I might be broken.

Listening as the herald narrates the dire straits at the Bridge and warns the city of a possible Defiled invasion, I find myself lacking the customary existential dread and abject terror one would normally expect. In its place is a slow, smouldering anger and a yearning to ride out and wreak havoc among the Enemy, to bring them death and suffering while driving them from our lands. The latest news from the Bridge is almost a week old, arriving at the outpost days ago yet never making its way to the Magistrate until now. The missive paints a grim picture of imminent defeat, the city evacuated and the outer wall abandoned, Baatar’s call to arms going unanswered by Sanshu and the Bridge’s fate all but settled in our absence. The lack of news since then does not inspire confidence and I can only pray my family is safe.

As the herald moves on to list out the accomplished heroes of Sanshu and their rewards, I turn a deaf ear to the proceedings and worry over the future. Mao Jianghong’s greatest betrayal wasn’t inviting Yo Ling through the gates, but rather his success in isolating Sanshu from the outside world. I doubt Jiu Liang even knows about the Yo Ling's attack, though Shen Yun should have received word from Yuzhen's scouts. The new Guard Captain Sovanna is working tirelessly to clear out Jianghong’s collaborators from the surrounding outposts, but the stigma of Defiled traitors will cling to Sanshu for years to come, assuming the city survives that long. Unlikely considering the current circumstances and the Empire’s trigger-happy stance on Defiled outbreaks, but one can hope.

If the Defiled make it into past the Bridge, we’re left with two choices. Either we gather all the supplies available and prepare for a long, extended siege, or we cut and run for the Central province, a logistical nightmare given the numbers involved. Neither option is particularly alluring, but the decision is beyond my pay grade, despite my recent, undesired promotion. If it were up to me, I’d damn the consequences and ride for the Bridge, but Gerel overruled my foolhardy decision, ordering me to sit tight and wait. It’s not without reason considering we’ve less than thirty battle-ready Sentinels, a drop in the ocean compared to the millions at the Bridge, and I’d be leaving behind all our wounded, including Huu and the others still making their way to Sanshu.

For now, there’s nothing to do but pray for good news while preparing for the worst. Not even the bear cubs’ clumsy antics are able to bring a smile to my face as I fret and worry, the fate of my loved ones hanging in the balance. Throwing myself into work, I putter about the makeshift hospital, changing poultices and bandages with Lin at my side, doing everything she can to keep my spirits up. Humming a little tune as she works her mortar and pestle, she catches my eye and beams prettily, undeterred by the ominous mood. “Don’t worry hubby,” she says, butting her head against my shoulder. “Ba-Ba and Nai-Nai won’t lose.”

“Yea,” I answer, feigning a smile while imagining Baatar and Akanai’s reactions to their nicknames. “They’re unstoppable. I pity the fools who meet them in battle.” Nodding emphatically, Lin returns to her work while I hide my worries. If only I were truly so confident, but having seen the horde with my own eyes I can’t help but imagine what will happen if they make their way into the province. The village will be safe (hopefully), but what about everyone else? The speculation dredges up memories of the desecrated village in the mountains, envisioning millions of men, women, and children tortured as the Defiled rampage across these beautiful lands I’ve grown to love. Historically, the Empire has always been outnumbered and surrounded, the massive walls our only advantage. With those gone, it wouldn’t surprise me if the Empire abandoned the entire province and closed the borders, leaving the north to fend for itself.

Calm down. Things are fine. After evacuating the city, Baatar abandoned the outer wall to better defend the inner one, fighting to hold while Akanai rides to the rescue. It’s the same thing Gerel did, choosing to fight on his own terms instead of risking it all on a losing gambit. The city was built as a secondary defence, with the inner walls a tertiary one. Stop assuming the worst and believe in your Mentor and Grand-Mentor. They’re larger than life and nothing can stop them.

“Ser?” A familiar drawl draws my attention and I turn away from my work to find Jorani, looking rather pitiful as he hems and haws with Ravil glaring murderously beside him. “Err, I’ve been sent to demand- ah, request yer vaunted presence to er, meet with the Azure Ascendant.” Cringing back, he adds, “Alone. Sorry. He was very specific about that.”

Whispering the last bit, Jorani gives me a helpless shrug and hopeful glance, terrified of my response. Poor guy, he looked so impressive in his Runic armour, but his loose silk shirt and pants only accentuates his gangly frame. Breathing angrily beside him, Ravil quirks his eyebrow in wordless question while his fingers caress his dagger’s hilt. Shaking my head ever so slightly, I ask, “What does the Azure Ascendant want with me? And why no guards?” Or pets? My fur babies are adorable, even the Magistrate gave Aurie a pat on the head.

