I like to think of myself as an old soul trapped in a young body, because technically, that's exactly what I am. I admit I don’t always behave like a mature and reasonable adult, but in my defence, there are extenuating circumstances and age is not always accompanied by wisdom. My current mental status could result from the rampant teenage hormones affecting my judgment or an utter lack of past experiences to draw upon. What’s more, considering the nature of the scattered memories I have access to, the evidence all points towards one irrevocable fact.

In my previous life, I, Rayne, was a man-child.

It’s not the worst thing in the world but sometimes, I lie awake in bed and wonder what life would be like now if I’d been a useful, contributing member of society before transmigrating into my current circumstances. What if I’d been a rocket scientist or an engineer and I brought useful information with me instead of pop culture references or an endless array of satirical captioned images? I could probably build awesome things like mundane guns, non-flammable explosives, or stuff to improve the standard of living, like a flushing toilet.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Then again, I suspect even if I had all my memories intact, they’d be worthless to me at this very moment. I’m not ashamed to admit I am out of my depth here. I mean, ignoring any Demon-induced fantasies and useless, fractured impressions of my past life, one could rightly say I only have seven years of memories, which pretty much makes me a baby. Sure I’ve seen and experienced some real shit in those seven years, like prejudice, slavery, torture, and warfare, but nothing could prepare me for what I am experiencing now.

The adults are arguing and I don’t know how to stop them.

No matter how old you get, it’s always awkward when your parents squabble and doubly so when you yourself are the cause of said bickering. After a brief stop to buy me five pairs of swimming pants, Akanai dragged everyone back to my camp to discuss our next move. The lines have been drawn and each person has taken one of two sides, which are coincidentally (or not) divided by gender. Akanai, Sarnai, and Alsantset all insist we declare open warfare against the Canston Trading Group in the bloodiest way possible, by killing any and all people associated with the group save for those inside Nan Ping. They believe the Legate, and therefore the Empire, will side with the Bekhai in this conflict, especially considering the Canston Trading Group is at fault for mistreating one of our own, namely me. As contributing members of the Imperial Defence forces, the citizens of the Saint's Tribulation Mountains are afforded a number of benefits which include tax-exemption and protection from slavery, so legally, we’re well in our rights to exact vengeance in ‘blood and fire’, as Akanai is so fond of saying.

On the flip side, while Taduk, Baatar, and Charok aren’t exactly against bloody retribution, they all advocate caution and treading lightly in these volatile times. I can’t blame them, especially in light of recent revelations. In my concussed state, I was too focused on my rumbling belly to put much thought into Guan Suo’s warning, but it turns out Zhu Chanzui isn’t just a ‘Gluttonous Pig’ like his name suggests but actually the progenitor of all piggies, the bristleboar Ancestral Beast. The Canston Trading Group was established by him and their profits fund his hedonistic lifestyle and support the hundreds, if not thousands of children resulting from said lifestyle.

It’d be sweet and fatherly if all of Zhu Chanzui’s half-piggy children didn’t end up as slaves of the Canston Trading Group. I almost feel bad for the piggies.

Almost. I still remember how much delight Gortan and his cronies got out of tormenting the downtrodden and defenceless. There was no slave-master forcing them to laugh at our screams or make our lives even more miserable than they already were.

Knowing everyone is willing to risk the wrath of an Ancestral Beast for little old me is both heartwarming and spine-chilling, but that’s besides the point. The women argue that as an Ancestral Beast, Zhu Chanzui is bound by ‘the Treaty’, an agreement which prevents him and other Ancestral Beasts from acting directly against mere mortals. Or at least, that’s what I think the Treaty entails, in all their bickering, I can barely get a word in edgewise. Long story short, the main dispute is over how we collectively go about getting revenge for me, with me standing ringside to watch the battle unfold.

“Bide our time?” With a resounding snort, Akanai curls her lip in disdain and looks down at Baatar. “You have been ‘biding’ your time for years now. At what point does prudence become cowardice?”

Rolling his eyes like a snide teenager, Baatar mutters, “So unreasonable and bull-headed, yet you wonder why I kept the details from you...”

