A few hours pass. Karanos still hasn’t reappeared above deck, so the rest of us have been socializing with the mortals to pass the time. Maria was the one who interrupted our brooding group-silence. Out of nowhere, she walked over to a group of strangers with a warm smile and chatted about the Micorhhus region. I think she was trying to prove to herself that she could still interact like a human among humans.

Crystal followed Maria’s lead while pretending to be Sah, staying by my side while dispatching the dragon to Maria. He’s a big enough boy that the other tourists needed to back up and give him extra room, even with half his tail arching over the guardrail.

“Hello, my name is Sah, the frost dragon!” Crystal had introduced, startling the regs. To their credit, they weren’t afraid and approached the dragon with interest, a few asking if he was a programmed mechanical golem.

Even now Crystal hasn’t tired of the charade. I give her a questioning look and point to the ten-year-old child perched on Sah’s back, sitting in the divot between his wings. Is this really the best idea?

“I have everything under control,” Crystal replies. “The children love me–him.”

Part of me wants to join in and converse with the mortals, forgetting the traumas of the past for a few minutes. But I’m just not in the mood.

I glance at the ship cabin. How long will it take for me to become like Karanos?

Maria extracts herself from a light conversation and joins me at the guardrail. I sense concern across our bond.

“It’s absurd that you’re worrying for me,” I murmur. “Worry about yourself, or our loved ones back home.”

“Don’t deflect,” she replies, sniffing. “You’ve gone through a lot in a short period of time. Karanos even recognized that. But the approach he’s taking–forced fun–isn’t working. You’re still caught in a mire of regret and uncertainty, unable to focus on the present.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

“Hey,” she says, brushing her hand on my sweater sleeve. “You lost to Karanos. You didn’t get the beacon. I died.”

“What’s your point, Maria?”

“Just because you lost, doesn’t mean it’s over. Remind me what your original plan was.”

“Find some way of contacting Eury, then look for a return beacon on my own.”

“Do you still want to contact Eury?”

“Obviously. Don’t you want to contact Zilverna?”

Maria doesn’t show outward discomfort, but the emotion coming over our bond tells another story. Pain.

She doesn’t want him to see her like this, I realize. Who am I kidding–back on our old world, if people found out that I’d practiced taboo necromancy and resurrected Maria, the two of us would be hunted down and persecuted by other peak practitioners. Soolemar keeps safe by staying under the radar and working with the officials in Gnoste, maintaining a mutually-beneficial status quo.

How far I’ve already fallen–someone I’m attracted to dies and I resurrect her as a lich, obliterating my own bottom line. I didn’t regret it then–I was upset, pushed to the edge–but now I wonder if it was a mistake.

“You’re right,” Maria murmurs, interrupting my musings. “Contacting Zilverna would be nice.”

I narrow my eyes. “Why bring this up?”

“Look, Ian: Karanos needs you. He also knows you’re unhappy. He’s trying to make his arrangement with you more palatable, so you don’t betray him again. Rather than let him stumble around in the dark, why don’t you negotiate something yourself–a counter proposal?”

“To continue to help him, in exchange for a way to contact people back home?”

Maria nods. “Making counter-offers like that is one method politicians employ to make themselves feel in control.”

“Concessions, appeasement...” I sigh. “Is there any honor in it?”

“There’s no honor in politics, Ian. People have their own principles and they stand by them, but if I’ve learned anything, it’s that everything can be justified. At the end of the day, you have your own goals. You want to see Eury, speak to him, all while setting our world on a better path. If you can achieve that goal by negotiating a concession with someone far more powerful than yourself, that isn’t a loss.”

“Thanks for the suggestion, Maria.”

She claps me on the shoulder. “You need to find better ways of coping, else you’ll end up like him.” Like Karanos. “One way is to set goals, build up your willpower. That’s what you’ve been trying to do, pushing yourself to the limit. But that’s also a form of running away.”

Maria pauses. “There’s another way to build resilience. You surround yourself with people you love, and lean on them. Before coming to Eternity, I had my trusted attendants, Kaiwen and Judith. I had my son.”

She takes a deep breath; it’s from habit, not from necessity, since she no longer needs to breathe. “When Zilverna and Judith died, Kaiwen pulled me away. We cried in each other’s arms. Had I been alone, I don’t know how I would’ve handled it.”

Her gaze seems to probe through to my innermost soul. “Who is your Kaiwen?” she asks. “The Crowned Prime?”

I freeze up, unable to muster a response. Euryphel and I trusted and confided in one another, but we really only knew each other for a few months. There are things I couldn't tell him, things I haven’t told anyone–fears about myself that I bury away. It’s not that I didn’t trust the prince, but...

My mind gravitates to Germaine. I’ve known her my whole life, and also trust her unconditionally, but there are things I don’t think I could ever tell her. I believe that she would always love me, even knowing the worst things I’ve done, but she wouldn’t be able to understand my struggles the way a powerful practitioner can.

“I don’t think I have a Kaiwen,” I whisper. I stare out over the water. The colorful, flat fish overlap near the surface; where the sun kisses the horizon, the water glimmers like it’s plated in rainbow scales. “Back home or here. This world is still so new to me.”

Maria looks around the ship. “I suppose it’s a bit difficult to find a good support network in a place like Eternity.”

“I can understand better why someone like Messeras would sign on to join another ascendant’s retinue for an extended period of time. Seeing the world is one benefit, but perhaps more significant is not seeing the world alone.”

