《The Emperor's Concubine》Chapter 7: Hopes and Fears

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The next morning, Blanche was woken by the sunlight that reached her face through the windows. She took a few seconds to process her memories of the past day, and as soon as she was done, resignation crashed over her. Unfortunately, her circumstances hadn't changed overnight, and she was still in a nightmarish situation. The concubine let out a quiet sigh and allowed her eyes to get used to the brightness before opening them fully.

Stella stood beside the windows and fastened the curtains at the sides to prevent them from blocking out the sun again. When she was done and turned her face towards the bed, she was beaming. “Good morning, My Lady!”

Blanche wasn't a person that liked mornings, so she still took a bit longer. She murmured her response back after a few seconds. “Good morning.” Then she sat up and grabbed the cup from the nightstand to drink something. After taking a sip, she put the cup down and skeptically watched her maid. “What are you so happy for this early?”

Stella's smile only grew at that. “A present for you came!” She only pointed to the small table where her mistress normally ate while beaming.

A puzzled look appeared on Blanche's face. “What do you mean by ‘a present’?” Why would she receive a present at this ungodly hour? The concubine took a while before she managed to force herself out of her bed. She cringed at the cool floor under her feet but approached the table anyway. She could see that something was lying on its surface already but didn't recognize what it was. As she came closer, she inspected the so-called present and realized that it was a letter. A plate filled with macrons in different colors was positioned next to the paper.

On the one hand, Blanche was curious why her favorite sweets were here. On the other hand, she could already guess that only one person would prepare something like this for her. She took the letter and began reading it. She only took a single second to realize that the note was handwritten by Theodore which made her heartbeat quicken. After scanning the text, a smile formed on her lips.

Stella appeared by her side a few seconds later. She was still grinning and seemed as excited as her mistress. “What does it say?”

Blanche was happy to satisfy the maid's curiosity “It's from Theo. He said that he noticed that I was upset and apologized for yesterday. He wants to meet me today and asked me to come to his office before lunch.” For the first time since she had received the novel's memories, a genuine beam spread across her face. The fact that her lover wrote something for her was great enough, but of course, he had also done it in a perfect way.

The message had been written very sweetly, and his apologetic words were touching. Theodore had noticed that the topic was more important to her than a dream after all. Admittedly, her emotions probably had been showing on her face very obviously, but that didn't matter. What mattered what that Theodore had felt the need to make her more comfortable and that he had prepared something with this in mind.

Of course a letter and some sweets weren't anything extraordinary. But they came from Theodore which made them more wonderful than anything else could be.

Blanche would always be delighted when her lover gave her something, no matter if it was his affection or a gift. This was one of the reasons that she could be sure of her love for him. Anything related to him evoked true joy within her. Even the quite simple present filled her with bliss. In this very moment, she was reminded of the strength of her own feelings and the inevitable consequence.

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She couldn't leave Theodore.

Blanche couldn't bring herself to care if the novel didn't intend to let the story progress this way. She would stay with her lover. Even if he would eventually fall for someone else. As long as she could stay by his side, she would be content.

Stella's smile widened even more when she heard her mistress' words. “See? It will be fine. His Majesty wants to make sure that you are feeling well at all times. When do you want to go meet him?”

Blanche didn't want to wait any longer, so she responded in a hurry. “Directly after eating breakfast. Can you get my food, please?” While the maid proceeded to set the table, Blanche happily held the letter to her chest as she twirled around a bit. Theodore wasn't indifferent to her worries and that only proved that they had a little chance.

Her mind was already racing to go over the possibilities she had if she stayed in the palace. If she wanted to spend her life here, she would be closer to the story's events and, thus, in more danger. So, she would have to put more effort into avoiding the reasons for the original Blanche's death to avoid a terrible ending. There were two major things that had led to her execution at the end of the novel.

