I've said it before. I'm not the smartest, nor I had all the excellent qualities of a person.

I'm decisive, though. It was either good or bad depends on the situation.

But now that I thought about it, I could not help but wonder. Why haven't I had decided about living?

I've been very decisive about my death. Deep down, I had embraced a good or tragic ending.

I've been decisive about death and love… but never life.

Has anyone felt it? That they're merely existing and not completely living? Because that's how I see myself.

Even when Sam came into my life, there's always a part of me that would give up life if I deemed it necessary. Just like how I ended up in this darkness, I just gave up my life for him.

Not that I needed recognition or appreciation. I'd give my life to him if he needed it. No questions asked.

But… would Sam ask me such a favor?

I could still vividly feel his fangs sinking into my skin. The sound of his drinking ringing in my ears. His grip tightening around me, almost suffocating me.

After having a taste of his blood, all my emotions heightened. My eager need for him, my burning love for him, and my willingness to help and do what I could do for him.

I didn't think. Or rather, I couldn't think with all those emotions clouding my mind.

Now, I perfectly understood the reason Sam often kept his emotions at bay. Because if a vampire felt a certain emotion, that emotion would consume him.

No wonder he rarely took anything seriously. Sam might get annoyed most of the time, but I've never truly seen him furious.

Aren't vampires fascinating creatures? When they hate, they hate for real. When they love, they'd love with all their hearts.

This conclusion might not be accurate to other vampires. But what I'm certain, these deductions had accurately described my vampire.

Sam.

The love of my life. The man I never deserved to have.

But then again, the question remained in my head. Would Sam ask me to give up my life for him?

I'd be more relieved if he could tell me to do that. However, deep down, I knew I would never hear those words from him.

Sam would never, never hurt me. He's the type of man who'd kill himself before he could turn his back on his beliefs and morals.

He was the man who forced himself into hundreds of years of slumber because he didn't want to ruin Grimsbanne. He was the man who selfishly ordered his loyal servants to kill him if he awoke to a different person.

Sam was a man who was aware of himself. He knew he "lacked discipline". Hence, he would refuse to do things, knowing he wouldn't be able to control himself.

Why am I even reevaluating Sam? Right… it was because he sucked me dry, sinking his fangs into of my body, mercilessly.

It was painful, honestly. It felt completely opposite of how he drank my blood the first time.

There was no love or concern, just hunger. The feeling sent a shiver down my spine.

Someone… help me get out of this darkness. It felt cold and scary. My mind clashed against my thoughts of Sam and the Sam I was last with.

It only got to me that, that Sam I was last with wasn't my groom. He was not a part of him, either.

I'm not sure, but this strong gut feeling told me it was… someone else.

*****

Samael stared at Lilou, who was lying unconscious on the bed. His grip on the armrest he was sitting on — near her bed side — tightened.

Silence enveloped the chambers. Fabian stood not far away from the bed; Cameron as well.

Both of them glanced at Lilou worriedly. And then Fabian glanced at Samael, who had been silent the entire time.

Moments later, Samael finally broke the silence as he raised his sharp gaze at Cameron.

"Cameron, I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself. How did my bride end up like this?"

Samael's tone was firm, level, and low. It was the scariest Fabian had ever heard.

"Your highness, after our brief stroll, Her Grace and I had shared a supper and continued our talk. But after that, we had gone our separate ways because I wanted Her Grace to rest." Cameron explained, almost sounding frustrated at the threatening aura emanating from Sam.

Fabian let out a heavy sigh and vouched for Cameron. "Lord Cameron was right. Her Grace told me she wanted some time alone to breathe some fresh air in the garden. But when I looked for her, she wasn't there anymore."

Samael scoffed faintly as the corner of his lips tilted into a smirk. His glinting eyes fixed on Cameron.

"I perfectly said I gave you a chance, didn't I? Cameron?"

Cameron's shoulder stiffened as Sam's coldness seeped into his bones.

"This is your last chance. Your life… no, the entire Cunningham lies in your answer." Samael paused, leaning forward, resting his arms on his legs, as his eyes remained on Cameron.

"How the bloody hell did my bride end up like this?"

Cameron swallowed a mouthful of saliva, hearing how Samael stressed each word. He heard his gulp in his ear as his jaw locked.

Danger.

Samael stressed his every word and made it sound so dangerous. Lilou was a bottom line one mustn't touch. And now, she's fell into a such a state.

Cameron could only imagine the worst for Cunningham. The king was already cruel, but the third prince was the worst.

It just so happened the founding leader of the Crawford Clan chose Samael hundreds of years ago. Hence, they worshiped him regardless.

Still, Cameron was aware of what kind of La Crox Samael was. The worst of the worst; unreasonable, ruthless, and the most sadistic of all.

"I really don't know, Your Highness." Cameron hung his head low as he broke buckets of sweats. "However, a week ago…"

Slowly, Cameron raised his head, hesitant to speak. But the moment he met Sam's intimidating gaze, he cleared his throat and decided.

"A week ago, your brother, the Earl of Monarey, paid me a visit."

As soon as Cameron relayed the news, the temperature of the room instantly dropped.