“No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!”

Stubborn and intractable as the Bekhai are, they have nothing on Mei Lin. Cheeks puffed and eyes teary, my sweet wifey clings to my wrists and refuses to let go until I let her have her way, even though I’ve spent the last hour sitting in the courtyard and trying to convince her to give up on her silly idea of coming along. As much as it breaks my heart to see her so distressed, I won’t give in and bring her with me to the front lines, but she is unrelenting in her efforts even though I’ve already convinced everyone else that this is for the best.

Well... I’m not so sure about convinced. Akanai still seems none too pleased by the way things are going and Mom is busy arguing with Guard Leader and her cronies off to the side, but at least Dad stopped scowling and Husolt told me to do what needs to be done. Pragmatic as always, Mila didn’t argue and merely announced she wouldn’t insist on coming along with me because she had too much work to finish, but also that she would avenge me if I were to die. Song just nodded when told she would be coming with, though her ears also twitched in a short-lived display of excitement, no doubt eager to get back into the thick of battle. Taduk has yet to chime in, but considering he’s been standing behind me and clutching my shoulders ever since the Justicars left, I’d say he’s none too happy with the Disciplinary Corps, but powerless to do anything about it. My sweet teacher is a good-natured man who is too kind for this world, and it hurts me to see him so upset, but there’s nothing either of us can do. Even if Luo-Luo and I faked our deaths and snuck back to the mountains to live our lives in obscurity, there’s no guarantee Jixing would just give up and go home. In all likelihood, he’d throw a fit and take out his anger on the Bekhai and my allies, plus there’s still the minor matter of an army of Defiled to contend with...

Life is getting too complicated. All I want are five wives, lots of kids, and a giant menagerie of adorable floofs, plus the money required to sustain my expensive lifestyle. Is that so much to ask for?

...Well I also want to improve the general standard of living and reach the pinnacle of Martial Strength, not to mention revolutionize the way the Empire thinks and bring their morals up to a more acceptable standard. Oh, and getting rid of all Spectres and Demons would be pretty nice too, not to mention fixing the whole Anathema conundrum, and...

Okay, fine I’m asking for a lot. So sue me.

Unable to continue arguing with Lin, I scoop her up and sit her on my lap, holding her close while she buries her face in my shoulder and sulks to no end. Wracking my brain for an argument, I find myself at a loss for words, because in truth, I do want her by my side, but not out on the front lines. In spite of all my bravado, I really don’t want to go, because war was a terrifying experience even when I had the strength to stand and fight. Crippled as I am, I can’t even run on my own, which means I will be wholly reliant on Nian Zu and the Death Corps to keep me safe, an unsettling prospect if there ever was one.

It’s not a pleasant feeling, being vulnerable and helpless, almost worse than the daily agony from before. Physical pain is easy to deal with, but the pain of being powerless is a whole different thing. It’s like I’m back in the mines again, desperately toiling away in the vain hopes that Gortan and his cronies won’t notice me today, but I know it’s already too late. They’ve seen me and marked me for punishment, but it won’t come until I’ve done my part. Back then, it was gather enough stones, and today, it’s march out of the Citadel, same shit different day.

Speaking softly in hopes I won’t be overheard, I whisper the truth into Lin’s ear. “It’s not that I don’t want you by my side wifey, but it’s too dangerous to bring you along. This won’t be a normal trip to the front lines, and not just because my Core’s been shattered. The Justicars’ judgment is a farce, a ploy to get me out of the citadel and away from prying eyes so Jixing can strike. Bringing you along would be leading you straight into the lion’s den, understand?”

“Then don’t go.” Changing tack quicker than I can follow, Lin clutches me tight as if all would be well if she never let go. “Contest the judgment and demand a trial by combat, then you can stay.”

“I could, but it’d only buy us a few days at most. Jixing would just come up with another scheme to send me away.” Assuming we even win. Kuang Biao is a thirty-seven year old Peak Expert, and Jixing gave him up without a fuss. Who knows how many other powerful warriors he has at his beck and call? “Besides, how can I ask Mila, Dad, and Grand-Mentor to risk their lives just so I can stay safe, much less all of the Bekhai? I won’t do it Lin, you know me better than that.”

