“But I got this," said Yuri. "It will be fine. Just, whatever you do, don’t move from this spot, okay?”

“Why?” I said, lowering my eyebrows. “Why do I need to stay right here?”

“If you wuss out and run off, I won't be able to find you once I make the grab. I need you to stay put, right here in this chair the whole time. Can you do that? Plus, I’ve never seen him get past the bell fountain before. The loop always resets before he can get to it. This is the safest place you can be."

“And when you say ‘him’ you mean the big-ass monster that is supposed to show up at any moment?”

“Exactly.”

“Goddammit, Yuri.”

The frequency of the vibrations were becoming more and more prominent. A human riding a horse stopped near us and looked around. Another person got on all fours and put an ear to the ground. A three headed dog barked, barked, barked. Birds fluttered away and the wind ceased.

All the nerves under my skin buzzed at hyper speed as the calm, Celtic music in my head fell silent.

Boom … Boom … Boom.

“Yuri?” I said. “I don’t like this. I think we need to rethink this.”

Horns blew in alarm from a high tower. People started running in all directions but mostly away from the precipice.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

“Yuri? Yuri?” I looked over to find her chair empty. “What the … Yuri? Yuri, where’d you go?” I pivoted this way and that but couldn’t find her. “Damn!”

The boom stopped, and a hand the size of a Hummer reached up over the precipice, crushing the wall. Massive fingernails dug into the ground for purchase and clawed out a fist full of cobblestones. Another hand followed, reaching farther in, grabbing a cylindrical tower as if it was a can of beer. A forehead appeared, then a single, massive squid-like eye emerged over the now exposed precipice.

My heart slipped into my ass and my skin went cold. My mouth dropped open and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.

“Holy …” was all I could squeak out, frozen to my chair.

The one big eye went wide, and the rest of the monster’s face appeared. A stubby nose sat squat in the center of its gord, and the rest of the face was consumed by the most disgusting pair of flabby wet lips I’ve ever seen on any creature in any world.

As it pulled itself up to its elbows, it bumped into a tower. The solid stone structure folded in on itself and collapsed as if it made of greased up Legos. The impact almost felt slow-mo, until I was hit with a wave of wind and dust that blew my lips and eyelids back.

The cyclops swung it’s lower body back and forth, struggling to get a knee up over the ledge. When it achieved that feat, the thud alone made me and both my chairs bounce.

Every instinct in me demanded I get up and run like hell, but I was frozen to the chair.

A handful of city guards appeared out of nowhere and lined up to mount a defense. There were probably two hundred or so, all with those tin, dick-head helmets. I couldn’t help think there was a really good gay orgy joke to be made here, but I was nowhere near the right state of mind to work that out.

A wave of arrows flew, striking the beast and doing absolutely nothing to deter it. In fact, I’m not sure the thing even noticed. More arrows flew, this time with fire tips. One of them pricked the beast’s bottom lip. The monster paused for that, but only for a moment to pluck it out, stare at it, pick it’s two front teeth with it, then swallow it whole.

Someone close to me, probably the captain of the guard, shouted, “Aim for the eye.”

I nodded. That was a great idea. “Yeah, aim for it’s eye,” I shouted. “Good callout!“

The Captain turned to look at me, did a double take at the out of place arm chairs, then turned back to command another launch. Unfortunately, his men didn’t get the chance to launch another volley, because, in the monster’s clumsy attempt to pull itself up, inadvertently crushed about twenty of them under a hairy forearm. Blood and guts and helmets alike flew horizontal in every direction—almost cartoony-like. Whatever was left of the line of bowmen completely broke and scattered into chaos after that.

Something wet and red hit me right on the chest, splattering my face and knocking the wind out of me. So much for staying fresh and clean, I thought as I tossed the glob to the side and hunched over in pain, squeezing the arms of the chair so tight my knuckles popped.

