《The Shape of Home》Awakening 1.3

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As the evening sun fell below the horizon, the golden shine of the wheat field around us began to dim and die.

We were together, united again as adventurers. As united as we could be while splitting up to search for signs of a monster infestation, at least. With arms weighed down by gadgets, I brushed aside massive stalks of wheat, each easily as tall as I was, scouring the farm for signs of anything amiss.

This was our job for the day.

Bogworms were a constant nuisance for just about anyone that grew food outdoors. They weren’t strong or hard to deal with for the average person, but they were tough. A persistent [Farmer] with a pitchfork could kill one with enough time and effort, but Bogworms were tenacious. They could take plenty of hits with their thick skin, and were dangerous if one let their guard down. The name ‘Bogworm’ didn’t sound threatening, but they were heavy, durable and had a nasty bite if they got close enough. Getting one’s foot caught underneath their weight or a hand caught in their mouths would leave more than a mere mark.

I knew I shouldn’t be wearing my gauntlet and grappling hook. Heavy equipment like this would only be a detriment against Bogworms. They were slow, but the added protection might not be worth the risk. Being light on your feet and quick to dart out of the way of a flailing Bogworm was important. Carrying all this weight around would only tire me out faster. Killing them wasn’t about strength. It was a battle of endurance.

It was at times like these that I really wished my magic was different. I was good at making tools and gadgets, but I hadn’t truly discovered my niche yet. My hook and gauntlet were only useful in a few situations. Even my Mental Magic was useless here. Perhaps if the Bogworms had metal armor plating or steel teeth I could be of better use to my team in finding them. As it stood, I was practically dead weight. I might as well have been a [Farmer] with a pitchfork for all the good my magic did me here. I was just another body, a meat shield whose purpose was to whittle away at their stamina and outlast them.

To my left, the whistle of an arrow whipped through the air, followed by a strangled gurgling noise. Eager for something to do, I pulled my dagger free from its sheath and waded through the field of wheat. The ground beneath my feet was dry today, something I was eternally grateful for. Trudging through mud during a warm evening of hunting Bogworms made things so much more tiring. Fighting Bogworms in wet mud was even more of a chore than usual. The added risk of slipping or misplacing one’s step meant we’d have to be even more cautious than we were. I gave a silent thanks to the Oceanic Priestess for not having cursed me with rain.

Through the brush I saw Ragi, his bow drawn and an arrow nocked. His expression was as I expected it to be. One part reluctant focus, one part stoic boredom. He was in the zone, even if this work wasn’t as stimulating as we might have liked. High above us, I saw his magic at work. It flew down towards his prey, keeping it within view. If one squinted, they might mistake it for a silver shooting star. I hadn’t met anyone who had made that mistake, but Ragi swore it had happened on one occasion.

The shape I saw was a bird, one made of flowing white lines that constantly shivered to hold its form together while moving. The lines looked more liquid than solid, hundreds of interwoven ‘strings’ holding the Familiar together. Its eyes were pure black, with the exception of grey, circular pupils in the center that frantically darted around the field, searching endlessly. The conjured creature circled overhead, sharing its senses with Ragi. I didn’t know the specifics of the sensory sharing, but it was enough for him to find Bogworms. Even with the towering stalks of wheat blocking the [Ranger’s] direct line of sight, Ragi’s arrow rang true, striking the monster’s side once again.

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My shoulders tensed up as I saw it. I wasn’t afraid of Bogworms, and I didn’t mind getting my hands dirty for work, but that didn’t mean I had to like them. The ‘worm’ was as long as my arm and three times as thick, covered in black-blue blubbery skin. It writhed in a pool of its own bright green blood, its round mouth gnashing at the open air. Bits of dirt were thrown up in its wake as it wriggled on the spot, crushing the shaft of an arrow beneath its weight.

“Any luck on your end?” Ragi asked, not looking towards me. I could feel the eerie sight of his Familiar on my back as it circled overhead.