The first one had been her behavior itself. Blanche had been sure that her lover would protect her and never once stopped to think before doing what she wanted. Her arrogance and misconduct regarding the standards of the nobles' society had offended many aristocrats, including the empress herself.

The second reason had been her intentional and unintentional involvement in different intrigues. In the novel, it was revealed that she had used weaker nobles as pawns to harm Seraphina and ultimately even wished to kill the heroine which was why the villainess had been convicted. At the same time, she had been a tool for Marquess Sefare, whose goal was to kill the emperor in the end. This had originally only been revealed at the end of Blanche's trial, but if this came to light earlier due to the change of the story, it would cause a huge problem much sooner.

In conclusion, to survive she would have to act appropriately when appearing in public and avoid connections to any schemes. This didn't seem to be too hard to accomplish. Then Theodore wouldn't begin to dislike her, and she could stay his lover.

It was a much too simple-minded thought which she had had in a moment of euphoria, and that was obvious. In this moment of bliss, she tried to find an easy solution. One that couldn't exist.

But still, she was satisfied with her solution. Blanche sat down at the table and began eating enthusiastically. She gave her best to ignore the quiet voice in the back of her mind that warned her not to let down her guard. She had no chance to foresee whether the novel's progress would forcefully make her the villainess. She also didn't know whether Theodore would want to keep her in the palace after falling in love with Seraphina and whether staying close to him nevertheless wouldn't put her in unnecessary danger. She knew that thinking that everything would be fine was naive.

But she just gulped down the delicious food and pushed those thoughts aside. She would go to Theodore now and cuddle with him until all her worries disappeared. Then she would hug him again and kiss him to make up for her quick goodbye yesterday. Her mind was already occupied with the most beautiful thoughts, so she didn't give herself a chance to worry.

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After finishing her breakfast, she changed into a violet dress and let her maid brush her hair. As she saw her own beaming face in the mirror, Blanche noticed that her feelings really appeared on her features as if she was an open book. But since she didn't have a problem with showing anyone how ecstatic she was about being able to find a way to stay with her lover, she didn't mind. Instead, she felt her smile widen at the sight of her sparkling eyes. They were full of happiness again. The expression of resignation that had shown itself on her face yesterday was gone. It was obvious why. For the whole past day, she had been pessimistic about her future, and now the perfect solution seemed to be obtainable.

The little warning voice grew louder, but she refused to listen to it. Among the numerous paths she could choose, only one would allow her to stay with the person she loved. So, she would take this path. By acting like she had planned her survival should be secured. Even if it wasn't, there was no other choice.

When the maid finished combing her mistress' hair, Blanche jumped to her feet. “I would like to put an accessory on today. Could you get me the purple butterfly?”

Stella opened one of the drawers of the dresser and retrieved the mentioned item. She swiftly put the clasp in her mistress' hair before fixating the hairstyle.

Blanche scanned herself in the mirror and was content with her attire. Theodore would be happy to see her wearing this clasp. With that thought, she hurried to the entrance door. She stormed into the hallway and only slowed down when Stella called after her. Still, a huge grin was plastered on her face, and she couldn't stop imagining how her plan would work out. She would witness a future in which none of the anticipated tragedies would occur. She would stay at Theodore's side, she was sure of it. If he felt the need to make her feel safe despite her worries, he cared enough to fight for their relationship. They would just avoid the novel's events. That should be easy.

Right?

As she walked through the tiled corridor, Blanche's gaze wandered to the window front. From here, she could see the balcony belonging to the emperor's office and a person standing on it. She recognized her lover immediately and had to refrain from quickening her pace again. She knew where to find him and, in contrast to yesterday, was looking forward to meeting him. For a short moment, Blanche admired how majestic he looked just by standing there.

Theodore leaned against the railing with a stern expression. Then he opened his mouth and seemed to speak to someone. The concubine assumed that that person was his secretary, Leonard Astame. That wasn't unusual as Leon helped Theodore with governing signing contracts as well as with all other tasks that came up. And despite having this many duties, the emperor still found time to meet with Blanche and would take a break when she came to visit him.

