You slap the button.

Ding.

Welcome to the breakfast room!

Y’no, I kinda envy you just for this room. The walls are lined with tables, and on those tables are basically the contents of a 5-star hotel buffet.

You’ve got bacon. You’ve got waffles. You’ve got fresh doughnuts. You’ve got little fruit bowls. You’ve got coffee. You’ve got tea. You’ve got juice. You’ve got a whole omelette station.

Basically, if you want it for breakfast, it’s there. Go ahead, eat your fill.

You spend a good while gorging yourself on the delicious food, while I gnaw on my little granola bar. Yep, no breakfast is provided for me, I have to bring my own. And the coffee in the break room is absolute crap, so usually I end up going down to the corner coffee shop for my lattes.

But enough about me.

What about you? Are you feeling better?

Oh good. I’m glad to hear that. Food always makes people feel better.

To: Big Boss Chris From: Testing Room Beta Subject: The test subject wrote “button” like a million times on the walls last night. Dude’s acting normal now, tho. Did the tech dudes find anything on the mask? Let me know. I can’t work to my full potential if you keep me in the dark.

After your third cup of- erm, what were you drinking?

Sorry. Got distracted for a minute there.

After your third cup, you settle down, really wishing that someone had thought to include a chair in here. You can’t even lean comfortably against the wall. Nope, it’s either sit on the floor, or stand.

You decide that this room isn’t as great as I’d said it would be.

Again, sorry. I’d make a note to include a chair next time, but the point of this room is kinda to see what you’d do without a chair, sooooo…

Anyways, you’re done eating. The food was good. Almost good enough to make up for a lack of chairs.

Welcome to the-

Ding.

Why did you-

Ding.

Oh no.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

I disconnect the button.

STOP.

I swear, it’s like dealing with a preschooler.

I ask you to do one thing, explaining my reason why, but nope you have to press that button like your life depends on it.

On a side note, I didn’t hear any “dong”s in there. Huh.

Anyways, let’s see where you’ve landed!

The room you’re in contains a pedestal. On that pedestal is one thing: a Twinkie from the 1960’s.

How do you know that it’s from the 1960’s? Well, quite simply because I know, and I just told you.

How do I know that it’s from the 1960’s? Because it says so in the file.

What file? Mind your own damn business.

Actually, just so we’re clear, you’ve had your free button access privileges revoked. From now on, I’m going to connect and disconnect the button as I see fit. Not only because that ding sound is mildly annoying on loop, but because if you do that enough times you’ll get permanently stuck in that room.

That’s right. You might pass up the exit room, and never be able to get out.

You don’t want that to happen, now, do you?

Anyways. Twinkie. What do you do with it?

You take the twinkie and shove it into your mouth.

What’s the worst that could happen?

You chew and swallow, grinning. Look at how happy you are. That’s nice to see.

Suddenly your stomach objects. Not surprising, really, that thing is like sixty years old.

You try to hold it back, but end up barfing all over the floor. Well done, dude. Well done.

I reconnect the button.

You decide that the only thing you can do is to cram it into the button.

So you do.

Good for you, using your brain to solve problems.

Except it does nothing but make the button kinda gross and sticky.

You rub the Twinkie in.

Do you feel better now? You do? Good.

Ok. Here we go.

I reconnect the button.

You turn your back on the Twinkie!

Such an outdated snack is not up to your standards! You will never touch it!

Hmph!

Well, I’m glad you have such conviction in you.

…

Are you ready to act like a reasonable adult? Yes? Ok.

I reconnect the button.

DO YOU PRESS THE BUTTON? Yes No