Basking in the morning sun, I greet the new day with a smile, ready to search for treasure. I’m feeling good about my chances with how things turned out. In the interest of fairness, Zian and the others wanted to pick their zones, claiming it was only fair since I had the advantage of Jester Wang’s guidance. I reluctantly obliged but things worked out after BoShui ended up with the North-west quadrant. This is where the top brass lived, meaning Yo Ling’s manor is mine to plunder.

Finally lucky. It’s about damn time.

Though there’s only one-fourth of the island to cover, it’s not a small area by any measure. It took five hours of marching to cross the island and reach the outer edge of our quadrant, and since the sun had already set by the time we arrived, this is the first real look I’ve taken of our hunting grounds. Rugged and uneven, the island seems incapable of supporting much natural life. A few grasses, weeds, and mosses add minimal colour to the landscape, with the odd, scraggly tree growing in the rocky, loose soil, a light dusting sitting atop solid bedrock. The stone-brick buildings are well-built but exceedingly filthy, unsurprising since bandits aren’t known for their cleanliness. Reeking of mildew, rotten food, and worse, we left the buildings unoccupied, sleeping atop the jagged stones beneath the stars instead of subjecting ourselves to its foul stench.

Before going to sleep last night, we searched through the buildings around our campsite, but a quick once over uncovered nothing of value. Unsurprising since these were the barracks for common bandits and warriors, unlikely to contain much hidden wealth. I’m more interested in the officers' quarters and the forges sitting on the island’s coast. If what Jester Wang says is accurate, there probably won’t be much of value in the other quadrants, which is fine by me. I don’t mind splitting the loot, I’m here for the thrill of finding it.

After bringing a hot breakfast to the Guard Leader and her cronies, I leave a basket of meat and fruits on the ground for my fur babies before ducking into Lin’s tent. Waking the sweet girl with a kiss on the cheek, my little wifey pouts and groans in protest even as her nose twitches at the fragrant smell of breakfast. After struggling to decide between food and sleep, gluttony triumphs over sloth as she sits up, her eyes bright and hair in disarray. “Morning hubby,” she says, accepting her bowl with a toothy smile.

Too cute.

Devouring her breakfast while I brush her hair, Lin leans back to nestle against my chest, sighing in contentment. “Yummy! Hubby, you’re the best.” Affecting a pout, she continues, “Poor Mi-Mi and Li-Li, they’re probably eating a cold breakfast all by their lonesome. Why’d you send them away with that stinky Zian?”

“Stinky? You’re too biased, he wears more perfume than anyone I know, plus he's the prettiest man I’ve ever met. I was even worried Mila would fall for his charms and abandon us.” Kissing Lin on the temple, I resume brushing her hair. “It’s not like I wanted to separate from her, but I had no choice. While he’s all cordial and polite on the surface, I’m certain he’d decapitate me given the chance, so partnering with him would have been too stressful. Even though she doesn’t have a rank, Mila’s the best choice to handle him. His enmity ends at me and she’s smart enough not to start a new blood feud, so it’ll be fine. Plus, if things go south, then she has Tursinai there to back her up. Mila’s a tough girl, she’ll survive without us for a day or two.”

My words earn me a double poke, one finger to each cheek. “Silly Rainy, Mi-Mi’s still a girl. It’s not a nice feeling when your hubby sends you away with another man. You need to make it up to her after this, ya? Maybe you should finally get her a betrothal gift. You gave Yan hers months ago and Mi-Mi’s been waiting all this time. Unlike your sweet Lin-Lin, Mi-Mi gets jealous easily, so you have to work a little harder to please her.”

Wait what? “It wasn’t a betrothal gift, it was a going away present for a friend. Anyways, I gave you both your betrothal gifts. You’re wearing parts of it right now.”

“This?” Thrusting her hand in front of my face, Lin wiggles her new ring, a golden, diamond-encrusted band boasting a heart-shaped sapphire the size of my thumbnail. “Oh, hubby... It’s so shiny and I love it, but it’s not a betrothal gift.”

Oh no... How much do they expect me to spend on a betrothal gift? “So... what's a betrothal gift?” In hindsight, I probably should have asked this earlier.

Braiding one side of her hair while I do the other, Lin giggles and answers, “A betrothal gift is supposed to be practical, something we can use to contribute to the household. We can’t do anything with rings and jewellery other than sell it, and then what? See, you gave Zabu and Shana to Yan, which means she has two quins to help her hunt and bring food and pelts home. So you need to think of something for Mi-Mi that matches her personality. Easy, ya?”