The concubine could only beam at that. She tore her gaze away from him and followed the hallway for a while before she went down a small spiral staircase, which led to another corridor that was mostly used by the servants. This hallway was located next to the inner courtyard, and passing through an inconspicuous door allowed Blanche to step outside.

The courtyard was covered in beautiful flowers and hedges for the most part, and benches were sporadically placed around them. Only a few stoned paths gave people a chance to cross the courtyard without having to trample onto the soil. Blanch followed one of the paths that led toward the small entrance that would bring her towards the balcony. Normally, she would stop to marvel at the fruit trees and blooming flowers, but today, she only could think about reconciling with her lover. That was why she had taken the detour too. If she arrived in the courtyard, Theodore would see her from the balcony, and then she could wave to him before going up.

Blanche almost squealed as she imagined how his face would light up when he saw her. She lifted her head to observe the balcony, but a tree obstructed her view. She was only able to see the railing after she moved a bit farther. But she wasn't greeted by a pleasing sight.

Within a second, Blanche froze.

Theodore still stood on the balcony, but he wasn't looking down anymore. Instead, he gazed at the person next to him. The golden hair unmistakably gave away who that person was.

Seraphina stood directly in front of the emperor, and they faced each other. The spouses appeared to be completely focused on an emotional discussion, which bordered on a fight, as they both talked quite loudly. Their expressions and body language proved that assumption to be true.

Theodore's eyes were narrowed, and his mouth was pressed into a thin line. One of his hands grabbed onto the railing, and he looked like he almost broke the stone with his grasp.

The empress had her arms crossed before her chest, and her gaze exuded the coldness of a blizzard even though the anger boiling inside her was still visible. Both of them were fully invested in the argument and didn't pay attention to anything else.

While a conflict between the emperor and his wife usually was a joyful occasion for Blanche, she felt the blood drain from her face at this sight. A normal quarrel would have been calming to witness since it could prove that Theodore and Seraphina still weren't close.

But this situation was familiar.

This exact scene had been described in the second chapter of the novel. The heroine had had a disagreement with her husband regarding a trading contract with the neighboring country Clatos. Seraphina didn't support an alliance with a dictatorship that pursued war to extend their territory. The emperor, however, wanted to use a one-time chance to receive rare metals that could significantly improve Artias' defense and income. They had a heated discussion about that topic, which had mainly served to show how different the spouses were in terms of their political stance.

But at the end of the fight, they had started to stand extremely close to each other. For a moment, they had maintained eye contact and almost kissed. That didn't really happen, but Seraphina had been embarrassed afterward and couldn't forget the situation. The argument had been the first scene in which the main characters had started to show romantic interest in one another, and thus, it was a catalyst for their love story. Of course seeing this with her own eyes was horrifying to Blanche.

Just now Theodore bent his upper body forward slightly while he glared at Seraphina which caused both of them to remain silent. Seconds passed, and they just stared at each other.

It seemed like time had stopped, and Blanche's heart skipped a beat. She hated looking at her lover with another woman, even if that was his wife and fated partner. A mix of sorrow and rage-filled her mind. She clenched her hands to fists as a wave of emotions overcame her. She felt her whole body tremble, and tears formed in the corner of her eyes. Blanche didn't want to see this. Yet, she couldn't turn her gaze away from the couple on the balcony.

The both of them were still facing each other without saying a single word, and Blanche felt her stomach churn. She had the desperate wish to intervene, to do something, anything, to get them to stop. She wanted to wave and scream so that Theodore would look at her instead of that thieving woman. She wanted to stand between the two so that they wouldn't get close again.

She wanted the empress to disappear.

