《Ravyn's Nights - Book 3》Chapter 40
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It wasn’t long after returning to their bedroom that Claire was distracted from her thoughts when the door opened. Surprisingly, it was not a servant, or Sean or even Nicolas, but Daniel who had found his way to her door. The look on his face was not his usual smile though. He did attempt that smile over at her though as he closed the door, looking as if he were at a loss for words, which was definitely not a usual state for him.
“Welcome back to America?” Claire offered with a sad and somewhat confused shrug in regards to why he had followed her upstairs, considering it had been over four decades since the two had found themselves in a bedroom together at all.
“It’s been over forty years. I figure we may have some catching up to do” Daniel offered with another attempt at a smile as he pulled a chair over to where she had been sadly sitting staring into her mirror once more.
“You didn’t have to make this trip just to catch up with us though” Claire returned softly.
“I did originally come to offer my services as a political advisor to the new Prince; but I get the distinct impression he’s not the only one that could use some sort of attempt at advice or guidance” Daniel stated with the same sympathetic smile replacing the usually jovial or flirtatious one that he normally always wore.
“So you’ve actually managed to come up with some sort of advice to give Sean, amidst all of this?” she asked, deliberately veering the conversation away from her own possible need for any kind of guidance.
“Yes actually” Daniel smiled at her again.
“This, I’ve gotta hear” Claire attempted lightness.
“You could always ask Sean what advice I’ve shared with him” Daniel returned, which only caused Claire to look away at the suggestion, “and that reaction is exactly why I think I may need to try and provide you with some sort of advice as well.”
Claire just scoffed sadly, “things have been… difficult between us for a long time. That’s nothing new” she attempted to convince him that there was no need for such worry. Of course, that only did the opposite.
“That’s very new; at least since the last time I saw the two of you” he disagreed, though gently.
Claire sighed, “the major problem was remedied tonight. There, problem solved.”
“And yet you’re both sitting alone in separate parts of the house instead of making up for that ‘long time’ you just mentioned?” Daniel pressed, somehow keeping his tone soft.
“After as long as things have been strained; it’s not that easy to just smile and act like it hasn’t been all that time” Claire offered.
“I have an idea; why don’t you try telling me exactly what caused all that difficulty in the first place” he suggested.
Claire just shook her head, “the main thing was what you just saw him somewhat fix; he had brainwashed that man to possibly someday kill his own children… and it already made him kill their mother. That made things just a bit difficult between us; knowing that Sean had turned Kristofer into a murderer just because he decided that my life was worth more than others’ lives” she explained sadly.
“So you were upset at Sean for saving your life?”
“It’s not that simple” Claire sighed sadly, “and it wasn’t worth it” she added in a whisper.
“Did you just say that your life wasn’t worth that of a bigoted, rage-filled werewolf’s?” Daniel replied with a raise of a brow.
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“She was the mother of his children, Daniel” Claire reminded.
“And since when does giving birth to a child turn one into a saint?” Daniel asked pointedly.
“You honestly think it’s ok for a man to kill the mother of his children?” Claire asked with disbelief.
“Depends on the mother” Daniel stated simply. Claire simply scoffed, causing Daniel to add, “was your mother a saint? Is that what convinced you that being a mother automatically makes someone’s life more important than everyone else’s?”
Claire just shook her head again, “my mother hated me” she admitted with a sniffle.
“Apparently so did the mother of Kristofer’s children; so much so that she was going to snuff out your very life without ever even speaking one word to you and knowing anything at all about you, other than the fact that you were Kindred. Is this the saint whose life was worth so much more than yours?” Daniel asked her in the same pointed tone.
“But…” Claire simply shook her head and looked down, “he could’ve killed his own children too” she defended weakly.
“One; Sean fixed that tonight. Two; those children that you’re trying so desperately to save could grow up to be just as monstrous as their mother was. Just because they haven’t done so yet, doesn’t mean it won’t happen” he stated in the same gently forceful tone.
“But to have a man kill his own child…”
“And that won’t happen now. Sean fixed it; because you asked him to. So why is it that you are still keeping him at a distance? He found a way to murder a monster and save you. And now he’s also saved those possible future monsters from being put down before they could murder you or others like us; again, because you asked him to… So what is the reason for this distance now?” Daniel asked in the same gentle tone.
“Because, I can’t let him keep caring about me” she admitted as a tear slid down her cheek.
Daniel just shook his head with even more utter disbelief then, “you do know that you are going to have to explain that argument… thoroughly.”
“Love is weakness. I can’t let myself be the reason Sean is ever weak. He has to cut me out of his life if he ever hopes to be strong enough to fight all the things he’s going to have to fight in order to rule at all” she admitted in a tear-choked voice.
Daniel just shook his head with further disbelief before he finally managed any more words, “have you met Sean?”
Claire just looked back at him blankly, “what does that mean?”
“You know by now that he can’t even function when he can’t be close to you; he can barely even force himself to pretend to be able to get through one night to the next without your love. I knew that the moment I met him; so I’m fairly positive that you are definitely aware of that fact” he told her plainly.
“And that is exactly the problem, Daniel. His enemies can see that too, and they can use that against him. They have” she swallowed a bit, “he was literally ready to just give Thomas his throne because Thomas threatened to destroy my love for Sean. A Prince cannot have that kind of weakness” Claire returned with as much conviction as she could muster through her tears.
“And how close were you and Sean when Thomas made that threat originally?”
“Like I said, it’s been a long time” Claire sniffled.
