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Page Eight:

I am two years older now.

It has taken me a while to write since I have not been feeling so well. It is not that my body is in pain, but rather my mind is.

The assassination attempts against my life has not slowed down. I have gotten so used to being attacked now, it does not even bother me anymore. I always carry a knife around with me and am more prepared when a servant attacks me.

I do not understand why the King has not been trying to keep me safe. If I try to bring it up to him, he ignores me.

I may not be the Holy Empress anymore, but I still cannot bring myself to speak to him or anyone else. Thus, the situation has not really improved much. I heard that I will be having a new guard to protect me since the last one attempted to poison me in my sleep.

I only wonder what kind of person it will be.

In the meantime, the King got several concubines in order to produce more heirs. He said that I was not producing children quick enough. Even though he visits me every night for our marital duties, I still have not had another child. The doctor said it was because I was young when I had the first one so it would be harder to get pregnant again.

For this reason, the King got a few concubines.

I do not mind him having concubines, but I only wish I could talk to them. At first, I was excited because the maids said a concubine was like having sister-wives. It would be more entertaining if I had sisters to talk to about things, or even just to visit and drink tea with.

However, I was told I am not allowed to meet the concubines. The King ordered that I stay in my wing of the Palace and have no contact with anyone other than the servants he chooses for me.

So far all I have seen was the confines of this wing. Occasionally I will be allowed to leave with the King once a year to wave to the citizens. However, he does not let me see the city nor the rest of the Palace.

I am terribly lonely. At least I have the library to keep me company.

I really hope this new guard will be friendly.

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Page Nine:

Today the new guard came. I was surprised to see that he was so young. He said that he was only a year older than me, but he had been in several wars and has been fighting since he was only seven years old. If anyone was capable of protecting me, it was him.

When I heard that, I started to cry.

Not because he said he would protect me. Rather the fact that he had been fighting since he was a child. It is so pitiful. He has so many scars on his skin despite being so young. I wish I could chase away the pain this child felt, but alas I am not a God.

I am only an unfavored Queen and a forgotten Holy Empress.

He did find it interesting that I thought this way because I too had many scars despite being a Queen. I told him that the purple marks were from the snake bites that never healed while the red scars were from the many failed assassination attempts.

He immediately fell to his knees and declared loudly that he would protect me no matter what.

He is truly such a strange boy.

I did not realize it, but I had reached out my hand to tussle his hair. I was surprised by how soft and fluffy it was. He got very embarrassed after I did that and told me not to treat him like a child since he is older than me.

It is true that he is older and far larger than me.

But I cannot help myself.

I want to touch his hair again.

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Page Ten:

I have been enjoying my time with Gilyn. He does not seem bothered that I communicate with writing instead of speaking. Instead, he patiently waits for me to write and respond. It feels so refreshing having him with me.

He is far nicer than the King.

He is even teaching me about faraway Kingdoms and lands that he has visited. Despite being so young, he has really worked hard and has been to many places. I can tell some of his visits were not as wonderful as others. Sometimes he will be cheerfully speaking and then the next minute his face will get stiff and not move an inch.

Whenever his face is stiff, I have a hard time figuring out what he is thinking. It almost looks as if he is in a different place when he is like that. Eventually, he comes back and starts speaking again.

I cannot help but worry for him since he is one of the few people who care for me here.

Gilyn also tells me what is happening throughout the Palace and Kingdom. Apparently, the King just killed a concubine because he grew too irritated with how she laughed.

I did not want to believe him. Although the King has hit me many times before, I do not believe that he could actually kill a person for such an absurd reason. However, the King also killed the Head Priestess and the church's Holy Maids and Holy Priests only to take me from my dark room.

Perhaps it is possible that the King is not as warm as I had originally thought.

After the King killed the concubine, the neighboring City's nobles were furious. The concubine had been a beloved daughter of one of the Dukes of the neighboring fief. The Duke and the nobles decided that they would rebel by refusing to send the King and the City the resources it relies on. The King was so furious he led his army to the fief and slaughtered the citizens and set the city on fire.

He spared the lives of the nobles but did not spare them completely. In front of the Duke, he killed all of his sons. Then he even cut off one of the Duke's hands. To make things worse, the King then took another one of his daughters to punish him further.

The King cannot be this cruel.

Can he?

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Page Eleven:

The concubine that the King forcibly brought back to the Palace got pregnant quickly. It turned out to be a boy. Now the King has two sons that could inherit the throne. Of course, my son was born first so he will be the first choice as long as nothing happens.

If something were to happen, then the throne would go to the next in line. Even if the child was the son of a concubine, the Sanki Kingdom merely cared about who the father was and who was born first.

I hope my son will stay safe. Even though I have never seen my son before, I still feel a connection to him. Gilyn is nice enough to find out how he is doing and lets me know. Apparently, my son is very intelligent and good with the sword. The King really treasures him.

That gives me some consolation, but I wish I could see my son once. Even if it is for a short time…

But Gilyn says that is impossible. The King is too protective of his first born that he actually wants his son around him at all times.

At least he is an excellent father to my son.

However, sometimes I think that maybe the King is not the best of husbands.

Gilyn also said that the King was in such a good mood. Not only did the concubine give birth to a son, but the other concubine was pregnant as well. The King was so pleased with the concubines, he allowed them to return home to visit their family. Sometimes I feel jealous of the King's concubines. He seems to favor them more than me.

Oh! But it is not that I hate the concubines for that.

I only wish that I may to leave this building once in a while.

However, I will not be so greedy. I know that as long as I act with a kind heart, the Gods will take pity on me and give me a good life. I mean, life really is not so bad here. Since Gilyn has arrived, I now have a conversation partner. The assassinations have also stopped due to his presence.

So even if I am stuck within the Palace walls, I at least have some form of entertainment.

I once read a book of a strong bond of friendship.

I wonder…

Does Gilyn consider me a friend?

I would not mind it if he did. Just thinking about it makes me feel warm inside.

Maybe I should get the courage to ask him next time.