《In Five Years》Chapter 13
I'm sitting in front of Maddie's house at midnight with the biggest lump in my throat. I can't seem to gather up the courage to text her to let her know that I'm here, mostly because I have no idea what she's about to tell me.
What did she want to talk about? What about us did she mean? Does she want to start things again? Does she want to mess around? Is that why she wanted me to come over so late?
And if she does want that, am I going to? Am I going to throw away what I have with Katie for her?
Fuck. I shake my head and pull out my phone to text her that I'm outside. I just want to get this over with so that I can stop being so damn nervous.
She comes out after about two minutes or so. She's wearing a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt that her tits are straining against. I let out a frustrated sigh before I step out of my car.
It's windy out, and I fight the urge to brush one of her brown ringlets behind her ear. She's so damn beautiful. I don't think I'll ever get tired of staring at her.
"Hey." She breathes out, twirling her fingers around in circles in front of her. She must be nervous too. "Thanks for meeting me."
It hadn't been hard. I waited until Katie fell asleep and snuck out. If she knew that I was coming over here to talk to Maddie she never would have let me come. Keeping this a secret is just what's best.
Finally I nod when I realize I haven't said anything. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I just..." she pauses, looking like about a million thoughts are going off in her head at once. "I just don't want things to be awkward between us anymore. I want to be able to move on and be happy, but I can't because I feel like there's still things that we need to talk about."
This wasn't what I thought she had brought me here for, and I find myself becoming irritated. "What is there to talk about?" I say. My jaw twitches as I try to calm myself down.
"The five year plan." She whispers.
The breath hitches in my throat. I didn't think she remembered. I thought she had forgotten about that.
"What about it?" I'm hardly able to choke out.
"I guess I just want to know why you didn't stick to it. We had a plan... and you said you weren't going to fall for someone else. You said nobody would be able to compare to me, and yet-"
"Are you serious?" I furrow my eyebrows together in confusion. "You want to know why I didn't stick to our plan? I tried to reach out to you for months after I left for college, Mads. You never called me back. We had sex the night before I left right in the backseat of this car and then you just up and vanished from my life like it never even happened. Did you expect me to continue to follow a plan with someone who stopped talking to me?"
She's blinking away tears before she stares down at the pavement. I want to console her, but I'm so mad right now. I didn't fuck this up for us. It wasn't my fault.
"Fair enough." She finally says. "I'm sorry I didn't call you back, it was just so hard at the time being away from you. After that night it would have been painful to even hear your voice."
I blink away tears of my own as I remember how hurt I was waiting for her to call me back. Checking my phone constantly. Missing her smile, her voice, missing the girl who is standing right in front of me. The girl who I love with every piece of my being.
"But I want you to be happy, Cameron, and that's why I wanted to talk to you. I want us to be friends again. I'm happy you found Katie, and I don't want to get in the way of that. I don't want you thinking I'm angry at you for not following through with the plan because you're right, it was my fault. I should have reached out to you, I should have explained why I was hurting, I should have-"
"Did you want me to follow through with the plan?" I ask, and her eyes grow wide.
She's not saying anything, she's just continuing to stare at me in shock. We're both breathing heavily as I wait for her answer, the one that count potentially change everything.
"Does it really even matter anymore?" She laughs and wipes away tears that have fallen onto her cheeks. "What is the point? It's not going to change anything."
"It does matter." I tell her, and despite my brain telling me not to, I pull her into my chest. She smells like vanilla, just like she always used to. I stare down into her blue eyes before I wipe away one of her tears with my thumb. "Did you want me to follow through with the plan?" I repeat.
"It doesn't matter if I did or didn't." She mutters. "Clearly what happened between us didn't mean anything to you."
"Why do you keep saying that? I never said that. I would never say that, Mads."
"Well, Katie said-" then she stops and lets out another laugh of disbelief. "Of course." She mutters. "I'm so stupid."
I'm completely confused, but get more upset when she pulls away from me and steps out of my embrace. "She told me that what happened between us didn't mean anything to you. She said you told her that."
"Well maybe she just misunderstood what I was saying." I shrug. "I definitely didn't say that it didn't mean anything to me though."
"Sure." She scoffs. "She just misunderstood. Right."
"You have something against Katie?" I ask.
"No, I just think she's intimidated by what happened between us and made a bunch of shit up to push me away from you."
"Katie wouldn't do something like that. Trust me."
"Well, she did." She states. "I even helped her with her stupid paper. Unbelievable."
"It sounds to me like you're jealous."
She raises a brow up, clearly unimpressed. "I'm not jealous, Cameron. I'm just simply telling you what was said."
Crossing her arms underneath her chest, her tits are pushed up and I can't help but stare. I shouldn't stare at her, but it bothers me that she's no longer mine. I'll no longer get to see those beautiful breasts that I once did. They aren't for my eyes any longer. Maybe I'm the jealous one. Not her.
"Regardless, there's no hard feelings Maddie. I wish I could give you a better answer to your question, but I told you the truth. I didn't follow through with the five year plan because you stopped talking to me. If you had reached out I would be yours right now. You know that."
"I get it." She nods. "I just needed to hear it from you that the plan was off your agenda."
"Is it off your agenda?" I ask. "You never answered me earlier."
"It is now." She says, and I want to take back everything I just said. This entire time she was following through with the plan? She was waiting for me? Did she just admit that?
Ethan said she never had another boyfriend, but I thought that was just because she was focusing on her dreams. I didn't think it was because she still wanted me. She never reached out to me. I thought she forgot about me.
"But I'm glad I can finally have closure between us. I just want things to go back to normal for the rest of the holiday."
It doesn't feel like closure for me.
I just found out that she waited for me. I just realized that there was a chance this whole time. Now I'm supposed to just act like that didn't happen?
"You're with the bartender now?" I ask to change the subject. If she says she's not then I'm going to kiss the living shit out of her. She still wants me. There's still a chance. I'll figure things out about ending things with Katie.
"I think so." She nods, and my entire chest deflates. I take a step back and let out a hard breath. "He's really nice, and he treats me good, so..."
"So you can do long distance with him, but..." I let out another irritated sigh and run my hands over my face. "Never mind." I mutter. "If it's cool with you I'm going to go back home."
"Cam." She grabs onto my wrist to hold me in place. "I want us to go back to being friends. I don't want things to be awkward. That's why I wanted to talk."
"There is no going back to normal, Maddie. Let's face it. The truth is that we fell in love. We fell hard as hell. I'm with Katie and you're with the bartender, and-"
"Tre." She corrects. "You know his name."
"Whatever. We both have someone now and we're kidding ourselves if we think that we can still be friends. I appreciate you wanting to talk things out, but I've said all I've needed to say about the situation. Okay?"
I want to tell her that the five year plan was always on my agenda. It never strayed from my mind, even after I started things with Katie, but she's with Tre now, and she wants closure. She wants to move on, so why should I confuse her? I still have a girlfriend. If I admit how I'm feeling while dating someone else I'll just seem untrustworthy. I'll be how she viewed me before I left for college all those years ago.
"Okay." She tugs on her bottom lip. "I'm sorry, Cam. I didn't mean to make you upset."
"Me too." I find myself saying. "Have a nice night Maddie."
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