Today is the eve of my 5th birthday. I never had a birthday party before and have only ever been told about them. I was unsure what to expect, but Seana and Alanis were making moves behind the scenes. They asked me if I wanted to invite anybody else over. I didn’t really have anyone to invite, so I asked Dr. Jacobs if he would like to come. And to my surprise, he agreed. So for my very first birthday party, I would have Alanis, Seana, and Dr. Jacobs as my guests. Quite the crowd.

I had a dream again for the first time in a long time last night. It wasn’t a nightmare, thankfully. It was actually rather peaceful. In my dream, I was speaking with Doctor Suárez again aboard Vitality Medical Station. I don’t remember what we were talking about but I had a sense that I was forgetting something important. I tried to recall it but for some reason, it was just so hazy.

Actually, a lot of my older memories are starting to fade away slowly. It’s not that I’m forgetting them completely, it’s just that they are being pushed further back it seems, I doubt I could ever truly forget those days. I don’t know what any of these things mean for me but I am just so conflicted. What is going on, why am I here, and what does this place want from me? I guess I’ll just sleep on it tonight.

—

All four of us are currently sitting around the dining room table to begin my party. After being forced to give up baking me any sweets by Alanis. Seana ended up getting something from the port for the occasion.

“This is a dessert called a cupcake and it has a chocolate frosting, it’s very sweet and delicious,” explained Seana while casually licking some of the frosting off it.

Chocolate? I’ve only had a piece of chocolate one time. Some Marine gave me their chocolate ration bar as a thank you. I remember the taste and it wasn’t very sweet. It was actually really dark and bitter. The chocolate that was covering this cupcake was much lighter in color and I could practically smell the sweetness from here. I was just starting at the cupcake when Alanis urged me on,

“Well, go on now Kal, eat it!”

“But what about everyone else?” The cupcake was pretty small and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to share it with everyone. I could hear Dr. Jacobs smack his face and began cackling,

“Boy, they bought it just for you! I swear, for someone so smart you really are hopeless sometimes.”

“It’s all yours. Go ahead and try it,” Seana reassured me.

I took a bite from the dessert and my mouth watered from the sweetness. Whatever that Marine gave me wasn’t chocolate.

This stuff was fantastic. I was hesitant at first but upon my second bite, I quickly began to devour my dessert. I defeated the chocolate cupcake in no time at all, much to the amusement of everybody around me.

“I guess he likes it,” said Alanis.

With a mouth full of delicious chocolate cupcake I gave a thumbs-up as I finished swallowing it.

“Now we have your gifts, Kal,” Seana gave me a small parcel that was wrapped up in a simple grey cloth. Wrapped up in the cloth was a bright red tunic. I sat there inspecting it for a few moments.

“Come on, try it on,” insisted Alanis.

I had begun to outgrow the teal shirt that was made for me. I tried the tunic on and it fit perfectly. It fell just below my hips and it was made using the mana weave material Seana makes. I could feel the tingling sensation on my skin as the tunic began regulating my body temperature. It was amazing quality as usual. I wasn’t too sure about thread count or anything but this must have taken her a long time to make, it was unbelievably soft. So far this was the most intricate thing she has made for me.

“Now what do you say to your mother, Kal?” Chided Alanis.

“Thank you, I like it a lot,” I said.

Seana had a big dopey smile as she said, “I’m glad.”

“Now it’s my turn.”

Alanis procured a long wooden box and handed it over to me. I ran my hand across the smooth lacquered wood, it was made from the same warm jungle wood that was common around here. Inside the box laid a small bow. The bow was made from a reddish-black wood and had Alanis’s craftsmanship all over it. I had thought that the wooden practice staff was nice, but Alanis had really outdone himself this time.

“Took me about a half a year to make her. That wood is from a tree that is native to our Dark Elf tribal region. I figured I could teach you how to shoot it sometimes if you want?” Asked Alanis as he scratched the back of his head.

It was just something he did every time he seemed to get embarrassed. But I didn’t see a reason to be. Out of all the weapons I had used before, a bow and arrow was probably something I had the least amount of experience in. Yet I still knew this bow was well crafted and took him plenty of man-hours to complete. It even had my name engraved in Elvish.

“Thanks, can you teach me how to use it soon?” I asked. I genuinely wanted to learn how to shoot a bow properly and it seemed I had a willing teacher.

