《The Menocht Loop》207. This Is Why People Never Visit

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I push my way through the throng of people to the nearest exit, weaving around those still caught in visions and fighting against the others who are trying to leave.

Maria trails behind me, though Crystal stays behind.

“Once more people leave, I will also gaze into the mirror,” she explains.

My nostrils flare. Why bother?

“Your experience was anomalous. Many people gain clarity and insight from the celebration.”

I push my way between two people blocking the way forward. I grab Maria’s hand and pull her forward, disengaging as soon as she’s through. Why was mine so anomalous, Crystal?

“Karanos may know. He is currently in a place where I cannot listen.”

Finally I reach the exit, fresh air gracing my lungs. It takes all my self control not to just fly away in the middle of the crowd. I fast-walk over the glass bridges until I find myself alone on a platform node. This one is small and doesn’t have a willow tree; instead, a rectangular fountain floats in the air and sends a cascade of water onto the clouds below. They absorb it without growing discolored or changing shape.

I lean over the banister, my head drooping over my clasped hands. Maria stands off to the side.

“Did Crystal show you anything regarding my experience?” I murmur.

I sense her shaking her head. “Nothing. There's a value in thinking out loud–care to share?”

“Not particularly. I’d prefer if Karanos could wrap up his business and we all get on our way. I’m sure Sah is getting tired of lazing around.” Crystal left Sah outside the palace, imploring him to take a nap.

“You do realize that dragons sleep for most of the day if they have no other disturbances, right?”

I give Maria an incredulous look, finally averting my gaze from the waterfall. “How do you know that?”

She sighs. “I’ve literally watched Sah, Ian. He sleeps, eats, and occasionally flies around. He’s fine to wait a bit more.”

Can’t argue with that. “What’s the point in discussing what I saw? It wasn’t real.”

“It clearly distressed you–that alone is worth discussing.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re no therapist.”

Her lips press together. “I’d love to find you one when we settle down somewhere. In the meantime, I’d like to think my wisdom and common sense count for something. I could just leave you to stew in your own thoughts, but I care too much for that.”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“Well, the vision was supposed to show triumph and failure. Do you know which was which?”

I groan and rub my eyes. “That’s the problem–I don’t even know! I saw more than two things and they were all terrible.”

“What was the last thing you saw before you snapped out of it?”

“Killing Ari...and watching Karanos cradle her soulless corpse.”

Maria winces. “Lovely. That’s your triumph, I suppose?”

I hold out my hands in exasperation. “How can it be a good moment if I’m playing the bad guy? It felt like I was the villain in everything I saw.”

“Okay, so if the last thing you saw was killing Ari, what was the first thing?”

Sighing, I turn back toward the waterfall. “It was back in the loop.”

“I’ve seen your loop recording. Try me.”

“It was when I defended myself against people for the first time,” I murmur, wringing my hands together.

Maria brushes a lock of hair behind her ear. “So from the very beginning of the recording, then. I confess I didn’t spend much time looking through the early days–I left that to my Beginning practitioners. I was interested in the power you gained later. But what you just said–it sounds like a triumph to defend yourself.”

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“In the moment, I was terrified,” I explain. “Just a desperate, cornered animal. But as I continued to grow in power, I thought of that moment positively–it was a turning point where I shed my meekness for strength and resolve.”

“And?”

“Seeing myself in that moment anew...I realized such thinking was delusion, a defensive mechanism to justify ever escalating violence in the name of escape. I deserved to be stuck in that loop for years with the way that I relied on brawn. I don’t think I was really trying to escape–escape was merely an excuse to do anything and everything.”

“Do you really believe that?” Maria asks. “Because I don’t.”

“You can believe what you want.”

Silence stretches out like the clouds.

“Can I hug you, Ian?” she asks. I assume that the sorrow I feel over our bond is on my behalf. She’s pitying me.

I don’t answer her.

Don’t overthink it, she insists. Sometimes all we need is a gentle touch to ground us.

I grunt in assent, glancing her way. She embraces me from behind, her arms wrapping around my torso, her chin resting on my shoulders.

