“I know I was pushing you towards the Duke before, and I’m sincerely sorry for that,” continued Eva. “I was blinded by the fact that Grand Duke Marshal would be a useful ally, and I didn’t consider the fact that you might not like him. But honestly, if anything, Prince Sebastian could potentially be an even better ally, if given the proper guidance. With the Crown Prince on our side we wouldn’t even have to overthrow the monarchy as a whole, just the Emperor himself. And then Sebastian could peacefully turn the government over to a new, more equitable system. So if you do like him, you have my full support!”

Anne was so stunned by this whole line of inquiry she was finding it hard to respond. She was leaning forward in her seat, her elbows on her legs, and staring at Eva with an open mouth.

“I discounted him as a candidate at first because everyone says he’s a shallow hedonist, and you deserve better than that,” said Eva. “But I can see now that he’s actually very kind and handsome, so I can understand why you would be drawn to him.”

“Wait, wait, wait a second,” said Anne, waving her hands wildly. “I don’t—I’m not—Why would you even think I’m in love with him?”

Eva tilted her head quizzically. “Well, you’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately. And you went out of your way to warn him about the kidnapping plot, even though that meant betraying your new friend Corvina, who you seem to care about so much.”

“I didn’t betray Corvina,” said Anne. “I just didn’t feel good about not telling Sebastian. And I do like Sebastian as, like, a friend, although he can be kind of annoying sometimes, but I don’t love him.”

“Why not?” asked Eva. Eva’s tone wasn’t indignant or accusatory, just… curious.

“He’s just… not my type,” said Anne. “And for that matter I’m not his type either.”

“I don’t understand,” said Eva.

“Um… it’s like… neither of us are interested in the type of person the other person is, if you know what I mean.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” said Eva. “But okay, who is your type, then? If not Prince Sebastian, surely you can find someone else?”

“I just… I don’t know why you're being so insistent about this,” said Anne.

“Marriage is an important part of a complete, happy life, that’s all,” said Eva. “And I want you to be happy!”

“Well, if marriage is so important, do you intend to get married, then?” asked Anne.

Eva looked a bit taken aback by that. “No, I’ve dedicated my life to serving the Goddess, so I have no thoughts of getting married.”

“Okay, well, there you go!” said Anne. “I’m the Saintess, doesn’t that mean I should be even more dedicated to the Goddess than an ordinary cleric?”

“No, there’s a long precedent of Saintesses getting married,” said Eva. “Most of the Saintesses were married.”

“Okay, well, I don’t want to get married,” said Anne. “So drop it.”

“I just don’t think you should dismiss the possibility so quickly,” said Eva. “A prince would be a good match for you, and if you like each other well enough it could always blossom into love later on. A lot of arranged marriages end up like that.”

“It’s not going to blossom into anything,” said Anne. “We’re fundamentally incompatible on that level.”

“Why?” asked Eva. “I’m just trying to understand.”

“I don’t… I just…”

I’m gay, thought Anne.

But there were certain things Anne had a hard time saying.

It wasn’t that Anne didn’t want people to know. She didn’t mind acting or dressing in ways that would clue people in to her sexuality. She didn’t mind dropping innuendo. In fact, she usually kind of hoped that people would just figure it out on their own.

She just didn’t like saying it out loud that directly.

The one time in her life she’d said it, she’d said to her parents, back in her old world.

Anne had just barely turned eighteen, and her coming out had turned into a huge argument that ended with Anne kicked out of the house, standing alone on the side of the road, all her belongings stuffed hastily into two backpacks.

She’d been on her own ever since then.

And she just didn’t like to say the words out loud.

People were usually better at picking up on it without her needing to.

Anne struggled with herself for a moment longer, staring at Eva’s face, searching for any hint that might tell her how Eva would react if she came out. But Eva’s face was as unreadable as ever.

Anne gave up.

“I just don’t want to get married to a man,” said Anne. “There’s nothing to understand. Just drop it, I’m serious.”

“Fine,” said Eva, with a smile. “But if you ever want to talk about your feelings, I’m here for you.”

Anne folded her arms and hunkered down into her seat. Somehow this had put her in an even worse mood than her fight with Corvina had.

Eva was the original Saintess’s best friend, and Anne also considered her an important friend. Anne wasn’t sure she’d ever have been able to adjust to this new world without Eva’s help. But sometimes she was impossible to talk to. There was this strange sense of disconnect, like they were talking parallel to each other. Like they just couldn’t understand each other.

Anne didn’t know what the problem was.

The problem was that there were certain things Eva had a hard time thinking.

Eva had spent many years training herself to avoid certain lines of thought, blocking whole avenues of possibility from her understanding of the world, carefully redirecting herself into other modes of processing information.

