-Silika, can you help me with this?-

-Yes, just a second-

The winter has drawn to a close and spring has begun. With it came a great event called ‘Spring cleaning’ in which all children had to take part in.

Over the cold months, Jade and I had tirelessly practiced our ‘secret language’, as I liked to call it, quite a lot. We had not quite mastered it yet, but we could hold conversations with ease to the point where Hare couldn’t keep up anymore.

I had gotten to know her quite a bit more over that time of us practicing. As I had guessed, she was older than me by almost two years. Having turned 6 over the course of the winter myself, she was going to turn 8 in just a few weeks.

Birthday celebrations here were quite tame in contrast to how it had been held back at the estate, but it was still a very fun thing here, especially with so many kids my age instead of grumpy nobles and bourgeois.

In our time together, I learned that Jade had become an orphan about 2 years ago. Her mother had died giving birth to her while her father, a violent drunk, had been killed by a merchant’s carriage on a street not far from here. Not that his death was anything she mourned. She didn’t say much about it, but from what I gathered he had hurt her. A lot. Not in the same way my parents had hurt me, but in a slow and painful way. The way only bitter adults know. She told me that his death was the best thing that had ever happened to her and that she was very happy here at the orphanage.

I didn’t really speak about my past at all and she never asked. I think she knew I was from a noble birth since she often taught me how to act. Never in a condescending way, just subtle things like who do you bow your head to or who eats first at the table. I was very thankful for that…

We also spoke of more fun things too. For example she eventually learned what the nickname I had given her was. She had been very pleased with the meaning when I explained it. She tried to tell me her real name with the hand symbols for letters. I now knew how to sign it, but I didn’t know what it sounded like. She also told me that she preferred the nickname I had picked for her anyway. Hare, on the other hand, was another story. He seemed to be offended when he finally understood his nickname, thinking that it meant I was calling him a coward. Apparently, hare and rabbits were often used as insults in this region. I found it very odd since I just thought they looked cute. I had to explain that it was just what his hair and eyes reminded me of them, but he still didn’t like it. In the end he insisted that I call him uncle.

-How is work progressing?-

Hare asked as he happened to pass us as I was about to pick up the carpet.

I stood up and whipped my hands.

-Almost done, Uncle Hare.-

He scowled.

-Just Uncle.-

He signed clumsily.

-Slip of the hand, Uncle hare.-

He grimaced for a moment before giving some kind word of encouragement to jade about keeping up the good work.

Jade and I picked up the rolled carpet and started our way through the bustling hallways of the orphanage. Everyone was participating in the clean up, and so the hallways were packed with people running around.

Once outside, we rolled off the carpet and had two older kids help us put it up on the drying line. We used a rugbeater on it one at a time to get the dirt out. The dust coming out from it made me sneeze, but I enjoyed it. There was something relaxing about hitting a rug with reckless abandon.

The clean up continued for a few more hours and by midafternoon, the orphanage had been cleaned inside out. It was crazy to think how quick a few dozen kids could do things when they really wanted to get it out of the way.

Sore, I let myself fall on the green grass of the orphanage’s backyard. Far above, the cloud lazily sailed across the blue sky.

I breathed in the fresh air.

It felt… Nostalgic.

It had been so long since I was last able to just lay down, stare at the sky and smell the grass.

Jade came strolling into the backyard. She walked toward me with a piece of paper in hand.

I sat up and looked at her curiously. She showed me the front of the piece of paper and my eyes grew with excitement.

It was a shopping list! A shopping list!

-We’re going! Uncle said you could come as long as you practice reading the list.-

Jade explained.

It was considered one of the biggest rewards to be allowed to go shopping, since you were allowed to buy yourself a snack on your way back. I had never gone on one before!

I nodded excitedly. I whipped the grass from my dress and ran to the dorm room. There I grabbed the yellow satchel I had received on Baptism day and Darkie who had stayed indoor to not get dirty while we cleaned up.

I ran to the front door where Hare and Jade were waiting for me.

-You listen to Jade ok? Don’t leave her side for a moment.-

He signed to me

I nodded seriously. He smiled and gave me a piece of paper.

-If you get lost, don’t move and try to get the attention of a guard. Give them this paper, ok?-

I nodded again. He said a few words to Jade and opened the door facing the street.

The wind blew in my face and, for a moment, I was back on that snowy day when I first arrived in this strange mysterious place. A place far from everything I had ever known. Back then, it was only me and Darkie.

