《Deathworld Commando: Reborn》Ch.16- Lingering Hopes

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I slowly opened my eyes to clear the groggy feeling away. I licked my lips to try and banish the desert that was my mouth. I need some water.

I went to roll out of bed and realized where I was. I was in an unfamiliar room, alone. I was laying in a double-wide bed in what I assumed to be Grandpa’s personal room. I’ve never actually been in here either. It was one of the few rooms in this house I never went into. Grandpa’s room was… simple, I guess. Almost no decorations or anything, it was just a clean bedroom. As I took in my surroundings I had an odd feeling that I couldn’t really place. I know I’m not sick anymore as I feel fine, perhaps a little tired but that was all. I attempted to understand the feeling I was currently experiencing but I never really felt like this before. I feel… how should I describe this? Empty, perhaps?

But why would I be feeling like this? I racked my brain for a bit ignoring my insatiable need to quench my thirst. I tried to think what was different about waking up today but I could only come up with two different guesses. One, I woke up in an unfamiliar place. But that doesn’t really make sense. I know this is Grandpa’s room and I’m in his house right now so that can’t be it. So it has to be because I’m alone right now.

Now that I think about it, I’ve gotten so used to waking up with someone near me it’s become commonplace. Rather it’s Grandpa, Mom, Dad, or even Cerila I’ve woken up almost every day these last 6 years in the presence of another person. What an odd and illogical feeling this is. I know I’m not alone, alone. Even now I can hear somebody moving about in the building. Normally when I experience a new emotion I try to understand it as best as I can but I can’t seem to grasp this one. Well at least I know I don’t like it and I understand that it makes little sense, since I’m not actually alone. But still… Bah, whatever. I need water.

I noticed my clothes had been laid out at the foot of the bed and got dressed. I walked out of the room smacking my lips attempting to generate some saliva when I walked into the kitchen. Grandpa was cooking over a stove,

“You sleep well?” He asked me.

“Yes,” I croaked.

Grandpa just grinned and summoned a water ball and sent it flying towards me. I opened my mouth and snatched the water ball out of the air, swishing it around my mouth coating my dry throat.

“That was pretty good…” Grandpa commented with a hint of awe. However, I was not satisfied.

“Can I get some more, please?”

“Sure thing, kid,” Grandpa moved away from the stove and grabbed a wooden pitcher, filling it with water magic and handing it to me.

I greedily gulped down the water all the way to the last drop. The cold temperature of the water surprised me a bit but it didn’t deter me from my chug fest. Amazing. Water is literally the best liquid in the world. Who would want to drink anything else? I wiped the excess water from my mouth and had to stop myself from asking for another pitcher. I honestly feel like I could down another pitcher, maybe even 2 or 3 more.

“Would you care for some lunch? You haven’t eaten in an entire day after all,” Grandpa asked me.

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The sunlight beaming through the windows suggested it was still in the afternoon, about the same time I departed to come here. “How long have I been asleep?” I asked.

“An entire day, give or take a few hours,” Grandpa said nonchalantly.

“An entire day?!”

Had I actually been asleep for that long? But why do I still feel so tired?

“Sure did. Padraic carried you in here yesterday afternoon, you were as sick as a dog. I fed you some medicine, gave you a bit of healing and you passed out in no time. Cerila and Padraic stayed here almost the entire day. I finally had to force them away from you with magic lessons so you could rest. Even after lessons, they wanted to stay. So I kicked them both out and told them you would be better tomorrow,” Grandpa said with a far-off look in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing. Just didn’t think I’d be afraid of two children in my lifetime is all,” He said quickly. “Anyways, the stew is done. Come eat, boy.”

Grandpa served both of a helping of the stew and I took no time in digging in. Grandpa’s stew tasted like how his room was decorated, simple. Actually, the only defining taste of this entire dish was the taste of salt. And I remember him scoffing at me when Padraic and I said we couldn’t cook. Psh, I could make this.

“How does it taste?” Grandpa asked me.

“Good, just a little salty...”