Huh, that’s rather down-to-earth of the People. I like it. Then again, it probably became a tradition because so many people died young. With these parameters for a betrothal gift, it’s pretty much ensuring your spouse has some means to earn a living after you’ve croaked. Ah whatever, I’ll treat the jewellery as a regular gift, their smiles were worth it. Plus, it’s not like I worked hard for the money and gemstones, Jorani and co. stole it all. “Hmm... so does that mean I should build Mila a forge? I wouldn’t even know where to start...” And what do I get Lin? Taduk provides her with everything she needs to be an herbalist.

“You can ask her daddy, but I think it’d be better if you got her armour. Something like Li-Li’s, ya? Mi-Mi’s not as durable as you are.”

Runic armour? How rich does Lin think I am? Praying I find something expensive on the island, I’m struck by a chilling thought. “You don’t think I’m trying to marry Li Song do you? Is that why you were so upset when I didn’t give her any jewellery?”

“Silly Rainy. We were upset because you gave us gifts right in front of her. If you had nothing to gift Li-Li, then you should have waited until we were alone. It’s rude ya?”

Sigh. There are so many of these little customs and courtesies, how am I ever supposed to learn them all? “When we get home, I need a crash course on how not to be rude. Just to clarify, I gave Li Song the armour because she’s the only one who can wear it, not because I’m interested in her.”

“I know and Mi-Mi knows too, but everyone else doesn’t see it that way. Runic Armour is priceless, you can’t buy it even if you have money.” So where am I supposed to find one for Mila? My little wifey thinks too highly of me.

Her braids finished, Lin reaches for her clothes and I turn away before she strips down. My little wifey has no sense of propriety, finding nothing wrong with taking off her pajamas in my presence. As nice as it sounds in theory, the four fearsome guards standing outside would happily beat me bloody should I ever overstep my boundaries. Unaware of the epic struggle between reason and lust going on within me, Lin continues chatting. “It’s fine, Li-Li doesn’t want to marry anyone anyways, not yet at least. Think of it as helping her keep pesky suitors away. No one’s gonna approach her after you gifted her Runic Armour.” Hugging me from behind, Lin whispers, “Don’t worry, if Li-Li changes her mind and wants to marry you, I don’t mind. Towel please.”

Handing her a wet face-cloth, I sit and wait as she washes her face and brushes her teeth. This girl, she’s too accommodating. How many wives does she expect me to have?

...Not that I’m complaining.

Unfortunately, beautiful though she might be, I don’t see myself ever marrying Li Song. Besides, knowing her, she’d probably rather marry Mila instead of me, so this is all a moot point. Man, I have more possible rivals than I thought... I should treat Mila better before she realizes she’s better off with someone else...

Leaving my pets with Lin, I bring Gerel to meet up with our Society partner, waiting outside while BoShui’s guard wakes him, my fellow Warrant Officer still sleeping off a bender. Truth be told, I didn’t stick Mila with Zian just so I could avoid an awkward situation, because it’s equally awkward hanging out with BoShui. He didn’t take the Shrike’s death well and still kinda blames it on me. With his Spectral compromised soul, I thought it best to have Baledagh keep an eye on him. Handing the reins over to my little brother, we stand and wait with a piping hot bowl of rice gruel in hand.

Looking like death warmed over, BoShui wincing at the glare of the morning light. “Mother’s sagging tits,” he groans, taking the bowl without a word of thanks. “What time is it?”

In control of our vocal chords, Baledagh declines to answer, studying our Tainted ally. “It’s getting worse,” he says mentally. “At this rate, it’s possible he’ll turn wholly Defiled before we leave.”

It sucks not being able to see what he sees, but we each have our own strengths. “How can you tell?”

“Most people only have a handful of Spectres about them, never coming in contact while whispering their hateful lies. It’s of little consequence to anyone with a good head on their shoulders, but the more Spectres there are, the worse it gets. The air is thick with Spectres around this one, diving in and out of his body as they please. Even his guards are affected again.”

Shit. Baledagh cleansed them only two mornings ago, when we set out from Sanshu. None of the people in my retinue suffered from a resurgence of Spectres, so I figured they were inoculated against further infection, but it seems I’m wrong. No wonder everyone’s hairs are in a twist when it comes to the Defiled, one bad apple truly spoils the bunch. “Anything you can do to slow it down?”