Crystal tells me that you’ve been holding things in, like a stopper on a bottle. That will only hold you back.

A discomforting heat rises in my throat and face.

You need to let yourself feel.

“Not in a place like this.” I shrug her off. “I’m going to find Karanos.”

She grabs my arm. “Wait. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I narrow my eyes. “Why?”

“Because I have a better plan. Let’s descend beneath the clouds. You said you wanted to get away, so let’s go. Crystal is close enough to hear us–she’ll make sure Karanos knows.”

“The lift is coming in a few minutes,” Crystal transmits. “I agree with Maria–leaving the Perennial Palace will do you good.”

“You’re all ganging up on me,” I grumble. “Guess I can’t say no.”

Void Seeker Karanos

“You’ve kept me waiting,” I murmur, stepping through the threshold.

A woman with a severe black bob and slanted bangs glances my way. Her eyes are narrow and slanted like fern leaves, similar to my own. Her irises are a stunning green. Two pairs of black wings splay out around her, their feathers almost glittering in the overhead chandelier light. An ornate silver gown drapes over tanned skin.

“Hello, Karanos. How long has it been? Five-hundred years?”

“Longer.”

Her lips curve into a smile. “Did you dress up for me?”

I sit down next to her and grin, tugging at my formal black jacket. It was always her favorite. “Only the best for you, Cayeun.”

She picks up a glass of crimson wine from the end table. “The boy you brought is an open book. Are you alarmed that I already know what you want? Puts you in a poor spot to bargain.”

“Can’t be helped–I’ll have to rely on my natural charms.”

She smirks. “Why are you assisting such a walking disaster? The necromancer is a powder keg.”

“That’s not very nice,” I tease, brushing my hand over her feathers.

She raises an eyebrow. “You actually believe that. Color me surprised. What is this I sense, guilt? Remarkable.”

Shit. I really need to turn up the charm. The less we talk, the better.

“That you already know what I want makes this easier,” I point out.

She runs her finger down my arm, tracing the swell of my biceps. “I can’t give you what you want.”

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“Why not?”

“I’ve only ever made one inter-spatial transmission artifact, and I’m not giving it to you. Your order has been trying to poach it for thousands of years to use for their own purposes.”

I wince inwardly. She’s not wrong–if we had Suncloud’s transmission artifact, we could communicate with our ascendants when they’re beyond Eternity. We have one such artifact now, but it’s limited in its applications. Rumor has it that her artifact can commune with people anywhere, so long as you’ve spoken with them in person before.

“I’m not here to represent my order. Besides, this is different.”

She sighs. “How so, pet?”

“I’m just looking to borrow it for five years. After that point, I’ll return it to you.”

Her expression falters. “Five years? So short…”

“You wouldn’t feel its absence.”

Her expression is somber. “You’re right. Just five years? If you’re lying and end up stealing it from me, I’ll have your head.”

My hand transitions from her wing to her thigh, tracing the pattern of her dress’ stitching. “You may be strong, Cayeun, but I’m not called Void Seeker for nothing. Do you think you could catch me?”

She twists around and pulls me close, hands reaching behind my back. Her voice is soft and sultry: “I already have.”

“Finally, I can get through to you.”

I frown, roused from the comfort of the palatial bed. It nearly covers half the room, a silvery chiffon canopy hanging over it and spilling onto the floor.

Crystal? What is it?

Cayeun stands next to a bay window, the light casting her bare backside in an ambient bluish glow. A black tiara hovers over her head–distinct from the golden diadems of the seraphs–and she uses her crystal scepter like a walking stick, ramming it into the floor, her knuckles white. She’d normally be shielding us from Crystal’s mental intrusion–conducting the celebration across the entire plane must be more taxing on her than even I realized.

“Dunai is distressed. When he looked into the celebration mirror, he saw more than was appropriate.”

Define appropriate, I retort. It’s not supposed to be easy to see your past and consider your successes and failures.

