor. The doors relocked and Pan tucked her card into the sensor lockbox, a place shielded from the might of her arcane power.

What a miserable place.

Pan walked to the center of the room, wearing black clothes, simple form hugging pants and a loose shirt. She knew better than to wear nice things to practice.

Pan knew she should start with the time message circle, but she wanted to give the beast a fair shot.

Pan remembered the beast circle, with its jagged runes. She held it in her imagination. She stared at a blank place on the floor and drew the ring of symbols with her eyes. Sometimes, it helped to trace the symbols with her hands or to mime the tracing. She skipped that part. After all, the feeling was most important.

Pan imagined herself the ring master of a circus and called upon that blend of trepidation and confidence that would signify mastery over a beast. The symbols of the circle phased lazily into view. The colors and lines were weak as if she’d drawn them with a shaky hand.

Pan’s mind wandered, and she thought about herself and all her little faults that made reaching gold so hard. She was determined to do it though – to reach gold – to be good – just to prove she could. She did most things out of spite, it seemed.

The lines of the runes strengthened, and the arcane ring grew strong. It glowed in deep blue and began to hum.

Oh, this is it. I’ve finally got it!

Pan tried to focus again on the beast. The circle hummed louder. The lines shook.

Oh, no.

The circle exploded, and Pan shielded her face. When the pop dissipated, Pan lowered her arms. Smoke fizzled where the circle should be. The runes faded and died. She glimpsed red eyes at the center of the circle, but they too faded.

Pan sighed. “I think I’ll switch to the time message.”