“Well...you do have us, in the end. Not sure if I can count Sah, and definitely not Karanos, but you have me and Crystal. Technically your friend Messeras, not that he’s here.” Maria laughs. “You’re really not that bad at making friends.”

“Is that what we are?” I ask.

“I’d say so. You’re no substitute for Kaiwen, but at the end of the day, I’ve taken your measure and found you a good person. I find it easy to befriend good people who are honest with me.”

A good person. I wished I felt the same way.

—

The cruise ship stops at a port town for dinner. Karanos finally leaves Marina’s side, disembarking. Our motley group walks down the boardwalk and through a street filled with food vendors. Karanos seems a bit melancholic, though his exterior is still rather stern.

“Karanos,” I begin, steeling my resolve. “Can we talk?”

“About?”

“Our arrangement. I’d like to renegotiate.”

He stops walking. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, his expression inscrutable. “I’ll hear you out.”

Any help? I ask, mentally poking Crystal.

“He is quite closed off, more so than usual. I think talking with Marina helped him wrestle his raging thoughts and feelings. I do not know how amenable he is to negotiation.”

Great.

“My proposal is this: I genuinely put my best effort into following your plan and defeating Achemiss. No dragging my feet. No trying to outwit you or run off with your return beacon.”

Karanos crosses his arms. “And in return?”

“You secure me a means to contact people on my home world, like Achemiss contacted me in my dreams. Not in five years, but now.”

The ascendant rubs the bridge of his nose. “I agree.”

That was great, Ian, Maria says over our bond. You were confident and direct.

I give her a small smile. Karanos agreed too easily, but for now, I won’t complain. Crystal, do you know why he said yes?

“Marina was right–I was projecting my worst traits on others, in turn revealing the worst parts of myself.”

What?

“Karanos just thought that,” Crystal explains. “It was at the very tip of his tongue–he wanted to say it, but didn’t.”

Do you think he’s doing this on purpose, trying to get our sympathy? I wonder. Between the chat with Marina and this now, Karanos is being strategically sloppy around Crystal.

“Perhaps. I do think the thoughts are honest, if forced.”

Karanos claps his hands together. “We’re going to need to throw the itinerary I prepared out the window.” He raises an eyebrow. “Hopefully you all won’t be too disappointed.”

We stare at him blankly.

He chuckles. “As I thought. Well, let’s at least enjoy the rest of today. I’ll draw up the relevant plans and we can be on our way tomorrow.”

—

“Thank you for speaking to Ian,” Crystal said, addressing Maria.

Maria glanced toward the fish. Their strange squad was currently resting on Sah’s body, the dragon’s wings fanning out on the water like capsized sails. The wings kept the rather dense dragon afloat, but were insufficient to fully buoy his lower body. According to Ian, the dragon’s bones weren’t hollow like a bird’s, giving it far greater durability than an avian. What the dragon lacked in lightness, it made up for with raw power. When Maria ducked her head under water, she could see Sah’s legs treading, almost like the dragon was pedaling a bike.

I still don’t know what you meant when you said I was the key to Ian getting better, but I can at least try to point him in the right direction when he’s lost, Maria replied. I have years of experience to ground me when life throws calamity my way. Ian has been treading water without any real breaks. He doesn’t have the tools to protect himself.

“Which is why he needs someone like you,” Crystal added.

Maria snorted, flecks of sea water filling her nostrils. It didn’t burn like it would’ve when she was alive, though the sensation of water up her nose still tickled.

Your actions are like an iceberg, Maria observed. I feel like I only see the very tip. You have your fins all over everyone and everything. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were maintaining parallel conversations with me, Ian, and Karanos at the same time.

“Do not forget Sah,” Crystal retorted.

Maria gave the fish a pointed look. Don’t be facetious. Am I wrong?

“I have Ian’s best interests at heart.”

If he gets his wish, he’ll leave you behind. There’s a clear conflict of interest.

“Maria...Ian granted my lifelong wish. I have dedicated myself to helping him. Unlike many humans, I know how to show my gratitude.”

With that, the fish kicked off of Sah’s stomach and dove into the water. Crystal’s legs pressed against her underbody, her fins concealing them. For once she actually looked fully fish.

“Crystal, can you breathe yet?” Ian called out. The necromancer was sitting on Sah’s left wing, his lower body half-sunk under the water. “I tried changing the gill orientation.”

Maria was happy she no longer had to worry about blushing, because Ian’s body wasn’t buff, but it was trim enough that he had a slight V above his hips and some muscle definition around his abs. His body was a little too perfect, like it was made by a sculptor rather than by nature. It literally was sculpted, she reminded herself.

You’re an undead, supposedly without any libido, Maria. She sighed and focused her attention on Karanos, who was sunbathing just a few feet away from herself on Sah’s other wing. Sunbathing was at least the most appropriate word for it–there was no sun, but their group was soaking up the red rays of the light-slash illuminating the plane. When the light shifted, casting them in blue light, Sah kicked himself over into the red light again, the dragon demonstrating a clear preference in light color.

There were clearly conflicting motivations within their party, but at least Karanos was acting more reasonable. She hadn’t felt hostility from him after her resurrection, which either meant Karanos had gotten over her or improved his composure.

Regardless of his true intentions, she had to admit: This part of the vacation was just what they needed.