You know, I had this bizarre dream!

It was about me dying, being reincarnated into another world, receiving a strange God blessing… It felt so real, I could swear it was rea… fuck! FOR THE SAKE OF HOLY CITY OF MOTHER FUCKING RUS*IA

This wasn't a dream!

Slowly waking up, I saw a bigass monster resembling a horse from Earth, staring down at me with its blazing red pupils. While it looked rather docile, the pillars of flames extending from its nostrils every time it exhaled, made it appear rather frightening!

"What do you think you are doing so deep in the forbidden forest! Did your fiance broke the engagement, forcing you to seek the comfort of the death?!"

Looking up, I saw the most beautiful female in the whole damned world! Long, white hair was flowing on the gusts of wind, enveloping the cute face of an adolescent girl. Holding the reins of her mount with her left hand, she wielded a scary-looking sword in the other palm of hers.

"What a babe!"

Unintentionally, I let my murican nature leak out along with my voice. The moment those unfortunate words reached this girl's ears, her face suddenly turned bright red, as if she was a tomato that suddenly ripened.

"What did you say! I'm going to kill you!"

In comparison to the folks from the good old capital off oil and freedom, this young woman apparently meant her words. Not even bothering to wait for any response of mine, she slashed her mount with the reins and stabbed her sword forward. If my body in this world was the same as back on Earth, it would mean she aimed right for my heart!

Hell no! I'm not going die right after reincarnating to this world, only because of the broken department of shame in the head of this random beauty!

But what could I do? I was at the lowest level of cultivation possible, no different than an ordinary mortal. With that shitty god's gift, all I could do was to properly scream in the local language, or give up and offer a prayer! But what would be my hopes of getting a proper second chance instead of this scam of a reincarnation?!

Surprisingly, when I crossed my arms in front of my chest to at least have a nice post mortum posture as I would be laid in the coffin and screamed on top of my lungs, I felt a strange sensation spreading through my body. It was as if something deep down, in the very core of my soul, clicked!

Suddenly, the woman her movement stopped. Slowly opening my eyes, I saw her staring at the sky as if she expected something to appear from it. She did so even despite the leaves born of the densely packed trees around us completely blocked our sight.

Then I heard a plop.

And then another one.

And then a petrifying wailing resounded through the woodland.

Lying on my bottom, I tried to look around, but in the dense forest, it was impossible to locate the source of any of these sounds. The plopping only intensified with every breath I took, so did the volume of the wailing.

Surprisingly, the strange cries stopped growing after a short while. At the same time, the plopping turned from occasional to something as constant as the sound of raindrops hitting against the window during a storm, blending into a single, constant noise.

And that's when I saw what was raining down the Earth.

IT WAS THE FCKING BABIES!

Yes! You understood it correctly! Damned babies were falling down to the ground and starting to cry as soon as they touched the ground!

But the worst thing happened when I stared at this unexplainable phenomena. These formerly cute toddlers started turning into damn zombies!

At this point, I lost my grip over whether what I was seeing was the reality or the illusion born inside some strange nightmare of mine. Only when I saw the look of terror on the woman's face, I was forced to acknowledge that this was indeed happening!

"What did you do?"

With now a silent voice, the girl asked me a question that I would love to be capable of answering myself! Seriously, how could she expect trash like me to have any clue of what was going on?

As soon as her words left her mouth, the only zombie baby that I was observing turned its now ugly face towards the source of the sound. Opening its mouth, it started yelling in the same voice as every zombie from low budget tv serial from the Earth! It was also when the entire forest started to move.

From all sides, the small postures of zombie babies started running towards this pitiful girl. Even her mount was so frightened by the situation that it reared, before kicking the ground with its back legs suddenly jumping into a gallop, throwing the female off its back by this sudden change of pace.

Despite how stunning that situation was, I still managed to catch a glimpse of cute jiggling of the young woman breasts caused by her hard landing. No matter what the case was, I wouldn't be able to call myself a man if I missed that!

"MAKE THEM STOP!"

With the baby zombies now just inches away from the poor girl, she screamed in panic, unable to prompt herself up and mount any defence. But what could I do? I had no idea what was going on!

"BEGONE"

In the end, that was the limit of my linguistical abilities in this fucked up situation. I wonder what would you scream when beauty would call you to stop the onslaught of suddenly appearing baby zombies! I WONDER HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF IT SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING DAMNED BABIES!

For some reason, as soon as I yelled, something in our surroundings changed. As if some saint descended and shrouded the entire area with his divine protection, both the plopping sound and the wailing of the baby zombies stopped. When I turned my eyes to look at one of those strange monsters, I could see its skin turning velvet and healthy, before it smiled in bliss and started fading away.

Unable to comprehend this turn of the events, I did the first thing that any of you would do in my place. I walked towards the young woman and extended my hand.

"Can you stand up?"

When she stared at me with her crystalline, blue eyes, I could feel all the glory of the world enveloping me. At that moment, I somehow turned into the hero who saved the day!

"Blop. The intimidation skill was successful. The target is now ready to mate."

"Blop. Beginner tutorial reminder. Mating is one of the offroad ways to gain attribute points from the target yin essence. Do you wish to proceed?"

THE HECK NO! How the fuck do you - whoever dared to invade my mind - expect me to be ready to pop a boner and nail some random girl when I was about to be overrun by fucking zombie toddlers?!

After being thrown out of my clan, losing control over my body, some strange system activating, babies raining down the skies and then turning zombies... I was in no form to even think about such a pleasant and fulfilling way to finally get rid of my….

NO!

Sober up, you fool! You have more pressing matters on your head right now!

"A saint."

With a feeble voice, the girl accepted my hand and slowly raised on her legs, only to plummet down with her knees bending under the weight of her own body. Before I could realise what was going on, she has fallen to her knees and started kowtowing!

"A holy man has descended! You saved me from the demonic plague! Forgive me, my earlier offence, I was too stupid to see through Your brilliant disguise! How can I ever repay my debt?!"

Well, that was unexpected. I was probably even more confused than this girl, yet she was already down on her knees, ready to lick my shoes if I were to ask for it! Argh! Begone impure thoughts! I didn't cultivate my ugliness for years only to lose it to the first willing babe that crossed my road!

"Young girl, forgive me this rudeness, but I'm just a pitiful exile from my clan. They deemed me too be too harmful to their shady interests. As such, I look for a shelter where I can start anew. Do you, by chance, know of such a place?"

Wow! That eloquence surprised me! It must be this renowned "chunni" sickness that this eastern, island country was so proud about! But in the end, I'm glad it manifested in me right now. This kind of bullshit was something that somehow felt right to use in this strange world. And let's not speak how the state of the girl in front of me indicated that she would swallow literally anything I would bother to feed her with!

"Oh, senior! My sect is located barely ten miles away! After saving my life and grace, there is no way I would let you rot in this damn forest! If only you express such desire, I would love to guide you to my home and give my sect leader a chance to pay your due respects!