.

It wasn't a feeling of joy or excitement. The day when I asked Yeo Dan oppa about his feelings toward me, he had this indescribable look in his eyes. At that moment, I thought he might ask me for a breakup. Right now, the look in his eyes reminded me of the glance he sent me that day.

When he released me from his arm, I felt confused. He said nothing had happened, but something was definitely going on.

While I stood frozen in place, Yeo Dan oppa put on his jacket and picked up his backpack from the floor. Yeo Ryung, beside us, also took her stuff, saying that it was time to go home.

"Yeo Ryung, bring some Swiss roll cake home that I bought. That's really yummy," said Jooin.

"Oh really? But I'm fine; I'll just stop by tomorrow and have it here. Anyway, are you okay to leave without having some?"

"The bakery is right in front of my house. I had it every day and thought it'd be nice to share it with you guys."

The conversation between Yeo Ryung and Jooin went in one ear and out the other. Like a lost kite, I hung around Yeo Dan oppa who was preparing to leave, then followed them to the shoe rack. Both Yeo Ryung's parents and mine, still sitting on the living room couch, remarked on us.

"Donnie, they're living next door. Why are you seeing them off?"

"My dear, you're acting unusual today."

"I just feel like doing it," I replied randomly, putting on my sneakers to head outside.

When I opened the front door, the heat outside in the hallway flooded into the house. I felt completely drained.

Yeo Dan oppa said, "Don't come out. Just stay inside."

He sounded sweet, as usual, which made me pause for a second, but I shook my head no and followed him to the hallway. Wearing my shoes incorrectly, I hobbled and barely kept pace with him.

"You look unwell, so I'm worried," I replied.

"It's nothing." Dropping his gaze at me quietly, he added, "And you might stumble."

Yeo Dan oppa kneeled on the floor and adjusted my shoes. Meanwhile, I observed the look on his face to see if he was feeling better. While he was using his skilled hands––only bad at cooking––to tie my shoe strings, I fiddled with his shoulders and hair, then finally brought up the subject.

"I know what 'nothing' means to you," I carefully uttered.

"..."

"Isn't it something that's left unsolved even if you tell me? It's something that you don't want me to worry about in the first place, isn't it?"

That's when he raised his gaze to look me in the eyes.

"No," he replied in a low voice.

"No?"

"I said nothing because it's truly nothing."

"I want to know what it really is."

I tossed the question, feeling a little frustrated, but I shut my mouth at his response.

"It's something that makes me feel immature and narrow-minded."

Those words were far from being Yeo Dan oppa, but I remembered that he talked about those things a couple of times before hesitantly. Yeo Dan oppa even refused to ask me questions such as whom I was with or spent time with when he wasn't beside me. He didn't want to hurt my feelings, so he tried to follow me at a discreet distance.

Perhaps I was interrogating him. As it flashed through my head, I began to regret it since I had no intention to push him into a corner.

Tying my shoe strings tightly, he continued, "Why am I seeing only the bad sides of me in front of someone to whom I want to show only my good sides?"

"..."

"Donnie..."

"Uh-huh," I nodded.

Meanwhile, the sensor light turned off; only our voices quietly resonated in the silent hallway. Behind the door, there were sometimes rustling noises or waves of laughter; the vibrant and loud atmosphere was unbelievably different from here when all we had was just a door between us.

Yeo Dan oppa opened his mouth again. "As you know, I'm not clear about what I like or dislike."

I nodded wordlessly.

"If Yeo Ryung asked me to do something with her, I did what she wanted to do; also refused to do so, when she said no. That's how I shaped my preferences for things, but after seeing you... you've been strongly influencing my world."

"Uh-huh."

"It was fun to follow what you like. I started to see things around me anew like a person who realizes how beautiful sunflowers are after he finds them in great paintings. It was a great pleasure to discover so many things that I missed in everyday life."

I repeatedly opened and closed my sweaty hand. Yeo Dan oppa then concluded his words composedly by throwing me a question.

"But why do I get to hate things that you like?"

There was a long pause.

Looking him in the eyes blankly, I asked, "Huh?"

"There was nothing I should hate among the things you liked. When taking a closer look, everything had its own charm and some things to learn from it; they were those 'I would like' too."

"Uh-huh," I just nodded, not being able to fully understand the overall conversation yet.

Yeo Dan oppa confessed painfully, "I hated that you had so many things around you to get interested in and feel happy about. Weird, right?"

"..."

"Such as HIM..."

He accentuated the words 'him,' which I had no idea who it was.

"Because HE is definitely a likable person..."

"..."

"Even the TV drama he's making an appearance on had nothing to hate for, just as you expected..."

"..."

"... I hate myself trying hard to find the bad sides of those that you like."

At last, he lifted his head to look at me and finished his agonizing confession.

"Donnie, among the things you're fond of, I'm afraid I can't like HIM.'

I took my hand off his shoulders and dropped it to my side. The pull of gravity on it felt strong as if I were slipping from a cliff that I'd been hanging on with all my strength for minutes.

I stared at Yeo Dan oppa with mixed feelings. His confession made me uncomfortable and confused. Back then, I also forced myself to find out the flaws of people I tried to hate and refuse. What was so different between me and Yeo Dan oppa then?

However, he was struggling to get out of the flow himself. It felt like I had put a leash on someone and pulled him to the opposite side.

Yeo Dan oppa looked very grim while confessing his feelings when he seemed like a person far from these strong emotions. I felt a little tragic as it was only once that I saw him crying while spending so much time together.

Now that I came to think of it, he also cried at that time because of me. My neck and fingers felt numb after the thought.

That was when Yeo Dan oppa talked again. He said, "But what I can't understand the most is..." then heaved a deep sigh.

My eyes trembled and were just directed toward the floor.

"... I'm confessing this on my own," he added.

"What's the matter with it?" I asked, quickly lifting my head.

He shouldn't feel it's inappropriate to explain his feelings toward me. This was our first serious relationship in our life, so it was normal to feel many emotions going through us. Therefore, we wouldn't be able to figure out what feelings were right or wrong. No, could we even tell right from wrong when it came to emotions?

The words we left unspoken as a way to be thoughtful of each other had, unexpectedly, harbored suspicion and started to take root and grow in our minds. After witnessing the process from time to time, we promised each other to become straightforward and stop leaving things much to be desired. Didn't we agree to these things quite recently?

Yeo Dan oppa closed his eyes and shook his head. His gesture was incomprehensible, so I became desperate to continue speaking. That was when I tried to detach my lips.

My phone bell rang in the silent hallway. When the caller's name on my phone screen came into view, I felt dizzy for a second. It was Yoo Chun Young. When the five of us were mingling in the house, he was out of touch, but why did it have to be now of all occasions?

What great timing! I groaned in my thoughts, pressing my forehead with my phone.