“There you are,” Millie let out with a relieved sigh, “I found him! How the Hell did you get all the way over here?”

“Crawled.” I mumbled into the dirt.

“Crawdad?” Millie asked confusedly as she set her weapon down and dragged me under the fence, “What are you talking about?”

“I crawled,” I groaned, doing my part to help get me out of the deadly field, “why isn’t the quest over?”

“There’s probably still a handful out there, Liz’ll find ‘em,” Millie replied while I did my best to sit up on the right side of the fence, “are you okay? You look pale.”

“I could be better,” I joked as Millie finished helping me and squatted down in front of me, “how about you? I can’t help but notice you’re not actively trying to take a bite out of me.”

“Are you kidding?” Millie laughed, “You smell like a chicken-milk stink bomb. Chupacabras are the only thing wanting to take a bite of you at the moment.”

“I don’t like the sound of that ‘at the moment’,” I replied as a shotgun blast rang out in the distance, “is she alright?”

“She’s pissed,” Millie sighed, looking in the direction of the gunfire before clicking her tongue and turning her attention back to me, “so yes, very much so. Hell hath no fury and all that.”

“I thought that saying was about jealousy?” I said, slowly getting to my feet and pulling my axe out of the dead Chupacabra and through the gap in the fence.

“Probably,” Millie replied with a shrug, slipping her head under my arm and helping to keep me on my feet, “my point is she’s not going to stop ‘til they’re dead, might even go for a while after that. You really scared her.”

“I scared me,” I scoffed half-jokingly, “I’ll get her a card.”

“Something tells me this isn’t exactly a Hallmark moment,” Millie grunted as she struggled under my weight, “Christ, they did a number on you, didn’t they?”

“Just a little, yeah,” I replied, “here’s hoping Peterson’s got a first aid kit.”

“Or that this quest pushes us up a level,” Millie pointed out, “then it’s a few shots and you’re right as rain.”

“I don’t want to get shots.” I lightheartedly groaned.

“It’s penicillin or rabies,” Millie said, evidently missing the joke as she lugged my useless ass towards the van, “and I don’t date people who have rabies.”

“Note to self, no Werewolves in harem.” I muttered.

“Harem?” Millie huffed, “Okay, Mister Middle Eastern Prince.”

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” I chuckled as we finally reached Monster Mash, “Princes don’t spend their nights getting sucked dry by mangy Chupacabras.”

“Whatever,” Millie replied amusedly after helping me to sit down in the back of the van, “you good here, your Highness?”

“As good as I’m going to be.” I said with a weak smile, unable to decide if I felt worse sitting or standing.

“Want to keep the gun?” Millie asked, holding the rifle out in front of her.

“Me and Axy’ll be alright,” I replied while struggling to keep my hand wrapped around the slick handle, “besides, the sooner you two knock out the last of them, the sooner I’m back on my feet.”

Millie seemed unsure, but knew even in my weakened state that there was little-to-no chance of changing my mind.

So, with a forced smile, she moved over to and climbed over the fence, Liz’s shotgun ringing out again before her feet hit the dirt.

I did my level best to keep strong until she was out of view, which was made all the harder by her insistence on looking over her shoulder and making sure I wasn’t dead, but the instant I was clear of her line of sight my body flat gave out, slumping over and letting the darkness engulf my vision moments before I hit the hard metal flooring.

Not trying to be melodramatic, but I spent a good deal of my time floating around in the empty darkness wondering if it would be worse for them to come back to my limp, lifeless corpse than witnessing the moment of my death.

Thankfully, I wasn’t given a lot of time to think about how sad everyone would be if I died as I was hit with a congratulatory blast of sound so powerful I shot up and briefly forgot where I was.

LEVEL UP!

Please consult your L-UP! app to unlock LEVEL 3

“Never going to get used to that…” I muttered, patting down my newly healed body.

“Never get used to what?” Liz asked as she reached the fence, a dead Chupacabra draped over her shoulder.