“Of course, that’s how I like it. I love the taste of salt. I’ve been eating salted rations for almost my entire life. Let me tell you a secret, Kaladin. The secret to living a long life isn’t being a powerful mage with lots of mana, it’s actually salt. If you eat as much salt as me I promise you will live a long life,” Grandpa spoke with such reverence I thought he might drop to his knees and start praying to the salt god.

I mean I enjoyed the taste of salt just as much as the next guy but this was overkill. How has this old man not had a heart attack yet? Wait… he just heals himself doesn't he? He consumes metric tons of salt and to avoid having a heart attack he just heals himself. And now he is telling me to consume copious amounts of salt, what a mad man.

“Okay, Grandpa…” I said nervously.

I wonder what would happen if I told him that consuming large amounts of sodium was bad for his health. Actually, I wonder if he knows that already but just doesn’t care. Would he even stop? Probably not.

We finished our lunch and I helped Grandpa with the dishes. In the meantime, I had downed another pitcher of water. I just couldn’t seem to quench my thirst today.

“I take it you are going back home?” Grandpa asked me.

“Yes. I should probably let my family know I’m okay now.”

“Are you going to come back later for lessons? You did miss them yesterday and I know you hate missing lessons.”

“Mhm. I’ll go home for a bit then come back later if that’s okay.”

“Of course. Don’t forget to bring the other two along.”

I just nodded. I disliked missing magic lessons. It was one of the only new things in this world I could dive into headfirst. I learned something new almost every day, and practicing magic was very different from working out. It was fun and I enjoyed it. I think having Padraic and Cerila around made it more fun as well since it’s something new for all of us.

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—-

The walk home was normal. I actually stopped by the bakery and got myself an entire roll of sweetbread with my lunch money. It’s been a while since I’ve had this stuff but I’ve been craving it recently. Upon arriving home it seems I’m yet again alone. Mom should have been off work today so she might be shopping with Cerila. Dad’s bow is missing so he must be working today. Eh, it’s kinda weird being alone at home.

Rather than sitting alone in an empty house, I decided to get some physical activity in. I was still a little groggy from the medicine and sleeping a full day so I figured some exercise would help expel the haze. I grabbed my bow and a quiver of arrows and set out to do some archery practice.

I’ve gotten a bit better at archery. I hit my targets more often now but I’m still pretty inconsistent. I guess I’m just not a natural with the bow, but then again using a bow was very difficult. I didn’t struggle with a stationary target; it was when my targets were moving that I struggled the most. My skills with firearms didn’t help me all that much with a bow. So many little details went into shooting a bow compared to a gun. I guess I also just have more practice with firearms so maybe I’ll get better with some more practice under my belt.

I set up a makeshift range with earth magic. I erected a wall of earth then softened it till it was almost sand, I did this so I didn’t lose any arrows and a stone wall would just destroy my arrows. The first time I did this I broke a lot of arrows and well… Dad wasn’t very happy. So I learned my lesson.

I even created a makeshift clay pigeon launcher as well. Well, it was a crude imitation but it did the job. I raised a piece of stone and sharpened it as much as possible. Then I sent a disk of earth into it, splitting the disk into 2 or 3 pieces that I tried to snipe down. The splintered disks were inconstant in their trajectories but that just added to the challenge.

I practiced until I was too sore to move my shoulders. It was hot once again today so I probably shouldn’t stay out much longer. But I had an idea. I wonder… Can I put magic on my arrows? I’m not sure if it made much sense since why would I put magic on an arrow when I could just cast a spell. But I thought back to my fight with Dad when he coated his swords in wind and water and sliced through my spells.

I got up and readied myself. On second thought, I should layer my wall up just in case. I erected another sandy wall in front of my first one and a solid stone wall behind the original. Can never be too safe.

Before I drew my arrow I concentrated on the image I wanted. I wanted to create a spell core at the tip of my arrow turning my arrow into a fireball. I took a deep breath and pulled the arrow back. I focused and created my fireball, but I just didn’t imagine a simple fireball, I wanted my arrow to become the fireball. The tip of my practice arrow began to heat up as a flame sprouted out from it. I released and watched my arrow fly straight into my makeshift target leaving a streak of orange. I was expecting an immediate explosion upon impact but nothing happened.

