As I stood in the sleeping hall dressed in a dark red dress, I stared at the bed I had slept in almost every night since I left the estate. The green hitchy blanket covering a prickly straw bedding accompanied by a simple pillow made of burlap and chicken feathers had been my sleeping arrangements for almost half a year and now it was coming to an end.

An elderly man continued past me to the end of the bed where the chest containing my things stood. He was Lionheart’s butler to be exact although I didn’t like signing the word so I had taken to calling him Stach for his green mustache. He opened it and started going through the content, but I didn’t follow him quite yet. Something was bothering me. Something I had never questioned right up until a few days ago.

[Did you know about it, Darkie?]

I asked the black bunny plush in my arms.

“Uh… Kind of? I did mention that you move a lot in your sleep at night.”

I nodded knowingly. It was something he had mentioned to me in the past, but I never really questioned it and simply chalked it up to a bad sleeping habit, but now it had a different meaning especially in the movemented week I had had since the event of the Spring Bloom Festival.

Many things had happened. I had learned many things, but I also had many more questions than answers. I didn’t recollect much of the incident in question as I was unconscious for most of it, but I remember quite clearly the events that followed.

Lionheart.

He offered to adopt me… No… He asked if he could become my dad….

And I said ‘Yes’

This had me both thrilled and terrified, but I had had very little time to dwell on my emotions. As it turns out, getting adopted is a pretty complicated process. After Lionheart and Hare finished filling out the initial paperwork, it was sent to the church to the Septenary church to be processed. I didn’t quite understand what went on, but there were some complications and the Bishop of Scorn who had done my baptism had to intervene.

Eventually, they made something called a ‘Certificate of Baptism’. Apparently, they had already made one for me during the winter, but since I was an orphan they had written ‘Child of Scorn’ where the parent’s name was supposed to be. The new document had Lionheart’s name: Ṃrsḥll ᐊshbȑk written on it. There was also a second name, but I didn’t recognise it…

As far as understood, Lionheart wasn’t married, so I didn’t have a new mother. I never got the chance to ask about the second name, but for some reason he had seemed both very happy and very sad when he had seen the names on the certificate.

Getting adopted also meant that I received a new family name” ‘Ashbrook’. It took me some time to make sense of the symbols, but Jade had helped me understand that it was the combination of the words ‘Ash’ and ‘Brook’.

While the issue had been getting sorted out at the church, we had been coming to the orphanage every day from morning to sun down. One of the main reasons was for Jade to teach Stash our secret language. Lionheart sometimes stayed at his home or accompanied us depending on what paperwork was needed. I don’t know what was going on exactly, but he often had to come to the orphanage just to speak with Hare about different things.

I, being the main topic.

This was how I came to learn that the time I had spent in this bed was far from uneventful. Although I couldn’t recall any of it, apparently, every night, I woke up screaming and crying.

It wasn’t that it made me feel embarrassed that others had heard me cry or anything like that. It simply made me confused and worried about my own state of mind. It made me realise that since I had arrived at the orphanage all those months ago, not only could I not remember a single time I cried during the night, I couldn’t even remember a single dream I’d had. As if my mind had become a void. It was a time where I existed, but wasn’t aware… I cried yet I couldn’t remember anything making me sad. Why was I crying? Why couldn’t I remember?

I squeezed Darkie tightly. I felt as if I wasn’t in control of myself, of my own mind… It scared me.

I looked up and noticed Stash patiently looking at me as he waited in front of the open chest. An eternally kind smile on his lips. I looked at the bed one last time before shaking myself out of my torpor and joining him in front of the chest. There wasn’t much. A few second hand change of clothes, some grooming and cleaning tools, and my holy book. I dug through the clothes and found my baptism dress. I looked over it for a moment.

Now that I compared it to the clothes that I was wearing now, it looked rather plain. For sure it was cute, but nothing that would make anyone gawk in admiration, yet I still felt an attachment to it. It was the dress I was wearing the day I decided that I would become a kin of Scorn, that I would accept the hatred in my heart and use it for something good. I gave it to Stash who gently folded it and placed it inside a mallet he had at his side. The only other thing I took from the chest was my Scorn holy book.

