(Disclaimer: This chapter contains violence against a child that some readers might find disturbing. I've tried not to be too descriptive in order to make it less upsetting.)

I smiled warmly at the tiny body in the makeshift crib. It was nothing more than a cardboard box, but it served it's purpose well.

I reached my hand out and held his tiny hand. I felt a warm feeling spreading through my chest.

Is this what love feels like?

I'm not sure. But it sure is a pleasant feeling.

My mother had given birth to a little boy. At first, I wasn't sure if I would be a good older sister. I've never had a younger sibling before.

What if I messed it up somehow?

But as I looked at that round face that smiled at me so innocently, I knew my worries were pointless.

I wanted to protect that happy smile more than anything.

I shook his tiny hand with my finger, "I'm your older sister, Leia. I'm so happy to meet you."

I said in a low voice with an affectionate smile. He looked at me and giggled as if he knew what I was saying.

As I cooed at him, I heard shouting from outside of my room. "Godd*mmit! Leia! Get your a** in here!"

I frowned at her impatient voice. I didn't want to drop his hand, but I knew better than to keep her waiting. As I wrenched my hand out from his grasp, the warmth I had felt quickly turned cold.

I poked my head out, "Yes mother?" I looked down and noticed a can of formula spilled on the ground.

She snarled at me, "Feed your brother."

I nodded timidly. I started to attempt to clean up the formula. I didn't want to feed him it since it was dirty, but it was better than starving. Knowing my mother, that's what she would end up doing. She was too cheap to go out and buy more.

She muttered to herself as she looked through the cupboards, "F*cking formula has to be so f*cking expensive. They want to shame me for not giving him breast milk? F*ck that. Like hell I'd want a little sh*t drinking from my tit."

I looked at her timidly, "Mother... When will I be able to go back to school again?"

She clicked her tongue, "Why the f*ck would I send you back there? It's nothing but a bunch of quacks. That's why your homeschooled."

I looked down with dull eyes.

She doesn't homeschool me though. I've been teaching myself by using books I received from the neighbor.

She continued muttering, "Besides, you need to watch your brother. You're a big sister now. Take responsibility." She slammed her hands onto the counter making me flinch, "F*ck! I need a drink."

She grabbed her purse off of the counter and stormed out of the door, not even bothering to lock it. I could only sigh as I made the baby bottle.

Since she's left like that, she won't be home for a while. But I prefer it like this. It's never a good thing when she's home. Even if it means I have to starve, I'd rather her stay away for a few days.

I went back into the room and handed the bottle over to the baby. I had to help him eat because he was still too small. After he finished, I burped him then laid him back down.

I didn't really like burping him. Sometimes he would throw up on me and ruin my shirt. I didn't have too many shirts and I hated having to wash my clothes by hand.

I sniffed the air and scrunched my nose. Everytime he eats he also seems to use his diaper. I searched the cupboards for some diapers but found none.

I knew that if I didn't change his diaper quickly, he would develop a rash. Before he was born, I had talked to the neighbor who also had a baby. She lent me a book which is where I learned how to take care of him.

The book did say that you could use a towel if it's an emergency. And since my mother appears to have forgotten that she has a baby to care for, I would consider it an emergency.

As I fixed his diaper, I frowned in irritation. Why do I have such a useless mother?

Seeing that smile of unconditional love from my little brother's face, made any bad feeling in my chest disappear completely.

I rather like this feeling.

I smiled at him, "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Your big sister is here to protect you."

Even if I have to protect you from our own mother. I will do anything to protect that huge smile of his.

______

I blinked my eyes and the scenery changed. Me and my little brother were outside of our apartment complex.

I sat on the grass with my eyes closed, enjoying the breeze. I felt so free out here. It was much better than being trapped in that stuffy place.

"Sister? How do you solve this problem?" My brother asked.

I glanced down at it. He had one of my old math books out. He was looking at the page with a perplexed expression. He seemed to be thinking so hard it was actually hurting him.

"When you multiply by 5, it either ends in a 0 or a 5. Do you remember when it ends in 0?"

He thought hard, "Is it... An even number?"

I nodded with a small smile, "That's right."

His eyes lit up, "Oh! Then it's... 20?"

"Close. It's 30."

He nodded in understanding, "So then you add the 2 after you multiply these two?"

"That's right."

He gave a bright smile, "Sister is so smart."

I chuckled, "I'm not that smart. I only understand math and science. Everything else is too hard for me."

As I continued to tutor him, a loud commotion came from the entrance of our apartment.

"Just get out of here already!"

"Come on.. Don't be like that. If that's really my kid, I want to take responsibility. I want to help you."

"If you want to help me, then give me some f*cking money!"

"I-I don't have that kind of money."

"Then get the f*ck out!"

My mother shoved the man out of the door and slammed it in his face. He looked at the closed door with a complicated expression.

I frowned at this man with distrustful eyes. I was old enough to understand that he got my mother pregnant. Although unlike the other men my mother saw, he actually wanted to be in his child's life.

I never met my father. And my mother certainly never talked about him. I never thought to ask either.

I knew my little brothers father. He was a junkie that cared more about getting high then he did for another humans life. He was scum.

Why would I think my own father was different? And why should I think this man at the doorstep was any different?