Then a few seconds too late I noticed the small hole I made in the target then a small boom off in the distance. Oh, fuck.

I dashed for my stone walls hoping I had misheard what I knew to be true. All 3 of my walls had an arrow size hole through them that was burnt black. I sprinted off into the distance as fast as my little mana-enhanced legs could take me and found the small explosion I made. Thankfully the fire was small and the wet grass made it difficult for it to spread. I conjured a bunch of dirt and suffocated the fire. My arrow was… just gone, I couldn’t find it all. It must have just exploded or incinerated itself. Oops.

Gazing around I was hoping nobody had seen me, thankfully it seems I’m in the clear. That could have been disastrous, if I didn’t put up those extra two walls I would have been in deep shit. I had not expected my arrow to pack that much punch to pierce through my stone walls. But the real question is, how did I even do that?

My normal fireball spell might have been able to take down the sand walls but not the third stone wall. It seemed the spell took more mana than I had anticipated as well. I didn’t mean for it to be so powerful. I needed a more professional opinion on this, I’ll just ask Grandpa when I go over later today.

I walked back over to my walls to destroy the evidence of nearly burning the jungle down. As I was about to destroy the stone wall I heard a pair of nearly silent footsteps. She used to be able to sneak up on me as she made almost no sound at all. But I’ve been living with her long enough to know now. She rounded the corner of the house and just stopped dead in her tracks. She probably hadn’t been expecting me to notice her, but Cerila’s eyes drifted towards my stone walls as she gazed at the scorched hole my arrow left. I hastily disintegrated my walls and looked right into her eyes,

I signed.

Cerila pondered my request for a moment then just shot me a thumbs up.

You’re the best.

—-

Cerila asked me on the way to Grandpas.

Cerila scowled a bit as she signed.

I just smiled at her and she quickly averted her gaze as she skipped away from me.

I waited for her to turn around and asked,

The sly grin she had on her face as she looked back at me said otherwise. I just narrowed my eyes at her.

I can only imagine.

Cerila was walking in front of me twirling around in what I’m guessing is a new dress she got. It was lavender with little white flowers crisscrossing at her chest. Of course, I could already tell my mom made it for her. I’ve really been demoted to the second favorite child. I’m not sad about it or anything…

I eventually asked Cerila. Even though she was dancing around she kept glaring at me occasionally.

She asked with a tint of embarrassment?

Uh…

This was the wrong something apparently. Her glare intensified, I imagine she was trying to cut right through me with her eyes. Thankfully those implants don’t exist in this world.

I signed with confusion.

Cerila has taken it upon herself to do everyone’s laundry for them. It was difficult for me to help my mom since I can’t use water or wind magic, but Cerila can use both. I'm really only good at incinerating trash or other waste.

She tried to harrumph at me but since she can’t hear herself it sounded a little funny. I managed to hold in my laugh but she still glared at me. I shouldn’t be laughing at that, she can’t help it.

I pleaded. I was out of ideas, I really didn’t understand what she wanted from me.

She signed then started facing forward, ignoring me.

I could only sigh. It was clearly something bothering her but she either can not or will not tell me. How am I supposed to know what it is if she doesn’t tell me? I don’t understand.

Cerila didn’t speak to me the rest of the way to Grandpa's office. Upon entering the office Grandpa greeted us,

Grandpa signed to us with a smile.

I couldn’t see Cerila’s face until she turned to me and stuck her tongue out at me while skipping away. What did I do?

“What did you do to her?” Grandpa asked me.

“I- I… didn’t do anything,” I groaned. Grandpa just gave me a look of pity. “What did I do wrong?”

Grandpa just patted my shoulder and gave me a look of helplessness, “Not even I have the answers to that question, son. You are still too young but it’s best to take your losses early and do your best next time. Just remember she will never forget this day. Just don’t make this same mistake twice, okay?”

I don’t understand. What kind of answer is that. How am I supposed to learn about these things if nobody tells me and what did I even do wrong!

