My moment of triumph comes to a crashing halt as I ponder the implications of my recent discoveries.

If the Legate can see into my Natal Palace, could he see the Spectres lurking in wait? I don’t see why not, unless his ‘vision’ is arbitrarily limited to what I create, or he doesn’t ‘see’ into my Natal Palace in the traditional sense of the word. If so, then why didn’t he have me executed for being Tainted? Or notice Blobby hanging around the first time we met? More importantly, will he be able to ‘see’ the glob of Heavenly Energy and recognize it for what it is? What will happen if he does? Will he have me captured and enslaved to force out my secrets? Will he have me killed to keep my discovery to himself, or keep me alive as his personal font of Heavenly Energy? Are the Bekhai strong enough to openly contend against the Imperial Clan? Should I even let them try? My family has sacrificed enough for me so I can’t let them fight and die for me, but since I refuse to submit to slavery, what other options do I have?

Best case scenario is the Legate never finds out and I never have to answer any of those difficult questions. I should pass this Heavenly Energy to Taduk and tell him to use it to help Mom as soon as he can. In the meantime, maybe I can make it harder for the Legate to see into my Natal Palace...

Crafting a plain, wooden chalice, I place the Heavenly Energy inside to keep myself from accidentally using it for something silly like Insight or Enlightenment. Less of a cup and more like a bowl sitting atop a stem and base, the chalice is nothing like the smaller, stacking teacups of the Empire and seems entirely unsuitable as a receptacle for the Divine, but for some strange reason, I feel like it fits. I should ask Charok to make one for me in real life, I could use a proper chalice to drink from.

Or maybe not, considering how little it takes to get me drunk.

Leaving the chalice on Baledagh’s nightstand, I turn to the void and focus my will, crafting a sphere of dense, impenetrable water, not made of the Spiritual Water which I’ve already used up, but instead more like a false image of water to replace Blobby’s sheltering embrace. It doesn’t flow like real water should, and is closer to a portrait of water than anything else, but with luck, it will serve my purposes well enough. Worried it won’t be enough since the Legate either saw through Blobby or didn’t see him at all, I do the same with the space formerly occupied by my mental model of the village, crafting a veritable ocean of faux-water for Baledagh’s old room to float in. To further obscure the Legate’s prying, perverted eyes, I conjure dozens of copies of the room and spread them all about, creating dozens of different, fancier chalices to sit on those nightstands, a clam-shell game to keep the Legate from finding the one, important room containing the most important wooden chalice. The copies lack the detailed ceiling or cozy comfort of the original, but unless the Legate inspects each one individually, it should be enough.

Hopefully.

I briefly consider conjuring a horde of naked, burly muscle-men engaging in explicit acts of coitus to taint the Legate’s eyes should he ever try to peer in, but to do that, I’d have to imagine said acts and taint my own eyes in the process. What’s more, I’m leery of crafting new personas to hang out in my Natal Palace, especially ones which might find my boyish good looks and slender body sexually appealing. Besides, crafting an entire ocean wasn’t as easy as I thought it’d be, leaving me drained and exhausted as I stare at my new and unimpressive Natal Palace. It’s no beautiful mountain village, but it’ll do for now.

Conjuring a skiff for me to lie on, I float through my Natal Ocean to rest and parse through everything that just happened. Why were the Spectres lying dormant these past few days when I would have been most susceptible to their lies? Did they not get the memo regarding my mental breakdown or did they simply not care? Why do their remains yield Heavenly Energy? It’s not much and I have no idea how to use it, but it’s something. How did I do it anyways? I didn’t think too hard about it before trying, but now that it worked, I’m curious to know the mechanics behind what I did.

Okay. Let’s break it down step by step. What do I know?

Blobby is a drop of Heavenly Water. Blobby eats Spectres and poops (or pees... I dunno) Heavenly Energy. Blobby came across me while drifting around Western Treasures Lake and presumably helped himself to a meal of my Spectre-infested mind. Afterwards, he stuck around and shared his Heavenly Energy excretions with me to keep me alive because... I don’t know why. Maybe he saw me Devouring Spectres on the beach and decided I’d make for a great meal ticket, or maybe he knew about my ability to invade Natal Palaces. Wait... Does that have anything to do with the Legate’s Natal Palace scrying abilities? Can he do the same, dive headfirst into someone else’s mindscape? I should figure out how I do that, but where would I start? Akanai, Baatar, and Taduk don’t know either, so it’s either a unique Talent or a well-kept Imperial secret.

