Chapter 65

KATE LEWIS

A mother's love for her children is like nothing else in the world.

For me, it knows no law, it dares all things and it crushes down everything that stands in the path.

That's how I love.

My children became exactly what I taught them to be.

I told them to be strong, they became strong. I taught them to be fearless, they became fearless. I taught them to be kind, they became kind. I taught them to be capable, they became capable that made me scared sometimes.

I also taught them to fly but not as how I flew.

I taught them to dream but not as what my dreams are.

I taught them to live but not to live the life I have.

I speak life to my kids, so they will have what it takes to tackle life on their own someday.

I don't want them to grow up and think that the aim of life is to be rich, to be popular, to be highly educated nor to be perfect.

I want them to know that life... is being humble and being real.

But now, I can't help but question myself if I did it right as their mother.

My daughter came home this evening looking genuinely happy.

She walked like she's dancing and... and she talked like she's singing.

There was also that smile in her face that never faded. And her eyes, her eyes glowed in a way that I've never seen before; it's sparkling in joy.

I was just silently observing her. I'm happy but at the same time sad. Confusing right? But that's just how I felt.

I know the weight of her truth.

She's treading a not so easy path in life.

It pains me to think... why?

Why does it have to be her?

Why does she have to be gay?

Well, I'm on the process to acceptance… but there were really times that it bugged me.

As a mother, did I overdid it?

I taught her to face challenges with confidence and courage.

I taught her to listen to her heart and take risks and now… and now she's exactly doing what I taught her, so why does it hurts so much?

Looking at the silhouette of my daughter in the balcony by the living room, I decided to join her for company.

She smiled as I leaned forward on the railing.

"She's my girlfriend now Mom... Erika." She stated.

I just smiled. I can sense the love in her voice as she uttered those.

"I can't describe how I feel into words." She added.

I just smiled again and reached her hand. I pressed it gently.

"Can I say something dear?"

"It's a reminder; a wisdom from a mother to her child."

"It's quiet lengthy though." I smiled.

My daughter let out a small laugh as she nodded.

I threw my gaze afar off and inhaled deeply.

"When you love someone, it does not automatically mean giving your whole heart." I begun.

"You have to reserve a part for yourself."

I turned to look at her. She's really quick to understand. I could see in her eyes that she did get what I mean; the possible break up.

"Can I ask you something Mom?"

I nodded.

"You didn't give wholly your heart to Dad?" She asked.

I laughed and I wasn't offended by the question.

"I did give it wholly Dear." I answered.

"As I am so sure of him."

"And I can't find myself loving other man than your Dad."

She smiled right there and turned her gaze at a distance.

"Then I will just do the same Mom."

"If this love would break my heart and torn my bones, then so be it."

"I don't want to half assed love Erika." She firmly stated; her voice didn't waver.

I smiled but a part in my heart stung to the resolve my daughter has for her love. It made me worry. I am her mother.

"Every relationship will get boring Dear." I calmly resumed my thoughts to impart.

"Love is not about just feelings, there is also commitment."

"It will get difficult in the passing of time, it's not always laughs, smiles and fun."

"You have to get real, this is not like those in movies and novels."

"So when things get rough, never give up."

"You have to find the reason why did you love her in the first place."

"If the spark is gone, then you have to find that spark again."

"Never quit unless you have given your all."

My daughter chuckled and stretched out her back.

"You should have grab some beers before coming over here Mom." She jokingly said.

I laughed and opened my arms gesturing her for a hug where in she gladly embraced me.

I kissed her head.

"As your mother, I will always be in front of you to cheer you on."

"And behind you to have your back."

"And also next to you, so know that you are not alone."

Her embraced tightened. I could feel it. Then a sound of sniffles and a slow cry followed.

See this?

Already in a relationship but still a crybaby. Well, she'll always be my 'babygirl' anyways.

"I love you Mom." She uttered between suppressed sobs.

I just smiled with tears lingering around my eyes.

"Whatever you lack, I got you. Got that?" I reassured as I squeezed her tighter.

She just nodded in my chest and my top were starting to get wet from her tears too.

I held her.

I think being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't knew you had and dealing with fear you never knew existed.