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My heart began to ache while staring upon the stars outside my dusty window. I blinked my eyes several times and suddenly a tear fell. It was not only a tear, but several tears began to fell from my eyes. What did I just see? It was too painful to bear. Was it a dream? A reality? I can't tell. All I know is it was sorrowful. It was yearning for too much grief. I didn't expect that I would experience such.

I pinched my cheeks and I felt the reality. My head just began floating and at the same time I felt that my surroundings were all just an illusion. Just what exactly happened? Memories are starting to occupy my head.

"AAAAAAAAAAHH!" I screamed and covered my ears.

It was too painful to see. My mind is starting to become crowded than it should be. Right now, I am in a state of frustration. My head is being occupied by two persons.

My past and my future self.

I cannot tell which is the present timeline anymore.

I should be dead right now!

Is this dark place the netherworld? But, isn't this my room when I was younger?

Maybe what I've seen is all true. Maybe it happened to me.

Maybe it is my future and my only goal right now is to prevent those tragic events to happen again.

"Nathalia! Nathalia!" I heard Linda's voice, she is my maid who takes care of me and whom I trusted them most when I was a kid. She is almost in her 30's but she did not decide to create a family on her own. She wished to pledge her life to me and serve me with her own life. She treats me like her real child.

"The door is open." I replied.

She opened the door and turned on the lamp for me. "You are all alone in the dark again!" she exclaimed.

"That is right, so I can see how bright the night sky is." I replied with a sad tone.

"Ladies at your age are afraid of dark." She said.

I smiled forcefully. Really? When I was in this age, even death, I could never be frightened of. Why? The Queen's wrath is more dangerous than death. Darkness is nothing against her beatings. Her profanities are nothing against the wild animals.

"My Lady, Queen Deoria is looking for you. She will punish you again if you do not interact with the nobles and aristocrats in the banquet hall." Linda said.

I laughed sarcastically. "Really? In the times of her enjoyment, she really remembered me?"

Linda bowed her head as if she was also feeling the same emotions with me.

"For what reasons should I interact with them? They don't even see me. My presence is nothing there. Full of hypocrites! I yearn for peace not for a gossip between aristocrats. You see, I will only embarrass myself there." I replied.

"My lady..."

"Should I interact with them to insult myself? Is that what the Queen wishes me to do? She has her so-called daughter Yeshua already. Why should she bother me to interact with them? Either way, what choices I decide, I will both get a beating. So, it's better to be here all myself, at least I'm happy." I continued.

Linda could not speak anymore. I bowed my head and hugged my knees as I was sitting in the couch beside my big dusty window. I decided to sleep here because the bed is too wide for me. I don't picture myself as a noble, I feel like I don't deserve this place.

I was sleeping in an attic. The other nobles and aristocrats surely know my situation to make fun of me. At least, they don't know, that the stars here comfort me rather than a royal bed.

The Queen is my mother, yet somehow, I don't feel she is anymore.

It all started when she married the King Bartolome after two years my father had passed away. Since she was entitled to be the Third Queen of the King Bartolome, she lived her life with pride and arrogance. She actually wanted to abandon me, however, the King pitied me and decided to take me in his kingdom but only living like a servant or a decoration.

Every time I decide to call her "Mother" she would slap me, and I will get a beating. Back then I was yearning for her love, but right now, I decided not to anymore. There are things I could not understand and explain. Why does she need to hurt me or beat me just to discipline me?

She was a daughter of the baron; her looks are really alluring and enchanting. My dad gave all the best he had for her. Unfortunately, he died.

He was a viscount. He was the only one who loved me dearly as a child. I thought the Queen does the same thing too, but that was only a mask of hers. Her sympathy does not exist. She only treats you better when you have a power, but if you don't, you seem nothing to her.

Unfortunately, even if my dad had given all his own to the Queen, she does not yearn it. She yearns for a title, for a power and for a fame, which my dad lacks since he is such a sincere man.

