《Give me my lily pad back.》Committee Commiserations
Advertisement
After much debate, a little discussion, a lot of humming and hawing, and more Honourable Ladies and Right Honourable gentlemen (Nobody explained to Mibbet, no matter how much she asked why ladies couldn’t be right honourable, but instead had to settle for plain old honourable.) The decision was reached to convene a council immediately after. (At the thought of yet more meetings Mibbet eyed the window longingly, with the same desperation as a wolf with its leg in a trap, but DIY amputation of the toothy variety really wouldn’t work here. “besides” Rosalind commented drily, “they’d just wheel you back in and you’d be less able to run from the next one.”
That made sense to Mibbet, who resigned herself to her fate (because she wasn’t allowed to resign to escape it mostly.)
As the half zombified members of parliament (given the age of the average MP it would not surprise her in the least if that description was completely accurate,) shambled out of the hall King Ethelred pulled Prime Minister Strike to one side.
“Told you, now pay up”.
With a groan the prime minister dug deep into his personal coffers (not to be confused with the parliamentary coffers no matter what certain members of parliament may tell you.) Reluctantly handing over the winnings. (Extremely reluctantly, it was a running joke in the kingdom that copper wire was first invented by him and the finance minister fighting over a penny.) But a bet was a bet, and he had lost fair and square. He really hated to lose too, far too little practice.
So in a supreme act of pettiness he turned to Ethelred. “Your daughter showed real skill in there, she should sit in on the council too.” He was stuck sitting in on this meeting, and out of pocket to boot. He sure as hell wasn’t going to suffer alone.
Advertisement
Despite her misfortune Mibbet was happy to attend this meeting (especially when the word coffee was mentioned, that particular perk really perked her up.) She took a seat as close to the door as possible, she wanted the option to flee even if there was no way she could possibly take it without more drama. Just then a maid quickly poured her a cup of the divine brew, and the meeting began.
Once long ago humans had decided they needed a way to do not a lot by seeming to do lots. They had had a meeting to discuss it, and then when that meeting stalled they called in more people and did it all over again. By the time the fourth such meeting had passed. Which consisted mostly of people grumbling about how nothing useful at all had happened in the previous three.) Somebody finally thought of those beautiful billable hours, and the devil himself grinned in glee, as the ultimate evil, the committee, was born.
Somehow despite this council convening years after that ill fated meeting , and in defiance of all logistics, this meeting was proving to be the grand daddy of all committee meets.
So far they had agreed the type of ginger snaps to bring to the next meeting (a highly controversial issue apparently, leading to 20 minutes of debate on the alternative options, with each member determined their particular brand of biscuit, cookie, macaroon, and even *gasp* meringue, was a hill they were ready, willing, able, and even determined to die on. Before a brave soul dared suggest the ultimate solution, to the shock of all assembled, a selection tin.)Then they decided that the previous meetings recorder had not kept accurate records, and nominated multiple candidates, and held an election for the new recorder. After some heated discussion on the fact that at least one member wasn’t there, so it wasn’t a real and binding vote, they’d have to come back to it later.
Advertisement
Mibbet meanwhile was considering the gnawability of her limbs, and eyeing the exit with a deep longing usually reserved for lead characters in romance novels to cast at the biggest jerk in the room. She desperately swigged her coffee, only to taste the greatest betrayal mankind had ever devised. “decaf” Rosalind grumbled, as somewhere deep inside Mibbets froggy brain something went SNAP.
“That hopping does it” she roared. “How many different ways can you think of to do nothing about a DROUGHT? You have a literal emergency, and here you are dithering over the flavour of biscuits, and who writes what down? So let’s make this simple, I’m chairing this meeting, want to argue? Fine, first puddle-spawner to try to debate it will need surgery to remove said chair from a place I’m fairly sure you’ve all been polishing benches with for the past few decades.”
Mrs Beaton of course rose to object, only to be met with a full powered glare of froggy fury that would make librarians reconsider their tactics, and heavily suggested she knew their full name (yes even the middle one) and would not hesitate to use it. So for the first time in her life Mrs Beaton found herself.... defeated, and sat down with Nary a grumble.
Next came Mr Mustard, a retired Colonel who had quite a thing for Mrs Beaton (and definitely for her cooking, and to be fair Mrs Beatons cream puffs were magnificent.) He rose to his feet, summoning all the harrumph, hmph, and all round blowhardery he was able to invoke, and prepared his best attack.
“Now see here my good woman.”