Slowly, the cyclops pulled the rest of itself up and got to its knees. At this point, it was about as tall as the average sized tower. After it got to its feet, I found myself eyeballing the big boy at around forty to fifty feet high. Maybe even sixty. Not nearly as tall as the alcove ceiling but tall enough to scare the living Lizard Milk out of anyone as small as I was.

When I saw it was completely naked, I had a sudden, terrifying flashback of walking in on my dad getting out of the shower when I was really little. That’s what this reminded me of—like something Satan himself would draw in grade school art class to permanently scar the teacher for life.

The cyclops took a moment to consider his surroundings. Then it bellowed a low, deep melodic laugh that rumbled the city and made my chest quake. It pounded its own chest and then, well, it went to town … literally.

A dramatic crescendo of drums and strings ramped up in the back of my mind. It took me a moment to place the song, waiting for the guitar intro to end.

The cyclops took a swing at a nearby tower and sent a speeding brick in my direction. I dove out of the way just in time. The back of my chair, however, was not so lucky.

Ah, Highway to Hell by AC/DC. That was the song.

The Cyclops kicked down a building, swiped a group of people up and chomped them into bits. Blood and gore squirted out of its mouth like wet firecrackers at Chinese New Years. Debris came raining down around me like hail on the periphery of a bloody tornado.

Hiiiiighway to hell!

Hiiiiiighyway to hell.

I’m on the hiiiighway to—whoa!

Another brick flew past my face, bounced off the Copper Fountain behind me with a boooooing! I gasped as it splashed into the fountain’s basin, sending a wave of cold water in my direction.

I could hear Yuri’s voice now, but where was it coming from? I looked around, but she was nowhere to be found.

“Yuri, where are …” I turned around, looked up, and found her standing on the rim of the upside down bell, way up at the top.

“Come here you ugly bastard,” she yelled while banging on a small hand-held gong.

Where the hell did she get a gong? Was she carrying it around in her pack this whole time?

“Come on, come on, come over here,” she screamed.

“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled. “Are you insane?”

Hiiiiighway to hell!

I’m on the hiiiighway to hell!

The Cyclops spat a handful of bodies out, dropped the clock tower it was using as a baseball bat, and looked over in our direction.

“Oh, shit,” I said, as it smiled and stomped towards us.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

The dust got to me before the monster did. But when it settled, and my eyelids stopped blinking profusely, I discovered two huge feet flanking me on both sides.

From this angle, my neck craned all the way back, all I could see were sinuous parts of a whole: lumps, bumps, and hairy chunks of fleshy mass I’d rather not describe further. Every part of me that wasn’t already clenching as tight as it could clench, clenched the shit up, and a single thought ran through my mind: This, right here, is what a spider sees before it dies in the shower.

Every human instinct inside me bubbled up to the surface, hitting the boiling point as the massive creature got down on its hands and knees, lowering it’s face so that it was only a few feet above Yuri, who was still banging her gong. He seemed to take an interest in the melodic pounding sound.

What I wanted to say at the moment was something like: “Yuri! Yuri, I can see it. Look, the pendant, it’s right there around his neck! It’s right there!” But all that came out of me was a clipped breath and a bit of pee. Plus, she was already on it. Of course she was, she’d done this plenty of times before. She knew what she was doing, how to get the beast’s attention, and how to position him for the grab.

Yuri jumped over me, aiming for the pendant, but the cyclops lifted a finger and flicked her away like she was a bug. She flew across the park and crashed into a large hedge.

Hiiiiighway to hell!

I’m on the hiiiighway to—whoa!

When it picked me up, I heard something crack, whether it was the chair or all the bones in my back, I wasn’t sure. Probably both. As it lifted me towards it’s mouth I could hear someone screaming like a little bitch. I had my eyes closed so I couldn't tell who it was, but—oh wait ... that was me. Nevermind.

Then something strange happened. The beast started to slow down. In fact, the whole world slowed and eventually came to a halt, except for me. When I opened my eyes, I was suddenly at eye level with the dangling pendant, which was frozen in time with everything else.