I’m rambling again. Where was I going with this?

Right. Blobby. Why would Blobby pick little old me over an Ancestral Beast like GangShu, the Azure Ascendant? For that matter, why was Blobby even in the Lake in the first place? Then again, I doubt it’s a coincidence I found him so close to Butcher Bay, where a literal army of Tainted, Defiled, and Spectres were hiding in plain sight. To Blobby, it must have been like an all-you-can-eat buffet or something.

Stop it! Focus on the task at hand. I have the attention span of a god-damned goldfish...

Back to the beginning. Blobby is a drop of Heavenly Water. If my hypothesis is right, this mean’s he’s pure Heavenly Energy mimicking the properties of water. Since Chi is a bastardized version of Heavenly Energy, then it stands to reason I can create a Blobby equivalent using Chi. So Heavenly Energy plus Water equals Heavenly Water, and Chi plus Water equals... Spiritual Water? Whatever I want to call it, it serves more or less the same function as Heavenly Water, cleansing Spectres to create pure Heavenly Energy.

You know... Maybe I have solved the mystery of why Ping Ping loves drinking the water I practice with. All this time, I’ve been trying to inject Chi into water so I can control it, but since I never succeeded at making water shields, swords, or bullets, I just assumed I failed every single time. Have I been making Spiritual Water this whole time? Only... I’ve been doing it in reverse, leaving the water unbound while filling it with what is essentially diluted Heavenly Energy. Maybe Ping Ping loves it because it saves her the effort from binding water on her own, which explains why my other animals don’t seem to care for it. They don’t understand its value because they have no way of using Spiritual Water, but Ping Ping does.

Or maybe not. I dunno. Why can’t she bind water on her own? Are there limits to how much one person can bind? Maybe not limits in the strictest sense, but it could be similar to Spiritual Weapons. The more weapons you bind, the harder it gets, requiring a ‘bigger’ core before you can bind more weapons. Maybe it’s the same with water and Ping Ping found a way around those limits when she sensed me making Spiritual Water nearby. It’s possible she doesn’t have to bind the Spiritual Water I create, though what she uses it for aside from water-bombing threats, I couldn’t say. I wish Ping Ping could talk, things would be so much easier if she could answer my questions.

Then again, if she could talk, I’d probably be too scared to open up and ask her anything. Trust issues and a glaring lack of self-confidence are my greatest failings. Or maybe it's my angst and anxiety issues. No, those are bad, but nothing compared to my stubborn refusal to adapt to cultural norms, inability to remember my manners, short attention span, and... well, let’s just say I have a lot of issues. Who can say which is the worst?

Getting off track again...

So... what now? Manipulating Heavenly Energy is supposedly the be-all-end-all goal in life, but why? So I can make myself a new body? I dunno, as much as I like to complain about it, I kinda like the one I have. Sure, it’s a little on the shorter side, but if I were any taller, then it would make cuddling with Lin and Mila awkward and uncomfortable. Besides, the tiny amount of Heavenly Energy I have is barely enough to fill the gaps in my teeth, both figuratively and literally. Seriously, I doubt I have enough to make a new tooth much less an entire body, and there are no more Spectres flocking in to replace the ones I’ve cleansed. In fact, despite the massive crowds drawn here by the First Imperial Grand Conference, Nan Ping has a surprising lack of Spectres in general, so negligible they might as well be extinct. Why is that? Is Central that much safer from the Defiled Taint, or do the Imperials have some super secret, anti-Spectre technology? Does it have something to do with the Spectre dormancy or all the shit going on in the West?

So many questions, but no real answers. Seems about par for the course.

I might as well focus on questions I can answer. For starters, what can I do with Spiritual Water besides cleanse Spectres and mouth-fountain water tricks? Eager to find out, I slip out of my Natal Palace to get more water to bind, having used all I previously had to turn Spectres into Heavenly Energy. Opening my eyes, I stifle a yawn while taking a quick look around and find nothing out of the ordinary. Guan Suo is still smoking, Guard Leader is still rowing, and Taduk is still sitting on the edge of his seat, though Mama Bun now sits in his lap instead of Guard Leader’s. My clothes are still wet and Ping Ping still has more than half the giant squid remaining, so not too much time has passed since my epiphany. Five or ten minutes at most, yet it feels like I spent an entire day engrossed in heavy mental labour, my mind foggy and spirits flagging.

In retrospect, destroying my Natal Palace because it made me feel sad was probably a huge mistake.