Stash confirmed with me that I had taken everything I needed before closing the chest and mallet. As we got up to leave the sleeping hall, Jade appeared at the entrance. She ran up to me and swept me off my feet in a tight embrace. I grumbled and protested, but she kept on going. I relented and hugged her back.

Once we separated, I looked up at her with a tinge of melancholy and frustration.

-Won’t you think about Lionheart’s offer again?-

I asked, but Jade shook her head.

After the business of the adoption had ended and the dust had settled, Lionheart had extended an offer to Jade for her to become something called a ‘playmate’. Basically, it would mean she would be able to come live with us and all she had to do was to be my friend…

But she had refused the offer.

By coincidence, she had also recently received an apprenticeship to become a scribe. It had always been her dream and so she had accepted. Although the apprenticeship would only start in two years when she turned 10, she would have to start attending preparation lessons this fall… So she couldn’t accept both offers.

I was happy that her dream came true, but there was still a lingering sense of betrayal that she had preferred a job opportunity over me, her friend… But maybe it was a bit selfish of me to think that way. I felt lonely just thinking about not being able to spend my days with her.

I felt as if I was just about to cry and so I rushed and squeezed her with all my strength as she gently hugged me back.

-We’ll still be best friends, right?-

I asked her as I wiped the tear that had pooled at the corner of my eye.

-Of course! I will come play whenever I’m free!-

I nodded as if to convince myself of the truth behind her words, trying my best not to start bawling.

Stash joined us, mallet in hand, and smiled at the two of us.

-Is the lady ready to depart?-

I tightened my grip around Jade’s hand, and with a heavy heart nodded.

Stash had already become relatively fluent in the secret language thanks to Jade’s intensive classes. It was incredible to think that just a week ago he had no knowledge of its mere existence. He could already easily string full sentences and even follow conversations between Jade and I at full speed. Lionheart had also been slowly learning the language, but since he had been so busy, he could only speak a few rudimentary sentences for now.

Stash started walking down the hallway and we followed right behind him. On the way, some of the other kids popped their head out in curiosity and gave spiteful expressions. It was hard to tell whether they were jealous that I was getting adopted… Or if it was their usual spitefulness towards my existence.

I often forgot since Jade and Hare had been so kind to me, but the other children at the orphanage had been anything but welcoming. Although it wasn’t openly malicious since I confronted the purple-haired boy on my baptism day, I could never truly get along with the other kids and I never had made a friend outside of Jade. It wasn’t that they were bullying or excluding me from their games, it’s just that none of them would take the time to explain anything to me or spend time with me. Jade had been the only person who could bother to do that much… I was very lucky to have made a friend like her, but now that I saw the others’ eyes, I felt a bit light about leaving this place for good.

We went through the heavy door to the front yard where Hare and Lionheart were discussing in front of the carriage. As we reached them, they stopped their discussion and turned toward us. Stash bowed politely to Lionheart before proceeding to the coach with the mallet while Hare bent down to eye level with me.

-Are you all set? Didn’t forget anything?-

He asked with a smile on his face, but I could see the twinkle of emotions in the corner of his eyes.

I shook my head and looked at him. His white hair pulled behind his back in a ponytail, his stained apron and his scarlet eyes that had once seemed so intimidating to me… I already missed him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him as hard as I could. Hare gently wrapped his own arms around me as I started quietly crying in his shoulder. I felt a pressure on my back as Jade joined in to the hug.

Jade… Hare… I will miss them. I will miss them so much. I will miss the orphanage. Even the other kids.

It wasn’t like the estate. It was difficult to leave a place where I had felt so loved. I held on so long that Hare had to pull me away. I looked at them both tearfully before turning to Lionheart.

He had a kind look in his eyes. Almost guilty from making me leave this place. He picked me up as I waved at Hare and Jade who waved back with a smile, before we climbed into the carriage.

As the horse started pulling away, I popped my head out and screamed.

[Thanks for everything! Thanks for being my friends!]

I don’t know if they understood what I said but they screamed something back. The orphanage grew smaller and smaller in my vision and it wasn’t long before I lost sight of it.

“I’m going to miss them.”

Darkie said.

I nodded.

[I will too.]