My name is Zach. I’m a typical bland featureless protagonist type. The kind of guy who has purposefully few defining characteristics so that people can project whatever they want on me. Like Luke from Star Wars or what’s her name from Twilight. Most main characters are like me. Kind of flavorless blank slates because we all secretly doubt that we’re Harrison Ford, but pretty much anyone could be Mitt Romney. 

Yep. Yes indeed, I do spend basically my entire life running an internal dialog to no one. 

Usually I’m imagining that there are people listening. Like maybe philosophers from Ancient Greece, or researchers from another planet who act suspiciously like the characters from that Instagram comic with the aliens. Stupid Instagram comedians stealing my internal monologue and turning into a wildly successful enterprise which I would imagine has a vibrant merch dropshipping arm and hundreds of thousands of daily dopamine hits for loyal followers. 

I basically spend all of my time explaining random things to imaginary people (and aliens, and animals, and household items which have inexplicably gained sentience and frankly have some concerns about this whole existence thing).

Honestly, it’s both highly entertaining to me, in that it makes me think about why we humans do all of the bizarre things that we do, but also horrifically exhausting and kind of makes you feel like you’re either, worst cast, losing your grip on reality, or best case, becoming Abed from Community. 

Anyway, I’m sure that I have some distinguishing characteristics, but, in the interest of hypnotic suggestion I’m choosing to omit them until I’m pretty sure that you have subconsciously come to identify with me, or until I feel like it. 

(By the way, in case I forgot to mention it, a higher power called Aww Thor or something told me to say that this is a slice-of-life comedy adventure and that it's set in a fantasy world with isekai and LitRPG elements.)