The Goblin King had been right. The tunnel had turned out to be a dead end, but it wasn’t the kind of dead end he imagined. The tunnel’s end led him to another cavern where there were piles of books stacked upon one another forming a mountain.

At first, Dalton had thought the place was a library of some sort. He had seen the Goblin King reading when he woke up, but taking a closer look at the contents, he realized that these were the doujinshi the Goblin King wrote and drew himself.

He randomly opened one and skimmed through the contents. Then he stopped at a page that caught his eyes.

The story depicted a very cute looking priestess, but her followers were…dressed weird. They wore simple clothes, just a white cloak, and their heads were all shaved. On the next page the followers were depicted as fervent and dangerous, as they convinced a mom to give them their son to summon a dragon to destroy the government.

The wall nearest to Dalton blew open. When the dust started to settle Dalton saw a broom head poking out of the hole. The broom head was pulled back and a black eye peered through the hole.

“Here’s the Goblin King.” The stone wall crumbled, and the Goblin King stepped forward with a broom in his right hand. “I told you this was a dead end.”

“I got to ask.” Dalton held up the doujinshi he was reading. “Is this a goblin cult?”

“Is it a cult?” That got a laugh from the Goblin King. “This isn’t a cult at all. Those goblins sleeping above are my followers. To unite them, I promised them riches and women in the next life.”

That had been enough to convince him. “It’s a cult.”

“Did you not listen to anything I said?” The Goblin King gave an exasperated sigh. He lifted his hand, an ominous glow formed around it. “Anyways, magic attack.”

He took a step back and slipped. A blinding light-struck at the side of his head. His vision was shaking and he fell in an ocean of priestess doujinshi.

“I missed.” The Goblin King looked down at his hand. “I was sure I destroyed the tie? Could it be simply luck?”

Dalton flipped on his stomach, seeing a giant hold the size of the King Goblin’s fist. If he had not slipped, his head would not be attached to his neck.

He was about to stand up, but among the many volumes of the Priestess Doujinshi, a flyer caught his eyes.

The contents of which made Dalton feel very ill.

“Hey, wait a moment.” Dalton climbed up to his feet, waving the flyer in his hand. “Can I ask something before you kill me?”

“You’ve finally accepted the fact that you will die.” The Goblin King gave a wide smile. “That’s good.”

“No. Nothing like that. Did you go to this school to learn how to use magic?”

Goblin King squinted. “I can’t read what I can’t see. Can you bring it over?”

Dalton looked at the flyer. He was sure the Goblin King was going to grab him if he went. So he read it out loud. “Magicx Academy, a subsidiary of Potion Academy. A place to learn magicx. Magic is spelled with an x at the end. Did you go to this school to learn from the Star Witch?”

“Why yes.” The Goblin King turned his head. “Where is this conversation going?”

“I thought you said you were taught by a Star Witch?” Dalton asked.

“I was.” The Goblin King crossed his arms. “She runs Magicx Academy.”

“But.” Dalton looked down at the flyer again. “This is an online course. Are you saying you learned a ritual to turn you into a Priestess through this course?”

“Of course. I also looked it up on Fakebook.”

“I knew it!” Dalton threw up his hands.

“Hey, I know that look. Don’t give it to me.” The Goblin King glared and pointed at him with his thick green finger. “That was a tough two-week course.”

“It’s even less than the Potion Master!”

“Hey! Stop yelling! You just don’t understand how hard it was. It took all my being to stay awake for an hour each day. And I finally passed with a smiley sticker.”

Dalton wanted to exasperate more, but he held in his tongue. It might be better to try and talk things out. He took in a deep breath before he spoke.

“Look, I just met somebody who was scammed by these people. What they teach you isn’t really magic, and I’m sure there isn’t any ritual to become a Priestess.”

“Oh, you’re one of those.” The Goblin King sighed. “That two-week course changed my life. I know you can’t understand it, but it taught me that every goblin has the heart of a pure Priestess.”

Dalton wasn’t sure what to say to that. It was ridiculous, and the way he said it made it sound like he had said something profound. So, he tried to tread carefully.

“I’m sure you want to be a Priestess, but there is no way that this ritual will turn you into a priestess!”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re not the first that has tried to deny my dream.”

“I’m not trying to deny your dream, I’m just saying don’t commit murder.”

“You’re only saying that, because I want to murder you. Stop being selfish and let me kill you so I can be a Priestess that protects people.”

“That is literally what you’re doing. You’re the selfish one.”

“The Star Witch told me about people like you. People that stomp on dreams. I’ve tried so, so hard. I’ve tried this ritual six times with some truckers-”

“You’ve already done it that many times?” Dalton asked exasperated.

“-And I’m going to do it again. It wasn’t my fault that it failed. It had to be the sacrifice. Those truckers were obviously not virgins.”

Dalton wasn’t sure about that. The truckers had all the hallmarks of being virgins.

“Let me get this straight.” Dalton gave him a hard stare. “You’ve done this six times, and it sounds like you haven’t changed anything about the ritual. Isn’t that called insanity?”

“Of course, I have changed things about the ritual. I have added bull testicles.” He held up a jar with rancid green liquid and the gonads of bulls floating in them.

“It’s the same thing! What is with the bull testicles? What does it do?”

“They were very expensive. I had to steal twenty kidneys from the truckers.”

Dalton blinked and shook his head. “Tw-twenty? What are you talking about?”

“I sold them on the black market and sent gold to the Magicx Academy for some materials. It cost me twenty kidneys.”

“When did kidneys turn into a form of denomination here?” Dalton asked.

