Lila

The tears had been real, but her fear wasn't. She was just worn out and every time she felt like she was taking a step forward, something else happen to throw her back again.

​​

What were they going to do? This couldn't be hidden or avoided now. There was going to be no quiet reunion if they did manage to navigate this, or if the Police did bring Dane's dad down. He would have questions, charges…

She took the risk and called John, who didn't sound happy when he answered the phone.

"I need—"

"You'll get it. I just need a few more hours. I'll call you when I'm ready." And he hung up.

She was standing there, staring at her phone when Chris walked in.

"Lila," he started and she closed her eyes.

"I swear on all that is holy, Chris, I need you to back off and let me think!"

"I know it's hard to take—"

"Hard to take? Hard to take?!" she was shouting and he'd left the door open. She'd be heard in reception. Good. "This isn't hard to take, this criminal! It's… it's conspiracy. It's… the entire life we built together is a lie! I don't even know what to do with this—I don't know whether to safe the company, or let it burn! I don't know whether to hunt him down and make him answer my questions, or refuse to ever speak to him again. This is more than hard to take, Chris. It's making me literally insane!"

"I'm sorry. I know, I'm sorry."

"Did you know about this? You seem awfully calm—did you know your brother was a cold-blooded murderer?"

"I… I suspected. I knew he'd lived a different life before. And I knew it was fucked up—"

"Fucked up? This is beyond fucked, Chris! I don't know if they make words for this! What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to think? He's my husband! He's the father of my child, and he's… he's…"

"What?! You're pregnant?"

She let the horror of the entire event show on her face. Chris stepped up close and rubbed her arms. "Lila, breathe. You have to breathe."

"I'm having a baby with a monster…" she cried.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Nothing is what I thought it was."

"Babe, your hands are cold. You're going into shock. You need to sit down." She let him lead her to a chair and sit her down. He found a throw rug on one of the decorative chairs in the corner and brought it over, put it around her shoulders and knelt down in front of her. She just stared at him. "I know this is really hard. But you don't have to make these decisions now. You don't have to think this through right now. Okay? You need to rest. And we need to get you to a doctor. And… Lila…"

"I can't do this," she cried into her hands.

Chris pulled her into his chest and whispered to her that it was going to be okay. He'd make it okay.

*****

She let him lead her discreetly out of the office to a waiting car and take her home. She let him walk her to the apartment and get her inside, and tell Josh to let no one come in unless he said so first. She let him sit her down and take off her shoes, get her a glass of water, and put a blanket over her.

"We need to get a doctor over here," he said softly.

"No!" She panicked and jumped. Chris's eyes went wide and she had to think fast. "No, I … I can't stand the idea of anyone touching me right now. It's all too… raw. Please. Just give me a few days."

"But you're in shock, it could hurt the pregnancy."

"It's so early, Chris. Even if… it might not even… I just can't talk to anyone about this right now!" she wailed.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry!" he tried to soothe her. "I just… I promise Dane I would take care of you."

"I don't give a fuck what you promised Dane! Dane is… Dane has… I'm here right now. I'm the one who has to deal with this. Worry about me!" It was the most selfish words that had ever come out of her mouth, but she needed to use them. Needed to convince all of them.

Dear Lord, what was going to happen to Dane?!

Chris made a show of putting his phone down and settling her in on the couch. He asked her if she wanted food, and tried to get her drink. She couldn't stomach anything—and not because she was pregnant. She wasn't. But she needed them to think that she was.

Dane's father was obsessed with heritage. With legacy.

What would he do about a grandchild?

She was going to find out. She was desperate. She'd do anything.

Chris fluffed around the apartment for an hour until she told him she wanted to sleep.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked.

"Could you… could you arrange for someone to bring my cat?" she said in a small voice. "I need something to cuddle. Something to hold."

He opened his mouth and she wondered if he'd finally make the words, force her to confront what he'd been hinting at since she got back. But he closed it again and looked away. "Yeah," he said, his voice flat. "I can do that."

"Thank you. And thank you for getting me out of there, Chris. I couldn't stand the thought of all those people watching me when they knew… when they'd seen…"

Chris nodded. "Yeah, it sucks."

"I'll go back tomorrow. I'll be stronger then. But right now, I just need a rest."

Chris frowned, but obviously decided it wasn't a war to fight just then, because he nodded and pulled his phone out to send a text, then watched her get up from the couch and walk towards the bedroom. She stopped in the doorway and made herself meet his wide, concerned eyes.

"You've been great, Chris. Really. I wouldn't have made it this far without you."

"I'll do anything I can to help you, Lila. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I know," she said, and held his gaze for a count of five before she murmured, "see you later," and turned into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

It was necessary. It was important. But it made her feel dirty. And she fell into her bed, sobbing, murmuring Dane's name and pleading with him to come back. To be here with her. To help.

Because for the first time, she wasn't sure she was going to be able to make it through.