“Oh, how rich coming from a dog-brained fool.” Though still chair-bound from her coma, Sarnai’s acerbic tongue still cuts deep. “Not to mention a honey-tongued liar. You told me they were a small trading company not worth mentioning, but instead it is a faction backed by a Divinity!”

Blanching in fear, Baatar kneels beside her and takes her hand. “I would never lie to you my rose, I believed those words true when I spoke them. I only learned the details months later, after I brought the Banner back out to patrol.”

Eyes narrowed in suspicion, Alsantset turns on Charok and asks, “Did you know too?”’

“No beloved, but if I did, I would not tell you.” A brave man, my brother-in-law. Stupid, but brave. “If you could see past your anger, you would understand why. What good will come of making a public spectacle? Those responsible for his torment are dead and gone, so we will only smear little Rain’s reputation by telling the world what happened. We should act with discretion and find a different approach, one which will allow our brother to keep his dignity.”

Distracting Alsantset from retorting, Taduk offers himself as a target for everyone’s wrath. “Bah. Chickens will soar like eagles before you pack of blood-thirsty brutes learn to do anything without swords drawn and bows bent.” Like always, my teacher uses the Common language despite understanding both languages perfectly. “I told you all to live and let live, to bring the boy home so he could begin his recovery, but instead you added oil to the fire and brought him to take part in a slaughter. As if he hadn’t seen horrors enough, your actions led him down a misguided path, indoctrinating him to idolize strength above all else and telling him it would solve all his life’s problems. Little wonder he fell to temptation and-”

Silence ensues as everyone glances at me, their eyes reflecting a mixture of guilt, concern, and fear. I’d feel worse if it was my fault we almost went full Defiled, but I lay that blame solely on Baledagh’s shoulders. Okay, yea, maybe I deserve a tiny, minuscule portion of the blame, what with my righteous wrath and desire to kill all things Defiled after being exposed to their handiwork, but to be fair, that was some fucked up shit. Still, it doesn’t help that they’re all tiptoeing around the subject, I use this opportunity to state my case.

Despite knowing there’s a Chi barrier in place to keep our conversation private and the nearby Guan Suo can’t hear a word we’re saying, I decided to stick to the Bekhai language just in case. I mean, the dude said he’d ‘think twice’ before crossing blades with Zhu Chanzui, not run screaming in terror like I assume most sane people would, so who knows how strong he really is? Are all red-pandas ridiculously powerful and confident or am I basing my results on a skewed sample?

Clearing my throat to get everyone’s attention, I look them all in the eyes and say, “It’s no one’s fault I almost became Defiled.” No one but mine and Baledagh’s, but I digress. “I appreciate everyone’s willingness to help, but I don’t want you starting a war with an Ancestral Beast, not for my sake.”

Fierce as ever, Alsantset claps my shoulders with a disgruntled frown. “You are one of the People and the People defend their own, no matter who stands against them.”

“Thanks but we all know most of the People want me gone.” My words strike a chord as everyone looks away, once again trying to pretend the problem doesn’t exist. “They won’t be happy if you drag them into a personal feud because of me, but it’s okay.” I sell the lie with a genuine smile. “I don’t need all of the People to like me. I have you guys, my loving family, which is more than enough.”

I might be laying it on a little thick but my words have the desired effect and defuse the tension in our familial dispute. The two couples smile, bat eyes at each other, and silently apologize and forgive words spoken in anger while Taduk and Akanai stand about and fidget, the former with his robes and the latter with my hair. Smoothing out the hair she just mussed, Akanai asks, “So what will you do? Swallow your grievances because your foe is too strong?”

Well... yea... but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that’s not the answer she wants. “It has nothing to do with their strength.” Another lie, but I think I’m getting better at them. Practice makes perfect, right? “Logically, I understand that Charok and Teacher are right. The individuals who enslaved me are long dead and with that, the debt is settled and I should move on, but I can’t.” Finding strength in their supportive gazes, I give voice to the doubts buried deep inside, so deep even I’m a little hazy regarding the truth at times. “No matter how strong I become, I’ll never forget what it’s like to be a powerless slave, beholden to the murderous whims of another. I’m not ashamed of my past.” Wow, so many lies, when will they end? “The Canston Trading Group and the Empire should be the ones who feel shame, for allowing such despicable practices to take place. If I thought it’d make a difference, I’d tell the world everything about my past, about my suffering. No one should have to suffer like I did in those mines, and while some might sympathize and others will denigrate me, telling my story would change nothing. I’ve done enough harm to the People’s reputation. No need to tell the world their young hero used to be a slave.”