This thought was enough for all of Blanche's anger to fade. It only behind grief and jealousy which made her chest feel hollow. One look at the main characters together had been enough to prove that the warning voice in the backside of her mind was right. These two would inevitably fall in love, and Theodore would leave Blanche even if she didn't want to accept that reality. And since the spouses looking just at each other made her wish to do anything necessary to make sure that the empress stayed away from Theodore, living in the palace would be hard.

If Blanche continued to be a witness to their romance's progress, she was sure that she would end up intervening. This would mean that she fulfilled her role as the villainess, the obstacle to the main characters, and would meet her doom like in the original novel.

She couldn't risk that.

Her focus needed to be directed at securing her survival even if that meant that she would have to leave and live without Theodore. After seeing the couple on the balcony, she was once again confronted with the fact that there wasn't a place for her at his side. He would become happy with the heroine, and his former lover could only cause problems for him. Blanche wouldn't be able to endure him looking at her with hatred. So, she might as well disappear before the villainess was blamed for all of the main character's problems.

That thought made her feel so bitter that she couldn't take it.

Blanche spun around and ran back while trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. She was frustrated with herself for crying which only fueled her need to sob loudly. It wouldn't change anything to cry, and still, she couldn't help it. She heard Stella's footsteps behind her and only hurried even more. Even when the maid's worried calls reached her ears, she just slammed open the door to hide from Theodore, who definitely shouldn't see her like this.

“My Lady, what's wrong?”

The concubine needed a few attempts before her voice followed her commands, and it still cracked when she responded. “I want to go back.”

She stormed into the corridor and climbed up the stairs in a hurry. A few servants were walking around on this floor and stared at her, most likely while wondering whether they should complain about her throwing a tantrum again. But thankfully, no one spoke to her, and the hallways that led back to her room were empty.

As soon as the door closed behind Blanche, she felt like her world broke down. This reality followed the novel's story too closely. She couldn't win, and even if she did, she would take Theodore's happy end away. She threw herself onto her bed and pulled the blanket over her whole body.

Slow footsteps approached the bed, and Stella addressed her in a quite uncertain voice. “Can I-”

Blanche didn't want to hear anything right now. “Can you prepare a bath?” For a few seconds, everything was silent until she added a word in an even quieter voice. “Please?”

The maid's footsteps moved away. “I'll tell you when it's finished.”

The concubine was glad that the servant listened to her without any questions. It probably seemed incomprehensible why she was this upset upon seeing the emperor and his wife together. How could anyone know that this scene was the proof that this reality was starting to develop like in the novel? To her, this meant that she wouldn't be able to run away from the harsh truth. Even if she somehow managed to fool death and survive, Theodore would be another woman's in the end.

Blanche pressed her face into the mattress and desperately stifled the loud noises that had begun to come from her throat. She was thankful to be alone at this moment. No one should see her like this. It was pathetic.

She cursed herself for letting her emotions control her this much. Now she was sobbing, and only a few minutes ago she had been beaming and hoping for a future with Theodore. She had been an idiot for believing that because of a single letter. Currently, he was kind to her, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't leave her later. Her desperate attempt to declare all problems solved because of her love was quite pitiful. Theodore wouldn't stay with her, and she wouldn't be able to watch him with Seraphina even if she had told herself this before.

Minutes passed, and she soon became too exhausted to cry. The sobs in her throat died down, and she stayed in bed for a bit while hiding her face under the blanket. At some point, she stood up and walked over to the dresser.

One look in the mirror showed her a heartbroken woman. As always, Blanche's appearance only underlined how she felt right now. Her eyes were puffy and red and still appeared glassy because of her tears. The rest of her face was also reddened, and her sniffling was probably audible in the entire room. Any person that met her could determine that she was grieving after a short glimpse. Just as her happiness had been apparent this morning, her grief was visible from the outside as well.