I looked down at her small body tucked in my arm. She looks a lot like her. Like Goldie.

After all this time, I still miss her.

Jade put her hand on my back and I woke up from my daydreaming.

-Are you ok?-

She asked me.

I nodded as I whipped the tear that had been forming at the corner of my eye.

We waved goodbye to Hare and went into the hustle bustle of the city.

The streets were filled with people going about their business. Our destination wasn’t far, but we couldn’t push our way through the crowd easily. I clutched onto Jade’s hand so as to not get separated. It took us a long time to reach the wide open space of the market.

It was incredible!

So many stalls and people with so many different things to sell. I looked around excitedly, but Jade brought me back to reality.

-Time for you to practice!-

She handed me the shopping list and my head started swirling. I might have learnt how to read hand symbols, but somehow, reading words still eluded me.

-We need… Carrots.-

Jade frowned immediately.

-Atleast try to read the list, Silik.-

My lips pursed and I looked down at the list. The lines looked so pretty and neat, but their meaning was so vague. I had memorised the symbols of the alphabet, but I was still unsure about what sound they were supposed to make. I looked up and down the list until I spotted a string of letters I recognised.

-Cheese!-

I said proudly.

-And how much cheese?-

Urgh... How much cheese? Is that a trick question? There were a few other words after cheese… I tried to read it, but it remained indecipherable to me.

I looked down

-I don’t know.-

I signed shyly.

She kneeled down so our faces were at the same height.

-It’s ok. We are here to practice. Just try your best and we will get through it.-

She consoled me.

She then took the time to explain what each of the words meant and try her best to describe what the letters sounded like. We went around the market practicing reading and then going up to merchants to buy the necessary things. Jade took care of talking to the merchants and had a pouch securely fastened to her waist from which she took the small copper coins to purchase the goods. I tried to fit what I could in my satchel but it quickly grew heavy and my knees started hurting.

-Can we take a break?-

I asked her, completely out of breath.

She looked up at the sun, probably trying to guess the time.

-Can you hold on a bit more?-

I shook my head.

She thought about it for a moment before getting back to me.

-There’s a fountain at the center of the market.-

She said pointing behind me.

-You can go sit down and I will come pick you up when I’m done.-

I nodded and we headed our separate ways.

There were a lot of people so I couldn’t really see the fountain, but I headed in the direction Jade had given me. After several minutes of walking and my legs coming closer to giving out, I didn’t reach the fountain, instead I had reached the side of the market.

I looked behind me, but there was nothing but waves and waves of people. I tried to make my way through people, but I couldn’t find it.

What to do? What to do?!

“Calm down, Silika! Remember what Hare told us before we left!”

Darkie reminded me.

Right!

I dug through my satchel and… Where is it?! Where’s the paper? I looked around, panicked. There was a guard right there. Should I…? At that moment, I locked eyes with the guard. He must have noticed me.

What should I do? What should I say?

He bent down, spear in hand, and smiled at me. He asked me something, probably if I was lost.

[Hum, I lost my friend.]

He tilted his head and asked me the same thing again.

[I’m looking for the fountain, do you know where it is?]

Still no reaction as expected. It would have been a miracle for someone to actually understand for once.

...Maybe I could try hand signs..?

-I am lost.-

He didn’t notice my hands moving. So I backed up a bit and repeated. This time he definitely noticed, but his expression wasn’t good. He looked angry…

He said a few words to me while pointing at my hands.

[I’m sorry. I don’t..]

I said as I signed the same, but before I could finish my sentence he clamped down on both my hands with his glove.

It hurt. It hurt a lot. He wasn’t being gentle or trying to calm me. He was angry, very very angry.

[I.. I.. I’m sorry.]

He squeezed harder as he said things I couldn’t understand. He was about to stand up and pull me along when he looked behind me.

He looked surprised. He removed his hands from me and I felt a reassuring warmth on my back, from the corner of my eyes I recognised Jade. She spun me around and bent to my height.

-Are you ok?-

As I was about to nod she looked at the guard behind me and said something angrily. She looked at me again.

-Are you?-

I nodded and she hugged me. She stood tall again and said something toward the guard before dragging me away by the hand.

I looked back at the man who was still staring at us. I suddenly realised it wasn’t anger in his eyes.

No, it was something else. Something I had seen before.

It was the same look my mother had in her eyes that night all those months ago...