I jolt slightly in bed as Crystal transmits Dunai’s experience. She sends it all in one overwhelming go, trusting that I’ll be able to process it, which I do.

I blink and take a deep breath, calming myself. You’re right. That was out of line.

I wait for Cayeun to finish channeling the celebration–interrupting her would guarantee her ire and refusal to furnish the transmission artifact. But confronting her when she’s done? That’s well within my means.

She turns from the window and pads back over to the bed. “I heard what the fish said. I’m curious what you’re going to do about it.” She reaches down and plucks the sheet away, her eyes roving over my body. “Round two?”

“I can’t believe you sometimes.”

Her expression turns coy. “I’ve always loved that you’re such a closed book. Let me see if I can’t figure you out, even with your mind closed off.”

“Cayeun–“

“You’re angry that I played with your boy. I’ve seen his thoughts–I know how you’ve tormented him. It’s alright to want a monopoly.”

I narrow my eyes. “No.”

“Oh, but the guilt from earlier...you want to protect him to make yourself feel better. It’s the same reason why you’re here for the artifact. Quite unlike you. But I suppose being out of sorts is to be expected–you’ve just lost Ari.”

I swat her hand away as she reaches down to my abdomen. “Did I not satisfy you? Is that what this is, punishment?”

She laughs. “If that were true I wouldn’t be asking for more. What good is a god that doesn’t mess with mortals? It’s part of the package.”

“Dunai isn’t a mortal.”

“But he acts like one. He was a mortal two months ago. He doesn’t think like we do–he feels too strongly, is too invested in the ephemeral.” She lays down next to me and wraps an arm over my side. “What endears you to people like him, like Ari? She was as broken as him, if not more so.”

“They’re better people than we are,” I spit.

“That’s because they’re children. Give people time to shed the mortal mantle and they’ll disappoint you every time.”

A weight settles in my chest. “Am I another one of your disappointments?”

She blinks. “You’re asking?”

“Yes.”

“Of course you’re a disappointment. You left me to see the world, like all the others. Even now you pretend that this existence has meaning. It doesn’t.”

Her nihilism has always been exhausting. “You’re not going to sidetrack me. You stepped out of line by fucking with Dunai.”

She laughs softly at my ear, her breath sending a shiver down my spine. “I love when you swear. You want to punish me for my transgression? If you do a good job, I’ll give you your artifact.”

I clench my jaw. So belittling. “You might be surprised by how good a job I can do. Like I said, it’s been a long time since you’ve last seen me fight.”

Her smile is devilish. “I’m going to enjoy flaying the skin from your bones, Void Seeker. Don’t you remember the last time?”

My gaze is hard. Does she even hear herself? “Where are my clothes?”

Her hand suddenly glows with red energy, her long nails piercing through my chest like honed talons. I retch, blood rising to my lips. I feel the agony of her fingers on my heart and squirm.

“You did something similar to Dunai, didn’t you?” She tears her hand forward, pulling the heart from my chest. The movement is practiced–she’s able to keep the vessels intact, her energy selectively sundering the connective tissues keeping everything in place. She brings her lips to mine, her breasts brushing against my clavicle. Black wings encircle us in a feathery cocoon.

When she disengages from the one-sided kiss, she licks her scarlet lips. “You taste good.”

You’re such a freak, Cayeun. I’d pity this world’s inhabitants if Cayeun didn’t take her pseudo divinity seriously.

I smack my head hard enough to kill. I revive a moment later, still naked on the bed, but no longer in Cayeun’s sadistic embrace. How she convinced me to take off my rings, I have no idea. As for the clothes...Hmph.

I kick Cayeun while slashing a rift in reality, pulling myself blindly into another plane. I find myself on some kind of rocky outcrop overlooking an ocean and immediately start flying away.

Cayeun appears behind me half a beat later, her bare leg smashing down and causing half the rock face to crumble into the water.

I ignite the area around me, burning up stone shards that threaten my unprotected skin. I turn and give her the middle finger before clawing my way back to the Perennial Palace.

Cayeun–this is why people never visit you.

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