Chapter Two Hundred and Nine - Not the Hero We Need, But Not the Hero We Deserve

“My name is Emmanuel Aldelain Von Chadsbourne, and I am here to help!”

My friends and I all stopped where we were, that was, right in the middle of the main thoroughfare of Insmouth. The fishy people of the town were going about their business, though quite a few of them were looking our way.

Maybe it was seeing four explorers all geared up for an adventure. Maybe it was to see if Howard was alright.

Probably it was the cervid standing across from us.

I had only seen a few of the deer-people, and that had been a while ago, way back when I was still working on becoming Amaryllis’ friend.

This one seemed... different than the obviously military-minded cervid I’d met.

He--I assumed it was a he, what with the great antlers splaying out of his head and poking out proudly above--was a couple of feet taller than me, with a puffed up chest and a dignified bearing. He had nice armour on, with a big pauldron and a cuirass that looked like it was made of some sort of leather. His sides and flanks were covered in more of the same, with gilding here and there to make the armour look that much fancier.

“And who are you?” Amaryllis asked. She sounded like she was on the wrong side of tense which... yeah, that made sense. She didn’t have the best of experiences with cervid before. I placed a hand on her shoulder, reminding her that I was still there if she needed emergency hugs or anything like that.

The cervid blinked. He seemed momentarily confused, but that soon passed as he puffed out his chest even more. “I am Emmanuel Aldelain Von Chadsbourne. Adventurer, fighter, lover of women of all sorts! The fine people of this quaint town have told me that some other intrepid adventurers had come and were offering to assist! I, never one to shy away from sharing in the glory that comes from helping those in need, have waited here to see them.”

“Oh,” I said. “Well, we’re adventurers too!”

The cervid’s eyes lit up. “Truly?” he asked. “What are your guild ranks, if I may ask? Which branch are you from? I am aware of very few women adventurers.”

I shook my head. “We’re part of the exploration guild,” I said.

Emmanuel Aldelain Von Chadsbourne’s... Emmanuel’s expression dropped. “Ah, yes I suppose that makes sense. Not as glorious as the great adventurer’s guild, but I suppose it is a little safer.”

“I guess?” I tried. “Anyway, it’s nice to see others out and about trying to help people!”

Emmanuel nodded. “Of course. I have the power, the skill, and the good fortune to be born able to help others, to be able to act as a hero. It would be the height of insult for me not to take up such a mantle.”

Clapping my hands, I cheered him on. “Yeah! That’s the spirit!”

My friends were giving me some looks, but they just didn’t understand. Mister Aldelain Von Chadsbourne was doing the right thing, which meant that he should be praised for it. All too often people that tried their best to help went without notice.

The cervid bowed our way. “Thank you, little miss. Now, not that I wish to ignore such beautiful woman, but I was told that there was a group on its way to assist this town in its time of need. Are they aboard that vessel?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s us,” I confirmed.

He eyed us all. “The sylph I could imagine, perhaps,” he muttered.

Amaryllis huffed, a very ‘this person is an idiot and is wasting my time’ kind of huff. It was one she’d used on me a few times. “Can we get going? I’d like to see this dungeon thing handled before the day’s up.”

Awen and Bastion seemed eager to agree.

“Ah, well,” I said. “It was nice meeting you, Emmanuel Aldelain Von Chadsbourne, we’ll be off now!”

“Pardon me,” he said, his smile becoming a little fixed. “But did I misunderstand your intent to try and fix this town’s dungeon issue?”

“Yup,” I said. “That’s what we’re here for.”

“Ah, but I too, am here for the same thing. There is no need for any of you young ladies to risk yourselves with this onerous task, not when Emmanuel Aldelain Von Chadsbourne is on the job!”

“No, it’s okay,” I said. “We don’t need the help. I think just the four of us will be more than enough. Unless you know something about Evil Roots?”

“Evil Roots? Ah, you mean the...” Emmanuel leaned forwards a little, his voice dropping. “The creature these superstitious villagers speak of?”

“It’s less a creature and more a very violent weed,” I said.

Emmanuel chuckled. “You believe them?”

“Well, we’ve fought Evil Roots before, so yes?” I said. I was trying to mask my confusion, but I wasn’t trying that hard. Really, we’d only just stepped off the Beaver to head over to Insmouth’s dungeon, with Howard acting as our guide, when Emmanuel stepped up before us. It was a bit strange. “Anyway, we’re off!”

I started leading us around Emmanuel. Howard shrugged and stepped up and ahead of us a moment later.

“Ah, wait, wait a moment,” Emmanuel said before spinning around and trotting up alongside us. “I shall accompany you. I’m certain that if a crew such as yours are able to take care of these Evil Roots, then they’ll be no challenge with someone like myself by your side.”

“I think we’re okay,” I said.

“Awa, maybe you can go see if someone else needs saving?” Awen asked.

The cervid cleared his throat. “Nonsense! When you find someone in need, it’s your duty as a hero to assist as best you can!”

“How did you even end up here?” Amaryllis asked. “We’re on the far side of the Hoofbreaker forest, and I don’t recall cervids being welcome at the Grey Wall.”