“He ses he wants to talk.” Shrugging again, Jorani shifts away from Ravil who growls beneath his breath, prompting the Hangman to nervously step back in line. If there’s one thing the former hoodlum knows, it’s how to rule through fear and intimidation. Standing at attention, Jorani wrings his hands and continues. “He ain’t gonna hurt ye, he just wants a private conversation. Please.”

“The Ascendant could make for a valuable ally or fearsome foe.” The Guard Leader chooses this time to offer her opinion, sipping her tea in the corner. How long has she been there? Fucking ninjas. “Best not to keep him waiting.”

“...Let’s assume I theoretically say the wrong thing and somehow upset him. What happens next?”

I can picture the smile behind her veil as she shrugs. “Then we will mourn your loss.”

Praying she’s joking, I wake Gerel for a second opinion. Scowling, he rolls away and snaps, “Stop whining and do as my Mentor tells you.” I can’t believe Baatar leaves the diplomacy to this rude jerk, it’s a miracle the Banner survived as long as it did. Whatever, at least now I know why the Guard Leader followed me into Sanshu, not that it makes any difference.

Finding Lin for a goodbye hug, she smiles and whispers, “Don’t worry Hubby, just... Don’t say too much, ya?”

Wonderful. Even my sweet Lin thinks I’m an idiot.

Outside the hospital, we find Ral giggling as he rubs his face in Mafu’s fur, with Chey doing likewise with Aurie. Happy to see people enjoying life, I leave them to play with my pets while I say farewell to Mila, my stoic sweetheart taking the news in stride. “Do you think he’ll ask you to join the Ascendants?” Her eyes shine with hope and wonder. “It makes sense, you set Jorani on the same path, stealing from the rich and leaving the poor untouched. The Ascendant is noble as a bandit can be, his identity shrouded in mystery and intrigue. I wish I could go with you, few have ever met him so remember every detail and tell me all about it. You can’t become a bandit, but it would make for a grand tale...”

Ignoring the tiny voice in my head telling me everyone who has met him is probably dead, I smile at her whimsical curiosity and wonder. Mila the fan girl, it’s delightful seeing her so animated and lively, especially considering she didn’t get the promotion she was hoping for. Even Li Song got an honourable mention for injuring the Demon Bei, but Mila’s duel against Gen was swept under the rug, overshadowed by Zian’s seven consecutive duels, the showoff. With her skills, it’s only a matter of time before she rises to fame, but I imagine it’s frustrating to see her equals and lessers climbing the ranks while she wallows in obscurity.

Well... If things go horribly wrong, there’ll be plenty of chances for her to prove her worth, so there’s that.

Tearing a reluctant Ral away from Mafu, we board the waiting carriage, listening to the gentle giant rave about quins. “They’re so fluffy Jor, like a big furry sock. Can we go back after and see them again?”

“Sure Ral,” I answer, smiling at his enthusiasm. “You come visit them anytime.”

“Thank you Mister Rain. Do quins like candy? I love candy...” His tail struggles to wag in the confines of the carriage, smacking against the wall and Chey with loud, irregular thumps. Truth be told, I’d intended to have him lead the Mother’s Militia, but after our first exchange, I pinned my hopes on Jorani. While I wasn’t optimistic regarding his chances, he exceeded my wildest expectations, building his forces to over two-thousand strong in two weeks time.

Taking advantage of a pause in Ral’s chattering, I clear my throat and say, “I haven’t said this yet, but thanks. Your presence here helped swing the tide in Sanshu’s favour.”

“Weren’t left with much of a choice,” Jorani answers with a gloomy sigh. “The Lord of Fucking Thunder ain’t someone ye say no to, ye know what I mean?”

“I don’t suppose he is.”

“Besides, there’s the whole...ye know.” In lieu of words, he gestures at me, unable to mention the Oath he took.

“Well, don’t worry about it. After what you’ve all done, you’ve earned the right to do whatever you please.” That was always the plan, to set Jorani free after he’d done his part. It’s why I kept his Oath as lax as possible, only keeping him from running away or selling me out. “If all goes well, you’ll be a free man, but I’d prefer you didn’t go back to banditry. I don’t want to come back in twenty years to find you’ve taken over the region.” I’m half joking, but honestly, I’m pretty impressed by how well he did. According to Bulat, the half-rat played his part well, the perfect mixture of pious and ruthless, leading his men with confidence and consigning countless Councilmen and bandits to death by hanging just outside the city walls.