Although when she was younger and less in control, there had been a few times when she had almost allowed herself to have the thought.

One of those times was when she was 13 years-old, just a few months after she and her peers had all taken their aptitude tests and Anne had been discovered as the new Saintess.

After Anne was declared the Saintess, Bishop Geist had visited the church in Longren in order to verify and officiate the whole situation.

It was during this visit that Bishop Geist had first discovered Eva in an abandoned wing of the church, holed up in an old storeroom, reading forbidden books by candlelight.

Much to Eva’s surprise, the Bishop hadn’t immediately exposed her and expelled her from the church. Instead, Bishop Geist had supported her, becoming a sort of mentor to her, even. Secretly, of course.

Some time after that, Eva had been sitting across from the Bishop in the office she used when she was in Longren.

“Hey, Anne’s been acting kind of down lately,” said Eva. “What do you think I should do to try to cheer her up?”

“Well, all the usual things, I suppose,” said Bishop Geist, not looking up from her paperwork. “I’m sure you know better than me what would make her feel better.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t want to just keep making her feel better whenever she’s sad,” said Eva. “Isn’t there some way I can stop her from feeling sad in the first place?”

Bishop Geist tapped her chin with her pen. “Well… I suppose the best thing you can do is just to help her build the best life possible for herself. That way she’ll have fewer causes to be sad.”

“And what makes the best life possible?” asked Eva, her eyes eager.

Bishop Geist shrugged. “I don’t know, all the usual things. Professional success. Power. Friendship. Marriage.”

“Marriage?” said Eva.

“Yes, well,” said the Bishop. “It’s not strictly necessary but a lot of people consider a good marriage to be a key to happiness.”

“And what makes a good marriage?” asked Eva.

“I don’t know! Love, mutual respect, a good match financially and politically. That sort of thing.”

“But a lot of clerics don’t get married,” said Eva.

“That’s because a lot of clerics have decided to devote their lives strictly to the Goddess and consider marriage a distraction,” said the Bishop. “But it’s not exactly disallowed for a cleric to get married. Most of the Saintesses historically have been married.”

Eva stared off into the distance for a moment. “I guess it must also be hard for a lot of clerics to meet men,” said Eva. “Since most clerics are women and church life can be kind of insular...”

“Mmm-hmm,” said Bishop Geist, returning to her paperwork.

There was a long moment of silence, during which the Bishop scratched away with her pen and Eva stared off into the dark corners of the room, clearly contemplating something.

“Do…” Eva started, hesitantly. “Do women ever marry each other?”

Bishop Geist stared at Eva for a moment and then set her pen down. “Eva, look at me.”

Eva looked at her.

“It’s important for you to know that only men and women are capable of falling in love with each other in the romantic sense. Only men and women can forge marital relationships together,” said Bishop Geist. “That’s how the Goddess intended it. Sometimes some men and women become… confused. They mistake their feelings of friendship with members of the same sex for something more. But they’re wrong. And they inevitably end up unhappy. That is a basic law of the universe. Such things are a corruption of the Goddess’ vision for the world, and as such they never end well. You must do everything you can to protect yourself and Anne from these kinds of mistakes, do you understand me? You wouldn’t want Anne to become corrupted and unhappy, would you?”

“I wasn’t—I wasn’t saying that I felt that way!” said Eva. “I was just curious.”

“It’s better not to be curious about some topics,” said Bishop Geist, returning once again to her paperwork. “Sometimes even thinking about something too much can put you down the wrong path, away from the love of the Goddess and the happiness in her light. Close friendships between women, especially between women mutually devoted to the Goddess, can be a beautiful and sacred thing. But anything more than that… better to put it from your mind entirely. It’s far too dangerous an idea to contemplate.”

So Eva put it from her mind. She didn’t contemplate it. She was extremely careful not to.

Yes, her feelings for Anne were just friendship. She would devote her life to the Goddess and, by extension, to Anne, the Saintess, helping her to craft the most perfect life possible. She would help Anne to gain power and prestige and to find love with a man, if possible. Only the best sort of man. And all throughout her life, Eva would still be by her side. Supporting her. Not corrupting her. Making sure she wouldn’t become corrupted.

And so, all these years later, Eva couldn’t understand Anne’s innuendos. She wouldn’t allow herself to.

Ah, well, Eva thought to herself, riding in the carriage opposite Anne, not knowing this Anne wasn’t her Anne, not allowing herself to think the things she couldn’t allow herself to think.

If Prince Sebastian isn’t the right man, and Duke Marshal isn’t the right man, then surely the right man will come along some day. And until then, and even after then, I’ll simply continue to support her the best I can. That’s the way things are meant to be.