“No,” I responded, watching the Bogworm intently. When it tired itself out from all the thrashing and struggling, I’d swoop in to take a swing at it. After I cut its side, it would start writhing again, and I’d have to wait before striking again. I didn’t want it ramming into me, and I definitely didn’t want to get caught beneath it while it flailed around. As boring as such a strategy was to execute, it was the safest plan of attack. The most efficient.

Ragi let out a sigh, lowering his bow in front of the monster.

“Great…” he muttered. His bored, despondent expression turned my way. He sat at the edge of my peripheral vision, my focus still on the writhing worm. “You can handle this one, right? I’ll go look for more.”

I nodded, not taking my eyes off the monster. I could see him roll his eyes in the corner of my vision as he turned around, wading through the field in search of more prey, the bird in the air not far behind him.

My thoughts lingered on the bird.

Having a [Bird’s Eye View] seemed like a far better ability than anything I had access to. From what I knew, Ragi’s Familiar had no method of attack, but it let him scout an area from range without risk. It was the kind of ability any [Ranger] or [Scout] would feel blessed to have. I felt my chest tighten at the realisation that his one ability might have more utility than everything I could provide put together. My grappling hook gave me range, but it was nothing compared to a bow. I couldn’t injure anything with the prongs, and my single enchanted item was heavy, only effective at close range. Even then, it wasn’t that impressive.

The monster lay on the ground, panting in a pool of its own blood. I raised my knife, circling the downed worm. I felt heat build in my palm as the gauntlet’s rune activated. My armored fingers clenched around the blade of the dagger, letting the weapon heat up within my gentle grip. I didn’t want to chip the blade off the gauntlet’s steel, so I kept my hold on it loose. I didn’t have much experience with this ‘hot blade’ idea, so I couldn’t say for sure if it would be more effective against monsters. It would cause greater pain, I guessed, but that wasn’t my goal.

I stabbed the monster, digging deep into flesh. It squealed and writhed again as I gripped the hilt with both hands, dragging it back along its flesh and away from the mouth. With only a single motion, I could feel the difference. With this, I was able to cut more freely. The blade didn’t catch on any loose bits of skin it couldn’t cleanly cut through. Was it luck, or a benefit of the strategy? I couldn’t know for sure whether I’d simply picked my spot well or not, but I wanted to test this further. I felt a weak smile form on my face. The road to improvement was paved with countless tiny steps.

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Minutes passed as the monster flopped helplessly like a fish on dry land. The pool beneath it became thicker. I began to push at the dirt with my boots, crafting a small ravine for the liquid to flow through. It would be better than getting it on the crops, at least. I didn’t know if Bogworm blood was harmful for growing wheat, but I didn’t want to take the chance and get an earful from the [Farmer].

From there, it was nothing but a mindless routine. The monster panted for breath. I heated the blade. I slashed the monster. Then I repeated the process over and over again. It tried to burrow into the wet earth more than once, but a kick to its side halted the monster’s efforts. On the fourth cycle, the Bogworm twitched and stopped moving. I stepped forward, cutting a few of its teeth free from its head. I didn’t think I’d get anything worth taking from a Bogworm, but maybe having them would be useful later. I let the mouthful of teeth tumble into my pouch. Without a word, I left the body there. We were paid to kill it, not to carry its body around. That was something one of the [Farmer’s] Golems could handle.

I cast my gaze upwards, looking out for Ragi’s bird. If I let him focus on finding the Bogworms, I could handle the killing. That was the best way of doing things. The most efficient. Off to my right, I saw a Golem carrying a pair of dead Bogworms over each shoulder. The Construct was made of a cream coloured clay, with soft, rounded features. It was taller and broader than I was, with few rough edges, a spherical head and hollow holes for eyes.

The evening sun finally disappeared behind the horizon. The only light came from the distant windows and street lights of the town. It wasn’t pitch black out, and I could see just fine. I knew the others might struggle in the dark without [Darkvision]. They couldn’t see as well as I could, but I could still guide them back to town without tripping over anything if need be.