King Bartolome has a child two years older than me named Yeshua. She is the Crowned Princess which is the future Queen. The current queen, Queen Deoria, doted on her, giving her all the attention she has, as if they were blood related.

But I'm okay with it. It does not hurt me. I know my place.

I don't want to be part of the royalty. Every noble sucks. Life as being a peasant suck too.

If only I had not known James, I'd rather die.

But thanks, I had another chance to live. And surely, I won't let those things happen again. The world condemned me once, but also had given me another chance to prove myself.

Linda smiled at me, "To sum it up, you won't go down, right, my Lady?" she said.

I nodded, "Tell Her Majesty that I don't feel well, and I am sick. I am worried that it might be contagious. If she does not want to embarrass herself, it would be better for me myself to be alone." I smiled at her again.

Surely, we both know, that the Queen won't buy my words and still will get a beating. Though my physique really looks weak right now, it doesn't matter to her.

"Then as you wish, My Lady." She bowed her head to me and turned her back/

"Wait!"

Luckily, she has not yet gotten outside my room. I forced myself to smile again and she turned her back. "Yes, My lady?"

I'm trying my eyes to let any tears fell. My heart is rapidly beating. A ten-year-old lady cannot handle her emotions well. But my mind is an adult now.

"Can you hug me?" I broke my voice.

That was the thing I hadn't experience for so many years since I have gotten here into the palace.

This will be the last day I will ever see Linda. This will also be the last day I will perish from the aristocrats and nobles.

"You said yourself that your sickness is contagious. Won't I get infected?" she joked.

We both laugh. She walked and hugged me so tight. My heart finally felt at ease. "If only I had a daughter like you," she whispered into my ears.

If only she was really my mother, how happy and fortunate my life will be. My heart will be contented, and I would not be forced to do things I do not wish to do. If she was my mother, how glad will I be to cherish memories I had from my youth.

If she was my mother, though we will be servants. I won't perish emotionally and physically and surely my fate will not go wrong.

However, I am here now, born with a complicated fate.

The truth cannot be change.

But my tangled fate can be surely fixed.

"Linda, I have to tell you something..."

"Yes, my lady?" we broke into the hug.

As long as my memories are fresh into my head, I would not let those tragic events hunt me again. If this is not a dream, then I have the chance to rewind the unfortunate scenarios and change them into good ones.

This was the last day I will be here in the palace. I still remembered someone had abducted me and forcefully tried to kill me in the forest where I woke up without memories.

Since it was a traumatic incident, my memories from trauma vanished and all I know was I am a slave and doesn't deserve to be loved and respected. I am not deserving into Coronia and to Alice.

Someone wants to kill me. I don't know if my guts are right or wrong, but I know—I certainly feel that it was one of King Bartolome's subject that who wishes to kill me. He will enter my room through the window and will abduct me to kill me somewhere else. They will frame the Kingdom of their enemy and will begin a war.

In short, I would be a hostage. Since my life does not matter to the King, he will pretend that I was cherished and he will avenge for my death, but the truth is, the King dislikes me. The only reason why he begged the Queen to keep me was because of this cruel plan of his. This plan was long made and decided by him. I was a pawn. The word "cherished" and "love" were all illusions.

He won't sacrifice his daughter, but he can sacrifice his adopted daughter who does not share his blood.

"If I vanished one day, don't ever look for me. If someone tells you I died and you think it's true, then believe it. Live your life, Linda. Go and build a family." I whispered.

"N-Nathalia..." I saw her tears falling from her eyes. I cleared my throat as it becomes to dry. I know, it was too painful, but I won't let these things happen again. With this returning memory of mine, there is nothing to waste.

"Who dares to do such an immoral act to a 10-year-old lady like you?!" she asked as she was crying.

"My age and my innocence do not matter anymore. We are in a world that craves for power, fame, and wealth. I was a living pawn. My death will be presumed for who I am and what can I do someday."