Now that Blanche thought about it, it didn't make any sense. Hadn't she lied to Theodore's face upon meeting him? She had said that she was suffering from amnesia, and he had believed her. Upon seeing how obviously her expression revealed what she was thinking to anyone around her, she questioned how she had even been an acceptable actress. Either falling in love had changed how expressive she was or Theodore had been exceptionally blind when they met.

Blanche carefully watched her mirror image as she raised her hand and took the purple butterfly from her hair. She placed it on the dresser before her and lowered her gaze to stare at it. The clasp had been a gift from Theodore for their one-year anniversary three months ago. He loved it whenever she wore the accessory. For that reason, she had put it on today.

But since she hadn't reached Theodore's office, he hadn't been able to see it at all. He probably wouldn't have cared anyway when Seraphina, who looked like a personified goddess, was with him.

The concubine blankly stared at the butterfly, and memories of the day that she had received the ornament flooded her mind. Images of her lover's smiling face in the pavilion appeared before her inner eye and only made her struggle to accept the truth even more. Staying close to Theodore was too dangerous. At this point in time, he hadn't begun to fall for Seraphina and didn't make any advances towards the other woman yet. But even now seeing them interact made envy rise inside of Blanche. If she was forced to be a spectator to their romance, she would break at some point and wish the empress harm, not unlike in the book. But this was the most crucial emotion to avoid in order to survive.

Yet, leaving Theodore seemed almost impossible. Or rather, it was impossible.

Aside from the topic of sustaining her own life that had plagued her mind before, she also wouldn't have a way to leave the palace. Blanche wasn't allowed to leave the estate by herself. She had gone out two or three times, but she had always been required to take a few knights with her whenever she wanted to get out. Running away from these guards while they were in the city was impossible even if she had some kind of plan. The knights were training regularly while Blanche hadn't run in years, so she wouldn't be fast enough to escape one of them, let alone a group.

If she wanted to leave, she would have to get out on her own. But no one could enter the royal property or come close to the walls surrounding it without the royal guards observing their actions. Trying to exit the palace secretly would make the guards stop her instantly. Of course the emperor was immediately informed of all occurrences as well.

What would Theodore do if he heard that Blanche intended to leave the property? How would he feel if she explained that she needed to cut all ties to him and live alone in the capital? Would he allow it? Certainly not.

The emperor would not only be shocked at such an unexpected action from his lover, but he also wouldn't let her run off into the big wide world without a way to make a living. Either he would be devastated, or he wouldn't even believe that she was serious and assume that this was another tantrum of hers to get his attention. In either case, Blanche wouldn't be able to leave the palace for more than a small stroll around the city. Escaping the royal estate was simply hopeless if one just tried to walk out of the main door, and all the other entrances were guarded just as much.

But there was one secret way out.

The hole in the wall was still there. None of the knights should know about it, and thus, it wasn't being watched which would allow Blanche to leave the property secretly. This would be an easy way to get out of the royal estate without arousing suspicion. Still, running away wasn't a solution to most of her problems.

The world around the palace functioned differently than the one she was used to. Unemployment, poverty and starvation were common in the cities of their country, even if Artias was a rather wealthy nation. There was a huge contrast between the prosperity of the nobles, the comfortable life of most commoners and the famished beggars on the street that hadn't been able to get a job. Based on her nonexistent skills and experience, Blanche would without a doubt become part of the last category if she tried to start a new life outside the palace. She wouldn't survive this for more than a few days, if she was lucky, maybe weeks. She had been pampered and protected by others her whole life which had made her quite useless regarding any kind of work.

And to be honest, she didn't want to leave at all.

Blanche gritted her teeth at that thought and saw how her reflection grabbed her own hair in frustration. Staying in the royal palace would make her go mad with jealousy, and leaving it would kill her. Once again she began to doubt whether there even was a good ending within her reach. Was the villainess simply fated to perish full of regrets no matter what she did? What had she done to deserve to be treated like this? And why was the cold Seraphina destined to be happy after stealing another woman's lover?