“Historically, that may be true, but the Crys aren’t so cruel as to deny access to a single intrepid hero,” Emmanuel said. “And Emmanuel Aldelain Von Chadsbourne is nothing if not a hero!”

Bastion sighed. “I think the young miss was trying to politely steer you towards an issue that you can solve without interfering with our own business,” Bastion said.

“Nonsense! A hero of my caliber does not get in the way. He paves the way. A way for a better tomorrow!”

“Yeah!” I agreed.

“Stop cheering him on, you dolt,” Amaryllis said. “We’re trying to encourage him to leave.”

“But why? I mean, yeah, we probably don’t need the help in the dungeon, but he doesn’t seem mean. And I guess if he is suspicious, then it would probably be best if we kept him close, right?”

“Emmanuel Aldelain Von Chadsbourne is not suspicious, he is heroic!”

Amaryllis gave me a very flat look. “He’s very suspicious.”

I glanced back at the cervid, hesitated for just a moment, then asked him a question. “Can I use Insight on you?” I asked.

“Certainly!” he said.

A cervid Hero of the White Tail, level 20, proud of himself.

“He’s a little strong, I guess,” I said. Bastion had question marks to his name. Stronger than us by level alone, but not so strong that he was a big threat, especially if we all worked together.

Emmanuel chuckled. “You wound me, young bun. I am still young, and I still have a few adventures left in me before I grow strong enough to defend everyone that needs it.”

“Hmm,” I said. “Well, I think Awen’s probably right. I don’t think we’ll need any help in the Insmouth dungeon, but if we do, it’s nice to know that we have someone to call upon.”

Emmanuel tapped at his chin. “No, I believe I shall insist upon accompanying you.”

“Insist?” Amaryllis asked. She sounded a bit dangerous there.

“Indeed! What hero would leave a group of young maidens alone in such a vile and dangerous place as a dungeon. If you won’t allow me to convince you to stay away from such a place, then I will accompany you. There might be monsters and vile creatures within, nothing that a young lady ought to bet her fragile constitution against!”

“Pretty sure my constitution’s pretty good,” I said. “That’s like the resilience stat, right? Mine’s at fifty-five.”

“That’s not terribly high, actually,” Amaryllis said.

“My classes are both more flexibility-based,” I admitted.

“That’s the spirit,” Emmanuel said. “The physical stats are often the most useful in tackling the sorts of problems a hero must face in their day-to-day! They keep you healthy and hardy and able to tackle the greatest foe and save those damsels in distress!”

I stared at Emmanuel. He was very excitable. “What’s the male equivalent of a damsel?”

“Pardon?”

“Like, a prince? I mean, I was just thinking, what if that’s what you have to save?”

Amaryllis hummed. “A prince in peril? That preserves the alliteration.”

“A prince isn’t the same as a damsel though,” Awen said.

“I think that would just be a bachelor,” Bastion said.

“I can’t think of any words that mean ‘in trouble’ that start with the same letter as that,” I said. “I should get a thesaurus.”

“Yes, because that’s what you need to carry around while dungeon diving,” Amaryllis said. “In case you run into any synonym-based traps.”

“I bet there’s a wordplay dungeon somewhere on Dirt,” I said.

“I have the impression that your group isn’t taking this adventure very seriously,” Emmanuel said.

“Huh? Of course we are,” I said. “Can’t you tell how nervous we are?”

The cervid looked at me, then to all of my friends. “I’m afraid that I haven’t spent enough time with the lesser species to learn to read their body language. Your banter certainly doesn’t seem very nervous.”

“Lesser species?” I repeated.

“The cervid are idiots who, in their foolishness, believe that they’re better than everyone else,” Amaryllis said.

“Oh,” I replied. Just some casual specism, then. “Well, whatever. Our banter’s meant to try and make each other laugh, because making someone laugh makes you laugh, and laughter’s a great way to unwind and relax. If you’re going to be doing something stressful, it's best to start with the best foot forward. So we banter.”

“I see, yes,” Emmanuel said. “That makes sense. Perhaps I should join in your banter as well.”

“I don’t know if you could manage,” Amaryllis said.

“Of course, if some girls can do it, then certainly Emmanuel Aldelain Von Chadsbourne, saviour of women and hero to all men, can manage!”

“Uh, your confidence is great, but you might want to tone down the misogyny? A lot?” I asked.

“Awa, it is a bit rude.”

“Forgive me?” the cervid said. “I am not entirely certain of how I insulted you, dear ladies, but I know how fragile a woman’s heart can be, and it wouldn’t behoove me not to apologize.”

I looked to my friends and got deadpan looks and shrugs in return.

“Right, well,” I said. “Howard, where’s the dungeon’s entrance?”

“Ah, it’s just outside of town a little ways. It looks a bit like a shed, actually. We placed our graveyard there,” the fishman said.

“Why did you do that?” Awen asked.

“So that the mana from our dearly departed may return to the world by means of the dungeon. It’s just over here now.”

“Let’s see about those Evil Roots then!” I said. And to myself, I wondered about what to do about our new cervid hanger-on.

***