“But –”

“That’s enough Lin-Lin.” Though spoken with only a modicum of steel in his tone, Taduk’s semi-stern statement is the closest he’s ever come to rebuking his beloved daughter, so one look at his face and Lin falls silent without protest. Releasing one hand from my shoulder to pat her head, Taduk doesn’t explain why he chided her and no one asks why, because this is how it’s gotta be. I’m the Legate’s sacrificial pawn, and I can hardly do my job if I hunker down in the citadel. Jixing isn’t the only one on my shit-list, but Mom and Dad still think of the Legate as my benefactor, a concept I’m having difficulty accepting. While he did help me out, he only did it so I could distract Jixing and his other enemies, so I figure the scales are balanced once I head out. Forget gratitude, Shen ZhenWu is lucky I don’t have Ping Ping blast his ass with water the next time we meet or worse.

Still cradling my pouting wifey, I nuzzle her close while wondering what comes next. Family aside, the rest of our guests have long since left, with Nian Zu leading the way once he had a firm grasp of the situation. Too busy convincing the rest of my family to let me go instead of openly rebelling, I didn’t get the chance to ask him about his plans. I know he intends to tag along to ‘oversee’ my situation, but he didn’t say if he’d be coming alone, with a cadre of trusted guards, or with an entire army. My guess is the cadre of trusted guards, because more is not necessarily better in this instance. Like Kuang Biao said, any random soldier could be turned to Jixing’s side through bribery or blackmail, which means aside from the Death Corps and other slave soldiers, I need to be wary of who I trust.

...Like Nian Zu.

No, there’s no need to drink the paranoia kool-aid. If Nian Zu wanted me dead, all he would have to do was keep quiet and let things play out. Du Min Gyu accompanying me to the front lines would be no different from Nian Zu coming along, and in fact would probably be easier to get around. All Jixing would have to do is get Du Min Gyu his own posting and send him elsewhere without me, not a difficult task if Nian Zu is already in the Yangs’ pocket.

As for the rest of our guests, I’ve no idea where they weigh in on things. Will Yuzhen work with Dad and Luo-Luo to resist political and economic attacks? Will the Tyrant come with and guard me from threats? When Wu Gam said he’d stand on my side, did he mean he’d lend a hand or that he’ll literally stand beside me and wait for me to die before swooping in to steal Yan? ‘Grandpa’ Du is the easiest to read of all, heading off to bed without so much as a ‘goodbye’, no doubt already considering who he wants as his next grandson-in-law, a pragmatist at heart. My bet is on the aforementioned Wu Gam, else why would ‘Grandpa’ have invited the promising young half-fox to travel with him? I can’t imagine it’s because he enjoys Eccentric Gam’s company, but then again, Du Min Gyu is an old bachelor who never married, so maybe I’m wrong and the GyuXGam ship is already sailing over open waters.

As for Yan, she was none too pleased with my decision and stalked off with ‘Grandpa’ Du. It’s not that she’s given up on me in anger, but rather the opposite, no doubt using what little political power she has to try and save me from my fate, appealing not just to her doting grandfather but also to her terrifying sister Da’in and the powerful Ryo family behind her. I don’t expect much to happen, because even though the formidable Da’in has been singing me praises and Seoyoon is... fond(?) of Fung, there’s no benefit to be had if the Ryo Family backs a cripple against the Prime Minister’s son. Maybe if I were still hale and healthy, things would be different, but as things stand, I am merely a burden.

Let’s be real... I was a burden before too, just more of a burden now. Fame and reputation are fleeting, but power is everything, a lesson I would do well to never forget.

