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TRIGGER WARNING

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Lila

Even when they stopped talking Chris didn't move, like he didn't want to leave. Lila wasn't sure whether to be grateful he was protective, or freaked out that he was watching over her. They watched a stupid television program, but Lila couldn't stop thinking about that video. About the way young Dane had acted—what he'd been forced to do. Because that was the story she knew, that no one knew she'd known.

Dane told her. Everything. She knew every black mark of his past—she'd forgiven him, and kissed away the tears. But she knew from what Dane had described at the apartment, and during those hours in his father's grip, when he'd been writing on her palm, terrified that his father would learn he'd equipped her to understand… the same message every time: He wants to get in your head, make you question everything, and turn you around so you don't know which way is up. So you can't trust anyone.

The first time he'd told her that, she'd smiled at him and said, "Except you."

Dane shook his head. "No, that's what you don't get. He's always working all the angles. The person you think you know? He's working them too. You'll get to the end and find out he had a finger in every pie, and he set traps and laid trails. No one was unaffected—whether they knew it or not. That's the problem, he wants you to question everything and if you don't you'll find out you should have. He has traps inside traps, and double agents… he's just… he's relentless."

He'd sighed then so heavily it brought tears to Lila's eyes and she'd kissed him. "No matter what, I know I'll trust you," she'd whispered to him in the dark.

He'd clawed his hands through his hair and murmured, "I just hope you can. I just hope he doesn't get in my head…"

They'd kissed and made love, and Lila's heart had sung because he was opening up to her, finally. Showing her his darkness and letting her walk into it, bring light, show him that he wasn't a monster—anymore.

She understood better now what his father had done to him. Trained him to be.

And that video… it made her sick. But not the way she had to pretend to everyone else that it did. It made her sick because she knew Dane now—knew his tics and tweaks. Knew when he'd done those things when he was young, he'd been desperate to keep his father happy, keep the men around him from targeting his mother or his brother, keep himself alive and in their good books.

He'd been forced—through years of trauma and fear—to do things he never would have chosen. And he'd admitted that at times he had gotten a kick out of it. It made him feel strong and powerful. He'd learned why his father was so addicted to it.

But… but he never lost his conscience. And when he got old enough to handle things on his own he walked away. He did it carefully. He did without blowing the whistle on anyone—something he'd also asked her to forgive him for.

"If I'd done something back then, before he had his hands on Talia… you wouldn't be here now, under threat," he'd rasped, tortured by his fear of what might happen to her. "It was wrong, Lila, and I'm sorry. I should have."

"Dane, you were a kid!"

"Not really. Not really."

Lila sighed and sat back on the hospital pillows, watching Chris from the corner of her eye. He was hard to read. Obviously lonely. Half-admiring of Dane, half-angry at him. It seemed like some of the time he was chasing Dane, trying to catch up, to beat his older brother, like any younger sibling. And other times he couldn't stand him, was repulsed by Dane's way of seeing the world.

She didn't know which side of him to believe.

"If Dane ever gets free," she said without even broaching the subject, "Will you keep working for him?"

Chris didn't look at her, but took a deep breath. "I don't know."

They both sat there, staring at the television, but not seeing it.

Then Chris turned to look at her. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"If he got loose, got free… would you take him back? Now that you know?"

Lila wrung her hands in her lap and frowned at the blankets. "I really don't know. I… I swing back and forth. Half the time I'm just… I just don't want anything to do with that," she cut a glance to the tablet, still at the end of the bed. "But then, I remember he was just a kid and… I don't know."

Chris nodded, his jaw twitching like he'd clenched your teeth. "Yeah," was all he said.

"I'll tell you one thing I do know for sure," Lila muttered. "His dad is pure evil. That man gives me chills. There's something broken inside him."

Chris nodded. "Pure fact. He's always been that way."

"How long did you live with him?"

"Until I was seven."

Lila swallowed. "Who's your real dad?" she asked carefully.

Chris shrugged like he didn't know or care. "My mother had an… incident with Dane's dad. He… let other men use her and she got pregnant."

"Use her?" Lila swallowed hard.

"He punished her for something by letting a group of his friends have her. And she got pregnant."

"Are you serious?" Lila's voice was strangled.

Chris nodded. "The irony is, he never forgave her for getting pregnant with someone that wasn't his. How fucked up is that?"

"Why would she stay with a man who did that to her?"

"Because… fucked up people stay in fucked up situations because fucked up feels normal. You must have seen some of that before."

"I know. I do. I mean… but… I couldn't ever forgive a man for…" she swallowed bile. "I'd rather be murdered than raped," she said breathlessly.

Chris cut her a glance, but he didn't say anything.

"I can't believe that's the kind of man Dane's gone back to. Nothing is worth that! Nothing!"

"He thinks you are," Chris said, but his tone was flat.

"He used to call it the lion's den," she said quietly, her eyes squeezed shut. It hurt so bad thinking of Dane under Douglas's eyes, it was physical pain to her. "I can't believe he went back in there for me," she whispered.

Chris snorted. "No offence, Lila, but Dane is no victim. He is the lion. The choices are yours to make from here. But don't let him fool you. Dane isn't a martyr, walking to the cross. He's a lion. He's fighting with another Lion, sure. But…" he snorted again. "Dane's no hero."

She wanted to slap him, swear at him, curse him for criticizing his brother, but she couldn't let on. So she let herself show how disturbed she felt.

Let Chris interpret why.

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