An invisible force flicks my forehead, hard enough to startle me into wide-eyed alarm. “Pei,” Sarnai says, her lips pursed in disapproval. How did she do that? Can she teach me? “Out of all the fine qualities to model yourself after, why choose your Mentor’s dog-brained foolishness? So what if the world learns you were once a slave? It might have been an issue years ago when jealous skeptics would cry Defiled, but that is no longer an issue for you, my talented son. Your strength will still be admired and envied if your past is revealed.” Gesturing for me to come closer, she tweaks my ear lightly and pokes my chest for emphasis. “What matters is unravelling the knot in your heart. Fear and hatred are powerful emotions. If left to linger and gnaw away at your mind, it might hamper your future growth, even with the drop of Heavenly Water keeping you free from the Father's touch. Destroying a mere Canston Trading Group is nothing if it will relieve you from those restraints. The Ancestral Beast is a complication, but that burden is for others to bear. Know this: I will not tell you the specifics, but say the word and I promise you Zhu Chanzui will be a mere memory by year’s end.”

Taking her hand in my own, I marvel at the strength of her grip. Sarnai is a fighter at heart and she’s itching to make the first strike. What’s more impressive is how she believes every word she says, which means the Bekhai have someone capable of taking out an Ancestral Beast. Is it Akanai? Or maybe Sarnai’s Mentor, Guard Leader? Or one of Taduk’s friends, like whoever helped him travel to Yo Ling’s island and back to the Bridge in three days? While a small part of me screams to say the word and see the Canston Trading Group wiped from existence, I know it won’t be so simple. It wouldn’t change anything, like letting me beat a crippled Gortan didn’t change anything. If I want to put the past behind me, then I need to do so with my own two hands, and my stupid morals won't let me endorse a wholesale slaughter.

Besides, now that I know how strong we really are, I can always run home to mommy if things get too rough.

I love my family.

After sharing the bare bones of my hastily conceived plan with my family, they all agree to step back let me handle things for now. Unfortunately, with Ping Ping intent on keeping me close, covert action is off the table. Instead, following my gut, I ask Rustram to discreetly find out everything he can about the Canston Trading Group, with a focus on any nearby, slave-driven enterprises. If Gortan and his bunch were left to their own devices, chances are my experience was not a unique one. In fact, bristleboars are famed for their gluttony and deviant behaviour, which means things are so much worse than I’d thought. Not only is their sadistic and debauched treatment of slaves not frowned upon, it’s commonly known and whispered of. Why the Shrike or her mysterious Master never checked them for Defiled, I’ll never know. Politics probably. Can’t go Purging an Ancestral Beast’s people, they might fight back unlike the poor and impoverished citizens. If any of the piggies overstep and go full Defiled, I’m guessing the Canston Trading Group handles that problem in house, but if I get lucky and find a piggy who has already turned, then I can offer him as evidence and let the Emperor decide what to do next.

Am I being unfair by targeting the Canston Trading Group and Zhu Chanzui? Maybe.

Do I care? Not really. I can’t end slavery, but if I can shine a light on these abhorrent practices and generate enough public outcry against it, then maybe things will change for the better. If not, then at least I can feel a little better about myself. Either way, if I find proof of Defiled, great. If not... well, I won’t lose sleep over killing bristleboar guards who torment slaves for fun.

And this time, I won’t need Alsantset to cripple them first.