“You know, I don’t need to answer any of your questions. I’ve already powered up another Priestess Punch.” His hand glowed ominously.

Dalton realized his mistake. He shouldn’t have been retorting. He should have been running.

He turned around, but a jar was thrown to his feet, melting the ground in front of him. The Goblin King smelled the fumes, a dangerous black aura dripped from his body.

“Behold the power of the jar of bull testicles.” The Goblin King announced.

“That was the jar!? What was in there!?” Dalton yelled.

“Bull testicles. Now prepare yourself. When you die, I will be the Priestess I’ve always dreamed of.”

He was going to die here. If he had the tie…he…the ring. Dalton quickly patted his body, and found the ring in his pocket.

“Ring!” Dalton held it up in the light like treasure. He slid it on his trembling finger.

“Priestesssss Puuuunchhh!”

A black light roared like the heavens. Dalton covered his face, and the light splashed against an invisible barrier around him and immediately froze crumbling into diamond dust.

“What?” The Goblin King looked around in shock. “What just happened? My Priestess Punch was defeated?”

There were cool blue letters glowing on the ring, showing that it had protected him from being killed by the Goblin King’s beam. Dalton gripped his hand, placing it near his chest as he grew determined to finish the Goblin King off.

He took a step forward. The Goblin King turned to him. His face twisted in anger and hatred, bearing his needle-sharp teeth.

“You did this?”

“Yes.” He held up his hand to show the ring.

The Goblin King hissed. “That magical power. It can’t be. It’s the darkness of death.”

“What?”

“As a Priestess, I shall purify it!” His right arm bulged as he gripped hard, pulling an enormous amount of magical energy into that one point.

“Wait, wait! I don’t think-”

A laughing skull flashed above the Goblin King.

“Witness my Purity. Witness the power of that shall purify this world. Witness the blessing I shall grant you!”

A black bolt of energy from his first struck one of the doujinshi making it rot.

“That does not look like purifying energy!” Dalton yelled.

“You are just jealous of my powers that I obtained from my two-week course!” The Goblin King screamed. “Behold, your end!”

The skull appeared behind the Goblin King, shrieking in delight.

“That’s definitely not purifying energy!” Dalton took a step back. “Like hell-”

“King Goblin Purity Strike!”

It flashed and struck Dalton. The ring created a cold barrier protecting him from instant death. He saw the skull chomping on the barrier with its sharp fangs. Its eyes glowed a deep muddy red that bled and fizzled on the ground.

The skull chomped down hard, and a crack appeared on the barrier, and at the same time so did the ring. Sensing the weakness, the skull did not stop, it kept on biting and more cracks appeared and spread.

Dalton cowered under the weight of the bites. He was going to die from a Goblin King that took a two-week magic course. He was starting to feel that maybe those weren’t so useless if he created a spell that was taking down the defenses of a ring given to him by Maya.

He could feel that the bites were working, and the ring was cracking. He knew that he had only three more bites at most before the skull would crack through and tear him into pieces.

The skull sensed this as well, and his chomps became stronger until finally there was only one bite left between the two of them.

It laughed at him to mock him, and then it bit down once more.

Dalton closed his eyes throwing up his hands to shield himself from the inevitable.

But nothing came.

He felt the ring shatter, and a breath of cold air hit his face. When he opened his eyes, he saw a field of ice and snow.

The skull was gone but its trail was still there, unaffected by the ice. At the end of the trail, the Goblin King stood in pose, his hand held out as he launched the beam. His flesh had melted off, and only his bones remained.

The spell must have taken its toll on him.

Dalton’s thumb touched where the ring had been. He could still feel its cold metal pressed against his finger. He was thankful to Maya for protecting him.

With the Goblin King dead, they may finally get their clients back.

Dalton turned and then was struck by a hot flash of light, blowing a hole through his shoulder. He dropped in the snow. The blood that came out of his shoulder melted the snow below him. The edges of his vision were once again being eaten away.

#

“I did it!” Malcolm whooped. “I slayed the Goblin King!”

“That’s not the Goblin King.” Ozul sat right next to him, peering through a pair binocular’s he found. “You just shot Dalton.”

“That’s impossible. He-” Malcolm squinted his eyes. Then he pulled the binoculars from Ozul and saw Dalton lying on his back in red snow. His gaze went to his chest. “His tie is missing,” Malcolm said in a quiet voice.

“Wonderful. That piece of cloth was not fit to meet my gaze. Everytime I saw it I- Hey, where are you going?”

He ran in the snow, thinking nothing but how fucked he was. He just shot a man that was lovers with a Star Witch. He might as well have sewn a string through his balls and hang himself from a tree by it.

When he got to Dalton, he checked his pulse. He was alive but losing a lot of blood. Malcolm went for his pouch pulling out an elixir, only to see that it was empty.

“Satoshi.” He gritted his teeth. That boy needed to control himself.

“Oh man! Eira is going to be so pissed. She hates doing paperwork for this kind of thing.” Ozul chuckled.

Malcolm turned to him and ripped off a piece of the wedding dress he wore.

“Hey!”

“Shut up! Just shut up! I don’t want to deal with you right now! I have to make sure this man lives, or our lives will be forfeited!” He wrapped the cloth around the wound as tight as he could before pulling him on his back.

“You’re talking like we’re going to die.” Ozul shrugged. “Eira won’t kill us. She’ll just give us a slap on the hand and then-”

“It’s not Eira we have to worry about!”

Malcolm rushed into the tunnel as quickly as he could, leaving behind Ozul. He needed to get him medical attention.

He couldn’t die yet.