“Of course,” answered Alanis with a warm smile.

“My gift might not be as fancy as these two, but I’m sure you will enjoy it nonetheless. Here you go, kid, happy birthday.”

Dr. Jacobs handed me a stack of 2 large leather-bound books. These books must’ve cost him a lot of money. Books and paper seemed to be pretty rare. Even Dr. Jacobs, who was probably the wealthiest person in the village only had a small collection of books. And most of those were medical-related. One book was titled, Deguzman’s Brief History of Illyricum, and the other book was Deguzman’s Guide to Magical Monsters and More. Seems like he got a buy one get one free from this Deguzman fellow. And Illyricum? Maybe that's the name of this world or continent.

Mmm, a history book and a monster information book. This could be interesting. There was just one problem, it was all written in the Human language that I barely knew. I was surprised the cover was in Elvish. Upon seeing this, Jacobs began cackling once again.

“Haha, sorry kid. Looks like you are gonna have to work a bit for my gift!”

I guess this book would double as material to learn the Human language as well. Even the old man was smiling now. My face hurt a little bit from smiling so much as well. Nobody has ever given me such personalized gifts before. My chest swelled with a warm feeling. This might be the happiest I had ever been.

Wait? I’m really happy? Is this what it’s like to be happy? I…I... don’t understand myself anymore.

The party continued on and we enjoyed a small feast in my name. Everyone else dished out what I assumed to be wine and began indulging themselves in it. The oddly sweet yet strong aroma began filling the room as everyone continued to enjoy themselves.

The event was enjoyable but I just had this sinking feeling in my stomach I couldn’t seem to shake. I began sweating and feeling nervous and uncomfortable in my own skin. I need to go for a walk.

I excused myself from the table, not that anyone noticed as they had become quite inebriated at this point.

—

Alanis Shadowheart’s POV

Today is my son’s first birthday party. I can only hope we made him happy. It was always so hard to tell what the boy was thinking. Even as a baby he always had a far-off look in his eyes like he was in deep thought. But today at the dinner table he seemed genuinely happy about his gifts and the cupcake we got him.

His adorable smile reached ear to ear on his handsome face that looked just like his mother's. But it wasn’t long after that he returned to his usually stoic face. It was almost like he didn’t want to be happy sometimes. I was thinking about these things when my wife asked Doctor Jacobs exactly what I had been thinking. Sometimes I swear she could read my mind.

“Dr. Jacobs… is there something wrong with Kal?” she asked him in a worried voice.

We had always been worried about him. We were told that babies were nightmares. That they could keep parents up for hours on end and were relentless in their attempts to make your life hell. Yet, as a baby, Kaladin would rarely cry.

Instead, he would often just lay in his basket staring off into the ceiling. We were worried he might have been ill at some points. It wasn’t until he began to speak that I finally understood that my son was different. He seemed to pick up on everything extremely quickly. I swear to this day he could understand us completely by the time he hit his first year of life.

“Do you want my honest opinion?” Asked Jacobs.

“If you don’t mind, Doctor,” I replied.

“Well of course something is wrong with the boy. I honestly believe he is a true genius. Not some bullshit kid who is just a little above average in intelligence. I mean a real genius, the type that only comes around every century, type of genius,” said Jacobs.

Dr. Jacobs was a man of many talents with a vast amount of knowledge. He was capable of feats many people could only dream of. Yet when he said this I could only feel conflicted. It’s not that I didn’t trust his judgment, there was no doubt my son was incredibly intelligent. With minimal assistance, he had learned the entire Elven language in under a year and had even begun learning more languages.

And according to Dr. Jacobs, his magic and mana lessons were progressing at blinding speeds. But I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. I loved my son deeply. He is my first child and I would do anything in the world for the boy, yet I couldn’t help feeling something wasn’t right. I also didn’t want him to walk a similar path that we did...

“Honestly, there is no point in attempting to understand your son. Individuals like him are so far beyond our understanding, we would sooner find the answer to life than figure out what goes on in the mind of a genius. In my honest opinion, if you want to help your son. You gotta do two things for him.”

“And what are those two things?” Asked Seana nervously.