The man sighed and stepped away from the door. As he went to leave, he caught sight of us. He gave a warm smile and kneeled down. I pushed my brother behind me protectively. I glared at him with eyes full of suspicion.

He spoke in a calm voice, "Hello... I'm a friend of your mother's. I brought some candy today. Would you like some?"

My brother's eyes lit up. Before I could stop him, he squeezed past me and smiled at the man with big doe eyes.

"Can I really have some Mister?"

"Brother!" I snapped, "Get away from him! You don't know him!"

He chuckled, "Yes.. You have every reason to be suspicious of me. I suppose I am a stranger to you."

He reached into his bag and handed my brother a chocolate bar. I ran forward and pulled him back protectively. I grabbed the chocolate bar and inspected it carefully.

My brother pouted when I took the chocolate away. He never got to have candy. So when he heard he could have some, we was overjoyed. I could see in his eyes how upset he was to have had it taken away.

I understood what he felt like. I too would like a chocolate bar. But I am much more careful than my brother is. However, that disappointed face felt like it cut my heart up.

Since there didn't appear to be anything wrong with it, I reluctantly handed it back to my brother.

He chewed on it happily. I felt my mouth drool watching him indulge in the sweet taste. But I didn't dare ask for any. I'd rather see his smiling face then have a short-lived bite of candy.

I glared at the man who still knelt down watching us. He smiled warmly at me, "Your name is... Leia, right?"

I didn't respond.

When he saw my battered face, his smile disappeared. "You... How did you get those bruises?"

Like hell I would tell him. Nothing good ever came from doing something like that.

"Did your mother-"

I spat out at him, "It's none of your d*mn business. I'm not your child and neither is my brother. Even though that unborn child might be yours, my mother will never allow such a weak man to be involved. If you're not good for money, then you're no good at all. If I were you, I'd walk away and never come back."

His face twisted as if what I said hurt him. But I didn't care. If my mother was involved with him, then he must be no good.

He scratched his head and stood up, "I see... Well if you ever need help, I work at the gas station down the street."

I just snorted in response and watched him leave.

He never came back after that.

______

That night as we lay in bed, I gave my brother a serious glare, "You can't take candy from strangers. What if he would have kidnapped you? Don't you know how dangerous that is?"

He looked down in dejection, "I'm sorry sister..."

I groaned, "You need to take care of yourself. I won't always be here to watch over you."

He hugged me tightly, "Don't say that! Sister must always be by my side. I won't let you leave me!"

I sighed at his clinginess. I wanted him to be strong. I wanted him not to need me. More importantly, I didn't want to get comfortable like this.

This feeling of love, it was so terrifying. It felt like you could be crushed under it's weight, but without it you would be nothing but an empty shell.

I couldn't imagine a life without him.

And that made me worried.

So I worked hard to teach him everything I knew. Just in case that day did ever come. I taught him how to read and write. I tutored him so he could have some education. I taught him how to hide.

I taught him everything I knew.

But with him in my arms like this, I could only feel fear. Fear that it was never enough. Fear that he would no longer be at my side.

Fear that I would lose this precious feeling.

_____

I rocked a sobbing baby while my little brother whined, "Sister... I'm hungry. When are you going to make me some food?"

I clicked my tongue in irritation, "Can't you make some yourself? I'm busy fixing our little brothers food."

He pouted, "But I don't know how.."

I groaned, "Just stick it in the microwave! It's not hard."

My head throbbed as the baby's crying got louder. I had barely slept at all these days. My new younger brother was a lot more finicky then my other one. He would scream if I put him down for even a second.

Why couldn't he be easy like my middle brother?

As I finished feeding and taking care of him, I attempted to put him into his crib. But he only screamed louder. Unable to take the throbbing of my head, I picked him back up.

As I rocked him to sleep on my bed, I found my eyes slowly closing. I was so tired. Too tired. I could barely keep my eyes open.

Maybe I could take a nap now that he's stopped crying....

I jumped up from my sleep when I heard the wail of my middle brother. My younger brother who was still in my arms, had also been awaked by the commotion. I heard my mother scream from the other room.

"You stupid sh*t! You think you're better than me?! HUH?!"

"MAMA!" He wailed, "PLEASE STOP! I'M SORRY MAMA!"

I jumped up at the sound of his pleas. I was still disoriented from waking up. I put my brother down in his crib ignoring his cries.

I noticed the door to my room was opened. My brother probably left the room while I was asleep. My mother must have been home and saw him.

But why did he do that?! I always warned him not to come out of the room if she's home! Especially if she had been drinking. If he ever needed something, I always told him to let me go out for him!

I didn't care if I had to endure being hit from my mother. For him I would do anything.

I rushed out of the room. My body froze from shock when I saw the horrible sight in front of me. My mother held a metal bar in her hand, dripping with blood. Her face was ferocious with deep-seated anger.

My pupils shrunk back in horror when I saw my brother's bloodied face.

She screamed at him, "STOP CRYING!"

I couldn't move my body while I watched my mother strike him relentlessly.

Move.

I have to move!

I have to save my brother!

Finally, I got my body to move. I grabbed my mother's hand, "STOP! STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTING HIM!"

I felt something slam against my head. I crashed to the ground and struggled to move.

Where was I?

Why can't I see out of my eye?

The room faded out from my vision.