Our impromptu family meeting comes to an end and I bid my parents and grandmother/future mother-in-law/boyhood crush farewell. In desperate need of cuddles, I head back to my yurt with Ping Ping in tow to find Lin and Li Song sitting inside a makeshift rabbit enclosure. Made with wire fencing purchased from the city, the enclosure protects my adorable bun buns from dangerous predators like Sarankho and Mafu and give the cotton-tailed floofs plenty of room to scurry about and exercise. Resisting the urge to squeal in delight and roll around with my bunnies, I first greet Lin with a kiss on the cheek. “Hey sweet wifey. Crazy discovery today. Did you know they make swimming shorts? They’re made from cotton cloth treated with tree sap and other stuff which makes the material completely waterproof. Not the most comfortable pants in the world, but they serve their purpose.”

Giggling so hard she can’t even breathe, it takes Lin a long time to respond. “I know,” she gasped, still tittering away. “The fisher-folk had them in Sanshu and I found a store that sells them inside the city. I bought outfits for everyone and we were gonna take Tate and Tali swimming later.”

No wonder Guan Suo thinks I’m a pervert. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been swimming around with a scarf wrapped around my crotch for two days now!”

Cackling in delight, Lin answers, “Because it’s funny, ya?”

“Why you...”

Shrieking in delight as I pinch her cheeks lightly, Lin slips away and runs to Li Song. “Kyaaaa Li-Li, Rainy’s bullying me!” Taking cover behind the cat-girl, my mischievous wifey sticks out her tongue. “It’s your fault for being so naughty, hubby. I thought you bought the scarf for me, but you kept it, which made me think it was a gift for another woman. By the time Daddy told me what you were using the scarf for, it was already too late.” With a heart-wrenching pout, Lin wraps her arms around Li Song and rests her chin on the cat-girls shoulder, seeking comfort for her pains. “I was still mad so I told everyone not to set you straight. You reap what you sow hubby.”

It’s impossible to stay mad at Lin, but I make a real effort to try. “I am shocked and appalled you think so poorly of your hubby. Ever since our betrothal, I’ve had no eyes for anyone besides Mila and you.”

“Hmph.” Shooting me a petulant glare, Lin asks, “Oh really? Then I suppose I imagined seeing you ogle Yan-Yan on the balcony earlier today?”

Damn it. She saw that. “That doesn’t count, I had a concussion.”

“And showed your true colours!” Leaving Li Song to rescue Blackjack from Tawny One’s aggressive attentions, Lin holds the quivering hare to her cheek and pouts. “Lin-Lin is so pitiful, her hubby is a deplorable, philandering beast, but what can she do? She loves her hubby so, so much, ya?”

Heartbroken and contrite, I walk over and wrap my arms around her quivering body. “I’m sorry, sweet wifey. It was my mistake.”

Turning away from me so I can’t see her tears, Lin’s shoulders tremble as she asks, “Are you still mad about the swimming shorts?”

“Of course not,” I reply, wishing she’d go back to her usual, happy-go-lucky self. This is all my fault, I have the sweetest, happiest woman in the world as my betrothed and I still made her cry. “It’s my fault, I’m an immoral, debauched pervert and the whole world should know it. Forget the swimming pants, I’ll keep swimming with the scarf. I’ll stop wearing pants all together and walk around wearing nothing but a scarf to warn women of my deviant behaviour. Don’t cry sweet wifey, I’ll...”

Lin’s shoulders continue to shake, increasing in intensity with every word that comes out of my mouth. Finally catching on, I forcibly turn her towards me and find her choking back her laughter, which erupts at the sight of my bewildered expression. “I’m sorry hubby,” she says between gasps. “I couldn’t help it, ya? I didn’t want you to be mad, but then the joke got away from me...”

A little miffed but more relieved she isn’t actually crying, I lift her off the ground and growl, “You... You...”

“Don’t worry hubby.” Beaming with pride at having pulled the wool over my eyes, Lin nuzzles in against my neck with a quiet sigh of contentment, happily leaving her feet to dangle. “If you wanna marry Yan-Yan, then do it, ya? She looked real pretty, but I'm a little sad because she didn't see me waving.” Leaning away, Lin looks me in the eyes with a grave expression. “You still hafta show restraint though.” Pursing her lips, I watch her do some mental calculations before speaking again. “No more than five wives okay? That way, I get you for two days a week. I won’t stand for any less.”

You know... Slavery, torture, PTSD, near-death experiences, and impending doom aside, my life is pretty awesome.

Chapter Meme