I raised my hand, letting heat build in the gauntlet again. The light from the rune was faint, but it could be seen from a distance. A single burning light amidst a sea of empty blackness. In the sky, I caught a flicker of white. I marched through the field with purpose, spotting Ragi once again.

“-for the night,” I heard him say. He was standing with Sigura and the new one, Dairen. I could see Sigura’s frustrated snarl from here, and I slowed my walk. Her two khopeshes, long curved blades drenched in blood, sat next to her. Their heads were buried in the dirt, but handles were close enough to her clenched fists that I wouldn’t want to be the one standing next to her.

“By the Six, we have five people! We don’t have to do this clean-up crap anymore! We aren’t learning or getting any Experience by just killing these shitty bugs!” she retorted, her voice loud and grating against the soft breeze rolling through the field.

I liked Sigura, but it grew harder to like her when she got like this. She was a good leader, but whenever she got angry it almost seemed like she was a different person. Agitated. Heated. Irrational.

Bogworm quests often made her like this. She couldn’t use her magic in a farmer’s field. Even though I wanted to leave her to burn through that anger and wait it out, I understood her frustration. My magic wasn’t useful here either.

Dairen’s forearms were covered in blood.

It wasn’t his blood, either. He stood by the side, watching the two talk as green drops fell to the dirt from his arms. He had knives at his belt, yet not a single drop of blood was on the handles of his weapons. There wasn’t a trace of dampness through the leather sheaths either. Why did he look like he’d attacked them with his bare hands? I didn’t know for sure, so I made the assumption that it had something to do with his magic. Assuming something was ‘just magic’ was oftentimes a safe guess to make.

“We don’t have a healer, Sig. I’m not going out there for no reason, especially now that it’s dark out,” Ragi said, avoiding the Halfblood’s gaze. It was something I’d often seen him do at times like these. It was the only way he could build up the courage to argue with Sigura when she got angry.

“There is a reason, Ragi. Don’t be an idiot,” she growled. “If we do nothing but kill these stupid bugs-” she punctuated the words with a kick, creating a dull squish as she struck the heavy form of a dead Bogworm laying at her feet, boot sinking into flesh. “-we won’t learn anything! They aren’t hard to kill. If we don’t face any real challenges, we won’t get Experience. Don’t play dumb Ragi, you know how this shit works. You’re just making excuses!”

Ragi’s shoulders slumped. I worried his neck was going to snap with how far his face was turned away from Sigura.

“Can’t we do it in the daytime…?” Ragi said weakly. “Doing it in the night isn’t a good- we’d have a better chance of killing something if we did it another time.”

“I don’t want to wait another damn second!” she yelled, not catching the slip-up. “We all have magic, but all we’re doing is sitting around stabbing worms for money! We can do so much more, but we’re aren’t. If we wait for tomorrow, you’ll say we won’t find many monsters out during the day, and if we wait for night, you’ll say we should wait for the coming sun! I’m sick of this shit, Ragi!”

I took a deep breath to keep a clear head and a [Silent Heart]. The evening spent hunting Bogworms had really gotten to her. To all of us, probably. I stepped closer, into the small ring that our group had formed. I hadn’t spotted Nuts through the wheat before, but now he was in plain view, standing by Ragi with his arms crossed.

Sigura’s head suddenly snapped in my direction. I flinched from the sudden motion as she pointed towards me.

“Yuri can see in the dark too, Ragi! The two of us can see just fine, and you’ve got your bird!”

She looked back towards me, her expression somewhere between indignation and a plea. She wanted me to back her up.

“Varani prefer the night time anyway, right? We don’t even have to go that far to get something done. We just have to hunt something that isn’t an oversized worm or rat! Are you with me, Yuri?”

My shoulders froze, and that only made her angrier. The implication was very clear in her words. I was either with her or against her.

“I’m with you,” I murmured, the words slipping out of my mouth.

“Gods be praised, we have someone on this team who isn’t a complete wuss!” she responded, directing the last word towards Ragi and Nuts, venom thick in her tone.