"I'm not used to what you were saying and what were you thinking. What must have happened that made you think such thoughts? Did Her Majesty beat you a lot? I'm so sorry. You were a very optimistic lady—"

"A very optimistic lady that will only smile no matter how the world criticizes her, right? I'm still me, Linda." Unlike my biological mother, Linda knows me better. She knows what exactly goes through my mind.

She was the real mother whom I treated. She knows me. She believes in me. Those things that my real mother had never done.

Her voice broke and she wiped her tears. "If that so, then whatever you wish, My Lady, I will wish the same thing too." She hugged me again.

"Thank you... for staying by my side." She began to leave the whole room.

I still remember the day when we first met...

"Mother..."

"I told you to call me, My Queen. You do not learn a single thing, do you?" she slapped the hands that I was holding on her sleeves.

I cried. The palace was huge unlike our manor. I used to get lost whenever the Queen leaves me.

"My Lady are you alright?" a cheerful lady went and slowly gave her hand to let me stand. I nodded and accepted her hand. I was only 8 years old, and I am suffering with malnutrition causing my body to grow later than the other nobles. When the Queen left me, I stumbled and fall. My whole feet cannot walk leaving me to cry.

She shook her head and carried me. "My Lady is still young and needs to be taken care off."

"I'm heavy..." I replied.

There was no one that showed their kindness to me except her. The palace dislikes me. No one cares for what will I eat or what will I wear. But she was different. She was worried about me the whole time.

I read a book that I wasn't able to finish because later on, when the time arrives, I will be abducted.

I won't let my memories to be lost again because I know how incomplete and messier the world without these memories. Indeed, I was not happy as my younger years, but remembering that someone cared for me when the whole world condemns me gives me a good feeling.

Thus, I shall not forget.

These memories will surely help me not to stumble again. The nobles inside of my head, I shall not forget how they criticized me.

I looked the whole shelf and searched for my journal. Since the day I have learned how to write at the age of four, I always write the things that happens to me. I had no friend, but a pen and paper are there for me to listen.

If my fate cannot be changed and I will forget my existence again, having this journal beside me will remind me. I will not live the same life again. It's complicated when you remember nothingness.

I stared at the wall clock. It's almost 12 am in the midnight. The banquet will soon be finished. Once it finished, the Queen will look for me, and of course, I will feel her sharp nails entering my skin and her heavy hands slapping my face.

As usual, I will cry all night and beg for her forgiveness. Then, there will be an assassin entering my room and will bring me into the forest to kill me as a sign of declaring a war. Then I will slowly die.

A person like the Queen does not deserve my love.

These things would surely happen as predicted. These are not illusion. I will prevent these happening again. I am certain of this!

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Words and Terms:

Baron - a member of the lowest order of the British nobility. The term "Baron" is not used as a form of address in Britain, barons usually being referred to as "Lord.".

Viscount - a British nobleman ranking above a baron and below an earl.

Kingdom of Fiderecio - A small kingdom located in Mystica, known for their talented army and assassins. This kingdom is being ruled by King Bartolome and Queen Deoria.

Crowned Princess - A female heir to a throne

Characters:

Nathalia - The younger version of Alyanna. She was Nathalia as her childhood but grew up without memories.

Linda - A lady made who worked for Nathalia and took care of her.

Queen Deoria - A ruthless Queen. The 3rd Queen of Fiderecio Kingdom.

King Bartolome - An another King who yearns for power and wealth.

Yeshua - The Crowned Princess of Kingdom Fiderecio, she is known of her elegant actions as a princess.

????????????????????????❜???? ????????????????: For those who did not understand what happened. Alyanna was Nathalia before but was abducted and almost killed resulting her to loss her memories as a noble lady and lived like a slave. The time rewind, resulting her to have a chance to live again and started at the Age of 10 which was the timeline before of her abduction.