Grandpa set Cerila and me up with our usual workload of reading magical literature. All in all, these books were rather informative. Perhaps a bit wordy at times but that was to be expected. They went into great detail on the process of forming spell cores for the various schools of elemental magic, starting from conception, production, and eventually launching. Cerila left to go to the bathroom so I decided to ask my personal question,

“So, Grandpa. I did something today and I need help.”

Hopefully, this old geezer will answer at least my magic-related questions today.

“Mmm, what is it?” He asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

“Well, I was practicing with my bow and decided I wanted to turn my arrow into a fireball. And it didn’t go how I wanted it to.”

“Walk me through the process from start to finish.”

I told him exactly what I did. I imagined my arrow becoming a fireball, forming the spell core, and launching it.

“Interesting, well you simply didn’t put enough thought into your spell. You changed the core of your fireball spell so much it was barely even the same spell anymore. And you should know best. When you don’t have enough mana for a spell, the core takes it anyways and creates itself. It’s the same if you don’t provide enough information for the core as well. Since you altered the core and provided insufficient information, the core filled in the blanks itself. A spell core like that will always try to make itself as strong as possible. So next time be more thorough with your thoughts, go deeper with your imagination. Form the core exactly how you want it, everything from the size, to the heat, and to how strong you want it. And in regards to an arrow explosion, do you want it to explode on impact or pierce through the target.”

I see. This makes sense, however, “Why did my spell core form the way it did? Why not make a bigger explosion instead of the piercing property it took on?”

“Didn’t you say you made extra walls for safety?” Grandpa asked me. I nodded in affirmative. “Remember, you are the one forming the spell core. Your spell core filled in the information using your own thoughts and knowledge. I can’t be for sure but your spell core probably thought it needed the capability to punch through those walls. So, it used your knowledge on how best to do that. That’s why I want all of you to learn and read as much as you can about spells. The more you understand your spells and the world around you the stronger you will be. Having a big source of mana doesn’t make you strong, Kaladin. I’d take a mage with a small mana pool who understands a single school of magic to near perfection than a mage with a large mana pool and mediocre knowledge in 20 schools,” Grandpa’s tone was soft as he explained the finer points of magic to me. It was times like this that he just seemed so reliable and smart. Where was this side of him an hour ago?

But this was… troubling information. I did not know that spell cores acted like this. It was almost like they were intelligent entities that pulled from my knowledge, which was dangerous. Now it makes sense, my arrow didn’t act like an arrow at all. It moved so fast it was more like an armor-piercing bullet than a wooden practice arrow. I need to be extremely careful in the future when casting altered spells. If I allow spell cores to form with the knowledge of my previous life, I don’t even want to think about what I could accidentally do.

Grandpa was staring kindly at me as I completed my thoughts. His swirling emerald green eyes were so warm. Then I remembered I never did ask about why our eyes swirl like this, I thought about it when I was younger but it’s become second nature to me at this point that I barely remember what “normal” eyes are supposed to look like. Can’t hurt to ask today though, better late than never.

“Grandpa? Why do our eyes swirl around?”

His warm look was replaced with one of confusion as he just chuckled, “How do we go to the finer points of magic to this… what goes on inside that head of yours?” I just shrugged and activated curious child mode as I looked up at him expectantly. “It’s just how it is,” he said nonchalantly.

I sighed deeply and audibly. How did this man go from an informative mentor to this in less than a sentence?

But apparently, my sigh got to him as he actually began to elaborate this time, “Most people just don’t think about it. Some subscribe to the fact it’s due to their gods that our eyes are like this.”

“What do you think?” I asked curiously.

“Well… I can’t say what’s right for sure but personally, I believe it has to do with mana. It makes sense to me at least that the reason our eyes are like this is because of the presence of mana inside of us. I’ve seen things that aren’t alive and they lack the swirling eyes we have come to associate with life.”

“What kind of things?”

Grandpa just grimaced and closed his eyes. It seemed he was pondering on telling me his true feelings on the matter. I too believe the swirling of our eyes has to do with the existence of mana. After all, my eyes didn’t act like this in my previous life and I had hundreds of other races to compare to.

Grandpa just sighed and opened his eyes, “You really are a handful, you know that?”

I just smiled, “I know, Grandpa.”