“Of course she’s with you,” Ragi murmured, bitterness dripping in his voice. “If you asked Yuri to shoot herself, she’d aim for her own tail and do it, Sig.”

I frowned, annoyed by the implication. Before I could retort, my thoughts were interrupted.

“S’not about bein’ a wuss, Sig. It’s a bad idea to go out after dark. Even out in these fields we run the risk of gettin’ hurt. There was no guarantee we wouldn’t find somethin’ worse than Bogs out here,” Nuts commented. Her burning glare turned towards him, and I saw the Squirrel take a step away.

“That’s the point,” Sigura spat back.

For a few long, stagnant seconds, nobody said anything.

“Here’s an idea,” Dairen chimed in. “What if one of us stays behind?”

Sigura turned to look in his direction, her eyes narrowed. His tone was casual, and his expression unchanging, even under the heat and pressure of her glare.

“Why would we do that?” she hissed. “If we don’t all go together, we’re under more risk, aren’t we? That’s why-” she said, turning towards the pair. “-I say we should all go.”

The white haired boy nodded.

“But if someone stays behind, they could call for help,” he said, turning to look towards Ragi. “We could go for an hour. If we don’t come back by then, the other person goes for help. Those adventurers are still hanging around town, aren’t they? Even if one of us gets hurt, there are capable people around that can helm a search party.”

I didn’t know for sure if they were still in the town, but Sigura nodded triumphantly.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? We all go together, and someone stays here to call for help if we need it.”

Ragi’s expression was pained. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably, his eyes drifting back towards the town.

“I’ll… I’m going to stay,” he told her, nodding to himself. “I’ll call for help if you stay gone for too long.”

Sigura’s ears flattened as Nuts chimed in. “I’m not going either, Sig. Too risky.”

She raised her hands to her face, rubbing her cheeks and forehead. I couldn’t see her features anymore. I didn’t know how she would react. With a deep breath, I resisted the urge to give her some more space. I didn’t think that was what she wanted or needed right now. When her hands pulled away, her expression was dead serious.

“Are you alright with this, Ragi? Nuts? Are you content to just sit in this crummy town and do nothing forever? If we don’t take risks, we won’t get stronger. We won’t grow fast enough to be important or make a difference.”

She splayed her hands out for emphasis, reaching for her swords. The pair flinched.

“If we don’t put in real work, we won’t get real coin or real growth. Our magic will only trudge forward when it could become something really special with a bit of effort. I don’t care if you two are fine with it, but I’m not going to be stuck here. I’m going to get stronger and go out into the world, one way or another. I’ll get strong enough to be free, and you’ll be trapped, stuck within these walls forever like a caged animal. If that doesn’t sound like the scariest thing in the world to you, then stay. Stay here, Ragi. See if I fucking care.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding in. My chest felt as though someone had a hot branding iron into it. The air around me felt thin, barely enough to breathe. The tension had shoved everything else out of my mind. The silence didn’t have long to live. Without another word, Sigura turned and walked away. Whatever remnants of thought reforming in my head were swiftly left behind as I scrambled to follow her with Dairen in tow.

I stole a glance behind me, watching both Ragi and Nuts murmuring quietly to one another, flashes of worry bright in their eyes. They stood at the edge of the clearing before turning away. As the sun disappeared behind a towering, verdant treeline, the two became silhouettes, barely visible in the gloom, consumed by the gently swaying field of wheat.

Beyond the towers of grain I saw the town, a beacon of light shining bright amid the darkness, glowing softly with the warmth of street lamps and the torches of townsfolk. I could almost picture the casual air of the people within; laughing, cheering and celebrating their recent victory. A monster had entered their town, and they’d stood tall. They’d survived against the horrors that lurked beyond their walls, and now they were celebrating.

Celebrating for the adventurers.

With a [Silent Heart], I buried my feelings. More than anything, I wanted to be like them.

