Dreams of Darkness and Light

I weep for my soul.

I wield the power of death.

It tempts me to dark acts.

what kind of monster am I?

Thrice damned.

I walk in the world of the living.

I am not alive.

I am not dead.

Yet I wear death like a mask.

Can I redeem myself by doing what the blood tempts?

Or must I resist the urges?

Should I deny what I am?

What is God’s plan?

How long I had laid there in the darkness of the remains of my uncle’s house. My hands holding the beam above my chest. If I were not a vampire I would be destroyed, my nanny, Anna, would be dead. Her breathing was labored but she was still alive. I could not see what state she was in because of the debris and rubble surrounding us, but I did know she was close enough that if I shifted the rubble or lifted the beam she would be crushed. I could not allow that. All life is sacred.

My uncle would say I should not be so weak that humans were food and nothing more. My uncle was a monster. He had made me a monster. We were immortal, neither living nor dead. Trapped there at the moment of death by the blood of the light bringer or so the legends say. He was the first to ignore God’s will. We his children, were cursed as he was to never know the saving grace of God’s light, or ever again walk in the heavens or the light.

I should be upset. I was happy to have my curse this night, if I did not my surrogate mother would be dead. To think of it as anything but a curse is a sin of the highest order in my mind. This was never intended by God to be a gift but a punishment. Reveling in it, enjoying it, using it is an affront to him.

I did not attack my uncle for vengeance or out of anger. I did it to protect the innocent he was going to kill for his dark ritual. I would make the same decision and release the angry spirits he had bound to serve him. Anna would not listen to me when I told her to leave.

Suddenly a light so bright came upon me. It was blinding, and I was no longer laying in the frigid waters in the mud and blasted cement of the basement. I stood in a field of flowers and the blinding brilliance of the sun. I held my arm over my eyes shielding them. I had never actually laid eyes upon the glory of the light of creation. It was more incredible than I have no words to describe. A silhouette came out of the brilliance.

She wore silver armor and rode on silver wings. She hovered before me, floating in the air. There was a pureness and holiness about her I had never imagined. When she spoke, it was a language that has no name, and has never been spoken by a human. It echoed in my ears and my heart and though I knew not what language it was I understood her words.

“Glory to the Father. Maria of Rome I bring you a message from the one true God. You have not forsaken him; thus, he has not forsaken you.”

I averted my gaze from the brilliance that surrounded the angel, looking to the ground.

“I am not worthy, ma’am.”

“Do you question the father?”

The voice became angry. I felt a terror that was unimaginable, but also something else, a calmness.

“No.”

“Then look upon me avatar of death and hear his message for you shall not hear it again!”

The angels voice bored into my soul. I looked up and met her gaze. The angel’s eyes were pure silver light.

“Maria of Rome, child of blood, you will either be the savior of creation or it’s destroyer. You have set into motion the end of all of his works and by your hand you can finish what you started, or you can protect creation. The burden of the choice is yours to carry. The father has not abandoned you and yours. He will help you carry this burden. Be blessed by his light, let it fill you, be cleansed!”

A flash of light leapt from the angel’s palm and hit me in the chest and I stumbled backwards. It burned but left no mark.

“Why will he not stop it?”

“Free will child. You made the choice to start this, you must now choose to end it.”

“I do not understand I was just trying to protect children from my uncle.”

“This course was set long before the man who called himself your uncle existed, before the father visited earth, you started a war in anger and vengeance, gave a vile thing power, and now if you do not act it will destroy everything.”

“How could I have started a war before Christ was born, I’m barely fifty years old, ma’am?”

“I have delivered my message to you, Child of Blood.”

The angel flicked her wings and spun moving upwards. I reached up after her.

“Please, please stay!”

She vanished and suddenly I was back buried in rubble and darkness. Darkness where I belonged.