Behind me is a very pregnant Anastasia.

I am rather alarmed as she clearly seems as she has indeed been pregnant for what could easily seem as four months. Now our encounter has surely not been that long ago. She should, by all reason, only be pregnant, but what should be a few weeks.

So it is out of rather a concern that I lead her back to the bedroom.

"My beloved, how are you feeling?"

"Well, where should I even start. This morning I was only but plagued with what one calls morning sickness. Then after resting for several hours, I did, much to my very annoyance, realize that my clothes do not seem to fit me anymore. Now, you better start explaining to me why this child is growing so fast."

I feel as she starts to dig her nails rather deeply into the skin of my hand as she we enter the room. Now, if I did not know any better, I am guessing that she is not leading me to the bed with the intention of giving me pleasure; she is, in fact, trying to force an answer from these lips that I do not have.

"My beloved, I can assure you that I have no explanation for the reason why you are carrying this pregnancy in such a rapid state. I fear I will need to go ask the advice from one that would know."

"And let me guess? An ex-lover?"

"No, my dear, he is very much a man. Now, do you think that I can leave you for but a few hours?"

"No, I am afraid I am coming with."

"But, you are…"

"I am pregnant, not injured. Just give me a damn minute to get into something that is not so tight. This child of yours…ugh…he is just as impossible as the father."

I only but chuckle at her while she goes to find something much…loser to wear. As I sit and watch her, I am but in awe at how beautiful she looks. Her skin is absolutely glowing under the moonlight that is now shining through the open window. She has the perfect raised belly that seems so smooth yet firm to the touch. I cannot but help myself to move closer and wrap my arms around her from the back, gently resting my hands on her belly. It is the greatest sensation of feeling a life growing underneath your hands.

I turn her around and deeply look into her eyes, "I love you, my beloved. And now I am yet to love another just as much."

"Oh, Sebastian, I love you too. And, if I have to be honest, I have never loved something so much that I cannot see. But you are going to pay for this. Look how fat I am!"

After several moments of feeling the presence of my child, I go to seat myself on the bed again so Anastasia can continue to dress.

So I fall back onto my bed and close my eyes, and as with so many times before, I see my child running circles through my mind as he is chasing a butterfly in the wind. I can clearly hear his laughter echo through my ears as he comes so close to catching it every time.

And for a brief moment, his soft little brown eyes meet mine. And my heart can almost die.

My little boy,

We haven't met, and yet I've held you as close as I can. Even though our eyes haven't locked, you have me wrapped around your little finger. You might have heard my voice already but have no clue who it is.

I am someone who will play a rather significant role in your life.

I am your father.

That's right. That guy with brown eyes, strong arms, and a loving heart. That guy who looks like he knows what to do, but yet it is obvious he really has no clue

I am that father who will be staying up late at night; in fact, I am the father that does not do things such as sleep. Yes, that shall be one that I am going to need to explain.

I'm that father who worries so much because I care so deeply about the family you are about to enter. I'm that father who wants to provide for you so you can live a life I never lived. I'm that father who wants to give you the experiences I couldn't have.

Yes, I'm that father.

I'm that father who will do anything to make sure you are safe. I'm that father who will make sure you come into a loving home and are cared for the moment you enter into this world.

Yes. I am that father.

To be honest, son, I have no clue how to parent. I may go back and read some of those parental books, and you will see I will still have NO CLUE. I would even argue that I still don't get this whole parenting thing. But you know what? I'm going to try my best. I can't promise I will get it right all the time, but I'll do my best. That's all you can really ask for, right?

Yes … I am that father who will at least try.

I've loved you from the moment we knew you were coming our way. I will love you from the moment I hold you in my arm to the moment I take my last breath. I know it is difficult to realize that I won't always be there for you, but it is something that I am grappling with myself right now. I won't always be there for you and your mother. And you know what? That keeps me worry more/

I won't always be there to tell you right from wrong. I won't always be there to stand in your doorway, watching you play in your room. I won't always be there to give you that fatherly advice that you need. I won't always be there to tell you it is going to be okay when your girlfriend breaks up with you and that someday you are going to find someone as great as your mother. I hope I can make it that long.

I want to be that father who has it all put together. I want our family to be the one who looks like it has it all. I want to be that father who will always love you … no … matter… what.

Son, the next, however many years are going to be interesting, fun, hysterical, difficult, and happy … yes, probably all at the same time. My hope is that you can bear with me as I try to be the parent you want me to be.

…Anastasia POV…

I still can hardly believe that he is growing inside me still, despite the large, healthy swell of my tummy. Until today, he seemed so fragile and vulnerable, but I'm finally starting to feel his palpability and strength. Despite the astonishing images of him resting inside me, I used to worry that he was somehow not real or that he would disappear into thin air one day. I've still yet to feel him move, but I know he is in there, enjoying this peaceful time to grow into the beautiful person I know he will be.

It's amazing to have a human life developing inside of me — there's just no other way to put it. It's the most simple and yet complex miracle there is. It's not easy by any stretch — not physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially — but miracles probably shouldn't be.

He was never part of any plan, nor did he arrive at some premeditated moment in my life, but I can't imagine a more perfect way for him to come into it. Not being the most structured person, I probably wouldn't have ever gotten around to feeling "ready" for him. I can't think of many things in my life I did feel ready for when they happened. But seeing now that every step along the way brings him closer to me — perfect, unique, extraordinary— makes it all seem divinely right.

I am so sorry if I haven't always been strong, and I know I have not been brave all the time either. It's just that he seems so very precious. I don't always know how I am going to protect him, keep him safe and happy. How can I teach him all the things I have yet to learn myself? I guess we will have to learn some things together. We will have to remember that we were once connected in the most sacred and finite way, and we will have to lean on each other as only family can. I promise to always be there for him, even if I don't always know what to say or do.

He has already given my life a purpose beyond what I could ever have imagined. My day rises and sets with him. I am thankful for him giving me the greatest purpose in my life and being my proudest achievement. I am grateful to him for healing my heart from a lifetime of heartbreaks, for revealing not only my strengths but also teaching me humility, for showing me how to have faith and ask for help when I am not strong. For helping me live my best life and grow into the best version of myself, I can be.

And as I see Sebastian lay with his eye closed, I know that somehow he is thinking the same thoughts as me.

So with not wasting any more time, I take him by the hand,

"Now, let us go see this man."