ELRETH

By the time she finished with the Security Council she felt like a wet towel that had been twisted until all its water had splattered to the dirt. She took all the back trails to go around the Tree City so she wouldn't run into anyone. By the time she reached the meadow she was seriously considering a nap.

But she was only halfway across it when her name rose in the air behind her. She turned to find her mother walking towards her in one of the long dresses she preferred, her hair swept up into a braid, but small pieces falling out of it around her face.

She looked beautiful and natural and… and Elreth wondered if anyone would ever look at her the way her father looked at her mother.

"How did it go? Your father always had some battle or another with the Security Council."

"Surprisingly well," Elreth said honestly. "I mean, we had to set some ground rules at the beginning, and I think it's going to be awkward for a while. They aren't used to listening to a female in that room."

Elia snorted and nodded.

Elreth grinned. "But once they understood I was going to lead, not follow, it seemed like we got somewhere. I'll let you know after the next one. See if it sticks."

Her mother laughed and wrapped her in a hug. "I'm very proud of you, El," she said, then pulled away to hold her at arms length. "Have you spoken to Aaryn yet?" Her eyes were sparkling, eager.

Elreth deflated.

"No. I tried to, but… he had company."

Her mother tipped her head. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, he didn't go right home and I spent a lot of time looking for him. And by the time I found him, he already had his arms around another female," she said bitterly.

Her mother blinked. "Are you certain?" Elreth gave her a look and her mother raised her hands to ward off the glare. "I just meant, Elreth, that not every touch is equal. Did you talk to him? Did you find out what was going on?"

"No. It would have been too embarrassing letting them both know I was in the forest, staring at them like some kind of pervert. I will, Mom. I will. I have to talk to him. I just… I've had a busy day."

Elia sighed. "And what about the Advisor cohort? Have you decided?"

Elreth groaned. "No! And that's the hardest part! I keep wanting to hear what he thinks or what he knows about the disformed. I keep turning around expecting to talk to him and get his help and he's not there! It's not fair! He was the one who kissed me, but now I'm just… I can't do it, Mom. I can't see anyone else in that role. If I put them there, I'd still want to know what he said, then whoever I chose would feel like I didn't trust them. But he won't take it, so… I don't know what to do! I can't think of anyone!"

Her mother hugged her, and Elreth let her, though she kept her arms folded at her chest and refused to let herself give in to the tiredness that wanted to bring tears. "Is there a way to change the prohibitions?" she asked quietly when her mother finally stood back, rubbing her arms. "Like, can I just change them since I'm Queen?"

Elia frowned. "Well, you could, but I wouldn't advise it."

"Because, El, those rules were put in place for good reasons—to stop Rulers like yourself using those positions for personal gain, or to coerce others into relationship. If you were to change that it would look to those who don't know you like that's exactly what you were doing."

Elreth threw her hands up. "This is impossible. If only I was mated before they made me Queen, they wouldn't even care—even if it was him. That's the stupid thing, I could appoint him if he was my mate, right? This is just because…" she trailed off, her eyes going wide.

"What?" her mother asked.

"What if… what if I didn't appoint anyone… yet?"

Elia frowned again. "I mean, you can delay again of course. But—"

"No, Mom. What if I put it off and… what if we do mate—I mean, for real? Then I could appoint him, right?"

"Yes, but Elreth, that might take months, or even years."

Elreth nodded, staring at the meadow flowers. "Yes, but it also might not. I mean, we might not go there, right? We might figure out that we aren't supposed to be together, and then he'd take the position because that's the thing that held him back… unless he's changed his mind," she said, her voice dropping flat.

"I'm sure that's not—"

"You didn't see the way he held her last night," Elreth whispered, looking away so she didn't have to see the pain in her mother's eyes.

They stood there for a moment, then Elreth sighed. "It doesn't matter. Delaying is the right plan, either way. I can't put anyone else in there. Wherever we end up… he'll be in a place to take it later. Eventually."

"Do you want to put yourself through that, though, dear, if he does find someone else? Have him that close, I mean?"

Elreth thought about that, then nodded. "Yes. I do. He's still my best friend, Mom," she breathed. Then swallowed hard.

Her mother hugged her again. "Then I say that's a good plan," she said quietly, rubbing Elreth's back again. "Just… don't torture yourself for it, okay?"

Elreth hugged her back, then pulled away "I won't. Thank you. I didn't really sleep last night, so I need to go have a nap before dinner."

Elia nodded and let her turn and walk away. And Elreth pretended her heart wasn't tearing in two as she walked all the way to the cave. Alone.

The truth was, she did still hope there was a way for this to work out for them. She needed to talk to Aaryn. Which was why she needed to sleep. She needed a clear head.

And a moment to pray.

*****

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