Behind her, the door opened. Stella came out of the bath and spoke up in a soft voice. “Your bath is ready.”

Blanche forced herself to stand up and came into the bath, where Stella helped her undress. She wished to be left alone, so the maid exited the chamber. The concubine stepped into the white tub after making sure that the servant had closed the door and let the water surround her body. The temperature of the bathwater was warm but not too hot, just like she preferred it. She inwardly thanked Stella for that despite knowing that she would forget to voice her gratitude later. She started lowering herself until she was sitting with her body slouched against the tub's rim and the water reached her mouth.

For a short moment, she held still before she let her head fall forwards. She submerged her face in the water and did what she had wanted to do ever since seeing the royal couple together. She allowed all of her frustration to flow out with a loud scream. Bubbles rose around her head and tingled on her skin. Faintly, she heard the sound of her own voice and feared that Stella somehow heard it too, but she didn't stop yelling until she had run out of air. Only then did she lift her head and sucked in the much-needed oxygen.

Air filled her lungs, and when she caught her breath again, Blanche exhaled deeply. She stared at the softly swaying water and focused on the soothing waves while giving in to the resignation. She could scream underwater all she wanted, and it still wouldn't change a single thing. Her situation was a dilemma with two unfavorable and terrible outcomes. She was reluctant to choose, but not making that choice would also end with her staying in the palace. So, she only had two choices. Leaving or staying.

She had to decide on the route that promised her a higher chance of survival. But knowing that she would probably die either way thanks to a broken heart didn't make this any easier.

Blanche leaned her head backward on the bathtub's edge and stared at the white ceiling above her. She needed more information before selecting her final approach. While she knew that a secret passageway existed, she had never seen it herself. If she considered counting on the hole as an escape route, she would have to examine it first. She could pretend to take a walk tomorrow and secretly search the walls for cracks. For now, she would just do that to ensure that the passageway was there.

At least she told herself that. She knew well that her real hope was that this hole didn't exist. Then she wouldn't even be confronted with the choice of leaving after all. She could suppress her emotions as much as she wanted to. In the end, there was only one thing she wanted.

And that was staying at Theodore's side.

Blanche wanted to enjoy every moment that she still had left with him and meet him as often as possible. Even if he already loved another woman and only saw her as a way to pass time or decided to abandon her. Even if her jealousy would torment her, being able to interact with Theodore would make up for it. At least this was what her heart told her even though her brain wasn't sure about that.

The concubine held her breath and dipped her head underwater again. She washed her hair and body while taking her time before stepping out of the bathtub. After drying herself with a towel, she put on a nightgown and entered her bedroom again.

Stella was by her side to help with drying her hair. When the maid finished, her mistress lay down on the bed and stared at the wall. The servant remained silent for a short time before addressing the other woman, who still hadn't attempted to move. “Is there anything I can do for you, My Lady?” She received a tired smile as an answer.

“No. But thank you, Stella. I would like to be alone, please.”

The maid nodded. “If you want anything later, just call me.” She turned around before freezing and facing her mistress again. “I just wanted to let you know that you can tell me what burdens you. Even if it's connected to a very important person. I will always try my best to help you. Goodnight, My Lady.” With these words, Stella bowed her head slightly and left the chamber.

Blanche rolled onto her side and looked out of the window without really seeing anything. She tried to sort the tornado of thoughts in her head, but the different scenes and plans didn't make any more sense after pondering over them for hours. Her ideas only seemed to repeat countless times, and her thoughts went in circles.

This continued for the rest of the day. Blanche only allowed her mind to take a break for a short moment when Stella brought lunch and dinner. Even though she didn't feel hungry at all, she ate a bite of the dishes before going back into her trance-like state. At some point, the sun set, and Blanche cuddled herself into her blanket, but she still couldn't stop contemplating her future.

After lying awake until midnight, she finally began drifting into a restless sleep with an unpleasant surprise waiting for her.

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