“Nothing,” I replied with a smile, “what you got there?”

“Figure there’s no sense in leaving it out here for the old man to scavenge,” Liz said before tossing the monster into the back of the van, narrowly missing me, “stick it in the Trove, get some goodies.”

“That ain’t a half bad idea,” I huffed, hoping out of the van and vaulting the fence, “where’s Millie?”

“Out collecting a couple more,” Liz replied after setting her shotgun down on the fence and following me over to where I’d left my kills, “you level up?”

“Yep,” I said, gesturing to my body, “healthy, happy, and rarin’ to go.”

“Raring to go, eh?” Liz asked with a suggestive wink and a little nudge, “For real though, I forgot how much fun this could be when you’re not just stomping everything in your path.”

“Hell yeah,” I agreed, “I could do without the violent near-disemboweling, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t come out the other side feeling a damn sight better than that Rougarou hunt.”

“Perfect example,” Liz said as we reached the spot where I’d nearly bled out and grabbed the Chupacabras, “might actually scale properly now, give us a challenge.”

“Might even fight ourselves a Dragon,” I joked, ignoring unsettling squelch against my back as I slung the mostly gutted Chupacabra over my shoulder, “or at the very least a Wyvern.”

“Fuuuck that,” Liz scoffed, “don’t get me wrong, sounds like a Hell of a way to go out, but that’s about all it sounds like.”

“Huh?” I replied confusedly.

“Like a good way to die,” Liz clarified, “I know it can be done, but we’d need to be properly kitted out before we tried anything like that.”

“Ah,” I said with a nod, “actually, we might be by the time we get to that point.”

“I doubt anyone in town’s stockin’ Dragon-killing slugs,” Liz pointed out, “and beyond that, we’d need some heavy duty hoodoo to summon one. Unless you think there’s one hanging out somewhere in Harrow Peak.”

“All’s I’m saying is we shouldn’t discount the possibility of us being able to pull something like that off.” I replied, realizing only then that I was arguing what was supposed to be a stupid joke.

On the plus side, it passed the time well enough.

“What are you two on about?” Millie asked as we reached the van, tossing the corpses onto the pile.

“Dragons,” Liz chuckled before looking into the back of the van, “that everything?”

“Seems to be all that’ll fit,” I said with a nod after climbing over the fence, “you two got the ‘quest completed’ thing, right?”

“Um… yeah?” Millie replied, “Didn’t you?”

“Probably, I just passed…” I trailed off, “out? Shit, I thought I could finish that better.”

“You passed out?” Millie cried out worriedly, “You said you were fine!”

“I was!” I replied defensively, “I just had a little nap.”

“Was it an involuntary nap?” Liz asked with a smirk.

“A little bit, yeah.” I said, nodding embarrassedly.

“You dick,” Millie snapped, punching me in the arm as she did, “what if a Chup’ had come by?”

“I’d probably be dead-ow!” I yelped after copping another punch, “I literally just healed.”

“You should’ve thought of that before you lied, dicknose,” Millie replied, obviously having to force her anger a little, “God, get in the van.”

“I’m not driving?” I asked.

“Nope, you’re riding with the roadkill.” Millie said matter-of-factly before climbing into the driver’s seat, “Watch where you sit, one of them popped.”

“Thanks.” I sighed, shaking my head and smiling before grabbing the weapons and putting them in towards the back of the van as I climbed in, “Ugh, smells like present day Lassie.”

“What?” Liz asked after getting in the passenger seat before realizing what I’d said, “Oh… Oh, I’m sad now…”

“Yeah, that dog is so dead.” Millie remarked disappointedly before putting Monster Mash in gear and starting her three million-point-turn.

Alright, so maybe it was only a thousand-point-turn, but it still took forever and a day before we were on our way off the farm and driving towards home.

Of all the things Millie is great at, turning in a small space is not one of them.

Or parallel parking.

Or indicating.

Or slowing down in school zones.

Come to think of it, it was probably a bad idea to let her take the wheel.