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“So there was already that distance between the two of you when Thomas threatened him with the further loss of your love?” Daniel asked for clarification.
“I suppose” she admitted.
“So, once you and Sean’s estrangement already had begun, is when that threat of losing you permanently shook Sean so badly that he was ready to give everything else up too?”
“I suppose” she repeated again.
“So, the throne was the only thing he still had, and without you, he didn’t care about it either” Daniel restated.
“He’s never cared about the throne, Daniel” Claire stated with a bit of frustration for what Daniel was even trying to illustrate at that point.
“But he’s always cared about you… so without you, why would he ever give the slightest shite about the throne at all?”
“Just say whatever you’re trying to say” she managed, though the words barely escaped her throat.
“You already know what I’m saying Claire” Daniel responded with a bit of his own frustration then, “Yes he has a weakness. We all do. For him that weakness is indeed you. But that’s not the real problem. You are the only thing that gives him any strength at all too; even if you are his biggest weakness. Nothing in the world, no throne, no werewolves, no territory, no prodigal sisters, no Camarilla laws… not a single one of those things would he ever give a damn about if he has to give you up in exchange. Without you, he has nothing left in his opinion; no reason at all for… anything… let alone any reason to care about ruling or even pretending to.”
Claire let out another heavy sigh, “so basically he can’t rule with me or without me.”
“He can’t rule without you” Daniel corrected plainly, “with you, he has a weakness, a huge weakness; without you, he doesn’t have anything at all. And I somehow doubt I’m telling you anything you don’t already know. So why are you even trying to argue against a fact that you know to be completely true, Claire?”
Claire was quiet as she sniffled again before finally admitting her answer, “to try and convince myself that it’s not true; to try to convince myself that he really can go on without me. I have to convince myself that that’s true. And the only way I know how to do that is by trying to make it true now, while I can still prove that it will be true, after…” she sniffled again as her voice faded.
That was when a look of genuine concern crossed Daniel’s face, “after what, Claire?”
“After I am gone” she whispered.
That was when Daniel seemed truly shaken, for possibly the first time since she had met him nearly seventy years earlier, “what does that mean, Claire?” he forced himself to ask.
Claire sighed again now that it was out there, she may as well tell him the truth, after all, “I guess that means Sean never got around to telling you about the prophecy.”
“Prophecy?” Daniel repeated shakily.
“Back when we first came here in 1690, Sean was given a prophecy by the Malkavian Primogen. There’s something like six parts to it. The first came true back before we met you. And then Haven dying could very well be the second part. Sean becoming Prince was the third part” she swallowed hard, “the fourth part’s most likely about me… that’s what I mean by ‘after I’m gone’” she finished with another sniffle.
Daniel was still a bit shaken for another moment before he had to ask, “what are the exact words that might be about you?”
“Do you really want that in your head? It’s been driving us both crazy since we heard it” she warned.
“And I’m going to drive myself crazy imagining it if you don’t tell me” Daniel warned.
Another sigh, “the fourth part says that after Sean becomes Prince, which did happen over twenty-five years ago; that after that ‘snakes will come to devour love, trying to eat it all away’” she forced those words through her lips once again.
Daniel was quiet another moment before he spoke again “well it doesn’t specifically say ‘Claire Beringer will die’” he argued, to which Claire just shook her head.
“So now you know my big secret; I could die at any moment, and I need to know that Sean will be ok after that happens” she whispered shakily.
“We could all die at any moment, Claire” Daniel argued with an attempt at a smile.
“But when there’s a prophecy that’s already half come true; it does make it a bit more likely” she sniffled again.
“So you’ve just decided that you’re no longer going to let yourself have another moment of happiness, since it might end? If that’s the case we should all just stake ourselves right now, shouldn’t we?” Daniel told her wryly.
“But I need to know that Sean will be ok” she repeated.
“Sean’s not ok now. And you just want to leave him in that state for whatever time you may or may not have left? How do you think that could ever be the right plan?” Daniel asked her bluntly.
“I don’t know what else to do, Daniel” she whispered.
“Anything else; there, you’ve been advised” he told her with another wry smile. There was then another long moment before Daniel could not keep himself from addressing the one worry he still had about the possibility of Claire and Sean being able to repair their relationship. He braced himself, then spoke, “there is one more, rather personal thing that I do need to ask you though, Claire.”
“We spent twenty-five years having orgies with our spouses and a mutual friend. Do you really need to qualify any question like that?” Claire attempted a smile which didn’t quite come to fruition that time either.
Daniel allowed only another brief moment before he spat out his question, “was the time you were with Kristofer… was that the last time you were intimate with anyone at all?”
Claire scoffed to cover her own discomfort, “is that your eloquent way of trying to get me into bed with you?”
“No it’s really not, Claire” he told her with a sad seriousness.
“I guess that means that Sean told you how that all happened at all” she whispered.
“Yes he did. I sort of prodded him into it, but he told me nonetheless; which is why I’m asking now if that was the last time that you let anyone in, no pun intended” he asked her with another sad smile.
Claire took a long moment before trying to answer, “everyone else seems to have these really strong opinions on what it was that actually happened that night. And I’m the one it happened to, and I still don’t even know how I can describe it. Yes I wanted Kristofer. Yes he wanted me. But I didn’t want it to happen that way; and everything else about it was so very wrong… so what does that even mean when it comes down to what really did or didn’t happen to me that night? I’ve been asking myself that for twelve years and I still have no answer” she sniffled again.
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