Baledagh gives a mental shake of his head, impressive considering he’s not here in the void with me. We’re more in tune with each other now, which is both alarming and heartwarming at the same time. “It’s a matter of willpower,” he says, scorn and disgust welling up within, “and this sorry sack of shit had little to begin with. Who knows when he’ll give in? Maybe in an hour, maybe never.”

Harsh words aside, Baledagh’s contempt isn’t solely directed at BoShui. Much of it is reserved for himself, my little brother overly critical of his past mistakes. I don’t blame him for turning Defiled though. With the life he’s had, I’m surprised it didn’t happen earlier. Hell, I’m surprised I haven’t given in to the dark side, I’ve always been self-deprecating and one to wallow in self misery, a perfect target for the Spectres. Plus, I’d make an awesome villain, strutting my stuff and making evil quips, dressed in all black everything complete with devilish goatee. Morals are so cumbersome, sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to divest myself of them all.

Meeting Baledagh’s gaze, BoShui’s lip curls in a sneer. “What are you staring at? Acting all high and mighty because you got a promotion. Everything’s all roses and sunshine for you, isn’t it? Pei. Must be nice to be loved by the Mother. I wouldn’t know, the cold, frigid bitch never did anything for me.” Turning to his guard, he bellows, “Make yourself useful and fetch me some wine. It feels like there’s a bear dancing on my skull.”

As the guard passes over a waiting gourd of wine, Baledagh’s draws Peace, slashes out, and returns the weapon to its scabbard in the blink of an eye. “No more drinking,” he says as the spilled wine drains into the rocky soil, the top half of the gourd still in BoShui’s hand. “Drowning your sorrows won’t help. Embrace them, experience them, and move on. Do it on your own time though, there’s work to be done.”

“Atta boy, Baledagh. Show him who’s boss! Alpha as fuck!” Baledagh’s cheeks redden from my whooping praise, but I can’t help it. That was both bad-ass and informative.

Though the guards seem appreciative of the gesture, BoShui doesn’t feel the same. Knuckles white with fury, he swallows his words and orders his people to prepare. Moving to one side, he eats his breakfast in stony silence, his glances betraying his fury and hatred, no doubt encouraged by the Spectres. It’s not the best situation, because if he’s not talking to us, then that means he’s listening to them.

We’re playing a dangerous game. While Baledagh and Blobby can cleanse BoShui at any time, I'd prefer to keep Gerel in the dark regarding the full extent of ‘my gifts’. He can’t keep secrets from Yuzhen and I’ve seen her twist minor, seemingly insignificant details to her advantage. She already has more dirt on me than I’m comfortable with, so I’d rather not give her more.

I still don’t know how we’re gonna deal with BoShui in the long run. Even if we ignore the sudden perception of old injuries, he’s going to notice something’s off when we cleanse him, which will lead to a whole mess of uncomfortable questions. The best plan we came up with was letting him get nice and drunk before Baledagh does his thing, then claim BoShui fell down the stairs or something. It’s not the best plan, but it’s something.

A shame we can’t siphon away half of the Spectres and leave the rest for later. We tried it out on Ulfsaar and he went apeshit as the remaining Spectres struggled to take control. He settled down after Baledagh finished the job, but not before smacking Gerel halfway across the room. It's a good thing he was easy to trick, I'd hate to kill him. With his prodigious strength and robust Aura, the brutish half-bear bandit is a fearsome opponent despite his utterly non-existent martial skills. With a few months training, I fully expect him to become a pillar of my retinue.

I’m not thrilled about having an angry rage-bandit nicknamed ‘the Voracious’ as my most promising rookie, but I’m training soldiers, not nursemaids. I can’t expect them all to be paragons of virtue, now can I? So long as they don’t cross my bottom line, these former bandits will do nicely. I’ve so many new ideas for training and I can’t wait to try them out.

Devious thoughts aside, I take a few minutes to explain my search plan to BoShui, who readily agrees with all my suggestions. After sending our people out in groups to search the surrounding areas, I follow Jester Wang to Yo Ling’s manor, caring nothing for the various storehouses and barracks in between. I mean, sure, there’ll be things of value to plunder, but I doubt they leave all their coin sitting around behind a locked door. There has to be a treasury, a hidden room hiding all of Yo Ling’s personal goods, and where better to hide it than in his own house?

