May 21, 2019 - 3:34 PM

Leo Kelly

I actually managed to get some sleep during the day, which was fast becoming the norm. Asleep during the day, awake at night. I was practically nocturnal by now. I massaged my sore hand while I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling, meditating on all the times I fucked up in life.

I really seemed to love making myself suffer—especially when it felt like I was regressing.

The only upside to being drunk or high all the time was all the holes in the colourful tapestry that was my past. I would’ve had a lot more regrets if I didn’t. Even before I started waking up in gutters. But after high school and getting booted from my mom’s house, it was almost always cloudy then. Like all the colour from the rainbow got washed out to a flat grey. The colour usually came back when I flirted with sobriety—twice at rehab and once at FCI Sheridan—but it never stayed long.

I know I was plenty stupid as an arrogant teenager, never needed anything harder than weed to act like that. And, sometimes, it still felt like that same arrogant teenager was still fucking my life up.

I stopped myself before I dove into the fresher wounds. I forced myself out of bed and started dressing. After rolling around in all that crap from last night, I made the effort to wash my clothes, but couldn’t get it to smell quite right and the stains didn’t go away right no matter how hard I scrubbed. And as much as I shuddered at putting them back on, these clothes were all I had, so I slipped into my stained black jeans and damp grey t-shirt.

Gross.

I looked for Eury on the main floor and in the garage, finding no one, leaving me to assume that she was still in her room. My eyes lingered on her door, with memories of last night playing on repeat.

Eury sobbing behind that closed door.

Jesus.

Right when I crawled out of my hate spiral it dragged me right back in.

I shook my head, needed to focus. There was work that had to be done.

The first thing on my hit list was the goddamn wagon. The wheels rattled like crazy when it was empty. So, as a test, I grabbed a couple of potted plants from around the house and placed them in the cart. Then I took them for a walk. Around the living room at least.

“The test proved to be inconclusive,” I muttered into my hand like I had a voice recorder, nothing but a little stupid fun to amuse myself.

While it was a lot quieter, it probably had more to do with the even surface of the floor than anything else. The wheels themselves weren’t rattling but every time it ran over a small bump, there was still a loud “pop!”. I stopped at the foot of the stairs where the foyer’s tile met the living room’s hardwood and carefully rolled the cart back and forth a few times before stopping.

“Maybe if I put something soft on the wheels?” I said into my non-existent recorder. “Maybe I could slap some rubber on? But where would I get rubber though?”

A floorboard creaked. I snapped my gaze up the stairs and saw Eury standing there. “Just cover the wheels.” Eury said in a matter-of-fact way, “something to dampen the sound would take away the issue. And if you measured it right, it wouldn’t hinder the wheel’s speed.”

“Cover them? Like, make a casing? ‘Cause that’s sort of what I was thinking.”

“Yeah, I heard that. But that’s not what I meant. Just a blanket would do. Hang it down the side to just above the ground. It’ll take some work if you needed to take off or something, but it’ll be much easier than anything else.” Eury said, looking the wagon up and down. “Are there still those pepperoni sticks?” She asked, switching conversations quickly.

“Uuuh.” My mind took a second to readjust to the new conversation we were apparently having. I was too busy thinking about last night and her elegant solution to troubleshooting the wagon to follow her tangential thought. “Yeah... I think?”

She nodded and slipped past me. I glanced at her eyes as she passed and it was clear she hadn’t been crying recently. Or, at least, not in the last little bit, which was a relief for me.

After raiding Alaska’s bed for her large duvet, I laid it out over the wagon, then tested it out again with the potted plants.

“That’s not gonna work,” Eury said from the kitchen. She came back with two glasses of water and a pair of pepperoni sticks.

“You were the one who suggested it though?”

“Yeah, and apparently I’ll be the one who has to explain why that’s gonna be a problem.” Handing me the refreshments, she walked over to the wagon and pulled it to the living room. Although the “pop!” was muted now, there was a terrible scratching noise much louder than the wagon’s wheels were before.

“Oh.”

“Mhmm.” She said, walking to the wagon’s side. “Can you run upstairs? There are some big hair clips in Alaska’s bathroom. Grab them for me.”

I zipped up the stairs. I couldn’t help but feel a little happy.

I’m useful to her now! If she hates me after last night, then this is at the very least a start.

I returned with six snapping hair clips ranging from large to ridiculous. Eury had already done the majority of the work, putting the bulk of the duvet back into the wagon itself. All that was left was to line the edge of the cover with the ground and clipping it in place. She worked slowly, methodically, until it was all tightly clamped down. She stood up and admired her work beside me. The oxygen hissed as she breathed deeply.

It’s that much work for her and you just let her do it? Nice one.

She side-eyed me and quickly grabbed her water.

“Shall I?” I said, offering to test out her dampener.

I was worried about the handle because, from the way she had clipped the duvet, it really should have lifted the whole thing. A few seconds of seeing it in action though, I could see the care that she had put into the design. It was almost like the fabric around the handle’s stem was a separate piece that was only tangentially related to the rest of the work.