Though curious to know if my guess is right, I hold off on injecting Chi into water while out on the Azure Sea. Ping Ping is a sweet, kindly soul and is more than happy to wait, but who’s to say the denizens of the sea would be equally polite? After making sure Blackjack is still calm and comfy, I grab my water skin and drink deeply, enjoying the cool, refreshing taste of clean water, deliciously free of fish guts and kraken ink. Closing my eyes once again, I step back into my Natal Ocean -

Where I am greeted by the grim darkness of the void.

All my wasted effort...

Only the tiny white room and my new chalice remains, with no sign of the water or copied rooms to be found. Putting aside my disappointment, I bind the water in my belly before turning my mind to the mystery of the disappearing Natal Ocean, and the answer immediately becomes apparent. Although the Baledagh I interacted with was little more than a puppet and not an entirely different person, Baledagh was a separate personality, a minor but important distinction. I spent years working to keep the facade from crumbling apart, and these schizophrenic shenanigans had the beneficial side effect of helping me multitask efficiently, essentially keeping one part of my mind always focused on maintaining my Natal Palace and the puppet within, because without it, my ‘other self’ would have no where to stay. Useful in one way and debilitating in so many others, it appears that without the driving force of my neuroses, this tiny room is all the Natal Palace my feeble but sane mind can sustain.

The truth weighs heavily on my shoulders as I collapse into bed and bury my face in the pillows. The Legate explicitly hinted that a bigger Natal Palace is better. Considering his air-walking abilities and all the praise Luo-Luo sings about his bestowed name, it stands to reason ‘Divine True Warrior’ would know what he’s talking about, but why would size matter? I can practice Chi manipulation in this room as easily as I can in a giant village, and truth be told, I rarely used the village anyways. It was mostly there to remember better times, but now, even those memories are tainted by all the idiotic things I’ve done.

So what now? Do I create another Baledagh and leave him in my Natal Palace? Does it have to be a person? Could I make like a dog or a turtle and do that instead? Would I even want to? It feels... disrespectful of my little brother’s memory to replace him with an animal, and shameful as my weakness might be, I can’t disregard everything Baledagh did for me. I wouldn’t have survived without him, and that’s the truth.

...

Is that why Baledagh’s room remains, when nothing else does? Am I clinging to his memory as a subconscious way to grieve?

An idea comes to mind, one so crude and tactless it pains me to even think it, but I can’t let it go without trying. I’ll need strength and power in the days to come, and even if I don’t know how size correlates to strength, at least I know it’s a step in the right direction. Steeling my heart, I slink out of Baledagh’s room and stare into the void, reaching back into memory to conjure a second room into existence. Calling it a shack would be generous and more than a little misleading, as this hovel of packed, clay walls would hardly be suitable for chickens to roost in, much less a home for a person, but home it was to one poor, unfortunate soul. Dim and unsightly, the interior boasts a packed dirt floor covered with woven-grass mats. The door is little more than a few branches lashed together and the roof leaks more than most sieves, but there’s a homely pride to its interior, with every item in its place, neat and orderly as can be. The floor was always swept, the linens always clean, and clearing dust and grime had been a daily battle, but one she never skipped, not even at her lowest.

Ai Qing was a woman to be admired, someone who never let life’s hardships bring her down. A courageous, persevering young woman, she was more noble of spirit than most aristocrats I’ve met, and the first woman I fell head over heels in love with.

It feels horrible to admit, but it’s the truth. Though I was already betrothed to Lin and Mila, I had yet to fall in love with them. I had feelings for them sure enough, but not the burning passion of love and intoxication I have now, more like the smouldering affection of friendship and affinity, accepting them more out of resignation than anything else. They both wanted to marry me, or at least Lin wanted to and Mila didn’t mind her mother’s choice, so I figured why not? Things have changed since then and now I love them more than life itself, but back then...

Standing in the doorway, I peer around the home where sweet Qing-Qing nursed me back to health, my throat tight and eyes filled with tears. Even after all this effort, I can’t bring myself to step inside, overwhelmed by the memories of our short time together. I remember the darkness and fear as I woke for the first time in ages, a man battered and broken in both body and mind, ravaged by my trip through the Lake and the truths uncovered within. I remember her soft touch against my bare chest and her gentle, yet firm insistence I remain in bed, her intentions clear as day despite my blinded eyes and deaf ears. I remember the first time I saw her, how she wiped away her tears before noticing I was awake, and how quickly she recovered from my bumbling reassurances of how I wouldn’t rape her...