Chuckling ruefully, Jorani shakes his head. “That’s kind of ye, but no need to worry. You’ll see when ye meet the old bast- the Ascendant.” Noting my concern, he adds, “Nothin’ to worry about, he’s a proper scoundrel, but yer safe as can be.”

With that said, Ral resumes expounding on the wonders of quins and I stare out the window to watch Sanshu pass by. It’s a beautiful city and the Magistrate is working hard to make it a better place, but changes won’t happen overnight, especially with this new threat hanging over our heads.

I can never catch a break.

The carriage brings us to the Magistrate’s palace and we leave Ral and Chey behind while Jorani brings me deep into the building’s depths, navigating the twists and turns with ease. Giddy from nerves and trepidation, I bite my tongue to keep from blurting out a joke about rats and mazes. Most half-beasts don’t take well to being compared to their animal ancestry, no matter how well it shows, but I find it endearing.

Arriving at our destination, Jorani knocks on the double doors before opening them, waiting for me to enter first. The doors slam shut behind us, sending a chill down my spine as I study who I assume is the Azure Ascendant. Seated at the table with fingers interlocked, the mysterious bandit bares his teeth in a feral, unpractised smile. Despite the awkward greeting, he’s hauntingly handsome, his dark-brown hair cropped close and in charming disarray, with two round, pinkish rat ears poking out. With high cheekbones, a prominent nose, and a chiselled jaw covered in stubble, his face gives off the impression of a work of art, so perfectly sculpted it couldn’t possibly be real, yet there he sits, alive and breathing. His svelte frame swathed in silk robes, he gestures at the seat across from him, the movement revealing iron-hard pecs brimming with short chest hair, so soft and velvety I almost want to reach out and stroke it. “Welcome, Undying Savage. I’m GangShu, the Azure Ascendant. Me boy Jorani told me all about ye.”

“Yes. Hello.” Taking my seat, I fight off the temporary bout of homo eroticism while glancing back at Jorani. “Your boy? Jorani said he was raised by his mother, he didn’t mention...” Comprehension hits me like a tonne of bricks and it’s all I can do to stay in my seat. GangShu. Steel Rat. Wow. “Oh... You’re an ancestral beast.” Fuck, is that a rude term? Say something that doesn’t make you look racist. “...awesome.”

Might as well kill me now, there’s no cure for stupidity.

Clicking his tongue in annoyance, GangShu tosses something to the side. “Damn it all, shouldn’t have taken the bait. Ye never bet, so when ye offer one, I shoulda thought it through.”

“Told ye he don’t scare easy.” Stepping out of the shadows, Lei Gong tucks something into his robes while nodding in greeting. “Good to see ye again. Sorry I ran out without thanking ye, but time was pressing.”

“No worries, I was only repaying what was owed. You save me, I save you, and all’s well in the world.” Others appear out of thin air and GangShu introduces them one by one. The rotund, bald Radiant Fist Wugang, the giant bearded Woodsman Yelu Shi, the Virtuous, scowling Daxian still in full armor, and the aged, yet beautiful Tyrant, OuYang Yuhuan. Judging by her name and her near-homicidal glare, I can only assume she’s related to the OuYang clan from the Society, which isn’t great. I remember killing an OuYang Yu Jin… what are the chances they’re not related? Almost nil, considering their names differ by a single character. Please don’t tell me he was her son, because that could make things… awkward.

On the bright side, not having guards with me probably saved a few lives.

Look at me, a brand new Rain, eternally optimistic.

The introductions finished with, GangShu leans over hungrily, greed apparent in his eyes. “Now, I’d like to see the Tear.” It’s not a request, but a demand. Something tells me he’s not used to making requests.

How does he even know about it? I’ve only spoken about it in Sendings. Taking Lin’s advice to say as little as possible, I close my eyes and ask Blobby to come out for a visit, but my amorphous tenant refuses to play along, tenaciously ignoring my pleas. After a few minutes of mental begging and screaming, I open my eyes and shrug. “Sorry, I’m new at this. Blobby sort of does whatever it pleases.”

Pouting adorably, GangShu rests his cheek on his fist, grumbling beneath his breath. “Bah, it ain’t fair. I’ve been looking fer the Tear of the Mother for decades and it ends up with a brat who calls it ‘Blobby’.”