Other than a very muted “pop”, there was barely any noise at all when I pulled the cart around the main floor for a grand tour.

“And, I’d wager that sound you’re hearing is because the hardwood is all connected. Outside, on the concrete, the sound won’t travel as much.” Eury said with a mouthful of pepperoni stick. It was only after she finished talking that she realized and covered her mouth. “Not half bad, huh?”

“I’d say as much! Awesome job.” I smiled at her, but instead of reciprocating, she looked away.

“I’m going to get my things together. When you have a chance, please help me move the LOX tank.” She said, quickly retreating up the stairs.

Great. Perfect! Exactly what I was hoping for. Stonewall Eury. Good job, Kelly.

I rubbed the sore joint in my hand again, sighing.

A half-hour later, the two of us finally finished carrying the heavy tank down the stairs. And with a bit more struggling, we managed to get it on the wagon. The long tank hung over the edge of the wagon by a good two feet, but the cart still moved when we pulled it. I took that as a win since it was the only one I had so far that day. I tried a few times to chip away at Eury’s icy front, only to get hit by her infamous glare. Not exactly how I was hoping this day would go.

But what did I expect? I utterly failed to protect her.

I shook my head as I ran back up the stairs—it wasn’t the time for me to wallow in self-pity. I collected the other two tanks as well as Eury’s concentrator. Part of me wanted to offer to help carry the device with me, considering it really wasn’t that heavy and I’d rather not store all of Eury’s essentials in one basket. Really, what would’ve made me feel safest, was in addition to the one that she needed to carry with her, I’d also carry one of the tanks and the concentrator too.

But...

But, if I asked her, She would just stare at me like I had five heads, or worse, look at me like I was planning something. Regardless, I kept my mouth shut and loaded them on the wagon. As I did, Eury dumped the first haul of food into the empty area of the wagon.

“This isn’t gonna work.” She said looking down at the cart.

“What? Why?”

“‘Cause the moment we make a sharp turn or whatever, that thing is going to tip over and explode.” She said, pointing at the liquid oxygen tank.

“What do you suggest then? It won’t fit diagonally.”

“Well, at the very least, we need to tie the thing down.”

“Okay. To the side here maybe?”

“Yeah, if you want to make sure it flips over.” She said, shaking her head. “We’ll need to center the weight.”

“If we do that though, won’t it just slide from side to side? Plus won’t it take a ton of rope just to tie it down?” I said. A lot would be lost if we strapped it down in the center by tying it to the wagon’s walls.

“Get me a screwdriver and a hammer,” Eury said. She was looking very intensely at the wagon, but a nagging part of me decided that she just avoided looking at me. A minute later, I returned from the garage with the tools but she was already working. She had removed the food that she had dumped into the wagon and doing something to the duvet with a kitchen knife. “I’m sure Alaska won’t mind given the situation.”

“I’m sure she’ll—I’m sorry, what are you doing?” I said, watching her cut an X into the duvet cover. Then, she stabbed into the fabric, only for the knife to bounce off of the wagon’s metal base.

“I’m trying to cut a hole in this thing.”

“Here.” I traded the hammer and screwdriver for her knife. “Let me.” I placed the knife at an angle, and holding the duvet in place, I slide the knife into the X she had already begun. The tip scraped against the base, but it did the job. “This knife is dull as hell so—”

“Thanks.” She said curtly.

“Sorry.” I got out of her way.

She glanced up at me with an odd look.

She pressed the tip of the screwdriver into the metal base of the wagon. Then, with a single test strike, she brought the hammer down onto the screwdriver handle. Instead of doing what I think she imagined, both the hammer and screwdriver jumped from the force.

“Woah!” For the first time today, she sounded like she had some life in her. “That was unexpected, huh?” She looked at me. The moment our eyes made contact, she looked away. “Do you mind doing this? I think I saw some rope in the garage.” She dropped the tools before I could respond before escaping to the garage. She returned after I poked two holes through the base.

It took some doing, but I managed to thread the rope through the holes and back over the tank. Eury suggested that it would be for the best if I did both the front as well as the back, just to give it as much stability as possible. So, I redid both the front and back of the wagon. With the tank fully strapped down, we were finally ready to pack everything else in.

The wagon was packed tight with the other oxygen tanks, extra clothes, food and water, as well as the other supplies including Sheila and Eury’s fire poker. That was everything except for one small black bag—the concentrator. It had been with Eury’s other things so I wasn’t really paying much attention to it.

“So… I was wondering.” She began.

“Don’t worry, I’ll figure out—” I interrupted, but she didn’t seem to notice and continued talking.

“I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind carrying my concentrator. I know we have the cart and everything, but just in case, I didn’t want to be left without any options. I can even carry the batteries if it’s too heavy—”

“Yes! Absolutely not an issue.” I said, beaming. “And don’t worry about the batteries, I’ve got them. Is there anything else you want me to carry?”

I’d like to think that it was because she saw my smile, but regardless, Eury finally smiled for the first time today.

“No, that’s it. Thanks.” Eury looked away as I tried the bag, on. “I’ll trust you.”

May 21, 2019 - 7:26 PM