My other self might have come to terms with Qing-Qing’s death, but the pain feels fresh today as the day I lost her. I want to see her face, hold her hands, hear her sing her mournful melodies, and even though I could do all of that with a snap of my fingers, I’ve already disgraced her memory enough for one day. Stepping away from the door, I will myself awake and hope no one saw my moment of weakness. Pretending to rub my eyes awake as I can wipe away the tears, I breathe deep to clear my sinuses and swallow the lump in my throat while trying to find the courage to go back and check.

There’s no winning. If Qing-Qing’s hut is gone, then I will be pained by its loss, and I will be similarly pained if it remains. At least if it is still there, then it means my Natal Palace needs to be modelled after a place I have strong emotional ties to, whether it be Baledagh’s room, Qing-Qing’s hut, or the village in the mountains, though they’re all places I’d rather not have to look at, day in and day out.

If strong emotional ties are what’s needed, maybe I can model my Natal Palace after the Golden Swan Pavilion. Course, seeing how I haven’t been there in years, I’d have to go back for a visit and refresh my memories... for research purposes.

Falling back into bad habits, I reach into my pouch and pull Blackjack out, giving the sweet hare a little nuzzle while delaying the inevitable. Squirming in my grasp, Blackjack’s head bobs up and down, indicating it wants to go higher, and I stand up and raise the cloud chaser hare into the air. Freezing in place as I spot something on the horizon, my mouth proves faster than my brain as the question slips out. “What’s that?”

“It’s a boat.” Feeling generous, Guan Suo refrains from calling me an idiot, though he turns around with a raised eyebrow in question. “What have you been doing back there? We spotted it close to twenty minutes ago.”

Belatedly noticing Ping Ping has finished her meal and my clothes merely soggy instead of soaked, I realize I spent quite a bit of time lost in memory. “Was meditating,” I lie, shrugging as I sit back down. “So... any idea who’s on board?” The unknown vessel has a distinct lack of flags or banners and would look more at home moored to one of Nan Ping’s riverside docks than out here on the Azure Sea, with a sheltered living quarters in the back so one can enjoy the scenery without being subjected to the elements. A pleasure barge, essentially a little pavilion on a ship where one would drink and make merry.

Studying my red eyes and puffy cheeks with open curiosity, Guan Suo offers a shrug of his own before turning away. “We’ll find out soon enough.”

He’s not wrong. With Guard Leader’s powerful strokes guiding us forward, our skiff drifts to a stop a few meters from the barge, and silence ensues, both Guard Leader and Guan Suo content to sit and wait while Taduk studies the pretty engravings on the side of their barge. Seeing how no one is willing to speak, I raise my voice and call, “Hello. Is anyone up there? We mean you no harm. I am Falling Rain, Warrant Officer of the Empire and I’m here with my Teacher -”

“Well as I live and breathe! If it ain’t the little hero of Sanshu.” Interrupting me mid-sentence, a familiar face pops out to greet me with resounding cheer, his hair and beard as unkempt as always. “Ye ain’t satisfied with one drop of Heavenly Water, boy?” Lei Gong asks, smiling to take away the sting of his words. “If yer here to steal a second one from under our noses, then mark my words boy, it ain’t gonna be so easy this time.”

Oh wow. This is going to be awkward... but first things first.

“Greetings, Lord of Thunder. Is the Azure Ascendant in? This lowly one would like to offer his greetings.”

“Nah,” Lei Gong replies, his answer flooding me with relief. If they’ve been hunting Blobby all this time and our groups come to blows, at least they won’t have an Ancestral Beast in their corner. Ignorant to my rude and somewhat murderous thoughts, Lei Gong continues, “Somethin’ came up and he ran off with Wugang about a week ago. Only me and Yuhuan here aboard, Daxian and Yelu Shi are in Nan Ping on other business.” Lowering his voice to a booming whisper, he adds, “Between you and me, ye might want to steer clear of the Tyrant. She’s none too happy with ye on account of killing her darling nephew and all.”

In my defence, her ‘darling nephew’ OuYang Yu Jin died while charging across stage to impale me on his spear, but yea, I can see why she’d be upset. Before I can respond, the Tyrant in question appears next to Lei Gong and looms in all her shapely glory, her mature beauty more than enough to stir my heart. “The Runic device I left with Jorani was activated last night,” she says, glaring down at me as if I were an offending bug, which I find both terrifying and arousing. “Tell me, what crisis warranted its usage? If that fool activated it on a lark, I’ll boil him alive and use his skin as a rug, GangShu’s hopes be damned.”

Umm... What?

Chapter Meme