Grandpa resigned himself and continued, “One instance is the undead. Minor undead, if they even have eyes, won’t have the swirling effect. Higher undead like a lich has mana swirling around in their skulls that mimic eyes, but it isn’t the same. So I believe it has to do with the fact we have mana and that we are alive, that those two in combination make our eyes act the way they do.” Grandpa’s expression seemed dark as he spoke about the undead.

So the monsters in the book are real. To think undead creatures actually exist, then again here I am so it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise.

“Another instance is vampires. They don’t have eyes like us.” Grandpa’s tone almost made it seem like he was warning me rather than informing me.

“So does that mean they aren’t alive?”

“Depends on who you ask. I won’t lie to you, boy, I have my bias against those damn bloodsuckers. They might walk and talk like us, but they aren’t anything like us. I don’t care if you are a Human or an Elf but be wary around them, you understand me?” I simply nodded, taken aback by his harsh words.

I hadn’t expected such callous remarks from Grandpa. He never speaks ill about anyone, let alone an entire group of people. But Grandpa has never lied to me and he is clearly speaking from experience. Perhaps I should heed his warning, hopefully, I'll just never have to deal with them. Vampires have one of the smallest populations and apparently never leave the other continent, so it’s unlikely I’ll come face to face with one. I’d probably run into a dragon before I ran into a vampire.

“I understand, Grandpa.”

It seems I have a lot to think about now.

“GOOD AFTERNOON EVERYONE!” Yelled a familiar Dwarf.

So much for thinking.

—-

Our studying went well into dusk today. With Padraic being a little late to the party and everyone missing yesterday’s lessons we all just decided to spend a little extra time today to make up for the lost time. Of course, none of us wanted to go home either so we opted for spending some time outside. Cerila, Padraic, and I were sitting in a small park in the village talking and enjoying each other’s company. The cool air was beginning to roll in as the sun began to set. The sun of this world was more orange and red compared to the sun I was used to on Mars.

Having such a large moon was different as well. Not only that, having 4 more moons of similar size was something else. Mars's moons were so small and shaped so haphazardly you could barely call them a moon. I imagine the smaller moons were more in line with what humans were used to on Earth. The moon here was also much bigger and more of an off-white color than a yellow. It was also much… much closer to this world. It’s a shame I never got to visit Earth, I think I would have liked to see it at least once. But that opportunity never came.

Padraic poked me,

Padraic bobbed his head back and forth as he tried to finish his thoughts. He finished.

Do I really look sad? I don’t think I am. Disappointed perhaps, but not sad.

Cerila signed, it was the first time she spoke to me since earlier today.

I asked.

Both of them just nodded at me with concern in their eyes. Mmm, I’m lucky to have these two as friends.

I reassured them. I don’t think they believe me judging by the concern they still had on their faces, but they didn’t press me.

I guess looking up at the stars stirs old memories for me. I always tend to look up into the night sky and think about my previous life. It’s a bad habit but I don’t do it on purpose, it just seems to happen. Part of me is wondering if Hades Squad is out there, fighting an intergalactic war without me. And the other part of me hopes that is the farthest thing from the truth. I don’t want that war to ever come near here, ever.

I do wonder though if they are doing okay? I hope they are. It's awful that I only remember them at convenient times like this as I enjoy my new peaceful life when I know they are out there suffering and fighting every single day. And it’s not like I can actually do anything for them anyway. I can only hope they are using what I taught them to protect themselves so they can live to see another day. I wonder what they would think if they all saw me right now? Sitting at a park bench in another world with two non-Humans. Hell, even I don’t look Human anymore.

Does that mean I consider myself to be a Human now? Was I a Human back then... maybe, just maybe, I was starting to turn into one at the end.

But that doesn’t really matter, that’s all in the past now. From the bottom of my heart, I hope they all find happiness as I have. I gazed into the deep expanse of the night sky and made a wish.

May you find this same happiness; Artemis, Apollo, Hephaestus, Heimdall, and Suárez.

And Nyx, wherever you are now, I hope you are resting in paradise. You deserve it the most, old friend, and thank you for staying with me till the end.

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