The time I spent watching the town drift further and further away felt far too short. We reached the wall faster than I’d expected. My eyes had been on the town, and I’d almost stumbled headfirst into it. We were in the dark now, even if the low light didn’t bother me. Unlike the daytime, the night seemed to suck all the colour from our surroundings. The golden wheat turned to a bright silvery grey, trees became darker, blacker than brown, and the night was a nebulous darkness with white lights sparkling across its surface.

It was a common quirk of [Darkvision], even if it tended to make the world look more drab at times. It was why I’d never read my comics without a light, even if I could see shapes just fine in the dark. Things felt much more empty without light and the colour that accompanied it.

Sigura still hadn’t said anything, which was beginning to worry me. I’d learned that a silent Sigura often meant an angry one, and I didn’t want her to stew if we were going out hunting after dark. Without a word, she began to scale the stone wall surrounding Addersbrook. She found tiny cracks and handholds left from years of wear in places I’d never be able to squeeze my chunkier claws into. Climbing like her wasn’t an option for me. I’d tire myself out far too quickly if I tried.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to. With a raised arm, I activated my grappling hook, shooting the prongs high into the air. They snapped shut around the top of the town wall, steel digging into stone. I kicked off the ground, letting the hook drag me upwards in a single motion. Flying through the air, I almost felt weightless, my hair whooshing upwards. The wall was easily taller than a house, designed to keep the worst of man and monster out of the town. Being this close to it, I didn’t feel any sense of safety. It just felt suffocating.

Sigura and I arrived at the top of the wall at the same time. As my boots touched down on the peak, my hair fell back down against my body. I turned away from the last vestige of colour in my vision, and out towards the world beyond. The land beyond our town was a forest, a land of dark trees and beasts unknown. It was a world of danger, but also a world of possibilities. It was the world of adventurers.

I sat down, taking a deep breath as I steeled myself. I risked looking back at the town as we waited for Dairen to slowly follow us up.

“I can tell you’re worrying,” Sigura said, her legs dangling off the edge. She sat down next to me, looking out towards the town. The night wind brushed at her hair, the now grey locks obscuring her features. “We’ll be fine, so don’t let it distract you.”

“I’m not worrying,” I lied, moving to sit down next to her. “We need to get stronger. It’s dangerous out there, but I think we can handle it.”

“You want to get away from this shitty town too. I can tell.”

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked back towards her. I did want to leave this place eventually, but right now it was mine. It was where I lived. Where all of my stuff was. Where my parents were. I didn’t want to spend my whole life here, but for now I was-

“Don’t play dumb, Yuri,” she said, turning to look at me. Even without colour, the intensity in her eyes was clear. “I see it all the time, y’know? You get this faraway look in your eyes whenever we’re out in the forest. Like… something catches your attention and reminds you of somewhere you’d rather be, or something you’d rather do.”

Her tail coiled around her waist, tight enough that it looked like her clothes were stretching, the leather buckling against the force.

“I’ve been stuck in this crappy town my whole life, but you haven’t. You’ve seen something. Something bigger and better than this place, and you want to go there. Knowing that you’ve seen something like that only makes me more determined to leave, Yur. And when I do, I’m taking you with me. I don’t get to see what makes you tick that often, so when we get stronger and get the fuck out of here, you’re taking me to this place.”

My heart caught in my chest. I didn’t know how to feel about the sudden declaration, and that clouded my judgement. I looked away, unable to meet her eyes. I took a deep breath, feeling the irrational emotions flush away with the air leaving my nostrils.

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I really know you, Yur. I know Yuri the adventurer, Yuri the calm, collected [Tinkerer] who’s all business on the job. But I don’t think I know Yuri the person. I don’t know what you really want or where you really want to go. You’ve just never seemed at home here, y’know? Like you don’t really fit, and you know it.”

“I want to leave too, Sigura,” I replied, my chest involuntarily tightening. I tried not to let uncertainty seep into my voice. “I just… don’t know where to go. I don’t think home will be home anymore, even if I go back. But… I don’t want to be here, either.”