By the time Taduk finally convinces Lin to leave me be and go to bed, the moon sits high in the sky and I’m almost too tired to stand. Belatedly wishing I’d remembered to ask how the Spiritual Plant garden is going, I turn down Alsantset’s offer to help me back and push myself to my feet, wondering about the root cause of my infirmity while I shuffle back to my room. According to Taduk, Tokta, and the other Bekhai Healer’s I’ve seen, the tofu pudding has pretty much fixed all my discernible injuries, so there should be no reason why I can’t walk without assistance, but I can’t. I’m still malnourished and recovering, but there’s nothing physically wrong with me anymore, so why can’t I stand tall on my own two feet? It’s not a matter of poor health anymore, but rather the suppression of the world we live in, crushing me down and keeping me weak whether it be through increased gravity, reduced oxygen levels, or maybe just magical restraint because I’m lacking a Core.

Also, it might have something to do with my heavy ass skeletal frame. I’ve got protruding bones and I still weigh more than a hundred kilos, which is understandably difficult to lug around without any actual muscle. Still, so much doesn’t make any sense. How do regular peasants without Cores or Martial training have the strength to stand beneath this oppressive atmosphere? In the same vein, how do they regrow teeth without Healing? ‘Ignorance’ is not an answer, or at least not a useful one. It’s like asking ‘How do fish swim’ and answering ‘instinct’, which isn’t exactly wrong, just not a helpful answer.

Maybe Zhen Shi’s notes will shed some light on the matter. I can sleep while we travel, but who knows when I’ll find time to read again. I probably shouldn’t bring the books with me and give them back to Fu Zhu Li, but I’ll keep them for one more night at least.

My plans to curl up with a book and die inside are interrupted as soon as I arrive at my room, where I’m greeted with the sight of a big ol’ cuddle puddle. Looking up with a yowl of displeasure, Jimjam sighs and lays his head back down, keeping Baloo from getting up to say hello, but Banjo plods over to press his face against my thigh. Gurgling like a motorboat, his big brown eyes are so warm and loving in the glowing candlelight, but not as sweet as Aurie’s. Without even getting up, Aurie arches his back and stretches while dragging himself across the room, his belly flat on the ground and legs splayed out behind him, a cute and adorable reaction which makes me wince in pain for his manhood, though from his wide eyes and goofy grin, Aurie doesn’t seem like he’s in any discomfort. Cooing and petting for all I’m worth, I bring Banjo and Aurie back to the pile and find Mama Bun curled up against Jimjam’s chest, fast asleep and snoring without a care in the world while surrounded by would-be predators.

This is the life I want, the bliss and happiness I yearn for. What can I say? Mama Bun has got it made.

Too enamoured by my sweet floofs to pay attention to my surroundings, I set to coercing my babies back into their cuddle puddle while wishing I could take pictures to show everyone. Most won’t care, besides maybe Yan, Lin, and Song, but I still want to show the world how adorable my floofs are, especially Aurie when he’s laid out flat on his back and rubbing his eyes, so sweet it’s diabetes inducing. Sadly, I’ll have to leave them here while I play bait for the Legate, which means at least a month without seeing them again. I’ll miss them so much...

While petting my floofs and enjoying their sleepy antics, I resolve to say goodbye to Roc and his flock before I leave in the morning. They’re all roosting above Song’s room, in a big barn shack I had built for them, but I don’t visit often because stairs are a bitch. Last I checked, Yipi and a few others had laid eggs, something they haven’t done before because they never had a suitable roost, but come springtime, the flock could double in size depending on how many eggs hatch. As much as I’m looking forward to petting the fluffy little chicks, I’m also terrified the flock is going to get out of hand, because they’re already a pain in my ass with their noisy, thieving ways, and there are only twenty of them to deal with. How will I manage forty or more? Should I neuter and spay them? The wildcats and rabbits too, and maybe even the cattle as a means to control my pet population. They’ve yet to go into heat, but springtime is coming soon which is prime baby-making season, and I don’t want a bunch of icky incest bun-buns and kittens.

“Ahem.”