Mibbet didn’t even need to tackle that one, instead she unleashed the full power of a weaponized Rosalind.
“Oh begging your pardon sir, I was quite aware I was a good woman, but last time I checked I was not yours, was not betrothed or bonded to you, and most importantly was not and never will be the property of any man no matter what he may have to say to the contrary. Now sit down and be silent unless you are lending your particular expertise to the field of civic engineering, architecture, irrigation, hell even offering sacrifices to the great rain god Wannashowa would be more productive than what you just wasted hours of my life doing, and given that I just made him up that’s saying something. now SOMEBODY GET SOME REAL GODSDAMNED COFFEE IN HERE, OFFER ME DECAF AGAIN AND I’LL PUT YOU 6 FEET IN THE GROUNDS.”
After that silence had fallen, and could not get up. Rosalind took a deep breath and passed the reins back to Mibbet. It was time to see what she could do.
Advertisement
- In Serial207 Chapters
A Journey of Black and Red
A conversation with a handsome stranger leaves Ariane chained in a cellar with a strange affliction. She soon discovers that the darkness of the nineteenth century’s Deep South hides many dangers. Mages, wolf shifters and the humans who hunt them play a risky game where to stumble is to die, all under the amused gaze of the apex predators of the supernatural world: vampires. It is never healthy to attract the gaze of the aristocracy of the night. It takes much to survive in this merciless world, but Ariane will not let that deter her. The southern belle has a bite, and she is willing to learn and to grow in this hostile new world. She will use whatever means necessary to reclaim her freedom, be it guile, charm, or those intriguing new instincts that make blood so delectable. This is a story of vampires as I believe they should be, with their strengths and weaknesses, with their remnants of humanity and the beast inside. Updates every Friday. Mind the tags. Cover by Antti Hakosaari: https://www.artstation.com/haco Special thanks to Svensonsen for getting me started, as well as Omi Nya, Jemima, my patrons and you dear readers, for the support.
8 181 - In Serial54 Chapters
Wanted: Dead or Alive
John 'J.J. Cool' Jennings is a reformed criminal aiming to isolate himself within the state of Sloan in the rugged Western Halfland. Growing up within the notorious street gang known as The Sharks, he innately possesses the skill set for becoming a fearful ice Agist, or magic user. His dismissive attitude often runs him into trouble in this Wild West inspired fantasy web-series. With his talking horse named Poni as company, Jennings will need to overcome a dark past to create a bright future for himself, now made more difficult, with the added stress of maturation. [[ Season 2 returning soon ]] Visit Koijoi Ent. website for further information or to contact directly.
8 131 - In Serial6 Chapters
G.R.U.U.U.L
NOTE: after numerous tries, I could simply not think of a good way to keep this story going. I apologize to my readers. If anybody is willing to try and write on this story, PM me. Guard and Restraint of the Unknown, Unkillable, and Unsafe Lifeforms. The organization predates time immemorial, and has protected unaware humanity from horrors that cannot be spoken of. Everything in humanity's arsenal is used to keep these anomalies at bay. Everything ranging from ghastly eidolons, space warping household items, elements that don't follow the laws of physics and world ending threats are housed in numerous facilities, but are mostly sealed off within the headquarters. Who is the person that keeps these supernatural threats on a tight leash? Welcome to the Entries of Overseer S.
8 216 - In Serial23 Chapters
The Human Soul
PreludeThabo is a young man from earth who was one day sacrificed to the devil and thrown into Hell. This begins his journey to overcome many of Hell's trials eventually challenging the Devil himself in order to escape from Hell. Thabo is neither good nor evil as his sole purpose in life is to become one of the most power humans in existence and never have his life taken from him again. His goal draws him to a violent path as he attempts to conquer Heaven, Hell and everything in between.Authors note:I was born and raised in South Africa. Most of my motivation for the story will come from my experiences so despite this being a mainly Asia industry I hope cultural gaps don’t come in the way of readers enjoying my story. I love manga and anime and recently started reading web novels so I was inspired to write my own. Comments are greatly appreciated, thanks and enjoy the story.
8 215 - In Serial23 Chapters
Psychological Facts || ✔
Did you know that when offered to write with a new pen, 97% of people write their own name? Did you know that 90% of people text things they can't say in person? Did you know that the way parents talk to their children becomes the child's inner voice? Did you know that reading this book will make me happy? : )
8 126 - In Serial7 Chapters
Duskwood One-shot Collection
This is my collection of One-shots originally posted Tumblr.
8 63