As difficult as my thoughts were to decipher at times, I was sure of that much. The memories of ‘home’ had me breathing deeply again. My lungs filled with as much of the cold night air as they could take before I exhaled.

I hated this feeling. The feeling of not knowing where I wanted to be. Not knowing where I belonged. Not knowing where I would finally feel at home. I couldn’t stand the aimlessness, but I couldn’t just tell her to stop talking, either.

“Yeah, I get it,” I murmured back, eyes lost on the horizon.

Dairen’s hand clutched at the top of the wall as he hauled himself up. The tips of his fingers were grey and chalky, covered in dust and bits of stone from the climb.

“Can you even see in the dark?” Sigura asked, skepticism etched into her narrowed eyes.

“I’ll be fine,” Dairen replied, sitting down next to us.

Sigura nodded, rising to her feet once again. I idly wondered if she should have given him more time to rest after the climb, but decided to follow her lead. She leapt down from the wall without a second of hesitation, crouching to land on all fours as she reached the ground. With ease, she got back to her feet, as if she hadn’t jumped from a structure taller than a two story building. But that was nothing for a Nekari. Even if she was only a Halfblood.

I pulled down on the handle of my gadget, the prongs of my grappling hook shooting down to dig into the wall as I stood. I didn’t have Sigura’s sense of balance, but I had my own way of doing things. I walked to the edge of the wall, feeling a brief moment as panic as I imagined the drop. I turned away from the fall, getting down on one knee. Slowly, I began to lean backwards, planting my feet on the side of the wall. I slowly walked backwards down along the wall’s surface as the steel wire offered support. The wind whipped at me, as if trying to tear me away and to my death. Yet I wasn’t worried. If I’d been using anything else, the possibility of a fatal fall might have worried me, but as limited as my craft was, I had faith in it.

Dairen followed slowly, his bare fingers digging into the stone. The digits burrowed into the wall with an unnatural ease. It was an Enhancement ability or some kind of Skill, probably. Human fingers couldn’t pierce rock like his did, not without help. During the descent, my eyes were glued to the wall. Its surface was covered in pockmarks. Attacks from the occasional monster attack, and people from the town leaving scratches and symbols. Notes left to one another, or to others. Proof that they’d been there in the first place.

I touched down, planting my feet on solid ground. Next to me, I saw Sigura adding her own message to the collection lining the base of the wall. She had brandished a dagger, lazily carving her name into the wall.

I followed suit with my own, pulling a dagger from its sheath to contribute. I stood close to my captain, reaching forward to scratch ‘Yuri’ into the wall. I lowered the blade, looking back at Sigura’s signature. Compared to mine, it was wild. Haphazard and flowing. Mine was… proper? It looked cleaner, at least.

Without thinking, I raised my knife once again, scratching a box out around the word. The name by itself looked incomplete amid the sea of letters and symbols. I wasn’t entirely sure why, but it felt like the right thing to do. Following one’s intuition was always something a person should strive to do, I’d been told. The advice had been in relation to magic, but maybe it could apply here, too. Did the idle gesture have some sort of hidden meaning? One that I could use to find out more about myself on a subconscious level? Did I create the box to make it stand out, maybe? Or just to keep it separate from the other signatures? Or to mark a space that was mine?

I wasn’t sure, but it had just felt like the right thing to do. Speculating on whims would either lead me to a magical epiphany, or to insanity. We were about to hunt a monster, so I tried to avoid thinking about it. It would have just been another unnecessary distraction.

Dairen reached the base of the wall, hopping down onto the soil. He began to brush his fingers against his palms and pants to clean the worst of the dust off. It came away in grey streaks, staining everything it touched. Sigura finished roughly scraping idle symbols into the wall, turning towards us.

There was nothing left to do, now. All we had was the quest. The wall loomed in front of us, a hulking guardian separating the town and the world beyond. It cast a long shadow over all of us as we wordlessly turned, walking away from it.

Leaving it behind.

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