“First and foremost. Love your son with everything you have. I can truly say I have only meant one person I considered a genius, and over time they had become so disassociated with their own feelings it was like they weren’t even Human anymore.”

Could it be that Kaladin is already struggling with this? Maybe that far-off look he has isn’t what I think it is. Maybe he is struggling with his own inner demons? Have we failed him already? And how did this happen so soon?

“Second. The boy needs some friends. The kid is 5 years old and has nobody he can call a friend. With all that boy’s intelligence, he has the social skills of a pile of mud, a very smart pile of mud. Even a single friend would keep him from being stuck in his mind all damn day. If you let him stay up in there in that vast head of his, he will never come out of it,” warned Jacobs.

“And how do we get him a friend? I don’t think Kaladin would enjoy being around average kids,” I said.

“Exactly the problem. He shouldn’t be feeling that way, not yet at least. You gotta expose him to kids his age. Doesn’t Aila run a school for kids in the mornings? Send him there a few times a week,” Suggested Jacobs as he downed another glass of wine.

The old man was heading into his 84th year of life as a human, yet he still seemed as spry as ever.

“But aren’t you giving him a far better education?” I asked.

“Going to school teaches kids way more things than just stuff from a book you doofus. I swear for you two living so long you should be ahead of the game. Then again I guess you two didn’t really have a childhood either….” mumbled Jacobs.

True. Seana and I were far from normal. Kaladin really is the perfect mix of us. It really was our fault Kaladin was like this, we should have been paying better attention...

“Maybe we should just ask him?” Said Seana.

That was a good idea. Maybe it would be best to just ask Kaladin himself. I looked around but Kaladin was nowhere to be seen.

“Uh, where is Kaladin?”

—

Kaladin Shadowheart’s POV

I had escaped the house and wandered off into the jungle a bit away from the home. It was just becoming evening so there were plenty of hours of sunlight left in the day. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach as emotions swirled around in my head. I was just so confused and unsure of what I was doing. Here I was, in a fantasy world, living a second life. I just couldn’t come to terms with it all. It defied all logic, yet here I was.

Or perhaps I just wasn’t letting myself come to terms with it. I had grown sick and tired of these games.

“LISTEN HERE, WHOEVER IS FUCKING AROUND WITH ME OUT THERE, JUST KILL ME ALREADY! WHY ARE YOU KEEPING ME HERE!?” I screamed into the evening air.

I hoped some administrative figure would descend from the sky and tell me what was going on and what the purpose of all this was. That the simulation wound finally end and they would either kill me or spare me. Yet, my complaints and wishes were meant with the silence of the evening jungle.

I leaned up against a tree and slid my back down its rough bark onto the ground. I felt nauseous, as my emotions raged on in my head as I tried to make sense of all of this. My stomach lurched as I fought back the bile that threatened to escape my mouth. I felt light-headed and I couldn’t stop myself from shaking and sweating. I stared off into the cloudy sky and tried to calm my nerves.

But suddenly, every fiber in my body screamed at me. I sensed something close to me and began to panic. I was so distraught that I hadn’t even comprehended why the jungle was so quiet. It was because something was in it.

About 50 yards away from me I heard a bush rustle as something slipped out from it. It looked like an inky black dog with no neck or mouth. Its front legs were shorter than its back and it gave it a hunched appearance. It had 2 rows of 6 beat red eyes and sharp inky spines coming out of its slick back. It almost looked like a moving shadow despite the red eyes. I could feel it staring straight at me. I gotta run. Now.

I enhanced myself with mana and began a full sprint out of the jungle. It only took a few moments but I could hear that monster gaining on me. It was closing the distance and fast. Shit, it’s going to catch me.

Out of options and my heart pounding out of my chest, I spotted a tree that looked easy to climb and hoped that thing lacked the ability to climb. I didn’t see claws on it nor did it seem strong enough to just straight-up jump up the tree. I scurried up the tree at blinding speeds for a 5 year old. I was about 30 feet into the air when I looked down at the floor of the jungle. I began to sweat profusely as I could practically drink the bloodlust that thing was emitting. It just sat there, staring at me menacingly.

Then in a blink of an eye, I heard a whoosh then a thud as a black spine lodged itself into the branch right next to where my face used to be. I didn’t have time to think as I could hear the air whiz as more spines were launched at me. I began running through the canopy as fast as I could. I could still hear that monster launching spines and running after me from below.