Hmm... Now that I think about it, ‘Blobby’ might come off a little... sacrilegious. “I’m open to naming suggestions.”

Chuckling, GangShu smiles again, this time more naturally. “Well, at least ye’ve got balls. I thought ye’d be like my boy there, stutterin’ an’ stammerin’ fer hours before he got a word out.” Sighing, he shakes his head. “A damn shame. Thought I’d found another son who made it big like Daxian here, but ‘Hangman’ Jorani ain’t nothin’ but a sham.”

Neither confirming nor denying anything, I glance at Jorani in sympathy, seeing the anger and hurt in his eyes. Absentee father or not, it can’t be easy to hear that, but something tells me GangShu isn’t exactly father-of-the-year material. There are plenty of rat-eared bastards hanging around Sanshu, and after seeing their progenitor, I can’t blame the ladies. GangShu is so dreamy, even I want to cuddle him. It’s like there’s some primal urge telling me to submit to him in every way, his power and beauty beyond human standards.

So no homo.

After a long silence, GangShu clears his throat. “Well, if ye can’t bring it out fer a look, then that’s that. Time to pack up and head elsewhere.” Standing to stretch, he nods at me. “I’m leavin’ my boy in yer hands. He’s a little cowardly, but he’s got promise, so do what ye can. Don’t matter if he croaks, I’ve plenty of others runnin’ around. I’m sure one of em’ll take after their Pa. Best of luck now, and give em hell.”

Blinking in confusion, I turn in my seat as he strolls to the doors. “Wait,” I say, against my better judgment. “You’re leaving Sanshu?”

“Mhmm... more like the province. Heard stories about Heavenly Water in the south and always wanted to visit.” Pausing at the door, he turns to frown. “I shouldn’t have told ye, so keep it between us, ya?”

“...But Sanshu could use your help. The North could use your help.”

The other Ascendants ignore me as they file out the door, though Lei Gong shrugs in apology. Chuckling, GangShu shakes his head. “Why should I help?”

“Because the Defiled will slaughter and torture millions. Because you can save lives. You cared enough to come save Sanshu right?”

“That’s got nothing to do with me. I'm here cuz a couple o' sneaky bastards tried to take what’s mine, so I swung by to warn em off.” Baring his teeth in his fearsome ‘smile’, he adds, “This is my territory, and I wasn’t ready to let them northern bastards waltz in and take it.”

“But won’t they take it after you leave?” I don’t understand him.

“Mebbe, but who cares. Ye’ve got the only thing I stayed fer.”

“What about all the people who’ll die?”

With a patronizing look, GangShu asks, “What about em? I might look human, but that don’t mean I am. Why should I care if ye slaughter each other? That’s life. How many chickens and cows ye think were slaughtered fer yesterday’s feast? To them animals, ye’re just as bad as the Defiled, if not worse. Should I stand on their side and slaughter all humans? Just be thankful I ain’t seeking justice for all the rats in the world.” Laughing as he turns to leave, he adds, “Besides, you've plenty of help beside ye, won't be needing me.”

Chasing after him to ask more questions, the hall stands empty as my words catch in my throat. Why was he looking for Blobby? What was he gonna do with it? Why did it choose me instead of the powerful ancestral beast? My first meeting with an ancestral beast was rather disappointing, though I’m curious if they’re all equally attractive. There was something about GangShu that made me like him, despite his callous attitude towards humans.

Awkwardly standing beside me, Jorani shuffles his feet and says, “So like I sed, it’s kind of ye to offer, but I’d like to sign with ye. The others’ll probably come along too, plenty of tough bastards in the Militia.”

His shy, hopeful smile almost breaks my heart, the cowardly half-rat terrified of being thrown away. This is the 'plenty of help' GangShu mentioned? Well... beggars and choosers and whatnot. Clapping Jorani on the shoulder, I say, “I could always use more tough bastards. Happy to have you on board.” Sizing him up, I ask, “You still have that Runic Armour?” We’re totally the same size, I’m sure it’ll fit me.

“Nah, the stingy old bastard took it back, said ‘treasuring jade is a crime’, whatever that means. He gave me this fancy lookin’ rod tho, might come in handy.”

The iron rod seems wholly lacking compared to a full suit of Runic armour, and I fight to hold back my tears.

Dammit. So close.

Chapter Meme (I'm so sorry)