??? POV III 1/2

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After two days of preparing behind my parent's backs, I finally am ready…

I packed a few things inside a leather bag, which I wrapped around my body…

It is deep in the night and they are sleeping soundly.

Through these last two nights, I have been having the same nightmare as before.

But it keeps getting even worse.

Why?

Why did this thing come to my second life?

How can it even do such a thing? Wouldn't my soul come here?

Was that thing… parasitizing my very soul?

I am so scared of going outside…

I want to stay with papa and mama…

But I can't… bear to think that one day I will… I might… kill them…

I don't want this…

I don't want this… at all.

I have to run away…

I will… one day come back.

When… I am strong enough to not be taken over this power…

I promise…

As I glance back at my little house, tears begin to drip out of my eyes without realizing it.

As an Ice Giant, I am immune to cold and resistant to ice, so even by being in the middle of the icy night, I don't feel discomfort.

I pray to Ymir, as I begin slowly walking away.

Goodbye, mama, papa…

These last seven years… were the best years of my second life.

I will treasure you within my heart…

Goodbye, village…

Goodbye, friends…

Goodbye, neighbors…

I wish… that all of you can still be here when I come back one day…

I decide to stop glaring at the town, as I walk inside the Grand Pine Forest, a forest that covers many mountains above our town, it is said that deadly monsters crawl this place…

But there's no other place for a monster like me to go to…

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It has been a week since I escaped.

All the food I packed is about to run out.

I am beginning to get hungry…

I have been eating things slowly, but due to being so big, my stomach is also big, and eating little does not satiate it…

Sometimes I find a group of rabbits and manage to catch one, but the rest run away, and I can only secure a single meal… I eat it raw because I don't know how to cook… nor how to make a fire in this place… Well, I was taught a bit... but I cant do it in the middle of a snowstorm...

I am tired… I have been walking for two days, sleeping here makes me have nightmares that wolves will come to eat me.

I always hear their howls… I am scared.

I don't want to die…

I have to survive… to go back to mama and papa one day…

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Ugh…

Hahh...

Hahhh…

It has been three weeks since I ran away from home.

I miss my bed…

I miss Mama and papa…

I want to sleep in a warm bed and eat food with them.

To be happy and have my tummy filled…

It hurts…

Mama…

Papa…

Everything hurts.

My body aches and my head hurts.

I feel dizzy and weird…

I think I might be sick of something...

Ugh…

The last time I have a meal was three days ago when I caught another rabbit.

I have been eating bluegrass ever since, but it is weird and bitter, and it makes me puke.

But it fills me sometimes.

I have been eating snow too.

But it makes my tummy feel weird.

I am tired and hungry…

My body hurts…

Where am I going?

I only know that I have to run away as far as possible.

I have nightmares every time I sleep, so I try to sleep as little as possible.

But sometimes I can't resist and sleep inside old and large trees that are empty inside.

I wish I could use magic… but every time I try to cast something, the mold appears, and I am scared to touch it.

It is vicious, it seems to have a mind of its own…

It wants to eat me and use me as its vessel, as it used me before.

I try to suppress it, but it is trying to eat me from the inside out with those nightmares… it is trying to break my mental fortitude, like in my previous life…

After living seven years of happiness, my mind is strong and has healed…

Every time I am being consumed by the darkness, I remember papa and mama, and I feel at ease…

I wonder how they are doing…

I hope they are not sad that I went away, it was for their own good…

Mama, papa…

I miss you…

I miss you so much…

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Haahh…

Ungh…

I think it has been over a month since I ran away… maybe more, I can't remember well…

Time goes by strange…

I can't perceive things correctly.

I keep walking…

My boots are resistant, so I have not damaged my feet…

But I have not eaten meat in over a week… only herbs and plants, and snow…

I feel weakened…

My limbs tremble each time I walk, my legs are trembling and becoming weak.

My arms and legs look weak too… Hahh…

I want to survive… I have to keep… hunting for food.

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I think over three months had gone by, I have been walking deeper into the forest.

Sometimes I begin to hallucinate, depriving myself of sleep is not good…

But I don't want to have nightmares…

I don't wanna…

No…

Sometimes I feel like my entire body is giving up.

But when I think about Mama and Papa, a strange warmth enhances my legs, and I can keep walking…

I think I can use mana that way… but it is very hard… It doesn't obey me, and it comes in and out.

And when I try to concentrate on it, the mold appears and scares me…

I can't… use magic…

I am alone, with my weakened body left…

Am I going to die?

I don't… want to die…

If I was going to die anyways… Maybe I should have killed myself while sleeping in my bed, comfortable and in my home… it would have been way better than dying here…

Hahh…

I want to live through…

I really don't want to live…

Mama, papa…

I wish you are okay…

Wherever you are…

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