A spine slammed into the branch I was about to land on and it gave away. I was in a free fall for only a moment, then I slammed into the branches on my way down to the jungle floor. I could feel my ribs break as I smashed through the canopy. I tried to hold onto a branch but instead, I just ended up smacking my head against a new one. I blacked out as I tumbled down to the jungle floor.

I woke up at the base of a tree. It only took one shallow breath to know I had destroyed my ribs and a few other bones. My head swam as I saw stars. Not only that a few yards away from me was that inky black monster. It fired a spine straight into my right shoulder, pinning me to the tree. I screamed out in pain.

I could only watch as it advanced on me. It didn’t have a face but I could tell it enjoyed hunting me as it let out a satisfied purr. My vision blurred as it began to sprint at me to finish me off. Like hell, I’m not going out this easy.

I waited for it to leap at me and I placed my hand onto the ground and willed a spike of earth to come forth. This spell was an Intermediate level combat spell called Earth Spike. Normally casting it only once would drain me completely, but I wasn’t about to let this monster have its way with me. Even if I died from mana sickness.

It leaped and my Earth Spike went straight into its midsection impaling the monster high up in the air. It let out a shrill scream of pain as it attempted to end my life. The inky blackness where its face should have been melted away, revealing razor-sharp teeth that attempted to rip my throat out. Using the last drops of my mana I sent a fireball straight into the mouth of the monster and watched it explode. Smoke fumed from the monster’s mouth. It was impaled on the brown spear of earth that I conjured, unmoving and staining it with oozing black blood.

I sat there, pinned to a tree and bleeding out with broken ribs and concussion. On top of that, I could no longer feel the right side of my body. It seems the monster's spine was poisoned. Everything hurt so bad.

I gazed off into the distance. All of this felt so real. Maybe, it really was real. All this time it wasn’t a simulation, I had actually been given a second chance at life. And instead of keeping my promise with Doctor Suárez and Heimdall to live life a little bit, I squandered a golden chance. I feel awful.

I heard them before I saw them. Looks like the little black ink monster has friends. And they weren’t happy. I looked out through blurry vision and saw a hoard of the monsters closing in on me, bearing those hideous rows of pearl white teeth at me.

Suddenly the closest one to me was blasted apart by a lance of white lightning. I could only barely make out the figure of Alanis descending from the shadows as he danced between the monsters slaughtering them. Only moments after Seana joined him, wielding two silver daggers and glowing a bright white as lightning arced around her licking her arms and legs. I watched as they risked their lives to try and save me. They were outnumbered yet they never stopped fighting.

I couldn’t help but feel so much worse now. Here were the two people who probably loved me the most in the world, risking their lives for me. Yet, I had never even called them Mom or Dad even once to their faces. I had even called my mom a witch and referred to my own dad as a Xeno. In my early times as an infant, I had even contemplated killing my own family. But here they were defending me in my final moments. It reminded me of what I did for Hades Squad and that sickened me even more.

If I had the strength to vomit I probably would. I was furious at myself. I had been living a convenient lie for the last 5 years. I had been lying to myself for 5 long years because it was easier to cover up and hide my new emotions than it was for me to face them. I was a weak little failure.

In truth, I was angry with being betrayed by Zeus and the rest of the Death Commandos. I was mad at Humanity tossing me aside when I was no longer needed. I was sad that I'd never see Hades Squad again. And I was devastated that I let Nyx die because of me.

I’d thought this life was some Navy simulation and not the real deal. And because of that, I failed in the worst ways possible. I failed not only my family in this life but I failed my closest companions in the last one as well. I’m so sorry Nyx, I’m so sorry Doctor Suárez and Heimdall. I should have never taken the life of Kaladin Shadowheart. Things would have been better that way.

I could only watch as they fought. My already blurring vision was filled with tears as I drifted off once again to the void of death. I probably wouldn’t get a third chance at life. And that was fine, I didn’t deserve it the second time anyhow. It’s a shame I am going to die with all these regrets and that filled me with even more pain in my heart.

If I had one more chance, I’d try to be the best son I could be. I’d call them Mom and Dad. I’d tell them that I actually loved them and that I was sorry for being the worst son to ever exist. I am sorry, Mom…Dad... I'm so sorry...