Dane

He'd been in bed, reading, waiting to hear from John when he heard the key in the lock.

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In the tiny, silent apartment, the sound of the metal sliding into the lock was like a gunshot. His entire body startled. He grabbed his gun from the bedside and was on his feet and behind the door within a second.

But then he heard a voice.

A high voice.

A shaky, and slightly unhinged voice.

Lila was talking to herself. Giving herself a pep talk. And everything in him melted. He'd dropped the gun and rushed into the hall. But when he got to the living room and he could see her, it stopped him in his tracks.

She'd heard him coming and was starting to run, when he said her name and she froze.

She'd turned to look at him over her shoulders and her eyes were so wide he could see the whites all the way around. Something in his chest burst open at the sight of her, the smell of her and his voice came out like a whisper.

"Is this real?"

"Dane?" She sounded like she'd seen a ghost.

"Babe."

"Dane?"

"It's me," he breathed, starting towards her.

"You can't… it can't be…"

"It's me, Lila. Oh, baby, it's me."

Then he was on her and had his arms around her and his nose in her neck and he was choking on her name—and then she was gone.

With a hiss and a snarled "No!" she shoved off his chest and scrambled away.

Startled, he opened his eyes, searching for her, only to find her several feet away, one hand up, one finger up, her chin turned slightly away but eyes latched on him. "Don't… touch me," she said through her teeth.

"Lila?"

Her chest rose and fell too quickly and her hands were shaking so badly he could see it. "What are you doing here? How did you get here? DANE, WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Lila, it's me. It's really me! I was hiding—I have to stay out of sight until Harry gets the charges cleared so I didn't get anyone else in trouble, and there was nowhere else I could think of—"

"You've been fifty feet from our home this whole time?"

He blinked. "Yes, but—"

"How dare you!" He'd never heard her sound so horrified. "How dare you be here and not tell me! Dane what the hell are you doing?" She had her hands in her hair, turning back and forth like she wanted to escape but didn't know where to go.

"Lila, look at me."

"No."

"Lila—" He reached for her and she slapped his hand away so hard it echoed in the room.

"Do not touch me with the hands you had on that woman!" she screamed.

Dane's mouth dropped open and his breath grew shallow. "Lila, baby—"

"Do not call me that! I am not your baby! Not if you can do that! No if you can… can touch someone else… like that…" Her chin trembled and she hissed, dropping her face into her hands.

Dane's chest cracked wide open. He stepped towards her, to hold her, but her head whipped up and she spat, "No!" and shoved him back, following him when he stumbled, then shoved him again. "Get out! Get out!"

"Lila! Stop!" he shouted back.

"Why! So you can tell me why it was okay for you to have sex with someone else!"

"I didn't have sex with her!"

"Bullshit! I saw the video, remember!"

"You saw… what you saw…" The words caught in his throat and he had to swallow. She stared at him so wide-eyed and furious he was afraid she might actually attack him. He dropped his voice, and put a hand up, trying to stay calm, to keep her calm. "Lila, please. Baby… please, I need to see you and touch you and… I have to tell you—"

"No," she cried, backing away from him until she was almost up against the couch. "You don't get to touch me when I had to watch you have sex with someone else!" she shrieked. She took a step forward, pointing at his chest. "You… you did that… with that woman because… why? Why? You had help from Chris! And your Dad was dead? Or… what did you do, Dane?"

"That video was taken days ago. I didn't know any of that was going to happen when he forced me to… Lila, think. You know what he's like. You know what he was trying to do. Just stop and think: He knew that seeing that would push you over the edge. He said if I didn't make it convincing, if you didn't reject me, he'd kill you." He swallowed convulsively. "I couldn't let him do that to you Lila, you understand that, right?"

"He didn't even see me! I was here! And safe! And now he's dead! Why did you do that? Why?!" she was sobbing, holding herself. "Why did you touch her?!"

"Lila, baby…" he stepped forward, reaching for her—and she flinched.

Lila flinched away. From him.

His heart broke all over again, and he breathed, "Lila… please…" But all she did was stare, her face a mask of pain, and tears tracking down her cheeks.

*****

Lila

Her heart was pounding so hard she could feel her pulse in her skin.

"Please," he begged, his face desperate, one hand raise toward her. "You have to let me explain."

"I don't have to let you do anything. That was the one thing, Dane! I could have dealt with the rest—even if you… you killed him. Even if you died. Even if I died. But that? Watching you do that?!"

"I know! He knew! That's why he set it up!"

"Set it up? You weren't bound. You weren't drugged. You were free. You were… aroused."

"No, Lila, you don't understand…" He dropped his face into his hands and screamed, "FUCK!"

Lila startled, and hugged herself, sobbing.

When he dropped his hands his eyes were red and his face was aghast. "You have to listen! Don't let him do this to us—"

"Him? I didn't see him touch a person. I didn't hear him make a sound. I watched you, Dane. Are you telling me that wasn't real?"

"No," he breathed. "I'm telling you it was… in my mind, it was you."

"What?!"

"I had to do something. He was angry and out of patience. He knew you were upset about the videos, and he wanted to push you over the edge. He told me that he wouldn't trust me until you left and he knew you weren't coming back. That I had nowhere else to go. He said you couldn't be running from him, you had to be running from me. That video was the way he decided he could make that happen. So, he drugged me, and when I woke up I was naked in a chair and she was there and he… he told me that it was all or nothing. I had to prove to him that I was all in—and I had to let him film it so he could show it to you and you wouldn't ever want me back. Then… then he…" He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Lila, it made me sick—"

"NO, DANE," it burst out of her like a wave of filth. "IT MADE YOU COME!"

*****

Dane

They stared at each other, both their faces wide with rage and fear and something that felt to Dane terrifyingly close to despair.

Neither of them spoke for several breaths then Lila twisted, tearing her eyes away. "I can't do this. I can't do this. I have to go—"

"Lila, NO!" He leapt forward, sliding past her to put himself between her and the door before she could circle the couch. She reared back, away from him, but he put himself on his knees, his arms out to block her from passing. "No, Lila, you can't. You have to let me tell you, you need to know. Let me make you understand, it wasn't like that, baby I would never do that. You know me. You know me, Lila, please… please," he whispered, praying she could hear him through her sobs.

Then she slumped, her shoulders dragging and her face a crumpled mess. "It was the only thing I had, Dane. It was… you were mine," she sobbed.

"Oh, baby, I'm still yours," he breathed. "Heart and soul."

"But not body. Not anymore."

"Yes. Always. Everything. All of me. I promise. Look at me, Lila, you own me. There's nothing in me, no part of me, that doesn't want you. There was no part of me that wanted her. None. He had her naked in front of me and writhing on me and I almost threw up on her. I didn't want her at all!"

"Liar! I watched you!"

"YOU WATCHED ME IMAGINE THAT IT WAS YOU!"

She jerked her head back and blinked several times. Then her face screwed up tight. "I don't think I can do this."