I have never felt so relieved before.

I, Trisha Jane, have always been different. I'm aware of it and that bothers me.

As a child, there had been a lot of things I don't understand. That, I don't think I'm different from the others. At first, I thought it was a curse. It is too agonizing for a child.

Those things... the things that the Ancient Prophet calls Spirits are the same as real-life ghosts to me. However, they've never done anything to me. They would show themselves, I would get scared but I would talk to them.

That's just who I am. I look at fear straight to the eyes.

I shiver, my chest becomes heavier, my feet felt numb, and sweat covers my body, yet, I step forward.

Nobody is as strong as I am. But my body is not the same. These Spirits would eventually gather up within me. They say that it was impossible but here I am. Tens upon tens of Spirits living inside me, making me stronger.

However, with every move I make, I would destroy everything. My body can't handle them...

If not for my precious family, I wouldn't be able to handle myself. There are many 'volunteers' back then. They say the Spirits I gather are special. They move to another person as I tell them to. Apparently, I have 'tamed' them.

The 'volunteers' would receive my Spirits and they would go far away. I never saw them the second time. But I think they're doing fine, they got stronger because of me after all.

The most Spirits I could handle is about five. That's how strong I was. I realized that when I learned that there could only be one Spirit for one person. If lucky, two. But I'm still a child and I got five!

I'm special. I laughed fear.

But... I can't laugh at guilt.

Becuase of me... two people died. Dead, they were killed by that fucking murderer! I will avenge them! I will beat that guy with the fucking hat!

Yet, I'm hesitating. I'm not scared but I'm not dumb. I know... I know I can't defeat him.

Since last summer, there are no longer Spirits that were attaching to me. I thought the nightmare, which is my family's fortune, is over. I never get used to them. I only got more courageous.

How can I get stronger? He's in prison now but is that enough?

Someone died because of him, he killed them. So mercilessly... no, not just guilt.

I trembled, I can feel my breath cold, my eyes were becoming hazy, and the image of his eyes were carved into my head.

I'm scared...

It was nostalgic at the same time.

The Spirits were scary but they never had the chance to kill me. But that man, just a little more. What if I'm the one who he targeted? Yesterday, what if he chased after me? I'm the strongest... if I can't stop him, who can? Who can stop him from chasing and killing me? No one!

Regret

If only I wasn't too full of myself. If only I didn't order Chihua to organize that stupid event!

People died, why did they die?! Stupid!

Stupid me!

ARGHH!!

How many hours has it been? I kept telling myself I should better just die. At the same time, when the sky turned dark, nightmares would fill my mind.

I remember this, the Spirits are taking advantage of my mentality. They want to take over my body. The nightmares...

I see him again and again.

This time, he was chasing me.

His eyes were only set on me, no one else. What a monster, I'm going to die.

I'm going to die!

Die...

Die?

But I don't want to...

...

Fuck!

I don't want to die!

Stop fucking chasing me!

How dare you! How dare you!

How dare you grab my neck!? How dare you attempt to squeeze them!?

... I'm never going to die.

I'm special.

I'm strong.

I'm courageous.

Haa...

I can feel it.

The Spirits are coming back to me.

The nightmare had stopped. The sun rose. But the battle is still not over.

I still shiver, I still feel cold, and I still felt death over me.

But I'm still alive.

It's the best!

Come in me! Spirits! Come back to my body!

I'm going to avenge those two. How dare he murder people in front of me!?

I'm the fucking BOSS!

I will tell him what to do and what not to do! And he will do it!

He will pay for it, he will save lives under my commands. With two people dead at his hands, he will have to save two people every single day, fourteen per week, sixty a month - simple math, just double the days - until he himself becomes weak. Until then, I won't forgive him.

Ha...

I feel they're coming into me. Opportunistic bastards.

I understand it.

It's not that my body can't handle them.

It's just that my body rejects them.

I thought I'm strong but I was still just a child. My mind was still instinctively rejecting them. I don't need to be just courageous, I need to overcome them.

This was an opportunity for me to get stronger and I overcame it.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... hehehe, so true.

With this, even if he have a gun pointed at my face, I will take it head-on, literally, and it won't scratch me!

It was already afternoon? I hope it's still Thursday.

"Trisha, an Assistant Inspector wants to ask you some questions. Even if you don't come out, you just have to answer, okay, sweetie?"

I heard from the other side of my door.

I stood up and my feet no longer felt cold. The mirror showed me how much of a mess I am. It was quite embarrassing. But I just have to wipe it off. I didn't have time to put on my favorite eyeliner but I don't think I need it since I'm just going to see an Assistant Inspector, my mom says.

So there was no longer fear within me. I fought it off.

See?

I told you I'm special.

"Hm? An Assistant Inspector? What do you want from me?"