Sitting atop the highest hill, Yo Ling’s manor is a sight to behold, a curious mixture of elegance and function. At twice my height and complete with moat and drawbridge, the spotless white-stone walls wouldn’t look out of place on a fortress, a necessity for any Bandit King. After Gerel leaps over the wall and lowers the bridge, the double gates open to reveal a massive white-jade statue chiseled in the likeness of a young Yo Ling. With two eyes and a well-groomed beard, dressed in full armour and mace in hand, the dastardly bandit almost looks heroic.

Once you get past the outer defences and garish choice in welcoming decor, Yo Ling’s manor shows its charm. For a murderous bandit, the man had good taste. Lining the paved walkway are smooth, rounded rocks of similar size, fit together in an uneven and oddly satisfying manner when compared to the straight, undeviating pathway. The overall effect turns his entire courtyard into a massive rock garden, and I can only imagine how beautiful it’d look if all the grass were trimmed. The outside of the buildings are all red-lacquered wood, with gracefully arched roofs and sturdy, stone-carved foundations. Peering through the open doors and windows uncovers a myriad of artworks and extravagances. Vibrant porcelain vases, decorative jade vessels, masterwork calligraphy scrolls, vivid, breathtaking paintings, and more.

Okay... I now officially regret inviting Zian and the others along.

Maybe I can convince them to donate everything to a museum, then rob it blind in a year or two.

The rest of the day is spent in a frenzy of activity, packing everything onto the wagons and sending it back to the barges. I’m not sure we’ll even have enough room on the ships, we might need more than one trip to bring everything away. Walking hand in hand with Lin, we take our time appreciating the sights and secretly pocketing a few small items for ourselves before clearing everything out room by room, leaving only destruction in our wake. Stones and couches overturned, walls and bookshelves torn apart, every pillar and floorboard is checked and rechecked for hidden compartments as our appetite for treasure continues to grow. Even the drapes and cushions are taken away, repurposed into padding for the more fragile treasures.

As night falls, I gaze upon our work from Yo Ling’s balcony, unable to come to terms with my newfound wealth. Though I’ve yet to find anything hidden away, the treasures on display are enough to make a hundred men wealthy, much less eight. The Guard Leader is surprisingly adept at appraising works of art, often able to name the craftsman before seeing a signature or stamp. I suppose I should gift her something after all this, though I should ask Lin if it’s appropriate before I do. The last thing I need right now are more wife candidates, and even if I did, the Guard Leader is nowhere near the top of the list.

Breathing a sigh of contentment, I glance around Yo Ling’s room before we go, left untouched for now. I thought about sleeping here, but who knows what sort of nasty business went down on those sheets. No thank you. Spying a bookshelf, I head over to peruse the collection, curious what a bandit king reads. Histories and poetry make up the bulk of the books, along with a solid selection of military and weapon manuals. Running my fingers over the spine of each book, I ignore Gerel’s growing impatience because why not, while BoShui looks on the verge of falling asleep on his feet.

Whatever. I’ll come back tomorrow. Still a full day of looting ahead of me, so might as well get a good night’s sleep. As I turn away, my elbow bumps a bookend and I react instinctively, darting to catch it before it falls. Freezing in place, I turn my gaze back to the bookend, still sitting on the shelf, unmoved by the impact. The bookend couldn’t be more ordinary, an L shaped block of wood stuck to the bookshelf, incredibly out of place amongst the riches and splendour of Yo Ling’s manor. All the other bookends are the same, and even the shelf is stuck against the wall.

“Interesting,” Gerel says, studying the shelf thoughtfully. “A hidden door?”

“Perhaps you twist or turn the bookends in a certain order?” BoShui adds his two cents, finally showing an interest in the proceedings. “My uncle has something like that.”

“Fuck puzzles.” Grabbing an armload of books, I toss them onto the bed. Quickly catching on, everyone pitches in to help empty the shelf, with all thoughts of sleep fleeing at the prospect of riches. After chopping the bookshelf into kindling, we carve into the stone wall behind it to reveal a hewn stone stairway leading down into the depths of the island. Grinning from ear to ear, I glance at everyone and ask, “So, who’s up for a little cave exploration?”

This is going to be so much fun...

Chapter Meme