“Fu -” Surprised by the polite cough, I scramble to my feet ready to scream for help, but the words die in my throat as I spot the intruder. Hands folded in her lap, Luo-Luo kneels atop my bed with her head lowered in shame and submission while naked as the day she was born. Silken black hair, pale, creamy breasts, and perky, pink nipples are all I can focus on until she does the impossible and offers a more alluring sight for me to feast upon. Slowly lowering her head to the mattress, she kowtows once and holds the position, her face pressed to the sheets and hips raised high, a tantalizing sight which fills me with desire.

If she were turned the other way, I’d probably pass out from blood loss, but as things stand, all I do is lean shakily on my walker.

“Lord Husband,” she whispers, the tremble in her voice only further stoking the flames of my desire, “Your Luo-Luo has come unbidden and beseeches Lord Husband to forgive her audacity, but she fears if she does not act tonight, then there may never be another chance.” Her face still hidden as she holds her kowtow, her body trembles with fear or anticipation, and it’s all I can do to keep from running over. “If Lord Husband dies, then Luo-Luo will forever be his widow, but she does not wish to become a virgin widow. Please grant Luo-Luo this one wish, and she will be eternally grateful.”

Blood flowing... away from brain... thoughts... slowing...will to resist... crumbling...

Burning with desire, I shuffle over to the bed with walker in hand while burning the sight of her naked, kneeling form into memory. Stopping just out of arms reach, I swallow hard and resist the urge to rip my clothes off and throw myself atop her. “Sit up.” The command comes out sharper than intended and Luo-Luo flinches at my tone as she hurries to obey, her eyes filled with a mixture of fear and desire. She wants this, is all but throwing herself at me, so why should I say no? God she’s beautiful, so perfectly proportioned it’s almost unreal, her bountiful breasts heaving as she pants ever so slightly while yearning for my touch, but it would be wrong. I like her, I respect her, and I even trust her to some extent, but the cold harsh truth is this: I don’t love her.

Not to say I’ll never love her, but if I sleep with her tonight, it’ll become a moot point. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to love her while wondering if I’m motivated by true affection or guilt, and that’s not fair to me or her. I never asked for a consort, but if Luo-Luo is going to be my wife, then I need to treat her right, which means treating her as more than an object of desire. While I may be a horndog with multiple wives, that doesn’t mean I don’t love Lin, Mila, and Yan with all my heart, so it wouldn’t be fair for Luo-Luo to spend her life with a husband who doesn’t love her, not to mention I don’t know if she’s doing this because she likes me, or because she thinks it’s what’s expected of her.

On the other hand... boobs. Tough decision.

Still unsure what to do next, I open my mouth to speak, but someone beats me to the punch. “Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. Such lust, such sin.”

Luo-Luo’s voice joins with my own as we both scream in alarm, and I belatedly wish we hadn’t as all hell breaks loose in my room.

Charging through our connected wall in a shower of debris and splinters, Dad arrives only a second after my Death Corps guards burst through the door and engage the stranger, while my floofs scramble around the room in panic. Hands pressed together in prayer, the old monk dances away from their combined attacks and says, “Apologies for the intrusion, Junior Brother. This humble monk is the Abbot of the Penitent Brotherhood, here to listen to my Senior Brother’s last will and testament.”

At this declaration, Dad stops short and retreats to guard Luo-Luo and myself, but my Death Corps guards don’t stop until I order them to. Awkwardly sliding off the bed while Luo-Luo frantically fights to cover her shame, I draw myself up to full height and offer a Martial salute, because I have no idea how one greets a monk. “My condolences for your loss,” I say, urging my beating heart to still. “Ma – err... your Senior Brother helped me face a difficult truth during a dark time in my life, and his passing was difficult for us all.” Noticing Luo-Luo shivering beneath the covers, Mom armed with her spear and peeking through the hole in the wall, and a crowd of concerned relatives and neighbours standing outside the door, I gesture towards the courtyard and say, “Why don’t we move this discussion outside?”

One thing’s for sure: I won’t get any reading done tonight, but I still want to look through the books. Probably for the best the Abbot arrived when he did though. Despite all the arguments I had against having sex with her, Luo-Luo’s naked breasts were convincingly winning the argument.

I mean... look at them. How can anyone say no to breasts like those?

Chapter Meme